Josh Lyman slipped out of the debate site and bounded down the stairs of the building, like an energizer bunny on amphetamines. The gamble of Santos speaking live had worked beyond anything he had dreamed; the campaign was getting traction now. He didn't know whether to be flattered or repulsed that Amy still wanted him, but at least a woman wanted him. Even if it wasn't the one he wanted.
The one he wanted was sitting on the bottom steps, talking on her cell phone. All he could see was shiny blond hair, a coat and a hand making gestures. He drank in all the details of her, slowing his pace until he was right behind her. She didn't seem to notice, she just kept talking on the phone. He sat down behind her, as quietly as he could
"We have this weird dinner thing going on, I hope he's not reading too much into it... I can't have dinner with anyone else, I eat past their bedtime... I swear to God, C.J., twelve year olds, I'm surrounded by twelve year olds... yeah, I guess that's not that different from Josh and Toby... I miss Josh... yeah, Santos is having a big boost... you'll never guess who Santos hired to prep him... yeah...yeah... "
Josh couldn't get past the "I miss Josh." His mind kept replaying it on a loop and if it all possible, his spirits were bursting through clouds at this moment. He felt invincible.
"Yeah... yeah... my mother made a tape of the damn thing... she said my hair looked very good... a chicken suit, C.J., he's got to be losing what is left of his little mind."
And Josh's balloon popped right there. He wondered if Donna could hear it.
"Well, C.J., I have to go... definitely, you, me and Jose Cuervo when I get to D.C... gotta go, Josh is sitting right behind me... no, not like that!... okay, bye."
Donna snapped her phone off and turned around, offering him a bright smile. "Sorry about the losing what's left of his little mind thing."
Josh shrugged his shoulders. "That's okay. I'm not the one screaming at people chicken suits."
"I'm not the one putting people in chicken suits."
"CNN didn't catch me doing it. Everyone always said I was Bartlet's loose cannon, but I always knew you were the one to bring the crazy." Josh tempered his remarks with a big smile. He let it slide off his face slowly and then he spoke softly. "Your hair did look really beautiful."
Donna smiled at him. "Some would say that I helped your campaign more then I helped Russell the past few days." She scooted up a couple seats to sit next to him. "I shouted at the chicken, I convinced Russell to be in the debate..."
"Wait... wait... you convinced Russell!" Josh didn't look like he comprehended. Donna felt her anger and bile rise again, which saddened her. She was this close to forgetting and forgiving.
"Yes, I convinced Russell. I do speak to him, now and again, you know. He does know my name. I do do a job, I'm not running around getting Will coffee or anything!" Donna looked the other way. How dare he keep thinking of her as some secretary...
"Donna, I didn't mean it like that. I swear to God, I didn't. I just thought... I don't know what I thought, but God, I know you do a job, I know you're good, I know you're actually extremely good and if we had any money, I would be luring you away right now." Donna looked back at Josh and he actually looked humbled and sad. She hesitantly put a hand on his arm.
"Josh, please stop underestimating..."
"I'll stop. I swear, I didn't mean that to sound like it did. Donna... please believe that I have nothing but the utmost confidence in you. God, you'd make a good addition to Santos."
"If I switched to Santos, would you bring me coffee?" Donna said softly, peering into his brown eyes.
"No... but I would bring you chicken." And there it was, the Josh Lyman Dimple Effect. Donna couldn't help but grin back at him.
But she was shocked when he covered her hand with his. She was even more shocked when he stopped smiling and looked away, his eyes squinting off in the distance. She was about to ask him something, either what was wrong or what he was thinking, when he suddenly turned back to her.
"What the hell is Will Bailey doing asking you out to dinner?"
This time, Donna didn't let herself get offended. She knew, in a way, where this was coming from. "We're the only two Russell staffers old enough to remember Duran Duran... I'm sure he doesn't have those kind of intentions." But she didn't believe that, and she knew Josh wouldn't.
Josh looked straight ahead for a second and exhaled loudly. "I'm not so sure, Donna. I think... I know how guys are, not that you don't know how guys are. I saw him looking at you back at the White House."
"I'll turn him down delicately if the need arises."
"He's your boss. He shouldn't be..." Josh stopped suddenly and buried his face in his hands, smiling. "Oh jeez, I really shouldn't keep talking, should I?"
Donna leaned towards Josh, smirking. "Well, not out here on the steps, Joshua, but if you want to run back to your hotel room and get your equipment..."
Josh raised his face from his hands. "Amy did wrap duck tape around me earlier, to keep me from sending out the ad. I guess it's a general theme tonight."
"Were you naked at the time?"
"No!" Josh looked at her an askance. "I'm not... I wouldn't go back to her, Donna. I hope you know that."
"And I hope you know that I'm not going to get together with Will."
"I know." Josh paused for a moment. "He looks like a geek in those sweaters..."
"Joshua!"
Even though the cold of the steps was seeping through his pants, Josh did not want this conversation to end. Ever. "Come on Donna, he looks like a cross between Alex P. Keaton and Skippy with those things on."
"See, no Russell staffer besides me or Will would get that reference."
"They can't all be twelve."
"Oh it seems that they can be," Donna smiled slightly. "Don't worry, Josh, Will has been a gentleman. He's never laid a hand on me."
Suddenly Josh's eyes turned dark. He thought of Will's hands on Donna, he saw it in his mind's eye and in an instant, he snapped. "I think that Will wants you, Donna. If he does anything you don't like, Donna, tell me. Tell me, even though you know that I might, I don't know, beat the shit out of him. I don't care how a fist fight between two campaign managers plays in the press, the thought of him touching you makes me crazy."
Donna sat quiet for a moment and decided to go for broke. "And the thought of you getting back together with Amy makes me crazy as well, although I doubt she and I will be getting into a fist fight. So maybe, someday, you and I should really think about why these things make us crazy and come to some conclusions."
The first thing that came into Josh's mind, he spoke. "I'm afraid of those conclusions." His voice was nothing more then a whisper.
"So am I."
"What if we don't conclude the same thing?"
"Is that really what you're afraid of?" Donna looked at him hard.
"Yes," Josh looked back at her and damned if he didn't look very afraid. "I'm also afraid of the... intensity... of my conclusions."
"Intensity?"
"I can't just tumble into you sideways, Donna" He turned his body towards her. "Because I would break harder then you would."
Her breath caught in her throat, Donna couldn't help but look at the two naked pools of chocolate brown that were looking at her in... terror. They also showed a great deal of love, which she had seen before, but never this unabashedly. She also noted that his hands were shaking.
"Josh, I think we would conclude the same thing. And I don't think you would break harder then I would. But you're right that you can't tumble into me sideways. But I don't think you could... even if you tried to. And I think that's what you're scared of. I'm not Mandy and I'm not Amy and it would never be like it was before. And you're not Dr. Freeride or Jack or Colin and you better believe that frightens me."
He couldn't believe that they were talking about this and he knew he had to keep going, even though the fear he felt pierced him like a blade. He also felt strangely liberated, as if each word was taking a pound off the yoke that had been around his shoulders for eight years.
His voice sounded strange, even to himself. "In a way, I'm no better then them, Donna. They at least tried. They at least had the balls to do something. And it doesn't seem to matter that my feelings for you are a thousand times more powerful then anything they could even comprehend, in the end, I'm just a..."
"Chicken?" Donna supplied with laughter in her voice.
He smiled and laughed slightly. "That's metaphor for you. I see you on CNN, yelling at some guy I sent over there in a chicken suit. Probably felt to you like you were yelling at me."
"I have to admit, it did a little..." Donna put her hand on top of his. "It was cathartic."
"I bet."
"You're not a chicken, Josh." She squeezed his hand for emphasis. "I don't know what plant, animal or mineral you are, but you are not a chicken."
Leaning in a bit closer, Josh turned his hand over and threaded his fingers through hers. "It's a shame you don't know. You know me better then anyone else and if you can't figure it out, then there's no hope for the rest of the world." He squeezed her hand and then continued. "Then again, I don't want anyone else trying to figure me out but you."
Donna closed her eyes. "I think that's a conclusion in and of itself, don't you, Josh?"
"I know what the conclusions are, Donna, I just don't know what to do about them." He began rubbing her thumb with his, making small circles. He looked down at their joined hands and then looked up again at Donna.
So this was it. They kept gazing at each other, knowing that after eight years of dancing, the music had stopped. If they walked away from the evening and nothing more had been done, then probably nothing more would ever be done. Josh and Donna both deliberated in their heads which was more frightening, nothing or something, failure or the fear of failure. Josh finished his calculations first.
He grabbed the back on Donna's head, pulled her towards him and covered her mouth with his. It was a bit frantic and a bit tender, both slow and fast. Josh's hand remained on the back of Donna's head, massaging her hair, while his other hand circled her back. Donna put her ams around his neck and pulled herself closer. Closer, closer, closer... until Josh lifted her up and put her in his lap.
And then it was nothing if not hot and frantic. They both knew they should move their activities elsewhere; it looked like they were having sex on the steps the way their bodies and hands were moving. But neither could really stop, even if Will Bailey and Amy Gardner had come down the steps and thrown buckets of ice water on them. Even if the stray Santos aide came from the building and cleared his throat a few times.
Which, of course, was exactly what happened.
Josh peeled his lips away from Donna's and gave the volunteer a withering glance.
"Mr. Lyman, I'm sorry, but the Congressman needs you inside."
"I'll be there in a few minutes," Josh said, his head turned back to Donna and her amazing lips and glowing hair... he noted that she had not made one move to leave his lap and her hand was squeezing her arm.
The volunteer bolted from the scene, before Josh could get him to swear secrecy. Josh pressed his forehead against Donna's.
"I don't want you to get up," Josh whispered, kissing her softly.
"I know."
Josh kissed her again. "I'm afraid I have to be presentable, though, in the next few minutes and I can't exactly just untuck my shirt for these people."
"I know that, too." Donna slid off his lap. Josh grabbed her hand and landed multiple kisses on top of it.
"We have to talk some more." Donna continued.
"Where are you staying?"
"At the Marriott." She gave a little grin. "Same room you stayed in eight years ago during Bartlet for America."
"Ah, I had more money then," Josh stroked her face lightly, his spirits beyond the moon. "And more hair."
"Room 312." Donna stood up and began gathering her things. Josh stood as well, thinking of naked old men to get rid of the tent in his pants. Just as she was about to leave, Josh grabbed her and captured her lips.
"I'll be there in an hour. We can come to multiple conclusions." He breathed into her ear.
Donna grinned back at him. "Don't forget to bring the chicken."