Disclaimer: I know you've seen this a million times, but I have to do it anyway. I don't own Harry Potter or any Harry Potter-related things, such as a cauldron. That takes up too much room. I do, however, own the little sanity I have, of which I put none into this "story".
Summary: Warning: Randomness and Hilarity ensues. A bunch of encounters between Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Draco leave Ron believing he's Gollum, Draco bursting into song, Hermione slightly homicidal, and Harry twitching. My philosophy through this all – Randomness is the Mother of Delight.
A/N: This really isn't a story. It's just a bunch of random conversations my friend and I had while we were in Biology. In order to enjoy this, you need to have a strange sense of humor and be open to randomness. There are a few innuendos between some of the characters, but nothing extreme, and I'm not trying to offend anyone, so if I do, sorry. Feel free to write whatever you want in reviews, if you write them. Compliments will be unexpected and insults will be fun to read.
I don't really know where they are, so just make something up. It's mainly just Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Draco, but other characters randomly pop up every now and then. We also bring in some things from other movies, TV shows, etc. I'll try to keep track of them. Oh, and any parts that are inside jokes that my friend and I have I will explain at the bottom.
For the few of you who were reading this a while ago, and were wondering what the hell happened to it…it was kicked off. Apparently you're not allowed to submit something in script form. Therefore, my friend Evelynn Michelle Malfoy has graciously decided to help put it into story form. Hope it's even more funerrific (yes, that is now legally a word)!
Chapter 1: Day 1
"I had a dream about you yesterday, Potter," Draco Malfoy stated somewhat randomly.
Harry Potter twitched upon hearing this. "What about?" he inquired. Thinking about what this dream could have possibly been about he brightened and ventured a guess. "Was I painted with blue squiggles?
'What?' Draco thought, clearly thinking the other boy was mad and belonged in St. Mungo's with Lovegood and his former professor. He decided to clarify things, "No…but you did have a lot of hair for some reason and were lying in Weasley's lap."
"Oh, well that's normal. Why couldn't I have blue squiggles?" Harry whined.
"Oh, thanks for the MENTAL IMAGES!" screamed Malfoy, much like a little girl would when confronted with a purple dinosaur.
"Stop screaming! I'm trying to study. Harry, stop scaring Malfoy," Hermione ordered, automatically assuming that everyone would obey, because, after all, she did know everything!
"I am not scared," Draco pouted and began to brood in a way that only a Malfoy could.
'Scared-y ferret' Harry thought, smirking. He then decided to muddle the other boy's mind a bit. "Then he runs his fingers through my raven black hair, and…"
At this point in our tale, Ronald Weasley decided to join the fun. "OH MY GOD!" he bellowed and then immediately retched.
"Ron! Someone will hear you!" Hermione yelled. Anything that could have attracted the attention of a teacher was not alright in her book. Or worse! It could have gotten them thrown out! That would make them seem like delinquents! That would be bad. Very bad indeed.
"Oh, Weasley, Potter was just telling me about your secret love life. Sounds lemony. So, had any nasty dreams about Potter?" Draco smirked, waiting for the redhead to respond.
"Actually..." Ron began, but was cut off by Harry.
"Hermione, shut him up."
"What am I suppose to do? I'm just an annoying know it all. I saw you and Ron whispering about it yesterday," she accused, looking irritated and she also had a look on her face that clearly said 'nah na nah na na.'
"Are you sure they weren't just kissing?" Malfoy inquired, looking deeply interested.
Harry took a deep breath, "Feel the tension, push it away…"
"DEMENTED STAR!" Ron shouted, making his limbs move in all sorts of interesting positions with a look of deep concentration gracing his features.
"Shut up, Ron!" Harry screamed.
Draco began twitching, "What the hell?"
"Don't even ask," Hermione informed him, taking her all time favourite book Hogwarts, A History and hitting both boys over the head with it. Ron lurched forward and slammed his head into a desk on the way down. Needless to say he was unconscious.
"Ron?" Hermione questioned, she poked him in the middle of the forehead. She then decided, conscious or not, that she would scold him. "Ron, you're drooling on my book."
"Oh, look, he wears Chudley Canon boxers. How cute," Draco cooed.
"Ch...udley...Can...nons...rule..." Ron mumbled sleepily, before snoring once more.
"Oh, god," Hermione groaned.
Draco poked Ron none too gently. "Hey, I think Weasley stopped breathing."
"OH GOD!" Harry moaned. Ron twitched and then fell face first into Draco's lap.
"Hi, Harry," Ron opened his eyes and said sort of dazed.
"That means nothing!" Harry shouted defensively.
Draco began to twitch some more, "Ugh...ew..." he mumbled, "...ah..." His eyes rolled back and he fell off of the chair.
"What did he say?" asked Hermione, scolding herself because she had to ask one of these idiots a question. She knew EVERYTHING!
"I don't know," Harry responded, shaking his head slightly. At this point Ron slid off of the chair and somehow his arm landed across Draco's 'backside.'
"Harry! What if someone comes in and…?" Hermione began, scandalized. At this point, Snape walked in and froze. He stared at the scene before him and then slowly turned around and left, locking the door behind him.
"Right, that's settled then!" Harry then hugged Hermione.
"What are you doing!" Hermione asked, confused for once in her short existence.
Harry looked more confused than he usually does, "I don't know..."
"Then put me down," Hermione stated calmly.
"Kay..." Harry shrugged and then promptly dropped her.
"OW! Harry!" Hermione shrieked and then jumped. "Draco!"
"Sorry…thought it was your hand," Draco mumbled. Hermione leapt up and clutched her bum glaring at him.
"You're such an ass," Harry stated, kicking the guilty party.
"Draco hands...hands of Draco! Ugh!" Hermione began twitching.
"I know...it's horrible," Harry agreed, but then stretched out his arms. "Hug?"
"NO! Ugh, I'm swearing off boys!" Hermione bleated, disgusted. At this point, Ron wakes up, steps on his robes, and reintroduces his face to the floor.
"Ow."
"Oh, my god," Hermione slapped her face into her hand.
Draco gasped, "You used the lord's name in vain! You're going to burn in hell!" He then paused, looked at his pointing finger, and slowly lowered his arm. "Sorry, momentary brain malfunction. Weasley, get your hand off of my arse!"
"What? Aagh! Diseases!" Ron began to flail about, knocking Hermione's ink all over her books in the process.He then gasped and pleaded, "Please don't jinx me..."
"Ron, I'll give you to the count of 5…1, 2, 5!" Hermione shouted and then took off after the offending redhead.
"Whoa!" Draco whistled. "Look at her go!
"I'll kill you!" Hermione shrieked.
"Damn..." Harry said slowly.
"AAAAUUUUGGHHH!" Ron shouted.
"Run, Weasley, you long-legged freak!" Draco shouted, and then added as an afterthought. "I should have brought popcorn."
"IIIIEEEYY!" Hermione shrieked.
"Go, Xena!" shouted Draco.
"You're such an arse," Harry told the blonde boy.
"HELP! HELP!" Ron pleaded. "Uh...oh geez...uh...you look very pretty today."
Hermione took a deep breath and then smacked Ron. "Okay, I'm good."
"What the hell! I wanted to see him turned into a bloody pulp…or at least a pig!" Needless to say, Draco was very disappointed.
"That's it? I'm alive! Whee!" Ron squealed with glee.
"Shut up, Weasley."
HP: deep breathe Feel the tension, push it away…
RW: DEMENTED STAR!
- My friend and I went to the United Kingdom over the summer on a student program, and while we were there, this group of people called Full On showed us some random games and exercises. One of them had movements and went like so:
"Big star, little star, Big star, little star
Feel the tension, push it away, etc…"
And every now and then one of them would randomly shout 'demented star' and twist in a funky shape. Yes, it was retarded, and I did not understand it, but I don't care.
And for those of you who watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which I love, I did make a reference to the episode Something Blue.
"Draco hands…hands of Draco"