" I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, no da! There they are all standing in a row, no da! Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head, no da!"
Hotohori and Tama-Neko watched in wide-eyed fascination, if not horror, as Chichiri danced gaily around on the dining table, singing his drugged-up little heart out.
Hotohori squeaked and held the trembling feline close. " I'm still scared!" he whimpered.
" Hotohori-sama! There's something crawling up your face, no da!"
" What!" the Emperor shrieked, rubbing furiously at his face.
" Oh, never mind, no da. It was just your ugliness, no da. Ah! It could be contagious, no da! RUN!" With that Chichiri stuffed another dozen 'magical cookies' into his mouth, then leapt out of the window.
Tama-Neko mewed and struggled out of Hotohori's grip. He padded swiftly over to the window and peered out of it. " Oh, my. Hotohori-sama, Chichiri-san is trying to mate with a willow tree!"
" Ewww! I didn't need to know tha-- HUH! OMG! A talking cat!"
" Actually, I think it's just the cookies talking," Tama-Neko replied.
" Yes, it is," agreed a mysterious voice from nowhere.
" OMG! A mysterious voice from nowhere!" Hotohori shrieked, stuffing more cookies into his mouth... among other orifices. (You know, like his, er, nose. Yeah, his nose...)
" Yes, I am."
" Are you my mummy?"
" I can if you want me to be."
" So... you're NOT my mummy?"
" ... No."
And then suddenly Hotohori wakes up and realises that it was all a horrible, drug-induced dream! Well, the part about the talking cat and the mysterious voice. Chichiri was still mating with a tree...
Meanwhile back with Tasuki, Nuriko and all the other characters who's names I've forgotten... Nakago had stopped feeling up the tree, and remembered why he'd dragged his Seishi here in the first place.
" Because today is 'Nakago-sama's happy, sparkly, friendship strengthening outing!', I wanted to visit you lovely Suzaku's and talk about what's really important," Nakago started, his eyes sparkling gleefully. " That dazzling emotion that we all love: Love. Because, quite frankly, love makes the world go round."
" No it doesn't, you idiot!" bellowed Nuriko, leaping to his feet. " Love is for sissies who wear ladies underwear!"
" Oooh! He said 'underwear'! That's such a naughty word!" Tasuki exclaimed.
" Nuriko-sama is so the masculinity!" swooned Chiriko, drooling profusely.
" Anyway, ignoring Mr. Grumpy Goose, here, let me please continued. Everybody, sit down upon the ground and feel the grass beneath your asses," Nakago said, urging everybody to take a seat. (take a seat kid, take a god damn seat!)
" Er, alright," everyone agreed reluctantly.
" Ground is for sissies, too," Nuriko muttered, grudgingly sitting beside the Seiryuu Seishi. " We should be floating in the air, like a Ninja."
Ashitare looked down at his pink dress, and whimpered sadly. " Aww, I got a stain on my dress. I'm sad now..." And with that, he imploded.
" Like, OH EM GEE! I've just realised; I loved Ashitare! I love him so much that I'm going to eat his remains!" Soi announced, leaping upon Ashitare's carcass. " I'm, like, such a cannonball!"
Tomo blinked at her owlishly. " Er, you mean a cannibal?"
" Totally!"
" Never mind about that sick freak!" shouted Nuriko. " I've just realised what I have to do to confirm my masculinity! I've got to become a super hero!"
" You mean like Nuriko-man, master of the universe?" asked Suboshi.
"Yeah! Because I've got the strength of ten bears! I'll even have a theme song!"
Cue the music!
NURIKO-MAN! And the idiots of the Universe.
I am Nuriko, some dude from Konan, defender of the secrets of my underwear.
This is Tasuki, my sissy friend.
Fabulous secret powers were revealed to me the day I held aloft my magic gauntlets and said: "By the power of this funny mark on my chest"
NURIKO-MAN!
"I have the power to be manly!"
Tasuki became the mighty Booze Cat.
And I became Nuriko-Man, the most powerful man in the universe.
Only three others share this secret.
Our friends the Miko, Hotohori hiding under a table and Chiriko.
Together we defend Konan palace from the evil forces of Nakator. Er, Nakago.
NURIKO-MAN!
" The cookies, dude! They make everything sparkly, no da!" screamed Chichiri, ripping off his clothes and jumping into a nearby pond. " I can see the music!"
Miaka and Tamahome, having donated their money at Orphans 'R' us, were now making their way along the dusty path back to the Konan palace. Tamahome with his eye injury, Miaka with her psychotic expression.
" Miaka-chan, I really don't like the fact that you stabbed me in the eye," Tamahome whimpered, holding a bedraggled scrap of cloth up to his bleeding eye.
" You deserved it, you freak!" Miaka snapped, glaring daggers at anyone unfortunate enough to enter her field of vision. " Imagining freaking Nakago in a freaking Sailor Fuku. But the worst part is, you actually gave them some of our freaking money! I already told you I wanted to use it to buy some freaking weaponry!"
" I can't help being a generous person..." Tamahome mumbled sheepishly.
" Snarl!"
" Er, can I have my pen back?"
" No, it's mine now! In me power! Mwahaha!"
" Are you feeling all right?"
" Well," Miaka began uncertainly. " I did eat some of Chichiri's cookie's before we left."
" The cookie's, dude! They're magical!"
Tamahome blinked. " ... Who said that!"
" Love is like a big basket of apples," Nakago sighed, his hands clasped together wistfully. " All red and shiny."
" And sometimes they've got maggots in them," Amiboshi added, glancing around nervously. " They're watching me, too. Just like the birds!"
" Be quiet, Aniki!" ordered Suboshi. " I'm trying to contemplate the apple that is love."
Miboshi chose this moment to pluck an apple down from a nearby tree, and take a big, snappy bite out of it. " Yummy, yummy, yummy, I've got love in my tummy," he sang happily.
" Gasp! You just ate love! Bad baby, very bad baby!" Nakago scolded, smacking him upside the head.
Nuriko gave them all a sour look. " The Seiryuu Seishi are so stupid and sissy. What a bunch of sissies."
And then Hotohori fell on him.
" Er, sorry about that, Nuriko," Hotohori apologised, pulling himself off of the purple-haired Seishi. " It's just that... I was so upset by how ugly I am, and all the crazy crap going on, that I... gave in and ate the cookie's!"
" OMG! NO!" everyone exclaimed.
And then naked Chichiri fell on them.
" Like, hey!" Yui shouted angrily at the author. " I haven't, like, said anything in this chapter!"
" That's because I hate you."
" ... You're mean!"
And now it's time for... NURIKO-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!
Episode 1: Nuriko-man and his bitches beats the crap out of some bad guys!11
" Look, Booze Cat, The Miko... the rest of you! It's some evil dudes!" Nuriko-man shouted, posing manishly.
" Tee-hee, you're right," giggled Tasuki-- er, Booze Cat. " Let's punch those bad boys!"
" Let's shoot bullets out of our guns!" The Miko screamed, charging at the enemy, wielding a machine gun.
" There's a table stuck on my back!" Hotohori cried.
" Never fear, fellow overly-strong characters!" Nuriko-Man said. " For I shall defeat those villains with the fabulous power of my gauntlets! ... Or something."
" Mwahaha! I'm evil!" cackled Nakator. " I kill you now!"
" Stab them! Stab those pigs!" roared Chiriko.
Stab! Punch! Kick! Gauntlet! Nakator! My spleeeeeen!
" Right, they're all dead," Nuriko announced, dusting off his hands. " Let's go get some food."
End of episode! See you in the exciting episode of NURIKO-MAN AND THE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE!
The end! See you next time… if there is one!