Note: I do not own My Fair Lady or Hellsing. But I've had this idea for a long time, and finally decided to write it up. Just a tweak to the original story — Seras (Eliza) is taken under Alucard (Prof. Higgins)'s wing to become a 'proper vampire', aided sometimes by Walter (Col. Pickering). Seeking such a fine young lady, Pip (Freddy) falls in love with her. Overseeing it all is the sceptical eye of Sir Integral, whom here is not given an original role. (When offered, she politely declined, saying it was better that she not participate in such a farce. However, Alucard was so pleased at the whole idea that he exploded, leaving entrails all over the walls.) They are also joined by the various members of Iscariot and Millennium as extras. Try and spot all of the song references!
My Fair Seras
Walter and Alucard were walking down the halls of the Hellsing mansion. Well, Alucard was not so much walking as floating. Walter, on the other hand, had to walk.
"Well?"
"Well what?" asked Alucard.
"Well, how is the…err…Miss Victoria's training coming?" asked Walter casually.
"Not very well." said Alucard sarcastically. "She still doesn't want to drink blood."
"Very irresponsible of her." Walter said lightly. "She really doesn't know how her biology works, does she?"
"Oh, why can't the vampire learn to drink?" Alucard said wistfully. "I wouldn't have to wait around for her all the time if she'd just do as she was told." he growled.
Just then, Seras came around the corner and bumped smack into Walter. She tripped, fell backwards and bumped her head.
"Ouch!" she said, rubbing the back of her scalp. Walter looked at Alucard. Alucard looked at Walter. Alucard's face split into a rather nasty grin.
"All right, Police Girl, we're going to try a little experiment. We need to see how you'd do as a real vampire. But Walter here," here he gestured at Walter, "thinks you can't do it. Neither does Sir Integral. But we'll make you a true Nosferatu yet."
"Um." said Seras nervously. "Will this involve large quantities of blood?"
"Just little ones at first." Alucard held up two fingers in a tiny fraction. "We'll start small. That'll be easier. Just try it."
Seras sighed softly. "Oh, sure. Oh, wouldn't it be lovely if I could do all that?"
"Oh, I have every confidence in you!" Alucard said über-cheerfully.
Seras sighed heavily. "That's what I'm afraid of."
The game is afoot! What will happen next?