Catherine's Deal

Silent Cobra

Disclaimer: I don't own em.

"I always wondered what it would be like to have sex on a desk."

That was how it started, innocently enough, I guess. Well, not really. Who would want to have sex on a hard desk anyway? Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. You're probably really confused as to what I'm talking about.

It started near the beginning of graveyard. Me and Sara went to a 419. We did all the usual, photos, trace pick up, and then we ALSed the desk.

Talk about seminal stains, I mean, JEEZ! Someone was having some serious fun on that desk. We traded unbelieving glances before swabbing every stain on that desk.

There were a total of 38 stains. THIRTY-EIGHT! Whoever the seminal fluid belonged to, they really like the desk.

We swung by the DNA lab (My former roost, but no longer!) and dropped the swabs off. A few hours later we knew that the stains came from one male, one female. Goody.

Sara and I were talking softly about the case when we walked into the break room. That's when Sara said it.

"I've always wondered what it would be like to have sex on a desk."

We stopped. Catherine, Warrick, and Nick were staring at us from the table. They were going over some evidence. Warrick had a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, and Nick was just shaking his head. Catherine looked back down at the evidence.

"Not very comfy, Sara, I wouldn't recommend it."

Well, that put us in our place, I can tell you. Everyone looked at her in surprise.

"You've had sex on a desk?" I asked.

"Yup," she said. Sara and I traded glances again.

"Seriously, you're not bull shitting me?"

"I would never do such a thing, Greg."

"Yeah, I believe it," I muttered.

"What desk?" Nick asked.

"How many desks do I have, Nicky?" Catherine asked with a roll of her eyes.

"Here? At CSI?"

"Right in one," Catherine said, a wicked simile on her face.

"You made me lick that desk!" Nick yelled.

"You lost that piece of evidence, you had to be punished."

Sara stared at her. "Catherine, you have problems."

Catherine leaned back and stared at us, smiling.

"With who?" I asked.

"Now, you don't expect me to tell you, do you?"

Warrick arched his eyebrow. Nick just stared at her.

"Please?" Sara asked. Catherine smiled at us. She leaned forward and we all stepped closer to her.

"I'll make you all a deal; I'll give one hundred dollars to the person who can figure out who I had sex with…"

I went for a swab.

"Without swabbing the desk, Greggo," she said with a smirk.

"Then how?"

"Good ol' fashion deductive reason, Greg."

I shrugged. "I'm for it."

"Me too, I want to know," Sara said with a grin. We high-fived. Nick and Warrick nodded in agreement.

"Alrighty then," Sara said, "Greg and I have to check in with Grissom, and we'll see you guys later."

We walked out in a slight state of shock. Yup, shock. It was still hard to grasp the fact that Catherine had sex on her desk…

"Can you?"

"No," Sara said as we walked down the hall, "I can't believe it, and I won't until we have evidence."

"My thoughts exactly," Nick said as he joined us.

"Where's Warrick?"

"He has to type up a few more reports, but I'm all finished so I get to go home!" Nick said happily. "And I'm sleeping in tomorrow, it's my day off."

"Lucky bastard," Sara muttered playfully. We said our goodbyes as Nick headed to go sign out and Sara and I headed for Grissom's office.

"If it's Nick's day off tomorrow, I wonder who'll be standing in for Swings." I said, mostly to myself.

"You are, Greg."

Sara and I spun to face Grissom. He had his typical half smile on his face, and was holding our reports.

"I am?"

"Yes, you're with Catherine and Warrick tomorrow."

I felt an evil smile blossom over my face. This was perfect, utterly perfect.

Bwhahahaha!

NEXT DAY

I arrived twenty minutes late. It should've been a clue to how things were going to go, but I ignored it. And honestly, it wasn't that bad.

Damn, I'm getting ahead of myself again.

Anyway, showed up for Swing Shift and found Cath and Warrick waiting for me in her office. I eyed the desk with some trepidation. It was so close…If only I could swab it…

But that would be cheating, and I want to win fair and square.

"Bout time, Greggo," Warrick said.

"Sorry."

Catherine waved it off. "We have a robbery gone bad to process, let's go."

We went to the botched robbery scene and processed. I won't bore you with the details, I'm sure you all watch those shows on the Discovery Channel.

We finished and returned to HQ only to run into Brass. He had a missing college girl and wanted us to process her dorm room.

So of course, being good little CSIs, we did.

Nothing to write home about. The room was damn near empty.

We got a final call that night, the sun had set and the artificial lights of Vegas took over, casting a strange hue into the night.

Wow, that sounded poetic.

So, back to what I was saying, we got a call at a park of a possible DB. So we went.

The 'body' was on the bench, limp and possibly lifeless.

"Have paramedics pronounced?" Catherine asked. We had been so busy that I hadn't had any time to investigate the sex on a desk case. It irked me.

"No, they're running late," Vega said. Warrick stood over the DB and shined his light on the man.

"Homeless guy, perhaps?"

The man's eyes flew open and he launched himself at Warrick. Guns were drawn quicker than you could say 'Deoxyribonucleic acid,' (DNA for those who haven't taken a high school biology class yet, don't worry, it'll come, and perhaps you'll get my old job).

"Easy man," Vega said. They pulled him aside. I returned to the Tahoe and replaced our kits, all of ours. Sometimes I hate being the new kid, I gotta do everything for everyone else.

I started to walk around the edge of the Tahoe when the case broke right in front of me.

Warrick and Catherine were standing close to each other on the other side of the Tahoe, very close. She had her hand up and was cupping his cheek.

I frowned. What the hell?

Suddenly, Warrick grinned. "Do I get the one hundred dollars if I figure it out?"

Catherine laughed and hit his chest. "Gee, I think that would be too easy, War."

War? She calls him War? I had to stifle a laugh. Then it registered what he had just asked her.

"Aw, Cat, that's not fair!" He smiled and bent down, their lips touched and I nearly fell from behind the Tahoe.

YES! I jumped in the air and silently did the happy dance.

I stopped and frowned. She doesn't let me call her 'Cat!'

NEXT DAY

It was the next day. I was back on Graves, and Nick had returned to work. I was about to head to shift debriefing, when I saw Lindsey.

"Hey, kiddo," I called out.

She grinned. "Hey Greg, you see my mom or Warrick?"

I arched an eyebrow, "Warrick?"

"Yeah, he's supposed to cook dinner tonight, and I have a request."

I stared at her. "He cooks dinner for you?"

"He basically lives with us, Greg," she said dryly, rolling her eyes like the world should know.

I felt the evil grin spread over my face.

I had her now.

FEW MINUTES LATER

Catherine, Warrick and Nick sat on one side of the table, and Grissom, Sara, and Sophia sat on the other. I watched silently from the outside for a few minutes before making my way into the debriefing room.

"Catherine Willows!" I said with authority. They all went silent and stared at me. I held my hand out to her.

"You owe me one hundred dollars."

Catherine arched her eyebrow. "Oh, I do, do I?"

"I know who it was, Cat," I emphasized Warrick's nickname for her. Her eyes widened a fraction of an inch. Grissom and Sophia traded confused looks, they had no idea what any of us were talking about.

Nick and Sara were looking at me. "You figured it out?" Nick asked.

I nodded, "All thanks to you, Nicky. If yesterday hadn't been your day off…" I drifted off.

"Well, Greggo, who was it then?" Catherine asked.

I closed my eyes and spun around. My finger stopped at Warrick.

"It was Warrick Brown, in Catherine's office, with-" I stopped, suddenly realizing what they could've done with a candlestick…

Catherine shook her head. "Damn, Greg. How'd you figure that out?"

"You guys need to be a little more careful of what you talk about, and what you do at crime scenes."

"Oh."

"What are you guys talking about?" Sophia asked.

Catherine reached into her pocket and pulled out a one hundred dollar bill. She handed it to me. "I always keep my word."

I took the bill and smiled dashingly at Warrick, before blowing him a kiss.

Suddenly, Nick leapt to his feet. "Wait, it was Warrick?"

I looked at him sourly, "Are you deaf, I already said that."

Nick punched the air and jumped around for a few minutes. "Five Hundred sixty two dollars and twenty-nine cents to ME!"

"What?" Catherine said.

"Damn, you're right!" I muttered. I had forgotten all about that…

Grissom shook his head sadly. "Two years, down the drain."

Sophia sighed and put her head in her hands. "I thought we had it nailed."

Catherine was looking at us like we were crazy.

Sara leaned back. "You can buy us dinner then, Nicky."

"What are you people talking about?" Catherine demanded.

"Well," Nick said, "It's like this. For the past two years, we've had a running pool on you Catherine, basically, taking bets on which CSI you would sleep with first."

Her mouth was hanging open. She glanced at Warrick. "Who'd you bet on?"

"I wanted to stay alive, so I didn't bet on anyone." He smiled seductively at her, "I didn't need to."

Whoa, Cat's out of the bag now.

"The top five choices were as follows," Nick said, "One, Grissom."

Catherine looked at Grissom and frowned.

"Two, me." Nick said with a laugh.

"Three, Greg."

"How many times did you bet on yourself, Greg?" Warrick asked dryly. I shot him a dirty look and gave him a one fingered salute.

"Four…Sara."

Catherine and Sara looked at each other in surprise and both back their chairs a little farther apart.

"I voted for that one," I said. Sara threw a pen at my head.

"And five, this one's the worst…Ecklie…"

"Ewww…" We all cringed and traded sickened looks.

"If I ever find out who said it would be Ecklie, they are going to die."

So that was how I solved the case of Sex on a Desk. Nick did take us all out to dinner, and I made Warrick cook me some of the Cajun rice that Lindsey had talked about.

Damn good stuff, too.

Catherine never did find out who said she'd end up sleeping with Ecklie, she was to busy with Warrick.

I finally did get a chance to ALS Catherine's desk. They don't like it near as much as the first desk Sara and I saw.

Speaking of Sara, it wasn't long after I broke the Sex on a Desk case that I caught her in the locker room with…

Naw, I won't tell ya.

That's a story for another day.