Pain, Promises and Love

I didn't know that it was possible to feel this much pain in one life
But it became all to real the second that Gideon took out his knife
He didn't think about the pain that it would cause us in the end
If only I had known that he was never truly my friend
It was for the greater good he would always say
That's the bastard's excuse for taking my son's life that day

I sit back and I wonder how I could have stopped him dead in his tracks
Then I remember no matter how hard I try, I can never bring my son back
The tears are falling from my eyes as I bang my fist up against the wall
How can he kill him and pretend that his life meant nothing at all
The betrayal of it all is warring heavy on my heart
Because of what he did I can never hold my son without falling apart

His mother says to me that he's not dead and we should move on
But she wasn't the one who held him till his last breath was gone
I try to keep quite as I continue to release my anger and pain
Knowing I can't I go out and stand in the pouring rain

As the water pours over my face I pray that my memory will be erased
I can't take it any more knowing that my friend betrayed me in the worse way
Part of me wishes that it was me who died on that day
Then out of nowhere blue orbs fill my arms and I look down into my little boy's face
He laughed and smiled at me as the rain drops poured down as if it were a race

I run in the house as fast as I can to shield him from the rain
He giggles as we sit looking into each other's eyes and the pain I feel lessens in size
I can feel a calm that hadn't felt in a long time return
With my baby boy's smile comes a lesson learned

Through all of the feelings of pain and betrayal that I've held on to so dear
For all the time spent dwelling on the past I should be holding him near
I love you Chris, I whisper to him and he falls asleep in arms
It was at that moment that I make a promise to keep him safe from harm

I won't let anyone hurt him again and I'll be more careful of the people I call friend
I kiss him slightly and think about the man that I know he will turn out to be
I smile widely as I know that he will grow to be much stronger than me

I hear a noise and look up to see my other boy and his mother staring back at me
She takes the seat next to me and smiles down at our brave little boy
Then Wyatt tries to give his sleeping brother a toy
We smile at the confusion and hurt look on his face as his brother doesn't react
A that point some happier memories come flooding back
I look into her eyes and remember how much energy it takes to cry all those tears
I then decided to put away all of my pain and fears

Instead I'll be the kind of father that both my sons need and can be proud of
And become the husband that made your mother fall in love
Suddenly the rain stops and I could feel myself being free and happy for the first time since the other Chris went away
I smile as I look at the baby sleeping in my arms knowing that I will see my brave son again some day.