Matron : -shudders- Mary-Sue's are E-VILE creatures from the depths of hell sent to the surface to torture us all. I'm not going to say much about pairings, but right now it's just hints of romance, and Seymour not really paying attention to emotions. -- The astericks never work. Tis an annoyance. -blinks- WHY is your brother acting like FFX-2 characters?
Dr. Wilopolis: YEEEEESSSSSSSSS! They have died! They are no longer among the living! They are ex-humans! The only way they could be recognized now is if we re-assembled their DNA structure, but why would we want to do that? -hugs Mr. Bitey and gets bit- I wuv hiiimmm! He could work in later stories! I'm planning a story to use him in already!
Yuna stared up at the house. It was sort of small and run down, but they could afford it. She shook her head and walked to where Matron was looking over the forms. "What do they say"
"Nothing. Absolutely nothing"
"If they say nothing, why are you reading them"
"You need a place to live, so I will suffer through this. It's just a crapload of nothing. 'The aforementioned party shall be responsible for the living quarters on the rented property and shall be responsible if any...', the rest looks like something Lynx would write." Yuna looked over her shoulder.
"'...and shall be responsible if any flying potato monkeys in the forest across the way from the sewage facilites attack and damage the property and all buildings located on the premisis.' Is she smart enough to use those big words"
"Yup. For all we know, she could of snuck into the agency and changed all their legal documents. Wait a minute, why am I talking to you?" Yuna blinked.
"I don't know. I hate you"
"I hate you too. Go away, drag everyone you can with you, we're not buying this house"
"Why not"
"Because Lulu and Auron have doused the house with lighter fluid and Lynx is playing with fire near them. And she's getting ready to set the house on fire for them. And they have matches." She said this while absently chewing a lock of hair. Then she froze, and ran the other way. "HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIT"
Yuna kept running until she felt a slight breeze. Turning around, she saw Matron, Lynx, Lulu, and Auron staring happily at the flames. "Ooh," Lynx breathed. "I wanna touch 'em..." Matron grabbed her in a hug.
"Nuh uh. Come on kid, we need to find another house"
They walked happily away, not even paying attention to Ari's rants of killing plants with their pyromaniacy.
4 days later
"DAMMIT! STOP BLOWING UP THE HOUSES!"
the next day (5 days later)
"Yayness! We haz found a fireproof house! Let's celebrate like the penguins are taking over tomorrow." Lynx tossed tic tacs into the air, where some stupid, stupid birds ate them, and while they marvelled over their minty fresh breath, they went through an airplane engine. We shall miss you, Rooza, Marianna, and Lapiza.
"Yup. I'm happy," Ari said, dragging Auron and Lulu behind her, chained and gagged. "It was only a matter of time before they targeted my house"
Tidus scratched his head. "Why would they do that? They live there,... were living... previously... before...recently"
"You better stop with the coming up with the synonyms before I rip your liver out from your navel," Matron said, smiling sweetly. Tidus nervously edged away.
"Quiet mortals!" Lynx hissed. "We carest not for your petty human squabbles. No no, we does not! This is a nice house, and weez don'ts wantses the blonde one here. His ego won't fit through the door"
"Your using improper english, you do realize," Yuna pointed out shyly. Lynx unnerved her with her moodswings.
"I am? How horrible! I must go learn proper English! AWAY LUMINA!" She cackled madly as a giant dragon-gerbil swooped down from the sky. She continued cackling as they rose in the sky.
"Um, shouldn't we...?" Yuna asked hesitatingly.
"Nah, she'll be fine. Wouldn't be surprised if she attacked a couple of airpplanes"
Seymour ignored them all and studied the front of the house. It was a nice looking three-story house, with a couple balconies. It did take up a lot of space, and had a small forest behind the house. Then there was that freaky looking bog that kept bubbling... "How can you afford all this? It must of been very expensive"
Matron looked out into the distance. "We had to... do something." Ari grinned devilishly. "We used our bodies, me, Matron, and Lynx." Auron and Lulu choked through their gags while Rikku, Tidus, Wakka, and Seymour stood open-mouthed.
"Lynx? But she seems so young and innocent"
"Her? Innocent? Only sometimes. She does have a rather twisted sense of humor and can be a little mean sometimes"
"But selling her body!" Ari looked startled.
"You thought we sold out bodies? Seymour, I'm shocked. Rikku, you should know her well enough to know she wouldn't do that. Tidus and Wakka..., well, you're dirty-minded individuals." She sighed theatrically. "You think we're sluts. How nice is that? We fed you, clothed you, carried you for nine months, gave birth to y"
"Ari!" Matron snapped her fingers in front of her face. "Come back from fantasy land. I'm sure the voices are very happy you visited"
"They are. They give their best regards"
"--but your little spacing outs are scary. Come, we must unpack and lock our two delinquets up. In seperate rooms."
A couple hours later, Lynx fell out of the sky and on to the porch where Rikku and Wakka were 'playing cards'(Hint: they were playing cards, but they were starting to 'play cards' like Seymour and Yuna). They looked up startled as she danced around the porch waving around a paper. "Look look lookie what I got!" She continued bouncing around.
"If ya hold still, we can see it, ya"
"Nuuuuuuuu, my precioussssssss... Wait, the whole point was to see this. Never mind me, I'm just a loony kitty girl who likes to set things on fire and is obssesed with anime. I'm perfectly unnoticeable!" She held the paper two inches from their faces. "SEE"
"No, not really," Rikku said, going cross eyed while trying to see.
"How about now?" She hollered from the other side of the yard. Which happens to be in the forest. Does it even have a boundary line?
"We can't even see you"
"But you don't need to see me, you need to see the paper"
"But you're holding the paper"
"How about now"
"Your standing upside-down"
"Now"
"Your on the roof"
"Meow"
"What"
"Now"
"You just said 'meow"
"That's irrelevant to the situation. Meow can you see it"
"No, you're hanging by your toes and not even facing us, and I could've swore you said 'meow' again"
"Girl, do I look like a cat to you? Meow, just get to reading"
"You don't look like a cat currently, but you are one"
"Cat yokai"
"Whatever. Okay, it says something about congratulating you on passing the toughest 6 year college course on the English language"
"Nope," Wakka said, pointing to another spot. "Right here, it says 'Richard Walker'. This isn't hers"
"Of course not, fool. I mugged him while he was walking with some lady. She screamed a lot, and didn't even try to help him. That's sad. But I have a certificate saying something about the perfected English language, and funding research for something or whatever. Not important." She lit it on fire. "What is important is I turn right-side up before my head explodes from having too much blood in it. It would be a terrible mess." She landed on Wakka and Rikku's lap. "Let's play cards."
"Yuna"
"Matron," Yuna said shortly, nodding slightly.
"I'm sure you've been able to piece together at least some idea of why you're here"
"Seymour"
"Of course"
"Cat fight"
"Nah. Affection competition"
"Hell yeah." Matron looked at her shocked. "You cursed"
"Of course," she said with a smirk. "I'm not all sugar and honey. We'll do whatever we need to to get Seymour's affection, short of sleeping with him"
"Really? You wouldn't? Afraid he'll know you're not a virgin? I'd be surprised if you were after your love affair with Tidus." Yuna blushed.
"I don't like him that way anymore"
"Then I don't recommend reading fanfiction. You're a slut, a virgin, a sweet angel, an evil bitchy devil, and so many more personalities can be found"
"I'll keep that in mind"
"Do you mind me asking the reason you're fighting for his love"
"Because he's cute." Matron looked at her seriously.
"You're not going to hurt him, will you? When I did first learn of him, he was just a video game character, even if I did obsses about him. But now he's real, and I don't like to see anyone get hurt"
"Of course not. May the best lady win"
"Honey, I'm not a lady. I'm a half-moogle bitch out to claim love."
Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy, Super Troopers, tic tacs, or Matron. I do, however, own dragon-gerbils.
And to Matron Raenee, I'm sorry if I portrayed your character badly. I'm really bad at other people's personalities.