Disclaimer: I own nothing, its all the property of Gerry Anderson and Carlton Television.

AN: I have no idea where this came from, just a one shot. Any mistakes are mine and there a probably quite a few, 2am is not the time my brain is at its best! Reviews are, as always, welcomed and gratefully received.

Why?

The young man looked in the mirror and sighed. He stared at his reflection, noting the new lines and even a few strands of grey in his hair. He was in pain and in shock. He asked his reflection the question that was running through his mind over and over again, hoping for an answer.

"Why?"

No answer was forthcoming though. John ran his hands through his hair as he contemplated the days rescue.

It was always the failures that stuck with you. No matter how many successful rescues took place, no matter how many people were alive because of what he and his brothers did, it was the failures that they all remembered. That they went over thousands of times in their mind, wondering what they could and should have done different.

The rescue today had been soul destroying for them all. There had been an earthquake; a primary school had collapsed, leaving hundreds of children trapped. As soon as Alan had relayed the call from Thunderbird 5, they were off. They knew it was serious, Gordon and John had been ordered along to help Scott and Virgil and that never happened on the easier rescues.

Whilst he had been on Thunderbird 2, he and his brothers had gotten the full story from Alan, and immediately prepared themselves for the worst. Already fifty people had been confirmed dead, at least forty of them children. He sighed again, and moved away from the mirror. Stripping off his dirty uniform, he stepped into the shower, where his thoughts once again turned to the rescue.

The scene when they had arrived had been one of complete and utter chaos. There were screaming people everywhere, most of them children. Scott had been there for a good ten minutes before Thunderbird 2 arrived with the equipment, and he looked stressed and harried as he tried to get things organised. The rescues involving children were always worst. And with so many children trapped and running out of oxygen Scott had known from the start that it would probably end in tragedy.

Before Thunderbird 2 had even touched down, Scott was relaying orders, seeming to be multitasking about six different things. Local rescue workers were already on the scene and were working at freeing some of the trapped children, but the arrival of International Rescue with their specialised equipment had made the job a lot easier. But only physically. Mentally, it had been the worst rescue he had ever participated in.

Scott had directed each of them to a different area, and ensured that they had kept in constant contact via their watches.

"Careful Virge, that area might be a little unsteady, John, you should be directly over a classroom there, so watch where you're digging. Gordon, go left about 50 metres and you should be in or over a classroom."

The busy airwaves had gone completely dead minutes later though, when Gordon had announced in a detached, professional tone

"I'm in the classroom, negative for life. Repeat negative for life."

John remember drawing a shaky breath, knowing that Gordon was only just keeping it together, that his detachedness was his way of keeping it together for the time being. Based on his position, Gordon had been in a classroom that had had twenty kids in, all of them just seven years old.

That was just the beginning of it all. Virgil had found three survivors, one of them a teacher, Gordon had found another ten dead children and John himself discovered two classrooms full of children, seven survivors out of fifty people. These discoveries were announced without any emotion, they all knew that if just one of them had shown emotion, then it would have been too much. They just had to bottle it up and deal with it after the mission.

In one of the classrooms that he had checked he had found a child still alive, a girl of no more than six. He gently pulled her from the rubble, amazed to find one still alive in this hell. She had smiled at him, she had thanked him, called him an angel. She had died in his arms.

Tears poured down his cheeks and he slammed his fist into the wall of the shower. He lifted his face into the stinging spray of the shower, his tears mixing with the water. Gordon had tried to comfort him, telling him that he had helped the little girl, he had held her and saved her from dying alone. John shivered, dying alone was his worst nightmare, one that he frequently dreamt when he was up on Thunderbird 5. He remembered another failed rescue, where the guy had thanked him for not letting him die alone, for just talking to him. That was where his fear stemmed from.

John had only ever actively participated in a failed rescue once, it had been Virgil who'd had the man die in his arms on that rescue, and he had been distraught for days, turning to his music, his art and to Scott for solace.

Slumping down onto the floor of the shower, John thought about the different ways that they had of coping, on the rare occasions that International Rescue failed.

As soon as they had arrived home and finished the debriefing, Gordon had changed into swimming gear and jumped into the pool. That had been a few hours ago now, and he knew that Gordon would still be swimming, taking out his anger and his pain by swimming lap after lap.

Scott, or 'dad two' as he was sometimes affectionately known as, had disappeared back to his Thunderbird, his baby. He would be blaming himself for the hundred lives lost today, even though there had been little they could have done. The pain and the sense of failure was compounded by the fact that ninety of the dead were children, their lives cut off before they could reach their true potential. John knew that if Scott didn't reappear soon, Virgil would go and find him and talk it all through with him, as many times as Scott needed.

Alan had been lucky to be up on Thunderbird 5 for this mission, but knowing what his brothers had gone through, he was feeling some of the same feelings. John knew that Alan and Tin-Tin would talk long into the night.

All of the brothers needed their closest friend after a rescue like that. Scott and Virgil turned to each other, as did John and Gordon. They would talk it through by themselves, with their closest friend and the probably as a group unit, offering support where it was needed and taking support when it was given.

International Rescue had failed, and all of them would be beating themselves up inside for a while. Realistically they all knew that having a 100 success rate was impossible. But it didn't make the failures any easier, especially with a tragedy such as that day's rescue.

John wiped his eyes and turned off the shower. He pulled a towel around him, and stepped back in front of the mirror. He looked into his eyes, and saw that a little piece of him had died along with the little girl. He felt his eyes well up again and immediately forced the tears away. Tracy men didn't cry. He reflected on Gordon's words about saving her from dying alone, and to his surprise it gave him a little comfort. He thought about the people, the children, who had survived and how grateful they and their families were.

He stared at his reflection and nodded pensively.

"That's why we do it, again and again. For the ones who live and wouldn't have otherwise"

And with those last words to himself, he pulled on some clothes and trudged out his room. He needed his support group, just like they needed him.

His words echoed and were repeated many times over the passing days, it helped remind them why they did it, gave them reason to carry on. They all hurt, but they would survive with each other. The words became their mantra, providing some comfort in the pain that failure brought.

"That's why we do it, again and again. For the ones who live and wouldn't have otherwise"