Civility. It was funny how something that seemed so natural could be so hard between Gryffindor and Slytherin. They were the noted rivals at Hogwarts, the ones that got in the faces of each other, made each competition hard and dirty, the never ending battle...
She sighed and glanced over the notes that Draco had left in her room that he'd taken for her when she was stuck in her bed. She had potions this morning, and she was less than thrilled to have to see Snape's face as her first professor for the day.
She folded the parchment that contained her notes and put them in her bag, adjusted her robe, and headed down to the great hall for breakfast. She kept her head down, lost in thought, as she walked down the stairs and through the corridors to get to the great hall. It wasn't like her to have these thoughts, these feelings. She hardly knew herself.
The trouble with walking, head down, through crowded corridors is that you're bound to run into someone. If you're lucky, you run into a friend, a familiar face that will tell you it's all okay, and you'll proceed to your common destination together, talking of good times and summer events. Hermione was not so lucky. She slammed into someone rather forcefully, so forcefully that she managed to get knocked back, and dropped her bag, sending it's contents across the corridor. She stood up, rubbing her bottom, preparing to apologize to the person whom she'd run into.
Upon looking up however, she immediately wished she'd have been paying attention. She'd run into the person she'd made a deal with the night before. A deal stating that they'd both stay away from each other, avoid each other like the plague. That person was now sneering at her, his eyes fierce with irritation, his face distorted in annoyance, his stance ready to pummel any person who dared mess with him.
Rather than giving him an apology, Hermione knelt and began to gather the scattered contents of her bag. She was far too flustered to muster so much as a word to Draco, and she feared that if she opened her mouth, a string of words would fall out, rather than the one that she wanted to squeak out.
"Where are your manners?" Malfoy practically snarled.
He'd been angry, but this was just the icing on his cookie. Having to face the one person he'd simply loathed for the past years and that person not apologize for practically knock him over had made the bomb that was slowly ticking away explode. Without a moment's more hesitation, he reached into his robes, pulled out his wand and advanced toward Hermione, who was still picking up the things that had fallen onto the floor. He grabbed her by her hair, causing her to gasp in pain and surprise. He jammed his wand into her throat, determined to make her sorry for running into him.
Hermione's eyes were laced with tears. Thoughts ran through her mind at a rapid speed that the only one that stood out clearly was her fear for her life at this very moment. She looked at his face, distorted in blind rage, and stared at his eyes, which seemed far more focused on her throat. His gaze changed, and finally met her eyes.
It took him a moment to realize what he was really doing. The fear in her eyes was enough to wake up his mind and drag him back to reality. He released her hair and dropped his wand. He stood for a moment, looking at his hands in vast disbelief, before turning and fleeing from Hermione's shocked form.
She couldn't really grasp the events that had just transpired. She stared at the wand that had clattered to the floor. She sat there for a few moments before realizing if she didn't eat now she'd have to without food until lunch. Her stomach growled at her loudly, causing her to quickly finish gathering her things that remained on the floor and get to the great hall. She stopped short though, looking at the wand that was still on the floor. She knew she really should just leave it there for Draco or someone else to find later, that confronting him with it might cause him to freak out again and harm her for sure, but she had to find out what was wrong with him. She needed to know.
She picked up the wand and stuffed it in her bag with the rest of her things and set out for the great hall again.
From the looks on Ron and Harry's faces when she entered the great hall, the news of her recovery hadn't been passed around like a hot potato. They greeted her as warmly as they had her second year, after the terror with the chamber of secrets, when she and a few other students and Mrs. Norris had been petrified because of the basilisk. The two gave her large hugs that seemed to last a lifetime, and for the moment, she felt truly happy.
"It's good to see you're alright again, Hermione!" Harry exclaimed as he released her from his bear hug.
"Thanks Harry, it's good to be back to normal. Well, it'd be better if I didn't have Snape to look forward to for my first class for the start of term."
Ron, Harry, and Hermione laughed at her remark. They were all equally happy and the edge that had lingered for so long between Hermione and Ron after her confession had seemingly diminished as the three of them laughed and talked about their impending classes and the upcoming N.E.W.T.s.
After they'd all stuffed themselves senseless with breakfast they headed for the dungeons for their last year of potions with Professor Snape. Hermione felt both anxious and apprehensive at the same time, knowing that Slytherin shared the class with them and she'd have to give Draco back his wand much sooner than she felt ready to do.
As they entered the class, she felt her breath hitch as she looked around for the blonde hair of the head boy. But it was nowhere to be found, Draco Malfoy wasn't in class. She let out her breath in slight relief in knowing that he wasn't there, that he hadn't shown for his class, but it only made her feel worse and pique her curiousity as to why he wasn't there. She breezed through the first assignment and watched as Ron, as per usual made a bit of a mess of his own potion.
After Snape had peered into each of their cauldrons and administered grades for each of them, they were dismissed, and Hermione decided to go up to her dorm and check in on Draco, feeling at last ready to give back his wand.
She reached the portrait of Sir Cadogan slightly out of breath and mumbled the password, receiving a "Right back at you!" from the flimsy knight as it swung open. She stepped through the doorway and walked into an empty common room.
She walked determinedly down the hall to the shut door of the head boy's quarters lifted her hand to knock, and the door swung open. Her eyes widened in shock as she accidentally knocked on Draco.
"I'm so sorry, I didn't, I mean, well-"
He glared at her coldly.
"Move or be moved."
"What?"
"You aren't deaf Granger," he said, shoving past her. He had his own bag in his hand as he headed swiftly for the portrait.
"Wait!" Hermione reached into her bag and fished out his wand. "You dropped this earlier..."
He turned to face her, the same cold glare on his face.
"You always have to be the goody-goody, don't you Granger. You have to do everything right. Well, let me tell you something. For a long time, I was forced into believing I had to be the same way. I had to be the best at everything, classes, quidditch... I had to have the best clothing, the best materials... I had to mingle with the best wizards, be around the best purebloods... But you know what I found out about the best? It's worthless, has no meaning."
He took swift, large steps and was soon in front of her, so close to her, she could feel his breath on her face.
"Being the best, being the greatest at everything, pretending to be perfect, is boring."
With that he grabbed hold of Hermione's face with both hands and brought it to his own, forcing her into a kiss she hadn't been expecting or wanting. Shocked, she dropped his wand and raised her hands to his chest. She shoved him away, wiping at her mouth as if she'd just tasted sewage water.
"What are you playing at?" She was more disgusted than concerned, every inch of her skin seemed to be crawling.
"Who's playing? I was showing you a taste of normal, a taste of the usual, making you aware that it's okay to not have to pretend."
He knelt down and picked up his wand off the ground and stood up again, putting the wand in the pocket of his robe.
"Who said I was pretending? I study for everything, I go through great lengths to be where I'm at-"
"And look where it's gotten you!" He raised his arms to point out the common room. "Is this what you really wanted to work so hard for?"
"I'll have you know that I'm very comfortable and happy to be where I'm at, Malf-"
"So happy that you have to cut yourself? So happy that you have dillusional dreams that put you into a form a paralysis due to depression?"
It was happening again, she was crumbling. That hollow feeling was coming back.
"I have people around me who care," her voice was cracking, she was close to tears. "And they-"
"And they use you for your studying and homework so that they can get farther in their own lives."
"That's not true! That's not true and you know it!" She was sobbing now, tears seemed to be gushing from her eyes.
"If it's not true than why are you crying? Hm? C'mon Granger, enlighten me. I'd really like to know why your happiness causes you to cry. Causes you to hurt yourself-"
"Stop it! Shut up! Just shut up!"
"Why? Because you can't face yourself?" He grabbed her arms before she could sink to the floor and cover her face. He pulled back the sleeve of her left arm and shoved her scars into her face.
"What brought you to this point? How could you get to that point?"
She was trapped again. He had unknowingly forced her back into that mind frame, the feeling of being trapped.
She stared into his grey eyes, her tears had stopped.
"That. What you're doing right now. That is why I did it." Her voice was lifeless and she felt dead inside.
"What?"
"Demanding what you want from me. I've had that all my life, from everyone. That's why I do it, to escape that feeling. To give in to no person's demands but my own. To satisfy me for once."
Draco lowered her arms and released them. He stared at her, his glare had fallen, and his features were covered in something she'd never known from him before. And without warning much like the kiss, he hugged her.
The new sincerity coming from Draco shocked her, but what shocked her even more was her own actions of hugging him right back. The tears were back again, and matched with the hollow, dead feeling she had inside, a dull ache bore a hole in heart as she realized that this strange confrontation had made her feel again. Had given her a piece of something she'd never known, a kind of quiet understanding that she only shared with the blonde hugging her.
He didn't say a word as she clung to him and sobbed. He'd gotten her to confess to her self infliction, got her to truly face herself. Not to mention scored a kiss in the process at the same time. He knew why he wanted to get her to do it, but he wasn't about to confess anything to her right now, because it would be careless and she wouldn't understand. How could she? She barely understood herself...
End of Chapter 10 and Comments- - - A/N: I'm not J. K. Rowling. I don't own any of the characters.
Tried to make it longer as per request. The end of this chapter didn't end quite how I wanted it to, but hopefully you guys are wondering what Draco's up to. Hope you liked this chapter. And to those of you in the States, Happy 4th of July! Only twelve more days until Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince! I can't wait!