Disclaimer: The roof! The roof! The roof is on fire! (I don't own it.)
I blame you for any and all craziness expressed in this story.
Well… Yeah. I did not, in any way at all, give up on this story! I've just been… busy (lazy). This chapter is pretty much stupid. I had an extremely hard time figuring out Fred's character so he'll be able to differ from George's personality. Not to mention, I had a hard time thinking of the form. I just couldn't get the words "Captain's Log" out of my head! And then I was checking to see if I was using it right (I'm paranoid on a lot of things when it comes to writing) but know what is says when I look it up? "No entry found for captain's log. Did you mean Japanese leek?". How in the world is a Captain's Log like a Japanese leek? Geez! Anyway, review responses are at the end of the chapter, from now on. And here is the long over-due chapter 6!
Fred's Captain's/Inventor's Log
IT'S NOT A DIARY!
Okay, first of all I must make this very clear. I, Fred Weasley, do not write in a diary. Only women write in those, and as anyone with two eyes can tell, I am a man. And an extremely good looking one at that.
So I bet you're wondering what I'm writing in if it's not a diary. This, my friends, is my Captain's Log. At least, it would be if I were actually a pirate. In fact, I've never even been on a boat before! But, I'll tell what I have done. I've invented.
Most people I tell that think I'm just being my usual goofy self. They think I'm just kidding around, pulling their leg, or getting them distracted so my brother could put dung beetles in their soup. It gets pretty annoying, since I'm usually being serious (Notice that I used the word "usually". George and I have actually done that thing with the beetles before. Absolutely hilarious, might I add. Was worth the two weeks of detention.)
For that reason, I've decided to write down my inventing urges in this log (NOT A DIARY!) instead of discussing it and making an utter fool of myself. Like George.
Inventor's Note #1: Don't feed your girlfriend Laughing Licorice. They're already annoying enough as it is.
I should really explain this one…
Laughing Licorice: Do you often find yourself surrounded by a group of dead (not literally, of course) people? Do you have the inexplicable urge to make the most serious of people let out a series of none-stopping chuckles? Laughing Licorice is the newest product from Fred's Fabulous Workshop that will keep your friends in stitches for days on end!
Inventor's Note #2: Think of new company name. "Fred's Fabulous Workshop" sounds too… feminine.
Inventor's Note #3: Eliminate the word "fabulous" from my vocabulary. What was I thinking?
It took awhile to create the perfect product, but I was able to combine a Euphoria potion and laughing charm to come out with the right solution. After a week of long nights convincing the house-elves to show me the ways of licorice creating, I finally made it. And it only cost me one singed eyebrow and a hole in my orange shirt!
Even though Trisha was usually eager to laugh at my jokes anyway, I decided to test them on her. It would be easy to get her to eat them. After all, her brains aren't exactly her greatest quality. All I had to do was disguise it a gift, and she took them from me, her eyes sparkling as she squeezed me to death.
Trisha and I were outside, later that day. I was sure that by then she had eaten at least some of the licorice.
She preceded to giggle at the marvelous jokes I threw her way and I sat against the tree, contentedly.
"Hey, Trisha!" I began "What did the orange say to the banana?" She didn't even wait for the punch line and instead, threw back her head and let out a braying laugh. I looked at her quizzically. She didn't look half as hot as usual when she was braying like a donkey.
"That wasn't the funny part," I told her. Once again, she shrieked with laughter. I shrugged it off. These things must've worked well!
"Hey, Trisha! Do you know why Snape smells like a dirty diaper?" I prompted her again. The answer was once again a mess of giggles, chuckles, and squeals. Okay. This is getting a tad annoying.
"Trisha! Knock-knock!" I was getting desperate, even throwing in a knock-knock joke. She didn't say "Who's there?" or "Who are you?" or even "Hey, freak! Knock-knock jokes are lame!" and instead kept on laughing. Lord! If I knew she had such an annoying laugh, I would never have given her those vexing licorices!
"Hey! You smell like cat poop!" I finally shouted with frustration. She continued to laugh.
"Hey, wait a second…" Trisha began. "Did you just insult me? Dude, that's not cool." She stood up abruptly and began to make her way back to the castle. Well… That didn't make sense. If she ate the licorices, wasn't she supposed to be still giggling like maniac, even if I insulted her? I mean, the whole point of laughing licorices is to make someone laugh at something utterly insane and inappropriate! Like old people falling down!
"Hold on!" I caught up with her in a millisecond. "I want ask you something." Trisha looked at me, intrigued. "Did you eat those licorices I gave you this morning?"
"You mean our anniversary gift?" She asked.
"What anniversary?" Weren't we going out for only a week.
"Oh my god! I can't believe you!" She placed her hands on her hips and stuck her nose in the air, as if she couldn't stand the sight of me. "I mean, one week! That's BIG!"
Why do I always end up in relationships with insane people? Really, the girl before this used fawn all over Professor Flitwick! I swear, I'm some sort of freak magnet.
"Trisha, a week is seven days. You can count that many on your fingers! It is in no way a milestone in a relationship!" I rolled my eyes as she sputtered in protest.
"It's times like these where I feel like I hardly even know you!" she hollered.
"I don't even know you? Trisha, you don't even know that I want to become an inventor when I get older!" I shouted at her. She was quiet for a moment, and then burst out laughing.
"Oh, Fred! Ha! Ha! You always know how to make me laugh!" Her face was red as continued to let out her high-pitched spurts of laughter.
Inventor's note #4: Trisha is an idiot. If wanting to continue in a relationship with said idiot, create laryngitis in a can.
"Trisha, you are a idiotic freak who's so stupid, she can't even tie her own shoes!" RAWR! FRED ANGRY! FRED CRUSH!
Ahem. If you can't tell, by that time I was a wee bit angry. Angry enough to pick her up, carry her over to the lake, and throw her in. Which I did.
Trisha shrieked with annoyance and climbed out. As she passed me, she slipped a package out of her drenched robe and shoved it into my hand. She stalked up to the castle and slammed the door behind her. I swear, the whole castle shook. Psycho!
I looked down at the package in my hand. I searched for tear in the packaging, not sure if being soggy might affect the licorice's performance. I stopped, when I finally realized something.
Inventors Note # 5: When testing products, make sure test subject actually consumes the items in question.
Yeah. She really is an idiot.
REVIEWS!
greetings from lala land: You know those adjectives are used with love, though, right? You agree that Ms. Bell is cursed? I'm really starting to believe so, too… cough6thbookcough
Angel de la Luna: Computers, these days! Mine's currently suffering from a virus. Poor, little fellow! You see, I go to a pretty stupid school, so the teacher's are usually… odd. Now, my substitute teachers are even worse. We have about 2 of them who mostly use hand motions, and one of them thought we were all possessed by the devil. No joke. Snape in a dress… Who could resist that? Though Lee may be cute, he's a tad… self-centered, I guess you could say. Besides, Katie's a bit over-dramatic!
Rutteroolz: Thanks so much for the help! I'm not sure I succeeded with Fred's character, though. They way I was thinking it, George might be the one who spurts off random ideas and Fred is the one who actually tries to make it. Then they both frolic off and be mischievous together! Um… I don't know.
LittleWriterGirl: Ha! You were completely right about the disclaimer! I tend to say random sentences in Spanish that make no sense whatsoever! No me gusta tu telefono! Mi abuela es muy grande! Spanish 1 is indeed, very fun. Ha! No need to worry about Katie! (Methinks its all in her head… Though I'm not so sure after the last book.)
BlueXflamingo: First of all, it is essential for me to comment on your name! My close friend is obsessed with flamingos, and thus, I love your username! Thanks for your review! I love Katie and Alicia, too!
Gingerbed: Alas! Someone who loves adjectives as much as I do! Believe me, this story will never, ever, ever end up as FredOC. For now, Trisha is just an obstacle. An amazingly annoying obstacle! I hope you this chapter entertained you, oh wondrous Gingerbed!
EponineWeasley: Heh! I couldn't help but make Quirrel a tad insane. His poor teapot… Thanks for your review! Glad to know it amused you!
Tidal Waves: I was very tempted to use to call the teapot The Mystic Kettle of Knackledirk, but changed my mind at the last second. Nope, this is Fred's first chapter! I hope you can forgive me for the horrible lack of update!
Jagged Epiphany: The third piece of the puzzle! Hurrah! Yeah, my imagination seems to run wild at times. I hope you enjoyed Fred's chapter!
Angelface04: As long as you reviewed eventually, all is well! Aww! Thanks for the compliments! I hope you enjoyed this "speedy" update. insert innocent whistling
doesn't matter: Thanks for your review! It was one of the ones that encouraged me to get my butt in gear and write out the next chapter! Thank you with all my heart and soul!
Eruaphadriel: You're too kind! I hope you continue reading, despite the horrible lapse of updates!
Gryffindor777: Well, I hope you were looking forward to the next installment enough to wait… (too many to count) months? Geez! Bad Freakishmuffin! Bad! I hope you liked this!
Aristotle in my head is a very lazy person and insists that she won't log in: Name! Name long! Long name! Thanks for pointing that out. Whoops! I guess its just the blond in me! Well, at least I didn't have to bring another OC into the world of HP. Yes, the super six are extremely amusing! Sorry for the long wait!
Jeran: Heh! There are times when schoolbooks say stupid things! One time, my Spanish book was telling us that "The library doesn't have paper!" which left us all mighty confused! Thanks for the review!
Miss Piratess: One of the things I was really concentrating on for this fan fiction was to make sure that the characters didn't clump together into one big glob, which is one of the reasons this update was extremely overdue. Curse you, Fred, and your twin-like ways! I'm glad to hear that I'm doing a good job so far!
StarXcrossed: Oh! No! Don't be brainwashed! I'm glad you liked that chapter! Sorry for the extremely long wait for your Fred chapter!
KitKatKate0517: Oh, kids these days and their music! Err… Yeah, that had nothing to do with what you said in your review, I just wanted to say that. Sounds like your posse is mighty fun!
Green-Eyed Godess: Huzzah for fellow cheese haters! Seriously, I don't understand why people think it's the best thing since sliced bread. Because it's not.
billy joe bob: Happy to know you love my random fan fiction! Yeah, rubber ducks are awesome to the tenth power. I own one.
M: I love when I get reviews that are like yours that make me feel like I've made someone's day a little brighter! Thank you!
GiantMushroom: It made you laugh out loud! Wow! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much! Humors so very spread able. It's like the butter for the fan fiction sandwich. Somewhere in my mind, that actually made sense.
Ending note: Possible Mini-Spoiler Though a Tad Unlikely of the 6th Book!
After reading the 12th chapter, I can't help but believe how amused I was with what happened! Poor cursed child!
Chapter 7: Angelina Johnson!