A/N- Okay, I'm now posting this story for what seems like the millionth time. My account was recently erased for no reason and I had to make a new one. This is hermyandron4evr, but the site wouldn't let me use the 4 so now I'm hermyandronforevr. So, if you've been reading this story, please continue and re-review. Most of my stories were lost but this one was thankfully saved. But when I retrieved the file it cut off chapters ten through seventeen for some reason. So if you know ANYTHING about the fic (paragraphs, chapter names, even just certain little incidents that happened) please tell me so I can rewrite those chapters as close to the original as possible. Thanks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or anything you may recognize. I am poor, that proves I do not receive any money. Thank you.

A/N 2- If you're new to our happy little family here, every chapter will have a theme song that will be incorporated into the story somehow and every chapter will be dedicated to someone or something. I am still taking song requests. Any song you request will be noted and shall be used at some point, whether it be in this fic or in it's sequel. Unless I have some legitimate reason to not use it. When the text is bold and in italics that means it's an author's note.

The (parenthesis) mean it's part of the story. Also, every chapter after this will contain responses to all reviews. It seems now to be a tradition with this particular fic.

Please note this fic is rated R and has a lot of crude and sexual humor. If you think something is too explicit, please let me know and I'll alter it. Thanks so much!

Summary- This is just a non-sense story of the trio's sixth year at Hogwarts. It's really random and crazy but does have a slight plot. It's mostly Ron/Hermione with a little Harry/Ginny. The real name of the fic is HP and the Fake Orgasm. But it was deleted once because the title has to be G rated so I changed it to HP and the Unacceptable Title.

This chapter is dedicated to me and RootBeerFloat (now RootBeerFloatResurrected) because both of our accounts were deleted for no reason.

The theme song for this chapter is "All the Small Things" by Blink 182.

Now that I've bored you all to death with all this crap, on with the program!

Harry Potter and the Fake Orgasm

Chapter 1: Feminism and Erection

Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny sat in the compartment of the Hogwarts Express. They were very happy to have finally found an empty compartment on the train, because (like every other year) they (for some inexplicable reason) were the last people on the train and every compartment but one was full!

Hermione, who wasn't speaking to Ron because they had had yet another fight, was absorbed in her poetry book, which happened to be filled with mostly Sylvia Plath. Over the summer Hermione had taken to listening to Alanis Morisette cry and whine like an annoying bitch because she's an annoying bitch.

She'd become extremely interested in female empowerment and now hated anything that had a penis. She'd almost gotten rid of Crookshanks until she found him shagging the neighbor's cat, Mr. Fluffy-Poo. The fact that Crooshanks was gay seemed to cancel out the fact that he was male. Isn't it ironic, don't cha think? No Alanis, it's not ironic! Shut the fuck up! If you can't tell, I HATE her!

Ginny sat with her knees tightly together and her hands in her lap. After discovering over the summer how babies are made, she'd taken a vow to herself that she was never going to have sex and no guy was to come within a foot of her "naughty place."

Harry was, as all seventeen year-old boys do frequently, polishing his wand. No, he was not masturbating, you perv! He was actually polishing his wand! Some people, honestly! It had some how gotten dirt all over it and, let's face it, no one likes a dirty magic stick. Get your mind out of the gutter. Over the summer, Harry had busied himself by watching a lot of the old show "Batman" from the sixties because Dudley discovered that a portable TV could go anywhere and no longer needed his old one. Harry had saved it from the stinky death of the dumpster.

Ron was glaring at Hermione and his ears were you guessed it! as red as his hair. Which is red…like a tomato…or an apple…or a cherry. Mmmm…pie. Tomato pie? Ew. But…anyway…he was glaring. He was very angry with her, though he couldn't remember why he was angry with her and this made him even angrier with her, because she wouldn't tell him why he was angry with her.

There was a loud grumbling noise and everyone looked up. That's right, it was loud enough and interesting enough to make them all look up…at the ceiling.

"What was that?" Ginny asked, sounding scared.

"Holy monkey fur!" Harry exclaimed.

"It—it was my stomach," Ron stammered. His ears turned redder than his hair. That's right! I said redder than his hair. What are you gonna do about it? Huh-Cowers in corner and sucks thumb- Please don't hurt me. "I'm hungry!"

"I heard a grumbling noise," said the trolley witch, walking up with the trolley. "Anything off the trolley, dears?"

Ron nodded vigorously. He jumped up, took the entire trolley, and said, "Well? Pay the woman, Harry."

"Holy stretch marks!" Harry exclaimed, giving the witch all the gold he had.

At that moment none other than Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle entered the room. I mean, you had to expect it! It's not like they don't bombard their compartment every year. I was being sarcastic.

"Hello, Pothead…Mudblood…Weasel…and…uh…girl weasel!" Malfoy drawled.

"Dun caw ha a Muhbud, Maboy!" Ron said, through a mouthful of sixteen chocolate frogs.

"Shut it, Weasel!" Malfoy sneered. "I'll call her a Mudblood if I want." He turned to Hermione and said, "Mudblood!"

At this Hermione jumped up, stared at Malfoy and said, "Don't call me a Weasel or him a Mudblood…uh, vice versa. Don't call Ginny a girl Weasel or Harry…well, yeah."

"Holy—hey!" Harry exclaimed.

"Oh, come off it, Harry!" Hermione said, throwing a hair clip at him. "Everyone knows you smoke more pot than Cheech and Chong put together!"

"Oh, I do not!" Harry said, lighting up a joint.

"Who's Cheech and Chong?" Ginny asked.

"Nobody," Hermione answered, not wanting to corrupt Ginny's fragile, innocent mind.

Ginny bobbed her head whilst humming "All the Small Things."

"I can do whatever I want!" Malfoy said. "…'cause my daddy says so! You stupid Mudblood!"

"Don't make me go 'Xena' on your ass!" Hermione shouted.

"Xena?" Malfoy asked. "Who's Xena?

Hermione stared at him angrily and then sang/shouted, "Yoouuuu outta knooooow!"

"What the?" but Malfoy didn't get to finish because Hermione was running toward him.

"Iyiyiyiyiyiyiyiyi!" she screamed. Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle fled from the room. Malfoy yelling, "I'm telling my mummy! You weird-ass, Mudblood bitch."

"Holy Mardi Gras beads!" Harry exclaimed.

Ron gaped like a fish. Do fish actually gape? Then he ate a grape. Then he gaped some more.

"Hmm…hmmmhmm…hmmm…humm," said Ginny.

Hermione sat back down and buried her nose in her book. Then, realizing she couldn't with the book that close, she pulled it back some. Ron was still graping…I mean gaping. He was about to eat his fifty-seventh chocolate frog when he looked down and let out a very loud but quiet squeal. Right in front of him was a very noticeable erection.

Please review! Or re-review if you've done so already! I love you all and am sorry for the inconvenience.

IF YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH THIS FIC PLEASE CONTACT ME AND NOT THE ADMINISTRATORS WITH IT. I WILL CHANGE/CORRECT THE PROBLEM! THANK YOU!

A/N 3- Chapter 2 will be up really soon! There will be 30 chapters in total and a sequel…if I'm ever able to finish this one. The chapters will get longer as the story goes along.