Title: Quivering
Author: ScribbleDream
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Takes place after Stalker. Nick is pretty shaken up when he gets a midnight visit from someone he wasn't expecting... SLASH MUCH! But not graphic.
Disclaimer: They aren't mine and it has taken me months of therapy to admit that.
Authors Notes: It is a day of firsts! My first CSI fic, AND my first slash fic. I rather enjoy this pairing. It makes me smile :D. If anyone knows any authors who write this pairing well, or you do yourself, please provide a shameless plug for an addict's sake. RR perdy pwease.
Nick stood in his dark living room, staring at the ceiling. He clutched his gun in his left hand but his arm hung limply at his side. He wonder if he would have the strength to raise it, if the need should arise.
He was being crazy, paranoid, and he knew it. Nigel Crane had done this to him. Crane had said he didn't want Nick to forget his name, and Nick knew he never would. But he would also never forget the fear that was now attached to it, the fear that Crane had given him. A fear that he was not used to. He hated being afraid, especially when it was an unreasonable fear like this.
His eyes slowly drifted from the ceiling to look around the room. It was neat, clean, orderly. He'd stayed home from work that day and cleaned up the mess that Crane had made by throwing a man through his ceiling. He hadn't been able to repair that, though, nor did he want to go to that floor and see what weird things Crane had done while he was up there. He watched me while I slept...
Nick's head snapped to his door whn he heard movement from the hallway. He listened carefully, but there was no more sound. One of his neighbors, probably, going out for the night. No need to be worried. Nick allowed his muscles to relax, but tensed them again at a knock on the door.
Slowly, he stepped toward the dooor, raising his gun. Another knock, harder this time, and someone rattled the locked doorknob. Nick quickly undid all the locks, trying to make as little noise as possible. Then, like a lightning flash, he swung open the door and shoved his gun into the dark hallway, in the face of an unknown assailant.
Someone stepped back and their hands went up in the air by their face as though surrendering. "Whoa, man, take it easy!"
Nick's jaw tightened as he brought his gun down. "Jesus, Greg, scare me to death why don't you?"
Greg stepped forward and poitned to himself. "Me? I scared you? Says the guy with the gun pointed at my head!"
Nick chose to ignore that and asked, "What are you doing here, Greg?"
He stepped aside and allowed Greg to sidle into the apartment. "Came by to see what's going on. I'm allowed to do that, aren't I?"
"No," Nick said simply. Greg didn't pay any attention. Instead, he was looking around the apartment grinning.
"This is a nice place," he said, nodding. "Little too clean, though, for a young guy living alone."
Nick decided not to touch on that.
Greg's face sombered a little, but only a little. His smile still remained, but it was smaller, more nervous. Nick wondered if Greg could ever really be somber. Trying not to laugh was probably about as serious as Greg got.
"So, you doin' all right?" Greg inquired, almost hopefully. Nick shrugged.
"I'm fine."
"You cold?"
Nick raised an eyebrow. "No, why?"
"Because you're shivering."
Nick blinked hard once and tensed visibly. "I'm not shivering," he said, but realized he was lying about half-way through the sentence.
Greg shrugged. "Quivering, then."
"I'm not quivering, either."
"Look, I know you're freaked out, but you don't have to lie..."
"I'm not freaked out!"
It wasn't until he saw Greg's eyes widen that Nick realized he'd been shouting. He relaxed his shoulders and looked away. "I'm sorry, Greg, I didn't mean to..."
"Nick, please, chill," Greg said. "Crane is in jail, it's not like he can come after you again."
Nick glared at him. Did Greg think he didn't know he was being completely unreasonable about this? "Why're you here, Greg?"
Greg obviously knew he'd said something wrong because he looked at the ground when he answered. "Sarah and Warrick and everybody were worried when you didn't come in for work this morning. So was I, I mean, we all were and I..."
Nick studied his face and to his surprise saw real remorse there. Before he could say anything, though, Greg continued.
"I know you're going through something and I just thought you might wanna talk or something. I didn't mean to make things worse."
Nick noticed how really innocent he looked. He'd always thought Greg was a little green, but he'd never seen this level of naivety in his features. It made him smile.
"Do you want to sit down?" he asked, motioning towards his couch. Greg smile, too, and aceepted. "You thirsty? Hungry?"
"Nah. Don't bother." Greg aved his hand dismissivly. "I really just came by to see how you were, not to get free food. Although, that aspect was not completly stricken from my mind."
Nick rolled his eyes and sat down beside him. They were both silent, lost in their own thoughts. Nick's drifted back to Nigel Crane, to the picture that he couldn't get out of his mind. A gun staring him down while he stood in a pile of rubble with a man's limp body below him. But he viewed all of it from above, from the ceiling, as though he'd been a floating third party. And he wasn't afraid... until he realized that it was himself he was looking down on.
"You know," Greg blurted out, suddenly breaking the silence, "I've never had a gun in my face. I've never even held one." He laughed almost bitterly and looked at his hands in his lap. "How do you handle it?"
Nick gave a crooked smile, but his eyes were sad and slightly out of focus. "Very slowly."
Greg laughed dryly again. "I heard this Crane guy was kind of fixated on you."
Nick's eyes narrowed. "Yeah. Yeah, he was."
"That'd be a little creepy."
"Um... duh?"
"No, I mean another guy watching you. It's a little... unnatural."
"Why would it make any difference if it was a guy or a woman?"
"I dunno... a woman watching me would be pretty hott." Greg grinned.
"You are very sexually deprived," Nick said.
"Oh come on! Don't tell me you don't think a guy watching you is a little questionable?"
"Are you a homophobe, Greg?" Nick laughed.
"No! No," Greg said, defensively. "Well, maybe a little."
Nick looked at him again through the corner of his eye. He was avoiding looking at him. That innocence was showing again, on his face, in his eyes. It was endearing, almost... cute. And cute was not a word Nick was normally comfortable with.
"Did you know nine of ten homophobes are gay themselves?" Nick said. Greg looked at him.
"I don't think I like that statistic."
"Well, you know you can't just ignore it. Maybe you're a homophobe because you're scared to admit who you really are," Nick suggested with a one-shoulder shrug.
"Or maybe I'm not gay?"
"Well, that would ruin some stuff for me."
Nick was surprised at himself for saying that. Greg also seemed rather surprised, since he raised his eyebrows and backed away a little.
"Um, uh, okay. Well, that's just... all right."
"Greg, come on," Nick sighed. "I thought you wanted to talk."
"I do. Just not... about... this."
"You've never had doubts about your sexual orientation?"
"Not with my co-worker, I haven't."
"Fine, maybe I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry I made you uncomfortable. I just..." Nick sighed. "I didn't mean to say that. Really."
"I... okay. But, why didn't you mean to say that?" Greg said. "Am I not attractive enough for you?"
Nick didn't know how to answer that, not with words. But before he knew what he was doing, he leaned forward and kissed Greg.
At first Greg tensed and tried to back away, but as soon as Nick's tongue touched his lips, he relaxed a little. Nick's hand worked it's way to the small of his back. Surprised at the motion, Greg tensed again, and fell backwards onto the couch.
Nick pulled away. Greg was panting slightly. Nick grinned at him. "Are you afraid of me, Greg?"
"Y-yes," Greg admitted. "But not as afraid as I thought I would be."
Nick bent down again, and started kissing Greg's neck. Greg's heart beat thudded against his lips quickly. Greg was still panting, the rhythmic rising and falling of his chest almost soothing to Nick.
Greg's mind was racing. What was he thinking? Why had he come here? Had he secretly been wanting this to happen? Was he really... like this?
Suddenly, Greg pushed Nick off of him and stood up, looking down at him with scared eyes.
"What is it?" Nick asked. "I didn't do something, did I?"
"Please," Greg said. "I should leave. You're just... you're not well and I should never have come."
"Greg...?"
"I'm not... I'm not gay, Nick. I'm not."
"Okay then."
"I'm not!" he yelled, forgetting himself and falling to his knees. Nick quickly went to sit by him.
"Are you okay? Greg?" he asked, touching his shaking shoulder. "You're quivering."
"I'm not gay..." Greg said again, looking at the carpet. Nick took the younger man, a boy really, in his arms and slowly rocked him.
"It's okay, Greg, I'm sorry," he whispered. "I shouldn't have done it. I'm sorry."
Greg looked up at him with sorrowful eyes. "I just... it never even really crossed my mind that I might be..."
"I know."
"Did you... I don't even know what's going on." Damn it, Greg thought. I came over to check on him and I've made it all about me.
Slowly, tenatively, Greg reached up and touched Nick's face. Pulling him slowly by the back of the head, he brought his lips to his own. Nick slowly opened his own mouth and allowed Greg to slip inside, which he did very gently. It wasn't like Nick's own, rough kiss. Greg was probing and shy, and Nick could sense his fear. Greg didn't move his hand from the other man's head, and Nick began to allow himself to drop Greg backwards onto the floor.
Nick pulled away again, looking down at Greg with a sad gentle smile and kissed his forehead. It made Greg start to quiver again. Nick rubbed his arms, trying to warm him up.
"Don't be scared, Greg," he whispered. "Don't be scared of me."
"I'm n-not," Greg stuttered. He reached up his hand and touched Nick's face. Nick bent down and wrapped Greg in his arms. "For the first time, I don't think I'm scared."