Disclaimer: I don't own Prince of Tennis, or the Tori Amos song 'Spring Haze'. (The song doesn't really have anything to do with the story, it just seemed to fit.)

Author's Note: I'm a little nervous about this one, because I feel like it deserves a sort of angst warning. Not so much in this chapter, but later. So yeah, that's my official warning, I guess. ;)

Oh, and everyone's older in this story, college age. This first chapter is sort of setting the scene…the other chapters will take place during their first year of college. Anyway, I hope you like it…please let me know what you think!

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Spring Haze

Chapter One

Somewhere around the middle of their junior year in high school, Kikumaru Eiji had started to feel a bit lost. It seemed that most of his classmates couldn't wait until they were fourth years, because then they would be that much closer to the end of high school. Everyone had been talking about college for a while now too. His friends were excited about moving away from home, about starting new lives, but Eiji could never really understand why.

He knew that it was probably immature of him, not to think about the future at all, but…things were perfect the way they were now, so why should he think about anything changing? In the back of his mind though, even if he didn't want to admit it, he was starting to realize that maybe it just wasn't possible for things to stay like this forever.

But even if everything else changed, what scared Eiji the most was thinking that things would have to change between him and Oishi.

Everything about his relationship with Oishi was wonderful, and Eiji felt wonderful, nearly all the time. He had spent every moment he could with Oishi since the day they had confessed their feelings to each other, back in junior high. Eiji couldn't imagine anything without Oishi, couldn't imagine him not being there. And if by chance Eiji did happen to imagine it, usually in a moment of anger, he forced himself to stop immediately, because what he felt scared him.

When Oishi was there, in the same room, or on the court with him, Eiji felt alive, as if there was an invisible electric current running through his veins. He felt invincible, and his smile was impenetrable as long as Oishi was next to him. Oishi supported him and took care of him, even spoiled him, and this was exactly what Eiji wanted and needed. They were perfect together.

And when they were alone, they were even better than perfect. Eiji felt a wonderful rush of adrenaline every time Oishi kissed him, and all of his senses responded to Oishi perfectly. When they were alone, the whole world seemed to vanish, and the only thing that existed was each other.

Eiji knew that he was lucky, that a lot of people never found this kind of love, and that he should do everything he could to hold onto it, though it never really occurred to him that after a certain point, this would be really hard to do.

It had taken Eiji a long time to realize that there was a flip side to his love for Oishi, and to all the wonderful emotions he was able to feel when Oishi was there. Until he realized this, it hadn't seemed anything but good that Eiji considered Oishi to be as essential to his existence as the air he breathed or food or tennis.

But the other side to loving Oishi so much was an ache in Eiji's heart that seemed to grow when he was separated from Oishi, physically or emotionally. It drove Eiji crazy, when he felt it. He couldn't think about or concentrate on anything else, and for this reason, Eiji always confronted Oishi with anything he was unhappy about. He never held a grudge. If they argued, Eiji never left or went to sleep angry. He let all of his emotions out right when he felt them, so that as soon as possible he could be close to Oishi again. And when he was close to Oishi he stayed there as long as he possibly could. This had always seemed like a good thing, because it kept Eiji's love honest and pure.

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Towards the end of their junior year, Oishi received a prestigious invitation to participate in a summer tennis camp in America. He had waited a while to tell Eiji, longer than he should have, afraid that Eiji would be angry, or jealous. He would be gone for a month, and was sure that Eiji would be upset. But when he finally told Eiji, Oishi found that his boyfriend had surprisingly encouraged him to go.

Eiji had really wanted Oishi to go, because Oishi was excited about it, and because it was a prestigious camp that few foreigners were asked to attend. Besides, Eiji knew that Oishi had always really wanted to travel, and that this was a great opportunity for him. Eiji knew that it would be hard, a whole month without Oishi, but he didn't really think much about it, because he was just anxious to spend as much time as possible with Oishi before he left.

As long as Oishi was next to him, Eiji was happy, and if he was happy, he wasn't thinking about how unhappy he might be missing Oishi for a month. Eiji never stopped smiling, even as he drove Oishi to the airport. They talked about missing each other, and worried about how to work out talking on the phone with the time difference. It was fine, normal. Their relationship had always been unshakable, and there was no reason to think that they couldn't handle a short time apart.

But when they got to the airport, suddenly something inside of Eiji seemed to break down. Eiji remembered Oishi begging him to get out of the car, and that Oishi was even getting angry, thinking that Eiji was doing this on purpose. He really wasn't though. He honestly just couldn't move; he couldn't calm down.

Eiji found that when it came down to it, he just couldn't accept being apart from Oishi. He knew even as he was screaming and crying, even as Oishi missed his flight, and just barely managed to force his way onto another one, that this wasn't a good thing. Eiji knew he shouldn't be so upset, that it was only a month, but he also knew that at that moment he would have done anything just to keep Oishi there.

Eiji knew that even if Oishi had been a little angry then, he had been really worried too, had even called his parents to meet Eiji at the airport because he was afraid to let him drive home by himself. Eiji didn't want to worry Oishi, and he didn't want to be like this, so immature and upset over nothing. But it had just sort of happened.

Being so upset and not being able to control his emotions scared Eiji. It scared him because usually anything that had to do with Oishi felt good, but this did not feel good at all. This felt weird and somehow wrong, and he wondered if Oishi thought so too. Because even when Oishi said that it was ok for Eiji to be sad, and that he would miss him just as much, Eiji knew that this was simply not true. Oishi would always be ok. But all of the sudden Eiji was not so sure about himself.

The whole time Oishi had been gone, Eiji felt his mind twisting things around, until nothing made any sense anymore. All the sudden, he wasn't even sure if he could remember how wonderful it had been with Oishi, or if he had been making the whole thing up. Loving Oishi suddenly hurt so much, and this seemed really unfair. He couldn't think about Oishi and feel happy anymore, and this seemed like the most horrible thing in the world.

The month seemed to drag on forever. Even though Eiji knew exactly how many days there were before Oishi came back, he just couldn't convince himself that it would actually happen, and that everything would be fine again. Eiji began to wonder if maybe there was something wrong with him, with his love, or with the way he loved or something.

Because it seemed like it should be ok, and it just wasn't. Eiji knew that people left all the time, for various reasons. His sister's boyfriend had gone across the country for college, and they barely saw each other. She was sad, but Eiji was sure she hadn't felt like this. Fuji hadn't been like this when Tezuka left. And he knew that Oishi wasn't like this.

Maybe Eiji just loved Oishi more, and that was it. Eiji really didn't believe this, but before he had a chance to fully explore his thoughts, the month was over, and Oishi was back, and that was all that had really seemed to matter.

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When Oishi told him that he had been accepted into his first choice college in London, and that he would be studying there for several years, it was the spring of their senior year. Eiji hadn't really been all that surprised. He had suspected for a long time what Oishi had been planning. After all, it was no secret that it was Oishi's goal, his dream, to study abroad, though he rarely talked about it to Eiji. Eiji used to think it was because Oishi didn't think he would understand, but he realized much later that Oishi probably was in just as much denial as he was.

They had been sitting in a park near Oishi's house the day that Oishi told him, and it was a beautiful spring day. Eiji had watched the cherry blossoms falling relentlessly from the tree in front of them and listened, as Oishi promised Eiji that he loved him, and that it would only be for two or three years, and that they would talk on the phone all the time, and visit each other, and that everything would be fine.

Eiji smiled and tried to be happy for Oishi, because that was really what he wanted. Eiji wanted to be happy for Oishi and for it to be ok, like it was for everyone else. People left all the time, Eiji told himself over and over. They left because they needed to, or wanted to, or because it was a good opportunity. There was no reason he couldn't be ok with his.

Because Eiji loved Oishi. Really loved him. He wanted him to be happy. Eiji truly loved Oishi, and loved him without ever asking anything in return, which was what made it so much more wonderful that Oishi loved him back just as honestly. There had never been any strings attached, for either of them. There was no bitterness, and no doubt, nothing between them that would taint their feelings. Their love was pure, and it was wonderful, and that was why it would be ok. Eiji told himself all of these things, repeatedly, and tried his hardest to believe them.

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Several months later

Eiji stared at the person in front of him, the person that he loved more than anything, and tried to figure out how on earth he could stop this horrible feeling that was spreading through his entire body. He felt like Oishi was dying, and even though he knew this was ridiculous, he was really scared.

All the thoughts Eiji had pushed away for months were suddenly impossible to deny. Oishi was leaving. Tomorrow he would wake up and Oishi wouldn't be there, he would be thousands of miles away. And he would be gone for a long time. Eiji would want to see Oishi's face, and he wouldn't be able to, would need to touch him but Oishi wouldn't be there. It had seemed impossible for him to imagine before, but now, Eiji knew, he could feel it, he could feel what it would be like. And his wasn't just for a month. This felt like forever to Eiji.

Eiji was sure he had stopped making sense a long time ago, but it didn't seem to matter anymore. "Oishi please. Please don't leave. Please. I just…I don't want…please…" His voice had dropped to a whisper…he knew this was probably irrational, but he was so sad, and he just couldn't stop crying. Oishi was probably embarrassed, there were people watching, and he was acting like an idiot, but…"I don't understand …please Oishi…"

Oishi was staring at Eiji, trying to take him in, and trying to figure out what he should do. Eiji had been fine, laughing and joking even, until they arrived at the airport. Now Oishi could barely understand him he was crying so hard. Oishi tried not to seem as worried as he suddenly felt. After all, they had talked about this, about him leaving, and he had really thought Eiji was ok with everything.

Oishi spoke gently, trying to deny the ache in his chest, and the voice in the back of his mind that was telling him that something bad was happening. "Eiji, there's nothing to worry about. I love you. You know that. I love you so much, and you love me. It'll be fine."

"No!" Eiji was shaking his head. "No…" He really didn't care if Oishi said he loved him a million times, he just wanted him to stay, it was the only thing that mattered right now.

Eiji felt so desperate and he realized that this feeling, this feeling that he was losing Oishi forever, was worse than anything he had ever imagined he could feel. How would he possibly be able to function without Oishi? It would be impossible. School without Oishi? Tennis? Eiji knew he wouldn't be able to do any of it. And he was terrified.

"I can't do it. Oishi, I can't. I need you here. I need you. Please… Please stay here. I'll do anything…"

Eiji was begging, in front of everyone, in front of Oishi's parents. Oishi really didn't know what to do. He had tried to pull Eiji aside, so that they wouldn't be making this much of a scene, but Eiji wouldn't move. Oishi had never seen him this upset. He was worried, but there really wasn't anything he felt he could do now. The decision had been made. Had Eiji reacted like this in the beginning, maybe they could have talked more about other options. As it had happened, Eiji had never wanted to talk about Oishi leaving. It had taken Oishi weeks of trying just to get his boyfriend to listen long enough for him to tell him what day his flight was leaving.

Oishi guessed, knowing Eiji, that it was all hitting him now, and that he was overwhelmed, and Oishi understood that, but he just didn't know what to do. He immediately regretted that he hadn't forced himself to talk more about this to Eiji before. Maybe it had been so easy because Oishi didn't want to be sad either. Oishi really didn't want to be sad, and he really didn't want this to be the memory of Eiji that he carried with him.

The airport announcement broke in on Oishi's thoughts. It was the final boarding call. If Oishi didn't get on this flight, there wouldn't be another one until morning, and he would miss half of orientation. And waiting another day wouldn't make this any easier, anyway. Still, he couldn't stand seeing Eiji like this. Oishi had to find a way to comfort him; otherwise he knew wouldn't be able to get on the plane. And his parents would kill him if that happened again.

Oishi had a sudden memory from last year, one that he had partly suppressed because it had really scared him at the time, of Eiji hysterical at the airport. Oishi had only been gone a month then. And Eiji had reacted the same way. Still, Oishi told himself, it had been ok then. It would be ok this time too, Oishi told himself. It had to be.

Oishi pulled Eiji close to him, something he never did around his parents, though he was sure they knew about their relationship. Even if they hadn't before, Oishi was sure they had probably heard everything he had just said to Eiji. Either way, Oishi didn't care. He pulled Eiji close, and whispered in his ear anything he could think of to calm him down, and felt Eiji's arms gripping him tightly around his back. Oishi kissed Eiji's ear lightly, and then his neck, and told him he had to breathe, he had to calm down, had to let him get on the plane, that it would be ok, that he would call, that he would be back for winter break, that Eiji would visit, that he loved him, and that if it didn't work he would come back, all in one breath. He felt Eiji relax a little in his arms and was relieved.

"Oi-shi…" Eiji was whining, his voice hoarse from crying.

"Shh, Eiji, it's fine. I love you. It'll be fine, ok?" Oishi ran his fingers through Eiji's soft hair, and felt Eiji shiver.

Eiji closed his eyes, momentarily distracted. It didn't seem fair that Oishi could still make him feel so good when he was so miserable. "Oishi…" Eiji was trying to shake off the sensation of Oishi's fingers, because there was something he needed to hear again.

"You promise you'll come back?" Eiji asked urgently, pressing closer to Oishi.

"Of course I'll come back, Eiji."

"Promise me," Eiji whispered.

Eiji was trying to listen to Oishi's promise and believe that what he was saying was true, but it was really hard. Oishi had moved so he could see Eiji's face, and was holding Eiji's arms, and looking at him the way Eiji loved most, like Eiji was the most important thing in the world. Oishi's eyes were soft and gentle and comforting, and Eiji found himself getting lost in them for a second, but then he realized that Oishi was moving away from him, slowly. Before he knew it, he couldn't feel Oishi's touch any more, and Eiji felt himself going crazy all over again.

His thoughts were racing. There were things Eiji had told himself he would say to Oishi, but now it seemed he had run out of time. Eiji had wanted to say that he loved Oishi, but he was afraid that it wasn't enough, that he was afraid he would ruin it anyway. That he was afraid his brain would change everything around while Oishi was gone, and that he wouldn't be able to remember how good everything had been between them. He had wanted to say that he was afraid that it wouldn't be ok at all, and that he was afraid that he would never see Oishi again, never touch him or kiss him, or…anything. Eiji had wanted to ask Oishi what it was that made him think that just because it was ok for other people to be far away from the person they loved, that it would be ok for him, for them.

But Eiji was silent. He had even stopped crying, and like a switch had been turned off in his brain, the thoughts faded away, as he realized that all of this was happening anyway, and that despite anything he was thinking of saying, Oishi was leaving anyway. Eiji watched, frozen, as Oishi turned and waved, and then picked up his pace a little as he ran toward the walkway to the plane.

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A/N: Ok, so that's Chapter One…Please review and let me know what you thought about it. I'm currently in the process of trying to make Chapter Two not as confusing as it seems to me right now. I wrote it sort of disjointed-ly and I really need to figure out how to fit it all together... Anyway, thanks for reading…and Chapter Two will be up soon!