Confession is good for the Soul.

When Kim came out, Cindy stuck out her head and called: "Bonnie, could you come in here?"

Bonnie looked nervous, but walked in, and sat down.

"So, I'm agreeing provisionally, which puts a great deal of responsibility on you." Cindy said.

"Me?"

"You are the cheer captain, right."

"Um, yeah, yes." Bonnie said.

"Well, there you go." Cindy smiled and then got more serious. Looking around to make certain the windows were closed, and that her lips couldn't be seen from outside, she continued, "Bonnie, because of Shelly's history, you have to understand that it may be just as important to her, as it is to Kim, that Kim be able to do this." Even nearly certain that they couldn't be overheard, Cindy avoided any clearer reference to Shego. "That might mean that she lets herself be convinced that things are…progressing better than they are."

"Oh."

"Oh indeed. That means that you're going to be their backstop, the voice of reason, and if necessary the voice that says "stop."". She paused, and looked, "Can I trust you?"

Bonnie avoided her eyes. "I don't know. Maybe you should ask Tara…"

"Tara wasn't there, and we'd have to tell her why, Bonnie. Too many people know this particular secret already. And why not you? You're better-"

"What if I want her to fail?" Bonnie's voice was a whisper.

"What?"

"What if…I make her fail… I… I don't think you can trust me." Bonnie said, and now she was looking at the floor.

Cindy raised her eyebrows. "You know, I think that's an interesting subject…Bonnie, why wouldn't you be able to be trusted, after everything you've done for Kim?"

"Because…Because that was when she was losing, now she's talking about winning." Bonnie spoke in a whisper. "I used to dream."

"Dream? Of what?"

"Nothing."

"Bonnie." Cindy said, "This goes no further. No matter what. But if you started talking, I think you need to talk more, for yourself if nobody else."

"Okay." Bonnie took a deep breath, "I used to dream that Kim would screw up—screw up so massively that she's at my feet, blubbering like a five year old, snot coming out of her nose, tears rolling down her cheeks and she's begging me to fix it, because she can't. I'm the one in charge now, the one that's going to fix the cheer team."

"And?"

"When she tried to kill herself…she looked almost like that, except for the blood. She wasn't begging me, but…"

"But she couldn't fix it." Cindy nodded. "And then?"

"After everything else happened, I went into the other bathroom and threw up my lunch." Bonnie said quietly. "I didn't want that to happen, Doctor."

"Of course not." Cindy said, "There's a reason we're warned about wishes and getting what we wished for—it's very seldom what we wanted or believed we would get." She paused, "And you're afraid that now, now that Kim's proactive again, and having goals for herself, now that you're merely a support for her, instead of being the one in charge, you'll take the opportunity to knock the pins out from under her."

….

"Yes." Bonnie finally whispered, and Cindy could hear the shame in her voice.

"First of all, Bonnie, few people who do that actually worry about it." Cindy said, "and secondly, if you had been intending to do that, you wouldn't have come to me for the final decision—you would have done everything you could have to keep people like me out of the decision, trusting in your ability to put on over on Kim and Shelly and your ability to dominate the rest of the cheer team." She nodded in the Gym's direction. "You didn't…but it does open up another conversation we should have had."

"What?"

"You didn't hate Kim, you wanted to be Kim."

"Freak fighting? Helloo." Bonnie indicated her immaculate nails. "Me? Please."

"How about siblings who actually loved you." Cindy said softly and a silence fell.

"I don't want to talk about it." Bonnie said in a dead voice.

"Not even to Tara?"

"She wouldn't understand."

"Probably not. Nor would Kim." Cindy said sadly. "I remember the talent show."

Now Bonnie winced, and turned red.

"Twelve years." Cindy continued, "How many hours a day."

"Usually about 3 sometimes four." Bonnie said, "It depends on the day—weekends sometimes more." She shrugged, "If you don't work, you backslide."

"And painful work." Cindy said, "And it came to…nothing, at the Talent show. You were beaten by someone who had put, oh, maybe five minutes of thought into it." She carefully watched Bonnie, the girls hands clenched, nails digging into her skin.

"So what did Kim say?" Cindy continued, "I couldn't hear."

"So much for the Rockwaller Family Tradition." Bonnie quietly said.

"Ouch." Cindy shrugged, "Of course her family was waiting for her. I noticed you left alone."

"Mom had a show, Dad was doing…something and Connie and Lonnie decided to leave, they didn't want to be associated with a failure." Bonnie said, her light tone belied by the moisture in her eyes. "I went home and nuked a pizza."

Probably not all you did. Cindy thought. She'd seen Bonnie the next day.

"And Kim was down there surrounded by her parents and siblings." Cindy said, "Must have pissed you off."

"She never…ever fuc-" Bonnie bit off the word, "even thinks about them, except to complain…well I mean, she doesn't now, but then…"

"I know." Cindy said and patted Bonnie's hand. "You don't hate Kim, Bonnie, you envy her. She has a family and siblings that build up instead of tearing down, parents who love her and let's be honest, I strongly, strongly doubt either your father or mother have the same claims on their time as one of the 20 best neurosurgeons in the nation and a leading aeronautical engineer who is also skilled In a dozen other fields." She laughed softly, "I have a friend at the space center and you would not believe how many times other private concerns have made the trek with brief cases full of money to try and convince him to move. Never works. He likes it here." She paused, "And yet they both make time for all their children." She looked out the window, "Kim complained about her siblings and parents, because Bonnie, I doubt she could even conceive of them being anything less than what they were. It's like a fish complaining about the water it swims in. You can argue it should be grateful, because it isn't flopping around on land, but the Fish quite simply has no referents to even make such a comparison. "

Bonnie knitted her hands together. "The only thing Lonnie and Connie have said about this whole thing is that now I can finally beat Kim Possible."

"Have you?"

"No!" She burst out, "I can't beat her, I…I don't' even know if I want to beat her. It was bad enough with everyone talking about how quickly I took over the cheer team, even though Kim asked me…. After everything I do…" She closed her eyes, squeezing out tears, "She goes and asks me to replace her."

Survivor's Guilt. To be expected. Cindy thought.

"And please don't say what my priest said."

"Oh?"

"That this is part of "God's Plan" to help me." She paused, "I don't want to worship some God that does something like this to somebody else so I can have a hallmark moment and get better."

"That's…" Cindy paused, "Well, I won't get into my belief's Bonnie, but I doubt he was saying that God set Kim up. But most churches accept that while free will allows for evil, God can make use of it, to bring forth good, without initiating the evil act or making it less evil."

"That sucks."

"It's often cold comfort, yes." She looked at Bonnie, "But I don't think you're entirely finished. How are you and Kim getting along now?"

"Better…lots better, she's actually pretty cool and she really does love the Twins, and-" Now Bonnie bit her lip and refused to talk.

"And…"

"I, nothing."

"And perhaps you're feeling guilty because it's only because Kim was so horribly hurt that you and her did manage to connect. Or maybe that you both wasted a fair amount of time before now." Bonnie didn't speak. Cindy leaned back and continued, "Bonnie, both you and Kim are type A, very, very in charge personalities. Fine, you don't' run out and fight freaks like Kim did. You did however choose a very difficult field, ballet that is dependent on self discipline. Kim saw the girl who could casually negotiate the sort of social minefield she's never really liked, and did things that reduced her to a puddle, as did you."

"Reduced Kim to a puddle?" Bonnie laughed.

"Of course. Remember who signed her up for the Talent show." Cindy said.

"I thought she was going to kill Ron." Bonnie said, a ghost of a smile.

"Not loser?"

"I-" Now she looked down, "No, Never again."

"Good. Since he's your friend now as well, being envious of him seems a bit redundant."

"I was, wasn't I." Bonnie laughed, "I mean, he was always there for Kim."

"Yep." Cindy smiled, "Bonnie, if you want to talk about this with me, feel free. If not, you probably should find someone else to talk about this with."

"It's hard."

"It always is. But as for Kim. Don't worry. The concerns you're talking about, your fears…those are the fears of a friend, not someone trying to justify a backstab. I'll give you one piece of advice—don't double think yourself. Don't doubt. You have friends, new friends, and yes, the situation around how that came to be was pretty horrible. That's the past, and this is the now. Go with the now, and don't overthink the past…or the future."

Bonnie nodded. "I…thanks." She got up to leave.

Cindy stopped her on the way out: "Bonnie?"

"Yes?"

"All this aside, if Kim does start to relapse into her steamroller mode and gives you grief about either how far she should push herself, or how ambitious the routine she wants to do is, feel free to consider me your 12 pound sledgehammer to pound some sense into her head."

"I…" Abruptly Bonnie smiled, "I was about to say I wouldn't need it, but this is Kim we're talking about, isn't it."

"Smart Girl." Cindy said, as Bonnie left, far less uncertainly than she'd come in.

And someone really needs to kick the collective ass of your family, Bonnie Rockwaller. Cindy thought.

TBC.