Disclaimer: Gundam wing is not mine.

Warnings: Deathfic.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

He's gone again.

He always leaves after one of our fights. Goes to his sister and the circus for a few days.

He always comes back. He always accepts my apologies. He always says that he understands.

My spaceheart makes things difficult for us.

It tells me when he yearns after others.

Especially him.

I always know when Trowa has seen him. His heart gets so happy.

Not like it is with me. He loves me, but it's not- light, not happy like that….

It makes me depressed. That makes him sadder. He doesn't like hurting me. I tell him that he should leave, that he should just go and be happy.

He says he wants to stay. He says he loves me and he knows that I love him.

I don't think my love is good for him.

I tell him to go. He says he's staying. We fight, and he leaves.

What will happen if he never comes back? Will I just wait here hoping he'll come back? Will he send someone to get his things?

How will I live without him?

I put my cheek against the smooth glass in the window. It's cool and hard, and yet I know I could put my fist through it, shatter that coolness…

I wish I could shatter Trowa's heart… I wish I had the power to break it like he has the power to break mine.

I know you see, that Trowa doesn't just go to see his sister.

I know that he also goes to see him.

They talk. They have lunch. They confide in each other.

Trowa and I don't do that.

I lift my fist without thinking and strike the glass. The air fills with sparkling shards that rain down around me, out the window and onto the driveway below. I can feel blood welling from multiple tiny cuts all over my skin.

My hand and arm are a mess. Red, dripping…

"Quatre!"

Trowa's here? I look towards the doorway. Trowa is standing there, shocked.

Behind him… why is he here?

Did he come to take Trowa away from me?

But Trowa's never really been mine…

They start towards me and I get to my feet, standing in the window seat, feeling the glass cut deeper.

"Quatre- don't move!" Trowa looks over his shoulder. "Go call an ambulance!"

He nods and vanishes.

"Quatre- just stay still. Let me come to you…" Trowa begins picking his way across the carpet, avoiding the glass, his eyes on mine, watching me closely.

I can feel the panic/fear/worry rising off of him. Underneath that is pain…

That's all I've given Trowa.

"I'm sorry Trowa." I tell him. "I don't mean to hurt you."

"I know you don't, beloved. I don't mean to hurt you either." He's getting closer.

"I want you to be happy."

"I know, love." He's nearly here. I can't let him touch me. I can't let him take me back into his life. He has a chance to be happy-

and all I have to do is take a single step.

He's reaching out to me, hands brushing the sides of my sleeves.

I step backwards. Just one step.

The glass slices me as I go through the shattered window.

I hear Trowa screaming my name.

There is pain. My pain. His pain.

But mine is over, and his will be too.

He'll be happy.

Just like I am.