Disclaimer and goodies: I don't own Suikoden, or its characters, plots, etc; Konami does. Please don't sue me, because I don't have enough money to hire a lawyer. This story is for Suikoden III, and definitely contains some SPOILERS! So, unless you finished the game, read at your own risk. The basic premise is that so many of the characters need therapy of some form or other…Oh, and don't forget to review!

Suikoden Therapy:

"Good afternoon, everybody!" Mio greeted the room cheerfully as she opened the door into the hospital wing. She was dressed, as always, in her nurse uniform, and carrying a clipboard in one arm.

There was some grumbling and dark looks as she entered and took a seat, but no cheerful replies. Very few of the occupants were here of their own free wills.

Mio glanced around, taking stock of who was here. She blinked, her gaze settling on a brown-haired stranger sitting in one corner.

"And who might you be?" she asked curiously.

The strange girl pulled her pen out of her mouth. "I'm the fanfic author, and I need therapy just as much as any of them."

"Well, alright, I guess," Mio assented to her presence dubiously. She was very little fazed, however, and got right down to business. "Everyone, please be seated in a circle."

Most did not want to do this, but Mio was a nurse, capable of giving them vile concoctions the next time they were ill if they disobeyed her today. It was probably best to comply with her wishes, and get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Alright, let's go around the circle, and everyone can say their names and why they are here. Hugo, you start."

"Why me?" the Karayan demanded.

"Because you're the only Flame Champion candidate here, and everyone knows who you are," Mio replied calmly.

"So why do I have to introduce myself?" the teenager pressed.

"Please…just…speak," Mio begged.

Hugo shrugged. "I'm Hugo of Karaya."

"And why are you here, Hugo?"

Hugo tilted his chair back and looked at the ceiling. In a low, fast voice, he replied, "Becausemyvillageburneddownandmybestfrienddiedand I Have to Travel with a DUCK!"

Mio blinked. "Alright, we can work with that. Who's next?"

A blond man in armor scowled at the floor. "I'm Borus, of Zexen. And…"

"And he has problems," Hugo snorted.

Borus scowled at the Karayan. "Watch it, kid!"

"I'm Kidd!" shrilled the detective.

"People, please. One at a time," Mio cried, trying to regain control of a rapidly degenerating situation. "Borus, why are you here?"

Borus looked back at the floor. "Because I let my emotions get out of control, and it's been haunting me ever since."

Mio nodded, pleased. "Very good. Next?"

"I'm Ace, and nobody appreciates me."

"Uh-huh, but why are you here, Ace?" Mio asked.

"Because he drinks too much, and got dumped," Kidd snickered. Ace kicked him.

"And you, Kidd?"

The detective shuddered and studied his hands. "While investigating for my clients, my life was threatened, multiple times." A few of the others chuckled at this, glad the nosy detective had gotten what he deserved.

"That's not nice!" Mio scolded. "You should support each other."

"Fat chance," snickered Ceaser, shooting dirty looks at his brother.

"Whose idea was it to include them?" demanded Borus, pointing to the four antagonists.

"And aren't they dead?" asked Hugo with some confusion and anger, staring at Luc and Sarah.

The fic writer cleared her throat. "Seeing as this is my fic, I brought them back. And you have to admit that some of them really need therapy. Luc, for instance."

"I…want…to…die," Luc said in a sorrowful monotone. "Why won't you just let me die?"

"Master Luc, don't say such things," Sarah begged tearfully.

"Well, I guess we know why they need therapy," Ceaser remarked darkly.

"What about Landis?" Hugo asked, glancing at the winger who had remained silently in a corner until now.

"Yuh-huh-huh, the Grim Reaper will have us all," Landis announced. Borus shuddered.

"Oh, I get it," Hugo said densely.

"What about you two?" Mio asked.

"Have you met our employer?" asked Reed in a high-pitched voice.

"Don't anyone tell her about this, okay?" Samus requested hoarsely.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Hugo assured them, glancing at the door nervously.

"Alright," Mio said, mystified. "And you, Rody?"

Rody pressed his hands together between his knees. "I don't know."

The fic writer snorted and tapped her pen against her paper. "He's very messed up, thanks to Estella. Just…go with that."

Mio nodded. "Right." She turned to the boy sitting nervously next to Kidd. "And you?"

"I don't know what the deal here is," the big man on the boy's other side boomed belligerently, "but we're leaving right now!"

"Don't move a muscle!" the fic writer commanded, pointing her pen at the thief, who seemed fixed in place by her glare. "You're here, Billy, because you are a seriously dysfunctional family. The same goes for Ceaser and Albert, and for Goro."

"Now wait just a minute. I want nothing to do with Albert!" Ceaser protested.

Albert stiffened and said coldly, "It's not my fault if Ceaser is so far beneath my capacity that he feels inferior."

"I rest my case," the fic writer said, smirking. "And Goro has an unhealthy rivalry with his father. And he is obsessed with baths."

Mio made a note of this, and glanced at the ninja. "And you, Ayame?"

"…"

The nurse glanced at the fic writer for an explanation. The girl grinned broadly, and explained, "An obsession with killing Watari, without any sort of actions intended to accomplish the deed."

"…"

"Uh-huh," Mio said slowly. Then, she glanced at the Harmonian priest.

"I'm High Priest Sasarai. My brother betrayed me, and…and…he made my life meaningless!" The priest broke down in sobs. Luc gave his brother a look that said "How pathetic, but now you see my point."

"And lastly…" Mio turned reluctantly to the man in black who had remained sitting in a corner. She had run across this creature during the Second Fire-bringer War. She had often been in place as a support character, and been forced to patch up the Flame Champion after a run-in with the demon.

Yuber's mismatched eyes sparkled with malice and pure evil. "I like to kill things."

"Uh, yes." Mio made a short note on her clipboard, and then glanced around at everyone. "I think we have a few too many to do this efficiently, so perhaps it would be best if we did this in smaller groups. I'll see each of you at some point next week, alright?"

"They'll be here," the fic writer promised maliciously. She stood and walked across the room to the door. When Ace reached the door a second later, planning on heading down to Anne's bar for some booze, the girl was nowhere to be seen.

Luc and co teleported out of the castle, and the others dispersed with various feelings of foreboding. But alas, there was nowhere they could run from the sick machinations of a fic writer with an idea!