I Am A Jedi No More
Author: LVB
Summary: AU viggie. Anakin revisits his past at an important family moment.
Disclaimer: Star Wars belongs to George Lucas. All rights reserved.
I used to be a Jedi. But that was a long time ago.
I used to wear those brown Jedi robes, the ones that allowed my body to move and bend.
I used to have a lightsaber – a Jedi's weapon of choice – attached on my belt.
I once had a small padawan braid.
Many things changed in the journey of my padawan braid. I lost battles with that braid attached to me .But I also gained so much; I married the love of my life. Yes, I was quite attached to my braid. But of course, the moment I received my Knighthood, the padawan braid was gone.
Severed.
Destroyed.
My old Master cut it off himself in a quiet moment between the Clone Wars. It was one of the happiest moments in my life – as a Jedi. Little did my Master know, I secretly kept that padawan braid. It was symbolic of the many years I trained as a padawan. It represented the hardships, the struggles and the obstacles. But it also reminded me of how a padawan learner grew up to become a Jedi Knight.
Yes, I had been proud to be a Jedi.
I continued to fight in the Clone Wars, as the Jedi did back then. We lost many to the Separatists yet we continued to fight for the Republic. I cannot erase the image of the scattered lightsabers that were mingled amongst the flesh and blood that stained our battlegrounds.
We lost so much in those Wars.
In retrospect, I feel the guilt that comes hand in hand with my deception. I openly broke the holy Jedi Code. I betrayed the Order. It was not anger. It was not hatred.
It was love.
By the time the Wars were at a close, I didn't feel like a Jedi at all. I would have suffered the fate of my expulsion then and there if it weren't for the rise of the Sith. I could have turned my back on the Order, but I didn't.
I couldn't.
I was the Chosen One.
Juggling love, life and the fate of the Chosen One was not easy. Yes, the darkness tried to take me. I could hear it whispering and taunting me.
Anakin Skywalker, it said.
You were the Chosen One…
It nearly got me. The Sith nearly got me.
Yet, as I looked down at my Jedi Master I remembered my padawan braid, locked away in my wife's dressing table on Naboo. I remembered the hardships and the obstacles. I remembered the way of the Jedi Code – not to love.
But I also remembered the smiling face of my Master when I was knighted. I remembered the whispers of potential my higher Jedi Masters had made. I looked evil in the face that day and I made my choice.
That day I truly was the Chosen One.
I escaped the darkness. I plunged my lightsaber – my Jedi weapon – into the heart of the Sith Master.
I destroyed the Sith Order. I was a Jedi.
But, I recall, it was not for the Jedi Order. No. My motives were – and still are – of a selfish nature. Because not only did I see the Jedi in that brief moment between the light and the darkness; I saw my wife.
I saw her happy and smiling; I saw us together, living out of the shadows of the Order. I saw us laughing. I saw a future.
The Jedi praise did nothing for me. I was the Chosen One, yes. But I was no longer a Jedi.
Under the Jedi Code, I was expelled from the Order.
A Jedi shall not know anger. Nor hatred. Nor love.
Yes, love.
The next day Padme Skywalker gave birth.
I knew that day that my fate was not to be a Jedi anymore. I had a higher purpose.
Expulsion was my saviour.
And as I look at my wife, she is smiling.
Yes, I am married to Chancellor Padme Skywalker. She is smiling as she watches our son get his padawan braid cut. She stands next to Senator Leia Skywalker of Naboo.
My old Master, Obi-Wan stands behind him. He smiles as he moves the scissors away from his head. Yes, the Master cuts the padawan braid.
Luke does not wish to keep his.
But I secretly take it from Obi-Wan and put it next to my padawan braid.
I am a Jedi no more.
But, I am happy.
OK, so the AU spawns off from where Anakin decides ultimately not to destroy Mace; but to kill Palpatine instead. He is the Chosen One therefore, in my opinion, he can do it because he has the will of the Force.