Warnings: General chaos when a teenager goes on a flying rampage, an upset and disturbed old man, and some more Roy X Ed action. Yaay!

Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own any Fullmetal Alchemist characters. The grandma and granddaughter are mine to torture though… Bwa-hahaha-haha.

Notes: Thank you so much for all of the wonderful reviews! You guys are the best! To all Ed fans: You're all in his fan girl crowd… LoL. Um, I guess that's all I have to say, so let's get Ed's torture – I mean story – on the way. ((Diabolical smile on face))

Catch me, if you can: prt. 1

'This is so stupid!' Ed thought to himself as he ran by a group of kids half his age, 'Why the hell am I running away?'

Lets take a minute to think about this. Hm, why are you running away from Mustang? Wow, we better use a lot of brainpower for this one.

Ed growled at his conscience. He knew something was definitely wrong with him today. It wasn't every day that he had a heart to heart chat with his inner self… Or more like a heart to 'I'm going to kill you if you don't shut up you annoying little voice' chat.

Hm, you like him chasing you don't ya?

'Shut up! I do not argue with my conscience! It isn't normal! Plus I do not like him chasing me.'

You do too.

'I do not!'

Do so.

'Argh! If I could strangle you I would!'

Aw, look you're blushing.

'Damn it! You're lucky I can't bash my head right now.'

Blushy-wushy, blushy-wushy, is that a smile I see?

'How the hell can you see my face anyway? You're a freakin' conscience!'

I have my ways.

'Now you're just freaking me out.'

You cannot resist my power. Admit that you have feelings for Roy.

'That bastard? Hell no.'

Admit it!

'I said I didn't have any feelings whatsoever!'

OoOo, are we getting testy?

'Shut it!'

You-

'Hehe. I can block you out you know.'

Have-

'Lala, Can't hear you.'

Feelings for-

'Lalalalalalala!'

Ro-

'LALALA. MY MILKSHAKE BRING ALL THA BOYS TO THE YARD AND THEIR LIKE IT'S BETTER THAN YOURS. DAMN RIGHT, IT'S BETTER THAT YOURS LALALAA, THE BOYS ARE-'

Okay! Okay! I'll shut up! Just stop singing… it's painful.

'Hey! I think I was ok.'

………………………………

'Just go away now.'

But you love-

'THE BOYS ARE WATING-'

Fine, I'm leaving.

'Whew, what a relief.' Ed thought to himself before he nearly tripped over a trashcan and almost rammed into a tree, 'Maybe I should pay more attention to what I'm doing…'

The Fullmetal Alchemist glanced over his shoulder and was surprised to see that Roy was still near, even though the flame alchemist still hadn't spotted Ed.

For once in his life Ed was thankful to be short for his age, without it he would have some serious problems right now. Like confronting Mustang.

'I really don't want to talk to him right now, not after all those thoughts…'

'Wait a minute, was I just thankful for being short? ARGH! Not good! Not good!'

Ed caught sight of a large group of girls and before Mustang turned to look his way he silently weaved his way into them. He had to admit, they were the perfect cover. Roy was sure not to be able to spot him.

'Now all I have to do is crawl around them and quickly run away!'

Unfortunately for Ed and the girls, but especially for Ed, he was not a very coordinated person. Crawling between the shoes of girls was just something he didn't do everyday.

"Argh! I could have sworn I felt something on my foot!"

"Ew, me too!"

"Samantha, I'm scared."

"I am too! Let's run around in circles disturbing our other friends and inadvertently trample whatever it is that is crawling around!"

With that said the two girls began to run around in a frenzy of shrieks, pointy make-up objects, sharp nails, and dangerously heavy designer pocketbooks.

"Ow! Damn it!"

"Oh! It spoke! Trample harder!"

"That was my hair! Damn this! I hate my life!"

Stomp, stomp

"Everyone get offa me!"

Stomp, stomp

"Maybe if we put our heels into it, the thing will disappear!"

Stomp, mega stomp

"ARGH! Do you not have anything better to do than trample me?"

Stomp, wham

"So Brittany, Did you watch Soap opera of the month: In love with an arm rest last night?"

Stomp, bam

"Of course girl! I could never miss that!"

Stomp, thud

"Can you believe what Jacob did? He cheated on that armrest with the soda machine! What a two-timer!"

Stomp, crash

"I know! And can you believe that Cindy? What a malicious girl! I'm glad we're not like that."

WHAM, Insert pocketbooks filled with bricks thud here , Smack

"Yeah, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!"

Smush

"Girl, we'll always be tight!"

As the torture and pain continued, Roy Mustang looked over at the large group of girls who were contentedly taking turns stepping on an unfortunate person who had managed the get themselves into the riot like situation.

He watched calmly as the girls began to scream things along the lines of, "It's a blonde rat!" and "Omigod! My pocketbook isn't squishing it!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RAT WHO'S SO SMALL HE CAN BE SQUISHED UNDER DOZENS OF DESIGNER POCKETBOOKS?"

Mustang shook his head; he had finally found his subordinate. He sighed, only Ed could cause chaos among a group of normally peaceful girls.

Ed finally got off the ground where he had resided whilst the girls had inflicted pain onto him.

"You didn't have to be so evil!" He said as he brushed some dirt off his jacket.

"He's… He's…"

Ed froze; did they recognize him as Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist? He slowly began to back away from the evil girls. Not only were they about to bring him much unwanted attention but they had also alerted Mustang to his whereabouts.

"He's so hot!"

"Huh?"

"Let's all take turns glomping him!" They yelled as the group surged forward to capture the alchemist.

"Gahh!" Ed yelled as he began to run away from the group of crazed girls, "Why are they chasing me!"

"LET'S RIP OFF HIS CLOTHES AND SELL THEM ON E-BAY!"

Roy looked on in amusement; Ed could be so oblivious sometimes. After all these years he still didn't realize that much of the female and male population wanted some kind of stake on him. He had spent so many years bent solely on the purpose of finding the philosopher's stone that he didn't see how much he had changed.

He was no longer the chibified kid he had once been. His features had defined and grown sharper, he had even grown taller. He continued to appear lean but now muscles rippled under his skin.

Insert fan induced drooling here—

'Now back to the chase,' Roy smirked, following the crazy fan girls and Ed's rapidly retreating figure.

III

Ed whipped around the corner of a nearby building. Damn those girls were fast… And dangerous… Who knew what horrors they could have in store for him if they caught him.

Ed frowned at the thought and let his mind wander to the possible implications of getting caught.

Random thought

"So like, Ed, did you see that new opera show?"

"Like totally! I wouldn't have missed it for the world!"

"Omigod! Ed! Your makeup is smudging, here let me help you."

"HELP ME BY GETTING ME OUT OF HERE! I WILL NOT WATCH OPERA SHOWS AND BEACH BOY SHOWS ANY LONGER! SAVE ME!"

"You must bow down to our power YOU MUST- Here have some cheesecake-BOW TO ME! BWA-HAHAHA-HAHA! Hm, there's a documentary on pastries at eleven. Ya, dig?"

((Sigh))

End random thought

'I can't let this happen to me! I must run!'

Ed surveyed his surroundings and jumped behind an occupied bench, disturbing the old man who was sitting on it and was just trying to innocently read his newspaper.

He grimaced as the girls thundered by yelling profanities, whew, that had been close.

"Why the hell did they do that anyway?"

The abnormally small alchemist got off his knees and pulled himself to his feet, "This has got to be the weirdest day ever!"

He walked around to the front of the bench and sat down, completely ignoring the man who was currently giving him weird looks.

He sighed and gave a small yelp when he saw Mustang walk around the corner of the building and glance around. With no time to jump behind the bench Ed did the first thought that came into his mind. Which was, of course, a very stupid one.

He dived at the old man and grabbed his newspaper, quickly burying his face into it, in the hopes of not being recognized by his boss. The old man snarled a surprisingly evil sounding snarl and launched himself at the blond.

"Give me back my pre-ciouss."

"The newspaper?" Ed asked, still concealing himself behind it.

"My pre-ciou-ss."

"STOP MOCKING ME!"

The old man began to grab the newspaper away from Ed, who kept his hold on it. The result was a loud ripping sound followed by the mans wails and curses at having ruined "his precious."

All through this the Fullmetal Alchemist continued to hold onto the remaining section of the once whole newspaper causing the grieving man to lunge at it.

Roy looked at his surroundings, he was sure that he had seen his subordinate race this way.

'Let's see, there's some trees, some bushes, a bench, an old man and some guy fighting over a newspaper, a rock, the sky, aWait a minute…'

Mustang looked back at the old man and the 'guy.' He watched as the old man screeched something about his newspaper and promptly attacked the other person. Both figures went flying to the ground, in an all out fight. This consisted of several violent actions and words.

In the end the old man ran off holding both pieces of his ripped newspaper and gracefully threw himself over a nearby fence with ease. Roy flinched, yet another example of how the old must be respected or bad things could happen.

Fixing his face into a cocky smirk he glanced back at the other guy who had turned out to be Ed, after all. Ed got off the ground groaning in pain, next time he chose to hide behind someone else's property it was going to be a younger persons.

He looked up and nearly fell back down onto the ground, 'Damn it! Mustang found me.'

For some reason that was beyond him at this point he began to blush furiously muttering whatever came into his head, "Um… I, uh… Have to DO SOMETHING!"

Ed ran in the direction that the old man had taken and launched himself over the fence as well. Onlookers cringed at the sounds that came forth from beyond the fence.

"YOU AGAIN!"

"No not you! I mean… I'll be leaving now."

"REVENGE! REVENGE FOR MY PRECII-OUSSS!"

Crack

"ARGH! I'M GETTING OUT OF THIS CRAZY PLACE!"

Smack

"I'm gonna go global on yo' ass."

Thud

"Why are old people so cruel?"

((Screeches of a random cat and trash can noises here))

III

Ed huddled in the corner of the small supply closet that he was in rocking back and forth, "Find a happy place, find a happy place, find a happy place, ARGH!"

The alchemist stood up and clenched his fingers together, "I can not go on like this! I will not hide in a supply closet!"

He sighed and sat back down, 'Or maybe I will, it's better than being outside where it's dangerous.'

After barely escaping the clutches of the mad newspaperman, Ed had crawled to the nearest restaurant and into the supply closet. No one would ever think to look in this room; it was tiny and filled with janitorial objects such as brooms and pails. Sure it was dark and could make any sane person claustrophobic but… Oh well.

What are we doing in here?

"Shut up conscience. What do you think I'm doing?" Ed asked, deciding that if he talked out loud he'd feel less confused.

Getting a job as a janitor?

"You are stupid. I hope you know that. At least my other conscience wasn't."

At least I'm not the one huddled in a dark supply closet surrounded by pails and mops after escaping an evil golem-like man who loves newspapers!

"Well, when you put it that way…"

Now will you admit that you like Mustang?

"I don't know what is going on anymore…"

You like him.

"No I don't, just die already!"

You do.

"DIE!"

OoOo, it's love…

"Grrrrr, I'll strangle you somehow!"

At this point an unfortunate employee opened the door to the supply room to get a mop, only to see a teenage boy trying to strangle himself.

"Hehe! You feel this! Huh, you little annoying spirit?"

No. But uh, Ed…

"FEEL THE BURN! –Choke—OW, Cough"

You love him… Bwa-hahaha-haha! I win!

"I hope you regret ever annoying me!"

You're hopeless… And I won.

"You'll never win! Oh, um… here." Ed said abruptly stopping his conversation with his conscience and handing a mop to the startled employee, "I'll do everything in my power to get you outta my head!"

The employee grabbed the mop and slammed the supply closet door. It was never good to mess with crazy people.

"Ok, I know what I need to do!"

Which is…

"Avoid Roy at all costs! Then get to the nearest phone, see if Al survived Winry's attack, and then make him help me!"

Why do you always make your brother help you with your problems?

"Because he knows what to do when you have feelings for some- Hey! You meant to make me say that didn't you?"

Ah, no. That was just you being stupid.

"Right…" Ed said, squinting as light poured into the small room and the employee from before peeked in. She screeched something about crazy people in closets and then threw the mop back into the room and slammed the door shut again.

"Well that wasn't very friend-AHH!" Ed screamed as mountains upon mountains of cleaning supplies fell on him.

The people in the restaurant looked up in surprise when they heard screaming coming from a nearby room.

"ARGHH! THE WINDEX! IT'S EVERYWHERE! GET IT OFF ME! BAHHH! MY EYES! MY EYES! ARGHH- what the hell am I leaning on anyway? OW! THE BROOM! DAMN THIS MOP, DAMN IT!"

"THERE'S A CRAZY PERSON IN THE SUPPLY CLOSET! SCATTER!" An employee yelled before flying off in a random direction.

Everyone in the restaurant began to scream as Ed stumbled out of the closet blinded by the Windex.

"IT'S TRUE! A LUNATIC! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! SAVE YOURSELVES! FLEE, FLEE- Oh, and save the cupcakes- RUN!" A random man yelled before running for cover himself.

III

Ed grumbled incoherently as he tried to walk inconspicuously around the evil amusement park. After having his supply closet hideout ruined by the employee and the bottle of Windex he had decided to find a new one.

The alchemist wearily looked up at the nearest building that he was passing by. The sign above it flashed in annoying and bright colors. It said: Sunny Day Animatron theater and underneath that there was another sign with what appeared to be their motto: "It'll turn any frown upside down."

"I might as well hide out in that place." Ed said sneaking around to the back of the theater, "No one will think to find me here…"

The alley behind the theater was very trashed. Garbage littered the ground and graffiti was on the walls and back door. He carefully stepped around broken glass and plastic bags to get to the back entrance.

He cautiously looked both ways before sliding the door open. Once inside he found himself being shoved out of the way by dozens of people running in all different directions yelling things like, "Two minutes to show time," and "Are the bears operational?"

'Ok… I can deal with this…' Ed thought pushing his way across what appeared to be the back of the theater. He looked around and saw the stage, which was currently behind a closed red curtain.

'I guess I better find some place to hang out,' He thought before a loudspeaker announcement went on.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the time has arrived for the Sunny Day Animatron show!

Ed settled himself on some cardboard boxes on one side of the stage behind the curtain. He groaned as the audience applauded when the curtain rose.

"They're too loud… This was a stupid idea…"

He watched as a trapdoor opened onstage and white smoke filled the stage.

"What the-" Ed began before he started screaming, out of the trapdoor came his worst nightmare. More cynical than any mass murderer, more diabolical than any mad scientist, and fluffier than any bunny: A DANCING BEAR WITH A PINK TUTU.

"ARGHH! NO WONDER THIS WAS CALLED AN ANIMATRON THEATER! THE EVIL BEAR! IT'S COMING FOR ME!" The Fullmetal Alchemist yelled causing everyone backstage to look at him angrily.

The electronic bear began to dance and Ed yelped, getting off the boxes and heading towards the exit. Unfortunately, Ed slipped on one of the edges of the cardboard boxes and went flying onto the stage and straight towards the bear.

"AGHH!" He screamed before smacking into the bear. The audience looked on, appalled at this seemingly violent gesture. The cardboard on which the alchemist was sliding on continued to slide across the stage bringing Ed with it.

In an attempt to stop it, Ed grabbed the bear's tutu as he flew by tearing it off with a loud rip, "Oops."

The bear tumbled forward, stopping it's dance as it smashed into the stage floor.

He slid off stage and went flying into the wall with a loud smack. The people in the audience who had been in the restaurant at the time of the Windex incident fled the theater in horror screaming about a blond haired lunatic.

"Ouch…" Ed said before collecting his crumpled form off the ground. He watched with an apologetic look on his face as many employees flooded onto the stage to try to calm everyone down.

He tiptoed off into a more desolate part of the backstage of the theater trying to regain his dignity, after all he had just flew across the stage in front of a large crowd of people.

There wasn't a single person left backstage anyway. They were all trying to comfort the people in the audience who had been brave enough to stay and trying to fix the damage he had caused to the dancing bear of doom.

'My life sucks.'

Yeah…

'Damn this… Huh? What's that?'

Ed tried to look up when he heard footsteps quickly approaching him. Before he could lift his head up he was pinned to the wall behind him in a surprisingly forceful but gentle grip.

He snarled before going limp as he looked up at his captors face…

Just as a warning to all of you… Never give me chocolate. My brother did to bribe me to help him with something and I bounced everywhere. Then I fell down the stairs and bruised my leg… U.u. Wow, that was random. (Blinks)

Please review! I love reviews… ((Bounces off))

Next chapter: Catch me, if you can: prt. 2, there will be a lot more Roy X Ed… Just to warn you… O.O

Review Section (Today: Hands out Easter Ed eggs)

kori hime – lol, yeah… I did that myself and I started laughing when I was writing it… Then my dad became angry and dragged me off the computer U.u.

Cursed Lone Wolf – Yaay! I updated! I'm so hyper right now… I really don't know what I'm writing so don't mind me… Weeeeeeeeee!

final-fantasys child – I love that part too. I started giggling when I wrote that… I upset my family… Nothing unusual there.

Dragons Maiden – O.o I hope in a good crack way… lol…

Jem – I can imagine him too… I can picture him doing many stupid things… XD Flying around a stage as one of them…

kaori-chan – Omg, that's such a great idea! I think I'll use it in one of these chapters… n.n.. Of course I'll give you credit for the idea.

Sharp23 – I can imagine Roy getting beaten up too… XD

Yorukage – A lot more Roy X Ed scenes are coming up… Bwa-hahaha-haha…

Friendless Girl – I love this pairing too! Now that I have updated you must review or face the wrath of my clarinet! O.o

wolfite – Here's more! m.m, why do I do these weird faces anyway? Like O.o and U.u … Hm, I must be weird…

Alexis – I'm glad that you like it! Yay! I updated! –crashes into wall-

NurikosLilAngel – I hate my writing style, but I guess most people hate what they write… Anyway Yayy! You like it!

FlameBrake – Yes… The old people thing is correct… I'm basing this off… Personal experiences… -shifts eyes –

Fallen Angel of Darkness – I updated! I shall return… Bwa-haha-choke-haha-splutter…

saFire flame – Because of your pleading I have updated!

Denielle – Here you go! I hope you liked this chapter!

Ok… Review! I sorta don't like this chapter much… I don't know why… Tell me what you think!

Amber