White Roses, a yami no matsuei fanfic

WHITE ROSES

Salazarfalcon

DISCLAIMER: Me no own. I hate you all.

Notes: This is just a little V-Day fic I put together, and that's why I haven't been working on Partners. Please don't kill me. Also, this is my first time writing Yami No Matsuei, so expect copious amounts of OOCness. But this is just meant to be a fluffy, mushy TsuzuHi fic to celebrate Valentines Day. I don't normally do this. Feel lucky.

I can see the way he tenses up when someone touches him, even by me. I can see him flinch and shiver after an encounter with our favorite villainous bastard. Even I can see the fear, the pain, the pure relief in his eyes when he wakes up from a nightmare and I'm there, standing over him.

He's my partner, my only partner, so can you blame me for being a little bit overbearing with him? He's not had it easy, can you really blame me for wanting to make him happy and trying to stuff him full of cake? I can't help wanting to help him with anything I can, even if he doesn't appear to want it.

The expression on his face when I offer a helping hand tells me so much. I know that he wants to get better, to lose his thirst for revenge, to stop having such terrible thoughts and memories running through his head every night, every time he sees Muraki.

There's something about him that I just love and want nothing more than to protect.

And heaven help me, Hisoka, I will protect you.

"Tsuzuki no baka!" Hisoka shouted, glaring darkly when a fork was stuffed in his mouth, a chunk of upside-down pineapple cake on it. "Damnit, Tsuzuki, I don't want any more of your sugar, so stop trying to infect me with it!"

"But 'Soka-chan!" The black-haired Shinigami whined, reclaiming his fork and balancing another chunk of cake on it, offering it futilely to his partner, pouting, before eating it himself. "Maybe if you ate more sweets, you'd be happier." Hisoka scowled at him.

"Why, so I can be like you? No thanks."

"Hisoka, that hurts!"

"Oh, suck it up."

"Abuse!" Tsuzuki shrieked, drawing stares and laughs from others in the office, "My partner's abusing me!" Hisoka huffed.

"Oh, I am not." he muttered, scowling and turning his head away, green eyes exasperated.

Suddenly, Tsuzuki bounded up and poked him.

"'Soka-chan?" He crooned, earning a blank stare.

"Yes?"

"What do you want for Valentines Day?"

At this point, several things happened. Tsuzuki, for one, kept his goofy grin plastered on his face. Watari, who was walking by, blinked and stared, before chuckling to himself and continuing on his way. And Hisoka choked, coughing, then turning to Tsuzuki and glaring at him.

"And why would I care about a stupid holiday like that? Valentines Day is a waste of time." The boy said in conviction. The elder Shinigami's face fell.

"It is not!"

"And why not?"

"Because people who care about you give you hugs and cakes and sweets and tell you how much they like you! It's fun!" Tsuzuki beamed, despite the slight twitch of Hisoka's eyebrow, signifying that he was only seconds away from exploding.

"Why, dare I ask, would anyone in their right minds give something like that to me?"

Tsuzuki blinked, but stayed silent, an odd smile curling at his features.

I don't understand you. I know why you wouldn't love someone like me, but why do you act like you don't trust me? I know you, after all, why would you let your pride go enough to stay around and ever hear me out? I know you don't have to. I know that look you get, I know how you wear your feelings, even if others don't. But what I don't know is what you want.

You look like you want to say something, like you want to ask for something when I spring questions like that on you, but then you never do, only glare and stay silent. I know there's something, there has to be something.

I suppose I could always give you cake….

"-Well, I'd show you what necrophilia is, but then, you know, I'd hafta kill you! Again."

Tsuzuki blinked. Tatsumi blinked. Watari began cackling.

"Um, did I miss something?" Tsuzuki inquired, raising an eyebrow and narrowing his amethyst eyes. Tatsumi actually blushed while Watari calmed himself down.

"No, no." He said, stifling his laughter, "I was just explaining to Tatsumi-san the mechanics of necrophilia. He found it quite interesting." Said man went a little bit darker before coughing, clearing his throat in an attempt to change the subject.

"Erm, anyway, what is it that you need?" he asked, trying his hair back with his hand. Tsuzuki recognized the escape tactic but nevertheless let it go.

"Well, I'm trying to figure out what to get for 'Soka-chan for Valentines Day! He certainly isn't easy to buy for." This was said complete with a little sigh, and Watari looked as if he were going to say something, before Tatsumi jabbed him in the ribs.

"Don't go there." he muttered darkly.

"What, what?" Tsuzuki questioned, "If you guys have ideas, I could really use them! I really need to get him something, and it should at least be something that he likes."

"Well," Tatsumi began, "I'm not sure if it's really fair to Hisoka to tell you this, but I suppose since you're so desperate-" he then leaned down and whispered something in Tsuzuki's ear, the man looked quizzical.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive." Both answered as one.

"Hey, do you wanna learn about the mechanics of necrophilia?"

"Um, no."

"Damnit. Damnit. Damnit!" Tsuzuki cursed, strolling up and down the streets of Tokyo. "Did they have to be white? Good lord! Pink, plenty but no way. Red, why not, but nope! Damnit, where the hell am I going to find white roses? Is every single flower shop sold out!"

It was very possible.

Finally, the Shinigami sat down on a bench and stretched his legs out, sighing.

"Uh, sir? Did I hear you cursing about needing white roses?" A young, female voice inquired, and Tsuzuki jumped, startled, to come face-to-face with a young girl of about Hisoka's age, physically anyway. She wore her dark brown hair in loose curls and she was currently blinking large brown eyes at him quizzically. Blinking as well and wondering how a human girl could sneak up on him, he nevertheless nodded.

"Yeah, actually, you did. Do you know anywhere that I can get them?" he asked, and she nodded.

"Sure do."

"Can you tell me?"

"Why not? But first, who are you planning to buy them for?" the girl inquired, tilting her head upwards to stare him in the eyes. Against his will, Tsuzuki went a light, embarrassed pink.

"Um, my partner. His name's Hisoka."

"Partner, huh? So this Hisoka guy is your boyfriend?"

"No!"

"Got issues with it?"

"No, I don't, but he probably would." Abruptly, Tsuzuki switched topics. "Now, about that shop you were telling me about-" he trailed off, and the girl nodded, taking a piece of paper out of her purse and scribbling an address on it.

"Here, you can't miss it if you follow the directions." the girl then stood and made to leave, but Tsuzuki called her back.

"Thanks," he said genuinely, and she smiled.

"No problem, anytime. Good luck with your boyfriend!" she called, the beamed and ran off. Tsuzuki blinked, then turned over the paper in his hands and groaned. The place was practically on the other end of Tokyo! He could have screamed, but took a breath instead, sighed, ducked behind a tree, and teleported to the general area, ready for a long walk.

He got there in the end, he had to admit. It took darn near forever to find the place, (Boy had that girl been vague!) but eventually he had arrived at his destination, a small, tiny almost, shop on some side street off of a few alleys. Personally, Tsuzuki thought that it looked rather suspicious to have a flower shop in the most obscure place possible, but it was clean and pleasant looking enough, and one old, shriveled woman tended it inside.

Curious now, Tsuzuki stepped in, and was almost assaulted by the sweet scent of flowers flooding his sense. It was a beautiful smell and the Shinigami inhaled deeply, reveling in it.

"Can I help you?" the old woman asked, looking up from where she was tending a small pot of tulips.

"Um, I was told to come here by a young girl, I'm looking for white roses, might you have them?" Tsuzuki questioned, "They're for my partner." To his shock, the old woman began to laugh. "What?"

"Obviously, he's more than just your partner." She told him. Tsuzuki was first going to ask her how she figured out that he was buying for a boy, then pondered her statement.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, no one comes in here by accident, you know. This is a very special shop, you could only find it if you had someone very special to buy for. A lover, perhaps?" Tsuzuki didn't answer, and the woman smiled at him. "We get all sorts of people in here, don't worry. But as to your question, yes, we have white roses. But perhaps you might be interested in something else as well." the black-haired man blushed, embarrassed.

"I, uh, I wouldn't really know what to get him. All I know is what he wants, and those are white roses." he stammered, and with a smile that he suspected was slightly at his expense, the woman walked over to a desk and two chairs, and gestured for him to sit while pulling out a pen and a piece of paper.

"Well, what do you want to tell this young man? There are many meanings to flowers, you know. You are aware of what white roses mean, correct?" Tsuzuki blushed. "I take that as a yes." She smiled. "So, what do you want to tell him?"

"Well," Tsuzuki began, "I kinda want to tell him.. Let's see, I really want to protect him, is there something for that?"

"Yes, child, there is." she replied, never mind that Tsuzuki was far from a child. "What else?"

"Um, I'll always be there for you. There's one for that too?"

"Yes."

"And," a stammer, "Your eyes are very pretty. There's one for that?"

A laugh.

"Yes, there is."

"Last thing. You're the only one."

"Of course." the woman answered, not even waiting for Tsuzuki's question, "There's a flower for that too." Then she glanced at the list she had written on her paper, "You certainly do seem to love him, don't you?" A blush, then a nod. She beamed gently at him. "I will have your flowers ready in about an hour." she told him.

"Thank you so much, ma'am."

"It's Misaki, child. Just Misaki."

"Then thank you so much, Misaki-san. I really appreciate this. So," Tsuzuki commented, "How much is this going to cost?" Misaki laughed at him, sounding like bells.

"Child, you owe me nothing. This is a shop of love, is it not? And love costs nothing, as I'm sure you're aware." was her reply, and the Shinigami stood, looking a bit upset.

"But I'm sure it's a lot to do, I can't just let you do it for free!" he protested, and Misaki glanced at him as if he was crazy, then beckoned him closer.

"Then if you really want to pay me, just come back and tell me how things went with that young man you love so much, I would like to meet him." Startled as he was by the question, Tsuzuki nodded and turned to walk out the door.

"Then I will," he called back, "And I will be back in a hour."

"Did you get them?" Tatsumi asked curiously that afternoon, watching as Tsuzuki looked undeniably thrilled. The man beamed.

"Sure did!"

"Really, I'm surprised. I had thought that there weren't anymore in Japan."

"You mean you sent me out knowing full well that I wouldn't find any!"

"Sure did." was the nonchalant reply, and Tsuzuki fumed.

"What are you guys yelling about?" A voice suddenly asked from behind, and Tsuzuki whirled around to see a curious looking Hisoka standing behind them, green eyes narrowed and slender hands on his hips. The black-haired Shinigami blinked before grinning nonsensically, bounding forward.

"Nothing, 'Soka, nothing! Say, did you ever decide what you wanted for Valentines Day?"

"I told you, that holiday is a waste of time. Just leave me alone about it."

"It's tomorrow, you know."

"Leave me alone!" And then the boy had teleported out, most likely to his own apartment to cook something, Tsuzuki knew that that was what he did when he was tense; that, or play solitaire. But knowing Hisoka, it was most likely the former, at least it would cool his desire to burn something.

Why won't he leave it? Just leave it be, it isn't that difficult! Why can't you just be satisfied with the answer I gave you?

Why?

Why are you trying to make me say something that you'll ridicule me for? Ridicule me for actually caring about you, ridicule me for being weak and needing you?

You're my anchor, you know. You always seem to be there for me when I need you most, and you never say anything about it. I don't want to care about you like I do, I don't. You'll only get hurt. Stay away from me, I'll hurt you, just like everyone else.

Stay away from me, please God, stay away from me…

Oh God. I wouldn't be able to stand it if you got hurt. But still-

Oh God.

Don't leave me alone!

"Don't leave me!" A piercing shriek echoed throughout the small apartment that in dwelled a rather solitary creature. In seconds, Hisoka jolted up, pale and shaking. Holding out his hands, he saw them shake mercilessly, and with soft, quiet sobs, he rested his head in his arms.

"Oh God, please don't leave me…."

And then the only sounds were those of broken sobs.

"Happy V-day!" Tsuzuki shouted as he raced around headquarters the next morning, clutching a bag of candy that Watari had given him, looking for his partner. People in the halls glanced at him, most shrugged and smiled, before continuing on their ways. Suddenly, Tsuzuki slammed into a certain someone.

Groaning, Tatsumi dragged himself off the floor, rubbing his bum.

"Damnit, can't you walk?" he muttered darkly, and the black-haired Shinigami grinned at him.

"Call it payback for yesterday!" he declared, "Hey, have you seen Hisoka?" Tatsumi blinked.

"Bon? No, haven't seen him, not this morning. Where'd you put the you-know-what?"

"It's in my office, I wanted to surprise him-" Tsuzuki trailed off as the one he was looking for walked up. Quite frankly, he looked terrible.

Hisoka's face was oddly pale, but the green-eyes were framed by grey rings, proof of a night not well-spent or rested. The wheat-gold hair wasn't combed in the slightest but hung limply, as if he hadn't showered and had it blow-dried like he normally did. Even his normally meticulous suit was a bit rumpled, as if he had been up for hours after putting it on, and the tie was crooked.

Tsuzuki blinked rapidly, taking a good look at his partner, before stepping forward to place a hand on the boy's shoulder and leading him back the way he had come.

"Oh no you don't." he ordered.

"But we've got work to do-"

"Not today we don't." Tsuzuki ordered, "Today, you are going home to get some rest, no ifs, ands, or buts about it." Surprisingly, Hisoka didn't protest, which worried Tsuzuki a bit more than he'd like to admit, and allowed himself to be led away. Silent now, the elder Shinigami glanced backward at Tatsumi, who was watching him with an interesting expression, asking him one thing point blank.

What about your gift?

Slowly, Tsuzuki shook his head and continued walking until they were outside, before teleporting the both of them into Hisoka's apartment. He had been in there many times, but for some reason today, it seemed rather bare, as if something was missing that was supposed to be there, or like something terribly wrong had gone on in there.

"Okay, now you go into your room, get in bed, and get some sleep, alright?"

Still unnervingly quiet, Hisoka blinked at him, but complied nevertheless. Tsuzuki followed him, helping him lie down, before tucking the blankets up around the boy's chin, watching those beautiful green eyes travel his form as he moved.

"What is it?" Tsuzuki asked.

"You're going to leave me, aren't you?" Hisoka inquired expressionlessly, tilting his head to the side. Tsuzuki blinked, unsure of where exactly that question came from, but took one look at the sincerity in his partner's voice and did his best to quell his fears.

"Why would I leave you?" he asked calmly, reaching out a hand and smoothing back Hisoka's bangs, a gesture he knew the boy wouldn't appreciate, and was therefore startled when the other didn't react.

"Because you will. Everyone will. You're going to leave me."

"I'm telling you, I won't leave you. I promise. Why are you bringing this up now, why are you so scared all of a sudden about this?" Tsuzuki questioned, not even expecting the usual denial of such a remark of him being scared. "You're my partner, I won't leave you." And so much more.

Shivering slightly, Hisoka shut his eyes, looking blank.

"Go away. You're going to go away anyway."

"Damnit, Hisoka!" Tsuzuki shouted, really getting frustrated, and bending down to grab Hisoka by the shoulders and wrenching him upwards. "Damnit, I told you I wouldn't leave, isn't that enough? What do you want me to do? What else can I do to help you, what else can I do to ease your fears? Why are you so scared now? Talk to me, Hisoka." A shiver ran all through the slender frame that Tsuzuki held in his arms and slowly the boy's eyes began to well up with tears, though they didn't fall.

"I don't want you to go. I don't." he murmured, and the complete and total hopelessness broke Tsuzuki's heart.

"I won't leave you." he said, before sitting himself on the bed and pulling Hisoka into his arms, running a hand through his hair, "I won't. Promise. It's going to be okay, I'll protect you." And then the dam broke its hold on Hisoka's emotions. The tears overflowed down his cheeks and the boy began to sob, clasping his hands over his face and curling into himself, crying as if his heart was breaking. Tsuzuki said nothing, but leaned over to wrap his arms around his fragile partner, pulling him close.

For several minutes, there was no sound, only Hisoka's broken sobs, and the elder Shinigami murmuring soothing nonsense but not trying to stop him, knowing that it had only been a matter of time. However, after a space of about five minutes, Hisoka calmed down, breathing ragged, emotionally drained. Cringing, he tried to pull away, but Tsuzuki refused to let him go, and eventually allowed himself to be held in the large, comforting embrace; silently laying his head down on Tsuzuki's shoulder.

"Alright, feeling better?" Tsuzuki inquired, and was rewarded with a tentative nod. "Good, now, talk to me. What scares you so badly? You need to talk, otherwise I can't help you."

"I can't-I can't even-" Hisoka was so skittish that he could hardly even get the words together, and relaxed when a strong hand rubbed his head.

"It's okay, relax. You can't even what?" the elder Shinigami asked patiently.

"I can't even sleep without it invading my dreams. It keeps telling me things, things I don't want to hear, but it won't go away…"

"What does the voice tell you?"

"That I'm worthless. That there's no point in even trying. That I'm meant to be alone, because I keep hurting people." he muttered quietly, then started when Tsuzuki reached out a hand to cup his chin, tilting his head up.

"Now, you listen to me. You're about as far from worthless as you can get, you hear me, Hisoka? No one, especially not you, is meant to be alone, not now, not ever. Never let any dumb voice in your head tell you otherwise, because it doesn't know what it's talking about." Tsuzuki ordered gently. "Understand?" Silent, Hisoka nodded, and with a smile, Tsuzuki gave him a soft squeeze. "Good, you just remember that."

"Hey, Tsuzuki?"

"Yes?"

Silence.

"What?"

"Do I have to go back to work?" the boy asked, before scowling as his hair was infuriatingly ruffled.

"Are you kidding? Not on your death. You are going to stay here and get some rest, and God help me if you don't I'll knock you out myself and sit on you." the elder Shinigami declared to the world. Hisoka scowled at him.

"I'm not a little kid."

"Well, lets pretend, okay? I am going to take care of you today, mark my words, and if-" Tsuzuki was cut off by a pair of pleading green eyes as their owner wrapped himself up in the comforter.

"Just-Don't leave me, okay? Just for now, I mean, er, um.. Crap." The boy went a bright pink as his partner stood up, tucked him in properly, and leaned down so his face was about an inch away from Hisoka's.

"Don't worry about it. Just between us, okay?"

"Okay." Hisoka conceded, snuggling into the fluffy blanket and thick pillow, "Just between us."

"Hisoka?"

"Yeah?"

"I, um, got you a Valentines Day gift." Tsuzuki said, surprising himself by getting a stammer in his throat, and in that very second, Hisoka's hair-breath blush reflex went on, startling him. "But I kinda left it in the office, I'm sorry."

"You didn't have to get me anything." Hisoka muttered quietly, "I don't like Valentines Day."

"I know you don't."

"But.. um, I, er, got you something too." This was said in a rush, and Hisoka refused to even look at his partner as he said, preferring to blush and stare in apparent fascination at his bedspread. Tsuzuki blinked rapidly, then smiled sheepishly.

"Erm, you wouldn't mind if I stepped out for just a few seconds, would you? 'Cause, you know, I'd kinda like to go get it, and you know-" With a light chuckle, Hisoka nodded.

"I'm really not gonna get you off this whole Valentine thing, am I?"

"Nope! I still hold with the fact that V-Day is fun!" Hisoka could have sworn that Tsuzuki positively chirped, and he gaped as the man did a little spin and teleported away, only to come back about a minute later, holding a very large something behind his back. Still blushing, the boy yanked open his drawer and pulled out a wrapped box that he handed to his partner, who somehow held and opened it with one hand and without showing what he held behind his back.

Inside the box lay a pendant on a silver chain. The pendant was in the shape of a pentagram with an amethyst on each of the points and runes engraved on the circle surrounding the star. Upon taking a closer look, Tsuzuki found that he still couldn't read them, and glanced to Hisoka for confirmation, who nodded.

"The guy told me it was a mild protection spell, I thought it might actually keep you out of a good part of the crap you get yourself into, so I don't always have to save your stupid butt." Hisoka said quietly, and Tsuzuki beamed, closing the box.

"Thanks so much, 'Soka-chan!" He cooed, then pulled out what he held.

Hisoka went silent and his mouth dropped open, taking in what he saw.

The bouquet wasn't particularly large, but was a decent size; the outside level held a ring of cool, yellow daffodils, then came several small branches of juniper, then a ring of variegated tulips, pink with white stripes. The whole thing was held together in a white fabric wrap tied with a big red velvet bow, complete with monogrammed card. But what really caught Hisoka's attention was what was clustered in the center, looking as fresh as the day they blossomed. Big, beautiful white roses in full bloom.

At his dumbstruck expression, Tsuzuki, actually went red.

"You-you know what you're telling me, right?" Hisoka stammered, staring at Tsuzuki as if he was having a dream and didn't know if it was real or not. "You know what they're saying, right?"

"Yeah," Tsuzuki said quietly, "Yeah, I do."

More staring, and silence. Then, Kurosaki Hisoka did the unthinkable.

He burst into tears.

Now it was Tsuzuki's turn to stare, watching as his partner began to cry again, and he squirmed, looking increasingly uncomfortable and completely stricken.

"Oh God, I made you cry!" he exclaimed, completely horrified, and he set the flowers down to rush over and begin apologizing. "I'm so sorry!" Hisoka sniffed, then set a fierce scowl on him.

"You idiot, I'm not angry at you." was his reply, wiping at his eyes.

"I'm sorr! You're-you're not?"

"No."

Amethyst eyes blinked.

"Then does this mean you love me too?"

In one swift movement Hisoka had grabbed the other Shinigami and hugged him fiercely, burying his face in Tsuzuki's shirt, sniffing again when he felt two arms wrap around his waist, holding him close.

"You idiot." the younger stated quietly, "You idiot." Tsuzuki said nothing, only held Hisoka just a little bit tighter, before pressing a kiss on the top of his head.

Thank you for accepting me.

-OWARI-

Well, there you have it, my super-special Valentine fic! I hope you all enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Reviews are always appreciated, so review and tell me what you guys think!

FLOWER INTERPRETATIONS:

Well look, Fal-chan actually had to do some research before she wrote this. Imagine that.

White roses: "I am worthy of you,"

Daffodils: "You're the only one."

Variegated tulips: "You have pretty eyes,"

Juniper: "I'll always protect you."