Chapter 1: Smooth, Suave, Sexy, and Stupid (Quadruple S's!)
by Starlet36

Disclaimer: Do NOT own Yu-Gi-Oh! Oh, and to say this wasn't partially inspired by the movie Hitch then I'd be lying but I've had this idea in my head for a long time. This fic will not be like the movie.
I hope you like it!


Dr. Love's Dating Service

We're here to help you, the common man!
Ever wanted the girl that was out of your league!
Ever thought that you could get her with just a little help?
Are you hopeless at dating?

Worry no more, because Dr. Love has answers! Three dates and I'll have you in your woman's arms. Then it will be up to you. But till then, withmy policy of never having once failed…

Love is Guaranteed.

(But that does not mean you aren't protected from doing some pretty embarrassing things...)

Call 555-545 today! –Dr. Love

Who was Dr. Love? The man that woman swooned over and men idolized? Well, if I told you, you'd probably laugh at first.
His name? Well, he didn't know it untilsome months ago. It was Atem, but truth be told he was rather more fond of Yami. Yes, Dr. Love was a former Pharaoh of Egypt.
Ironic? Very.
At 5'7 a young man in his late teens walked down the sidewalk with his hands in his leather jeans. Probably the first word that came to mind when you saw him was 'EXOTIC'. A clean crisp white shirt above the black leather was covered by a black leather jacket. But that wasn't what made him so exotic. It was not the carefully arranged contrasting gold jewelry around his arms that screamed it. Nor was it the exotic tri-colored hair of black adorned with fiery red tips, and golden bangs draped casually over his face that left you breathless…thoughthey did make a nice effect, no?
No, it was his eyes. The eyes of exotic crimson. The depthless ruby eyes so piercing that they seemed to know your soul, your innermost thoughts with just one look. Those were what made him so successful, so incredibly sexy…

And so incredibly prone to stupidity.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid!' Yami, or Dr. Love as his clients called him, scolded himself. He'd forgotten to set his alarm clock, woken up in a drunken haze on his bed, and had been so dazed and detached with reality that he didn't realize that his bed had an end. Thus the great pharaoh had landed in a tangled heap on the floor, cursing fate and the day he was kicked back onto Earth with a body. His poor royal heiny now had a bruise.

"Well, God forbid that," was his dear, caring hikari Yugi's response.
Bless his little heart for being so thoughtful.
(Ra, and he was supposed to be the 'light'. Tch, yeah right.)

So it was that a late, grumpy Yami had missed his duel and was now lazily walking down the streets of Domino with no client and thus jobless. He brushed a hand through his unruly, uncombed hair and gave a wink and a smirk to two passing blondes. As expected the two instantly gave a high-pitched giggle and started talking the language of 'girl talk' that no sane man could ever understand. But who said Yami was sane? He could just make out 'hot…sexy…and…OMG, he's checking me out!' but that was more than enough to keep his sore ego afloat. Really, it wasn't his fault that the girls were practically clambering over him. Well, that was what he kept telling himself. That and that his hair was natural.
Liar, liar pants on fire That would be the little voice in his head.
'But it is natural!' Great, now he was talking back to it, not a good sign.
...Oh in your dreams Pharaoh of the (cough)magickedhairgel(cough)

And they say that the first sign of insanity is the talking voices. Honestly, it really begins when you live more than a normal human should live…well, let's just say it does things to you.

Example? He knew what freshly baked muffins really meant by now. As to how he figured that out…(shudder) just don't ask...buthe had now promised himself to never ever use the Millennium Rod again. Another one? When he had no clients or duels…he watched Oprah religiously, and had now officially concluded that she was a mage who could get you to do practically anything. He often woke up bewildered in the morning with two pairs of must-have fuzzy unnecessary slippers, a book on feminism, and an odd desire to eat healthy.
But truly, deep down Yami was tired of being a ladies' man, he was tired of seeing his successful clients from Joey and Mai to Yugi and Rebecca so, so…happy. Ugh. Yes, ever since his fatal rejection by Princess Nephyt, Yami had been secretly longing the only thing he couldn't have…love.

But he'd rather let Kaiba win and Bakura become Pharaoh than admit that.

And that was saying something, Yami thought ruefully. He gave a smile to one of his grateful clients as he walked by with his new girlfriend on his arm. So he walked down the streets, watching, always watching life go on by. Couples kiss, couples break up, couples either make up or move on; really after a while any bimbo could see a pattern. Never once did he question his job, it madesurprisingly good pay (duel money puh-lease, no one unless you're a CEO can live on that paycheck) and he did enjoy his clueless clients. And his reputation in the men world as a sex idol for never having once failed to get a girl...was a nice little bonus. Hehad neverquestioned himself, not in duels, not in his job, nor in his lives...until he met HER.

Yami always managed to put away that nagging persistent voice that sounded too much like his hikari, that damn conscience that kept telling him:

Always watching, but never living...

It was ba-ack. Lovely. 'What do I know about living!' the Pharaoh thought bitterly to that annoying voice, 'techinically I'm already dead!'

Excuses, excuses. Crazy pharaoh, if you're so sure of yourself smart-ass then explain why Nephyt rejected you?

Yami had no answer to the Nephyt part of the question...but he did have a retort to the little voice
'I'm not crazy!' he said stubbornly in the same voice most toddlers use in defense that they didn't break the dish with their identical muddy handprints on it. Great defense.

Then why are you talking to me?

He had a point there.

You know that you're reaching rock bottom if you just got served by your own conscience/little voice. Yami merely glared at himself, the little voice, and turned to his technological planner/cell phone/text messenger, his bible. Literally. Hmmmmm, looks like he had one new voice mail. Funny, this person had managed to block his caller ID. Ah well; he pressed the button.

"I have called to ask of your…services (this seemed particularly hard for the man to say)…" came the deep businesslike voice. Yami raised his eyebrows at the man's haughty tone. "Meet me in the park at 3:00 p.m. sharp. Don't be late. Hold on." theman continued before pausing for aminute to talk to some executive. Yami's eyebrows became hidden under his bangs as he was astonished at the man's arrogance. He was put on hold! "...I'll be wearing a white trench coat, am 7 feet tall, and will be sitting in bench 63. If you're just a hoax as I believe you are…" the man pauses for a moment, and his voice becomes very icy and gains an intimidating growl. "then I will make your life a living hell for wasting my time." Click.

Yami's eyebrows were so high up that they becameliterally invisible. Well, he was friendly...NOT. One would think that it was the man who was in charge, and not Yami. Who did he think he was? Yami considered his plan of action.

This client was definitely going to be a challenge...BUT it was obvious with that overheard talk that he was loaded. And that was all that mattered, right?
But Yami had a familiar annoyed feeling as he thought over the man's arrogant, all-knowing attitude. Who knew that the benches even had numbers? Who even had the time to count them?
But more importantly…why in Ra's name did he sound so familiar?…

He was so lost in his thoughts that his stylus slipped from his fingers. He bent his head down and looked up.

It was then that he saw HER.

It was her slender fingers that gripped the black stylus and handed it back to Yami with a small smile. But it wasn't the pretty hands that captured his attention. With any other woman he would've given a flirtatious smile, a wink, and maybe if she was lucky, his phone number. No, it was her stunning azure eyes that held a mischievous 'I know something you don't' look in them. She had short rich mahogany hair that just brushed past her ears, and her whole body seemed to have a grace to it. It was entrancing...Yami shook his head, surprised at his foreign thoughts...
(Yami squinted up at her from the ground) She seemed awfully familiar as well…
Of, course Yami flashed her his most charming smirk as he glanced at her slender legs. He was just a guy after all.

Countdown till the giggles:

3…

Give it a moment.

2…

Hmmm, maybe she needed a little more persuasion. His crimson eyes were blasted to high on the sexy-o-meter.

1…

Okay, raise the sexy-o-meter to lust…

0…

Huh! Sexy-o-meter has reached dangerous level! Danger, danger, you're going down! Nooooooooo…BOOM.

Why wasn't she giggling! She merely flashed him a smirk in reply. She put the pen in his pocket, straightened his jacket, and gave his bang a tweak before getting out of his proximity. No one, and he meant NO ONE was allowed to touch his hair. Ask the K.O.'d half of Domino that were still murmuring dazedly to themselves "But it looked like a wig…"
But she did. And Yami did nothing to stop her. Weird.

"Nice seeing you…Pharaoh Atem," she whispered, eyes glittering in mirth at his stupefied expression.

So of course he was extremely distracted by this beautiful yet odd girl as he sprung up like he'd been electrocuted. What the-? How did she-?
The girl's grin only grew wider as she fought to hide giggles beneath a hand. She was laughing AT HIM!
(TT)…Hmph, this day just got weirder and weirder…What else could go wrong?

Ah, the dreaded question that has gotten humanity into trouble for so many ages. Foras everysane, non-Pharaoh human shouldknows:never tempt fate.

So of course Yami didn't see the full garbage can in front of him.

So…do you like? Should I continue?I would love to know your thoughts on it! Lame, boring, good, bad? (Oh yeah, to readers of my other fic, 'Hikariness', I'll update as soon as I can)
If Ch. 2 is written it will be about Dr. Love's new client…and just take a wild guess as to who he is…

PLZ R & R! (You'd be making an authoress very happy!)

Starlet36