Evangelion Fanfiction

By Otaku D-Man

Standard Disclaimer.

You all know the drill. Not mine. Blah blah blah. No money. Moan moan moan. Whatever.

Author's Pre-Rant –

What am I trying to achieve with this story? Essentially I hope to provide a glimpse into how one chance meeting can change a person's life.

Hopefully.

Also, I'm not particularly satisfied with the flow of the dialogue and plot, but considering the lengthy absence I've had from writing Evangelion Fanfiction, it's expected that there will be some rough edges to once again polish. Not that I was all that polished to begin with.

BTW – This is set somewhere in the series. In all honesty, the EVA timeline won't play a really big part in this.

Simple Misunderstandings

First Glance – Wishes and Dreams

Katsuragi / Ikari / Sohryu Residence

"My compliments to the chef." Ritsuko murmured with a degree of surprise and satisfaction. After lighting another cigarette, she drew deeply, contemplating just how odd it was to utter those words in her friend's apartment.

"You're welcome Ritsu-chan." Misato beamed, popping the top of her after dinner beverage. A small amount of beer foam spilled out the top and dripped down the side of the can, the amber fluid creating a glistening trail as it continued to forge a path down her wrist before dripping onto the table below.

A dark eyebrow arched above incredulous emerald eyes. "Since when has anyone ever thanked you for cooking a meal?" Even back in their college days, Ritsuko could recall just how fearsome a reputation Misato had developed around campus for her excessively horrific culinary creations. It was rumoured at the time that the college faculty had established a specialised HAZMAT team to exclusively deal with the potential contaminated organisms.

"Warrk!" Pen-Pen squawked, agreeing wholeheartedly with the other human female's assessment of his beer provider's culinary abilities. Before he could further elucidate on the unnatural creations he had witnessed, and been cruelly forced to endure over the years, Misato's withering gaze forced him to rapidly depart for the safety of his fridge.

"Only the other day Shinji-kun thanked me for dinner, didn't you Shinji-kun?" Misato spoke a little louder, directing her question towards the kitchen.

"Yes Misato-san." A young boy's voice answered from the adjacent kitchen amidst the sounds of dishes and cutlery being washed.

"I suspect he was thankful he survived the experience." Ritsuko added sardonically. While she lacked Misato's outrageous flair for teasing and tormenting, her dry wit and deadpan humour more than compensated for it.

Huffing loudly, Misato drained her beer. "Why does everybody comment about how dreadful my cooking is?" She complained before eyeing her now empty can. "Shinji-kun, I need another beer."

Shaking her head in disapproval at the other woman's slovenly attitude, Ritsuko leaned back into the couch and looked up at the ceiling. "It's a basic human survival instinct Misato."

"Here you go Ritsuko-san." A soft voice derailed her train of introspective thought.

"Thank you Shinji-kun." Ritsuko replied, taking the cup of freshly brewed coffee from the slightly built boy. "Where's Asuka?" She asked, directing her question at the sprawling form of Misato, finding it odd that she had neither heard nor seen the young red headed girl. In her opinion, Asuka was not one to allow herself to go unnoticed for any length of time. At least not if Asuka had anything to say about it.

Misato graciously accepted her latest refill from the solemn boy, ignoring his exasperated expression while he cleaned away the latest spillage from the low set table. "She mentioned something about staying over her friend's place. It's Saturday tomorrow so the kids only have half a day at school." Oblivious to any sense of common decency now that she felt relaxed, Misato plunged her remaining free hand under her tank top to scratch an annoying irritation caused by the ill fitting bra she had mistakenly chosen to wear to work that day.

With her attention still focused on the only human male present, Ritsuko decided to lure the quiet boy into the conversation. "What about you Shinji-kun? Any plans?" Her only exposure to Shinji outside of NERV was through Misato and the various observation reports submitted by the field agents responsible for monitoring the Children. It piqued her curiosity as to just what hobbies or interests he indulged in. "Shinji-kun?" Ritsuko repeated, a small, amused chuckle escaping her lips at what he was currently indulging in.

Shinji hastily looked away, blushing uncomfortably with embarrassment and shame at being caught watching Misato. "Not really." He managed to stammer. "Kensuke's going camping and Touji…………." Shinji's eye's fell to the floor near his feet while his voice dropped to a whisper. "Touji's visiting his sister in hospital." Clearing the rest of the table, he excused himself, retreating at speed to the kitchen to finish washing the dishes.

Ritsuko watched him quickly shuffle away, her mind analysing how easily he shifted into a state of subdued depression. Once Shinji was out of sight, she returned to look across at Misato, observing how her dark eyes, filled with concern, remained concentrated on the entry to the kitchen. "He'll be fine Misato. Stop worrying about it." Seconds passed without a hint of a reaction from Misato. Annoyed at being ignored, Ritsuko raised her voice slightly. "You can stop waving those things in my face Misato. Shinji may have enjoyed the show, but they don't do all that much for me."

Startled by the words, Misato turned her gaze towards her friend and colleague; following Ritsuko's gaze down to her partially exposed breasts. "Then don't look." Misato replied tersely, drawing her tank top back down before settling back into her chair. Sighing, she cast one more glance towards the kitchen. "He doesn't know how to let go of things." She looked down at the large coaster Shinji had place in front of her, smiling at the quiet thoughtfulness of his actions.

"He'll learn eventually." Ritsuko advised. "Life is rarely what we want it to be." She considered her own advice and wondered why she herself was unable to break free of the chains that bound her.

"Always cool and detached aren't we Doctor Akagi? Have you ever given a thought about what he's going through?" Misato mulled over her own statement. Each and every time she had tried encouraging Shinji into opening up, attempting to draw him out of his shell; it generally resulted in him withdrawing further. "I don't know how he manages to cope with it all. I keep waiting for the cracks to appear but he just keeps going, holding it all in."

"Commander Ikari isn't inter-"

"The Commander's part of the problem Ritsuko." She hissed quietly, ensuring that the boy in the kitchen would not hear her voice. "You obviously haven't paid attention to how much the man affects Shinji-kun." Just the other day Misato had watched a brief discussion between father and son, her heart nearly breaking as Shinji had finally mustered enough resolve to approach his father about an upcoming music recital he was involved with at school. The resulting conversation had lasted no more than ten seconds with the Commander declining Shinji's invitation and simply walking away. "I think Shinji-kun keeps hoping that there's still some remote possibility that they can be a family again." In all honesty, Misato had her doubts that the man would even attend Shinji's funeral if the poor boy died.

"It's unfair to only consider Shinji-kun's pain Misato." Ritsuko countered in Commander Ikari's defence. "The Commander had to sever his family obligation's to devote himself fully to the higher cause. Without his leadership, we would never have made it this far."

"He appears to find time for Rei." Misato rebutted. "It's not hard to miss the fact that he dotes on the girl Ritsuko." In Misato's estimation, it was almost as if the pale, reticent young girl was Gendou Ikari's daughter and Shinji was merely a nuisance that had to be tolerated and barely tolerated at that.

"I hope you're not implying anything improper Misato." Ritsuko snapped harshly. Even though she was the one romantically involved with Gendou, she harboured a seething resentment over the relationship shared between her older lover and the young Pilot of Unit 00.

"I didn't mean it that way." Misato said, hoping to pacify her friend. "I'm just saying that Commander Ikari abandoned his own flesh and blood to save humanity and yet manage to find time for someone else's child." Shaking her head she glanced towards the kitchen once again. "I don't understand how he can do it."

"Sometimes we do things that need to be done." The words tasted like ashes in her mouth. Thinking back over just how far she had fallen, how much she had degraded herself to catch the attention and ultimately, the affection of a man that she knew was simply using her as a substitute, Ritsuko wondered what waited for her on the day Instrumentality was achieved. Would her dreams become a reality? Would Gendou cast aside all he had sacrificed so much for to grant her wishes? The philosophical pragmatist inside her informed her none to gently that Gendou would discard her once he had what he wanted. She was nothing more than another stepping-stone on his journey to initiating and controlling Third Impact. "Often without a thought for the consequences it will have. Not just for ourselves, but for others as well."

Misato had seen first hand just what could result from humanity's desire to know and understand regardless of the consequences of their inquisitive actions. Even now the memories of Second Impact caused her to wake up drenched in sweat and clutching her abdomen. "Sometimes the ends don't justify the means Ritsu-chan."

"Maybe so," Ritsuko agreed, "but that kind of reasoning won't hold much sway with the Commander. His life is based upon the very premise that sacrifices are not only acceptable, but sometimes necessary." Time and time again, Ritsuko had witnessed first hand just how calculating and ruthless Gendou could be when deciding on issues that not only affected people's livelihoods, but their very lives as well.

"Uhhmm."

"What is it Shinji-kun?" Misato asked, hoping that somehow Shinji hadn't overheard her conversation with Ritsuko. The look however, on Shinji's face informed her that he had heard more than enough of their discussion. Kami-sama, I am such an idiot. Misato cursed herself for not noticing Shinji's presence earlier.

Shuffling awkwardly in place, Shinji cast a fleeting look between the two women. "I was wondering if Ritsuko-san was staying the night?" The prospect that Ritsuko would stay only served to increase his anxiety. Over time, he had discovered that the Misato at home was different to the Misato at NERV and as weird as it may have sounded, he was comfortable with that clear division. To date, while Ritsuko had visited the apartment on a number of occasions, he still associated the blonde scientist with NERV. Having her stay the night blurred and muddied the distinction he had developed that allowed him to separate the painful and less painful aspects of his life. Given the direction of topic of the conversation he had been listening to, he found the idea of Ritsuko sleeping over less and less appealing.

Misato turned to Ritsuko, hoping the other woman would not only answer Shinji's question but also say something that would miraculously rectify the situation. "Ritsu-chan?"

"Might as well." Ritsuko answered with aplomb, eliciting a soft, deflated groan from Misato. "I really don't feel up to driving right now and before you decide to offer," She continued, raising her hand to stop Misato from cutting in, "the answer is no Misato. I would like to keep what remaining sanity I have." Where Misato's cooking skills were considered infamous by a select few that had experienced the horror and had survived to tell their tale, her driving skills were near legendary, known by most people in Tokyo-3. It wasn't that she was a terrible driver. She was in fact, extremely skilled, her abilities similar to those of a professional formula one race car driver. Unfortunately Misato had the tendency to employ those skills in the confines of crowded suburban streets.

"I'll clear some floor space in your room and set out the spare futon then." Shinji offered, searching for any excuse that would allow him to return to the peaceful solitude of his room where he could try and forget everything he had heard tonight. With his headphones and music playing, he could at least pretend that he lived a regular, ordinary life.

"Isn't he just a darling? Thanks Shin-chan." Misato's words of appreciation had the boy blushing dark red and she suddenly experienced an epiphany of sorts. "I know, how about hanging out with us girls for a while?" Misato chirped happily, patting the available space next to her, confidant that between both Ritsuko and herself, they could drag a smile and perhaps even a small laugh or two out of the young boy.

Shaking his head, Shinji took a small step back, as if the invitation alone was a cause for concern. "No thanks Misato-san." The prospect of spending the night listening to Misato and Ritsuko continue their discussion about his father was something he would sell his soul to avoid.

"Pretty please." Misato pouted, hoping to guilt Shinji into joining her and Ritsuko. "I promise we won't tease you."

"I'm kind of tired so I might just go to bed." He replied, faking a yawn.

"Okay." Watching him turn to walk away, Misato felt a nagging sensation that she could, no, should do something to keep him here. Make him understand that he wasn't alone and ignored. That there were people that cared. "See you in the morning."

"Good night Shinji-kun and once again, thank you for a delicious meal." The one thing Ritsuko noticed above all else was Shinji's reaction. His body language literally screaming out that he wanted nothing more than to escape the room at all costs.

Several vertebrae popped loudly as Ritsuko sat up and stretched her tight, tense joints and muscles. Stifling a yawn, she glanced around at her surroundings, deciding that even if Misato did move in her sleep and frequently lashed out with a stray hand or foot, it would be preferable to falling asleep at the kitchen table ever again.

"Ritsuko-san?"

"Hmmmm." Hearing her name mentioned, Ritsuko wiped the sleep from her eyes and blinked a couple of times at the person standing across the table from her. "Oh Morning Shinji-kun." Not often given to overt displays of emotion, Ritsuko didn't laugh at the amusing sight of Shinji in a pink apron, although the words 'I Don't Kiss On The Lips And Cash Works For Me' emblazoned across the front did bring a wry smile to her face.

Uncomfortable with Ritsuko's smile, Shinji returned to preparing breakfast. "I've prepared the bath." He mentioned, embarrassed by her state of undress. Even now, he still blushed when Misato exited her room or the bathroom dressed in next to nothing without realising just what kind of effect her actions had on a juvenile male used to minimal social interaction. "You may want to use it before Misato-san wakes up." He said, quickly returning his attention to the task at hand. "She occasionally likes to drink while she bathes." He had his suspicions that Misato purposely spilled the beer into the bath as it only ever happened when she beat Asuka to the bath.

"You have a point." Watching the manner with which Shinji carried himself, Ritsuko quickly dismissed the notion that he had recovered from his melancholia from the night before. As far as she could tell, he was simply absorbed in the comfort of a familiar routine. "The idea of bathing in Yebisu, while appealing to Misato, isn't on my list of things to accomplish today."

"I should have breakfast ready soon too." Leaning into the fridge, Shinji retrieved the milk, checking the expiry date and then for any fragrant odour indicating it had spoiled. Standing up, he found Ritsuko leaning back against the kitchen table watching him. Unconsciously, his eyes quickly roamed over Ritsuko's body, instantly noting that like Misato and Asuka, she slept without a bra and had expensive taste in underwear. "I'll call you when it's done." He stammered, dropping his gaze to the floor.

"Shinji-kun?"

"Yes?" He answered, trying desperately not to think about the comparisons between Misato's, Asuka's and Ritsuko's breasts and whether they would feel different to Rei Ayanami's.

"Do you do this every morning?" Casting her eyes over the kitchen, she noted the precision taken to organise the food and the careful, patient manner that he employed in each part of the preparation.

Shrugging his shoulders, Shinji continued to whisk the batter he intended to use for pancakes. "Most of the time." Placing it to one side, he checked the fry pan that would soon have light, fluffy pancakes in it and lowered the heat a fraction. "Asuka likes things ready and waiting for her and Misato-san…………." His eyes shifted towards the hallway briefly before returning to the food in front of him. "I think Misato-san has enough to worry about as it is and if I can make things a little easier for her…………" Once again, he simply shrugged his shoulders, unable to express what it was he was trying to achieve.

"And what about you?" With her line of questioning, Ritsuko hoped to gain an insight into what it was that Misato saw. "Can you be content with this?" She motioned, waving a hand at the kitchen bench tops.

"I don't have anything that I'm good at so at least I can be useful this way." To Shinji, this was his definition of self. With little to no worth in who he was or what he did, if he could do something, no matter how inconsequential or menial, then it gave his existence purpose and direction.

Ritsuko struggled to comprehend Shinji's bleak, blunt statement. "Isn't there something you want?" She found it difficult to believe that any person could be content with what they currently had in life.

Shaking his head, Shinji looked up and held Ritsuko's gaze. "I don't believe in dreams anymore Ritsuko-san." The intensity of his words augmented by the clarity of his cerulean eyes. "And just because you wish for something isn't going to make it happen any sooner, if at all." Throughout his life he had lost too much to ever want anything ever again. People he loved and cared for would eventually die, abandon or betray him. He lacked many material possessions as they were easily broken, lost or stolen. Nothing was all he had ever been allowed and in his estimation, it looked unlikely to change any time soon.

Ritsuko watched the sullen youth return to his preparations, the smells of a freshly cooking breakfast beginning to permeate the apartment. "I think I can understand why Misato drinks in the bath." She whispered to herself, grabbing a can from the fridge before heading into the bathroom to consider what Shinji had just told her.

Central Dogma – NERV HQ

"He has friends, but sometimes I get the feeling that he doesn't even understand why he has friends." Leaning back against the communications console, Misato crossed her arms, the toe of her high-heeled shoe tapping in frustration against the smooth, metallic floor. "It's like he can't even see what there is about himself that's even remotely likeable." Her eyes darted around the vacant command area searching for any approaching signs of life. Even though it was a change of operational personnel, it irked Misato that she had to be here before one shift ended and the next one began.

Having given the matter some serious thought, Ritsuko could only concur with Misato's preliminary supposition. "The perception of self is never more muddied than it is for a typical a teenager Misato. Granted Shinji-kun could hardly be classified as a typical teenager, but what is it that you expect to achieve when he apparently lacks any expectations?" Teenage apathy wasn't uncommon in any era. Rebellion against the status quo and their parents was essentially part of the growing experience for young adults as they tested social, physical, emotional and intellectual boundaries. With Shinji, she surmised his stunted mental and emotional state was a by-product of his traumatic early childhood. In a very real sense, he had missed out on the basic foundation of a life and as a result his current psychological profile was deformed.

"That people choose to be his friends because they genuinely enjoy his company and want to share in the happy times and seek consolation in the sad times." The problem, as Misato saw it, was how to convince Shinji of that.

"Just don't try hitting on him okay?" Ritsuko advised her sometimes overly enthusiastic friend. "You did promise not too, after all." It wasn't that she ever really expected Misato to purposely seduce Shinji, not even by accident, but Ritsuko had wondered whether Misato could continue to differentiate between her role of playing the motherly big sister and her duty as Commanding Officer. Afterall, at the end of the day, they had to send the Children out to fight and perhaps die for the sake of humanities continued existance.

"Just what kind of person do you think I am?" Misato demanded, astounded by what Ritsuko thought of her intentions.

"Honest and caring." Ritsuko responded almost immediately, casually sipping her coffee.

"Thank you." Misato smiled and nodded, agreeing with what she considered an honest and genuine assessment of her character.

"Just lacking in common sense –" Ritsuko added as an after thought.

"Now hang on-"

"And intelligence." She finished, satisfied that she had adequately described Misato's core personality.

"And you're my best friend?" Misato asked, hesitant about hearing what else the blonde scientist had to say.

"Pretty much." Ritsuko replied nonchalantly.

"My life really sucks."

"You've just realised that now?" A devious smile appeared from behind the porcelain rim of her coffee mug. "Your observation skills could use some work too."

"Shut up Ritsuko." Fed up with being the source of Ritsuko's early morning entertainment, Misato decided to return to her office.

"You did ask for my opinion." Ritsuko called out, laughing delicately as Misato responded with a string of expletives and curses.

Tokyo-3 MunicipalMiddle School

"I tell you, something big must be happening at NERV." Image after image flickered by on laptop display screen at Kensuke Aida's desk, as he proudly displayed the fruits of his covert activities from the night before. "There were VTOL's and black suits everywhere." Turning to the smaller of the two boys standing either side of his desk, he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose; his eye's gleaming feverishly. "Do you know anything about it Shinji?"

Shaking his head, Shinji stared at the photo's wondering if one of the familiar figures that appeared in a majority of the shots was his father. "I'm not on anyone's 'Need to Know' list." Not that he wanted that to change any time soon either. In his opinion, the less he knew about the inner workings of NERV and his father's grand plan the better. "I'm kind of surprised you managed to get all this undetected."

"What the worst they could have done if they caught me?" Kensuke leaned back in his chair, pleased with his burgeoning espionage skills.

Shinji was about to remind his bespectacled military otaku friend that many of the black suited individuals were carrying firearms that he was certain were not the toys that Kensuke himself played with when Touji cut in. "Probably make him sign another piece of paper like we had to that time you let us onboard your robot."

"Evangelion." Kensuke corrected him without even thinking about it.

"Whatever." Was Touji's uninterested reply. The usually cheerful athlete had been suspiciously silent for most of the morning; something neither Shinji nor Kensuke had missed.

Having known Touji the longest, Kensuke took it upon himself to see just what the normally boisterous young athlete was brooding about. "What's the matter Touji? You seem a little down?"

Sighing noisily, Touji sat down at the desk next to Kensuke's, slumping forward and staring at his well-used sneakers. "Mari-chan ain't doing too well at the moment." He paused for a deep breath, trying to settle his nerves as he thought about his little sister's plight. "She keeps asking to see dad, but he's always too busy with work and stuff. She cried last night. I …….. I felt kind of useless, you know. I'm her big brother and I can't do squat for her."

"I'm sorry." Shinji whispered, clenching his fist until he could feel his fingernails practically scraping against bone.

"Hey, don't stress man, it's not like it's your fault." Memories of how he had initially and mistakenly vented his frustration at Shinji reminded him of just how much things had changed between them. Touji knew that he would never hold any of the Pilots, with the possible exception of the 'Red Devil', responsible for what could one day happen. "I just wish dad would take some time out and go visit her. She don't get to see too many people 'cept me, the nurses and one of her classmates every now and then."

"Well how about we all go with you after school?" The offer was something Kensuke had been meaning to put to Touji for a while now, but the timing had never seemed right. "I can show her the awesome footage I have of the Evangelions and Angels."

"Savage!" Jumping to his feet, Touji pumped his fist in the air. "That might just take her mind off dad and everything else. What do you say Shinji?" Touji threw an arm around Shinji and dragged him into a playful headlock. "You in?"

In desperation, Shinji used the one remaining trump card he had access to. "I……… think we might have tests at NERV this afternoon. So I –"

Having just completed her assigned class task of cleaning the blackboard, Rei Ayanami was walking back to her seat when she had overheard Shinji mention tests at NERV. Not understanding the Third Children's desire to avoid meeting with his friend's younger sibling, Rei felt obliged to correct his erroneous statement. "There are no scheduled tests today, Ikari." Without even waiting for a reply, she returned to her seat and turning to gaze out the window, she waited.

"There you go. If Ayanami says so, it must be true." While he didn't know the pale girl all that well, Touji had yet to hear anyone accuse her of lying. "You must have been confused with another day or something."

The thought of facing someone whom he knew without a doubt he was entirely responsible for hospitalising terrified him. But now that he was unable to offer any other plausible excuse to decline Touji's invitation, Shinji relented, his shoulders slumping in resignation. "I guess."

"Cool." Touji exclaimed exuberantly, pounding Shinji on the back in appreciation. "Mari'll be over the moon to meet you Shin-man. She loves hearing about you pilots and all that 'Saving the World' type stuff." Had he not been blissfully ignorant at that precise moment with the thought of seeing his little sister happy again, Touji Suzuhara may have noticed the brief expression of complete and utter fear and dread that crossed Shinji's face and had he listened carefully, he would have heard the soft words his friend was whispering over and over again.

"I mustn't run away. I mustn't run away."

End First Glance

Tbc?

No Pre-Reader / Proof Reader. (Isn't it obvious?)

Authors Post-Rant –

Not really sure whether I'll continue this. I'm just trying to recover from the draining workload I have at the moment (and the next six months only appear worse) Oh the joys of Civil/Structural Design Engineering. Why couldn't I be the criminally insane sociopath that my high school yearbook said I was destined to be?

I'm hoping this story will re-ignite my enthusiasm to continue on with my other works. I despise leaving any undertaking unfinished.

As always, post your reviews here at FFN (Or where ever you find this).

Any other comments, thoughts etc are welcome at I don't check it as often as I should. (Gomen in advance)

Ja Ne -