A/N: This is it, guys. Finis. I just can't thank you enough for honoring me by having read this phic. Thank you so very much to all of my reviewers: lilinnocentvivi, gryffingirl77, Lily, DarkPriestessofAssimbya, The New Marguerite, Lydiby, phantomy-cookies, and Anna. You were the ones who let me know that someone was reading, and each of your reviews brightened my day. Thanks also to my beta-readers, SingForMe and Masque de Nuit, for having put up with a few of my chapters along the way.
If after this chapter you find yourself pining away for more Crazy!Charlotte, may I suggest that you check out my source of inspiration? I am guilty of finding inspiration from the short story The Yellow Wallpaper, written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman. Yes, the author's name is Charlotte, and it's assumed that she is the narrator. Just Google the story and the author, and I'm pretty sure you'll find a free e-text version somewhere on the web. I borrowed so much from The Yellow Wallpaper and Gilmans' life that I really should have written LLOTS as either a crossover or a phantomized version of TYW.
Disclaimer: I do not own POTO or The Yellow Wallpaper. Please don't sue me. ;)
My other source of inspiration was Phantoms of the Mind by Carrie Hernandez. As of right now, it's not available online. You'll either have to buy it in her published novel of short POTO stories called Angel of Music: Tales From the Phantom of the Opera or you'll have to wait until she publishes the e-text version. I strongly encourage you to read it – it is an amazing story.
Much love and gratitude,
Senna, finished
P.S. Reread the tree part of Chapter 3 after you finish this chapter. It should make more sense now.
The tree smells sweet. It is springtime, and the dead, tangled branches now sprout beautiful pink blossoms and springy, green leaves. The bark is young, strong. Little ants and beetles crawl up and down the bark, living, searching.
I look down from where I sit, through the foliage and branches. Down, so far below, there are houses. There is also my house. But further away, there is a great forest, dark in the shade of its trees.
But here there is sunlight. Sunbeams alight on my face, sunbeams twist through my hair. The light warms me, comforts me, as no human could ever do.
I turn my face upwards, up towards the heavens. The sky is a clear, clear blue, as clear as an untroubled, innocent soul. No dark, menacing clouds dance across the blue. No shades or shadows blot the clear day.
I feel tired.
I feel fatigued.
I am weak.
My headache has grown stronger.
How my head pounds!
The doctors tell me differently, but I know what is wrong with me.
I escaped the shades. I escaped the Siren, escaped my husband, escaped the shades of the cellars, escaped the shades in the attic. I ignored the Angel of Music. I never remarried. I have not seen Adele since. I fold my clothing only once, put away my violin only once.
The last I heard of Adele, she was growing into a respectable young Parisian lady. Poor thing – she'll never know freedom now.
When I finally left my cage and walked freely, the shades disappeared from my mind.
I live on my own now. I work for my own money.
By all standards, I am free.
Yet not so free.
For though I do not hear from my Angel anymore, and though I have ceased all contact with my husband or my daughter, and though the Siren is most certainly dead, I am not completely free.
Still the madness is in my head. Still that shade consumes me, eats away at me, destroys me. It is in my head, all centered in my head. It causes me great pain. I can scarcely think. I faint. I can do nothing.
The doctors, of course, tell me there is no shade. That the thing which tears away at my brain, and leaves me with pounding, inexplicable headaches and exhaustion is simply cancer.
Cancer.
Cancer.
I am not free.
I have taken advantage of every right I have.
The right to work.
The right to divorce.
The right to never remarry.
Yet there is one right I have not yet taken advantage of…
I again stare at the ground, stare at the sky. Oh, how free I would feel if I could simply leap into the air and fly away! I would be like a dove, a bird of the sunlight, a bird of peace, flying away away away!
I believe there is one more right that is mine.
Just as we reserve the right to live, we also reserve the right to die.
I will not let this cancer consume me, this shade destroy my mind. I will destroy it first. A body is only a shell after all! The mind lives on, forever!
I will not let the shade take my mind. I will not spend my lifetime dying. No one shall make my decisions. I shall walk away on my own.
You stare up at me from the ground. Your expressionless face, your motionless body. You have nearly faded, become invisible. Yet I still remember you. And still you speak, still you goad me into action.
You laugh at me. You think I cannot do it. You think I cannot make this final leap.
You underestimate me.
You should be glad I was such a willing student.
The tree branch is sturdy. It supports my weight, even as I balance precariously on it. I crawl towards the end of the branch.
I close my eyes. I let go of the branch. I spread my arms.
I leap out into the air…
I am a bird, flying into the sunlight. Free to land, free to fly. No one shall clip my feathers this time, no one shall throw me into a cage. I am free. Free! The sunlight beckons, the ground approaches, faster and faster.
But I am free!
I am free!
FIN.