Chapter 18
A Flashback with The First Confession
The new song by Gavin DeGraw was playing over Seth's radio and I was trying as hard as I could to figure out why.
"I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately," Marissa sang loudly. I watched as she giggled at my expression.
"Maybe this is a good song for you Coop but why do you have it playing where the whole room has to hear?" I asked.
"The whole room Sum?" Marissa laughed. Marissa and I were the only two upstairs. Seth had taken Layla downstairs while the two of us had slept. It was around 5:30 in the afternoon and Sandy still hadn't told us where he had gone that morning. He had gone off again with Kirsten shortly after telling her about Layla. She was beginning to miss her mom and dad. It was painfully evident in her eyes when she looked up at you.
"You'll scare away the neighbors Coop," I said pulling her down next to me.
"The neighbors Sum?" Marissa started to laugh again. I guess I had walked right into that one. Marissa's mom still lived next door.
"Let's make sure Seth is okay," Marissa said grabbing my hand before switching off the radio.
"Thank god!" I teased her. She kicked my leg gently with her foot. When we got downstairs we saw Layla on the floor, her face buried into her arms. Seth was no where in sight.
"Layla?" I asked touching her head. She looked up at me and pushed a finger to her lips.
"I'm hiding from Seth," she explained.
"Why?" I asked.
"There you are! Now it's my turn to hide," Seth came out from the kitchen and cradled a squirming Layla into his arms after giving me a kiss.
"That does not count!" Layla insisted. "It's all Summer's fault, she should have to count!"
"Have you checked on Ryan at all?" Marissa asked.
"He's fine!" Seth said. "I don't recall you ever coming to check up on me this many times when I was sick Marissa Cooper."
"Yeah but I don't have sex with you!" Marissa argued back.
"What is that?" Layla asked.
"Nothing pal," Seth said setting her back on the floor. Marissa went out the backdoor to go check on Ryan.
"Where's my mom and dad?" she questioned me gently tugging at my leg. "Did they run away?"
"I'm not sure sweetheart. But I'm sure that Sandy is doing every thing he can to find them," I got down to her height. "Will you tell me what happened to your arms Layla?" She pulled away from me and stared into my eyes.
"I have bruises just like those," I told her. I lifted my shirt and showed her the ones that were beginning to fade around my belly and up near my ribs. She stared and then looked back up at me.
"I…got hit," she said slowly as if she wasn't used to using the words out loud in a sentence.
"So did I," I replied. "My daddy used to hit me."
"My daddy doesn't hit me," Layla said. I breathed a sigh of relief while I saw Seth sigh one of his own.
"That's good," I said and then remembered my own constant denial. "But sometimes people you love do crazy things to ones that they love too. Some people don't understand what they are doing until they've already done it and then they feel very bad."
"My mommy doesn't love us," Layla whispered. "She hates me and daddy. That's why she's mean to us."
"Your mom did that to you?" Seth asked, kneeling down as well.
"Yeah," Layla said sadly. "Maybe my daddy went to get her help."
"I can promise you that if your daddy can't get your mommy help then my dad will be able to," Seth said. The same determination was in his eyes that had been so constant the last couple of months with my own situation. I smiled gently at Layla wondering how her story would play out. So far it was mirroring my own only opposite parent. She had one parent who still loved her. But there was no way I was going to let Layla suffer anymore. Not in the same way I had. I wouldn't wish it upon anybody. Especially a little girl like me.
I flashbacked to the first time I had ever told anybody what was going on.
"Get out!" my father roared, lifting Princess Sparkle up off of the tiled kitchen counter top and hurling her in my direction. Instead of ducking I held my head high and reached out my hand as my tiny purple horse came sailing at me. The hard plastic slapped against my palms before falling onto the floor. I scrambled to the ground in a hurried motion to get her back into my hands.
"I don't need you anymore!" he exclaimed coming over and slapping me across the face. My skin instantly started to sting and I looked up into his face, my eyes milky with tears. The man I saw made me want to cry for him. Made me want to curl up into a ball and sob tears of sympathy.
My fathers eyes, once golden brown and warming, were now tired and bloodshot. His mouth that used to always wear a smile and say kind words to me was now twisted into an evil sort of grimace at my trembling figure.
"Did you ever need me daddy?" I wondered aloud. I was quickly quieted as he bunched the fabric of my shirt up in his fist and forced me back up to a standing position. He opened the front door and shoved me out with all of his might. I skinned my knees pretty well on the hot concrete before I quickly rolled over onto the wet grass. The door was closed before I could even shoot him a last glare of hate. The abuse had been going on for about 3 weeks now and was still fairly new to me.
My eyes still weren't sure when it was time to cry. My body still wasn't sure when it was time to ache, or my legs were still uncertain of the time when it was appropriate to run. Fighting back or even getting help had never crossed my mind. I pulled myself to my feet, Princess Sparkle clasped in my now sweaty palms. I started walking, slowly at first, towards Marissa's house.
It was hard, in the summer heat, to catch a breeze but once I began to run, my worn down flip-flops slapping against the hot pavement, it was hard to keep my thick black hair out of my eyes. Marissa's house came into view and I let out a sigh of relief before planting myself on the door step and knocking timidly. I wasn't sure if Jimmy or Hailey would be there. I prayed Marissa would answer the door.
The door opened and Hailey was standing there in shorts and a tank top. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail on the top of her head and she wore a genuinely happy smile.
"Hey Summer. Haven't seen you around here lately," Hailey hugged me before gesturing into the cool, air conditioned house.
"Things have been a bit crazy with my dad and everything," I said. Her smile was contagious. I wasn't necessarily lying with my statement either. I was happy that Hailey wasn't too nosey and didn't prod or even question the red mark I could still feel burning across my face.
"Marissa!" she called up the stairs. She appeared at the top landing in a couple of seconds.
"Hey Sum. Come on up," her face was flushed with heat but her eyes were bright. I was happy that Marissa was so happy with her dad and Hailey. She was living the life that I wish I had.
"Hey Rissa, your dad and I are going out for a bit but we'll be back soon okay?" Hailey called up as I followed the sandy colored carpet up to Marissa's room.
"Okay!" Marissa called back down. I flopped over on her bed, watching her ceiling fan make quiet circles in the air.
"I was just going to call you. You've always been a good timer with things like that," Marissa smiled and sat down on the bed next to me. My brain was telling me to laugh but the reaction that came out was far from it. Instead of laughing with Marissa and forgetting about my dad with the one person on this earth that I was able to I burst into tears. Marissa was taken aback but pulled me into her arms none the less. I knew she hadn't yet seen my mark because my face was so flushed. I was afraid she would think I had gone crazy if I told her everything that had been going on.
"Are you okay Sum?" she whispered, gently wiping away a tear from my face with the pad of her thumb. I silently shook my head.
"Not anymore Coop," I said gently. "Things have been happening."
"What kinds of things?" Marissa sounded apprehensive to ask.
"My dad…he's crazy Coop! He's gone crazy," I sobbed.
"Calm down sweetie. What do you mean?" Marissa asked still holding me tight, trying to hold my gaze for more then a couple of seconds.
"He hits me Coop," I moaned. "I'm his anger outlet!"
"He hits you?" Marissa repeated as if she was praying she had heard me wrong. I nodded again. I showed her the bruises on my legs, slowly calming down as I told her the events in which I received each one.
"And this?" Marissa gently traced the outline of the mark on my face with the tips of her fingers. My face must have fazed back to its regular color, bringing out my new wound.
"He wanted me out," I said, forcing a wave of emotion back down to the pit of my stomach. I looked up into Marissa's eyes, wondering why I had just told her everything, wishing I had just stayed quiet.
"You have to promise me that this won't leave this room Coop," I begged, ready to argue with her.
"Okay," Marissa whispered, too devastated to say anymore.
Hey guys. Sry 4 the obvious lenght in between updates. The OC season finale depressed me and then in the same nightthe ER season finale depressed meeven more!Don't hate me:)
Dru
PS. The song the beginning of the chapter was 'I Don't Want to Be' by Gavin DeGraw. I don't own either! It's a great song BTW if u haven't heard it already. I'll forever think of Bo Bice off of American Idol when I hear it though. Not that thats bad, I want Bo to win. But then again I love Carrie too. I'll leave now...:)