Little Shop of Mutants
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer"Are you always this stupid or do you do this just to annoy me".
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Another parody being redone! This is a parody of 'Little Shop of Horrors', no, not the very first movie that was made in 2 days, nor the stage show, but the 1986 musical movie! If you haven't seen it, then you SHOULD!.
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ACT 1 - The most inocent and unlikey of places
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We open out into space, where words appear on the screen, star-wars-esque, as Xavier's voice can be heard reading them
"On the twenty-third day of the month of September. In an early year of a decade not too long before our own, the human...and mutant race suddenly encountered a deadly threat to its very existence. And this terrifying enemy surfaced, as such enemies often do, in the seemingly most innocent and unlikely of places".
Xavier gives a chuckle.
"That sounded good".
The space scene suddenly becomes a puddle, in which a bottle is dropped. We pan out to see in a dark and dirty part of Bayville, right outside a flower shop. We start to hear voices singing
Little shop, little shoppa mutants
Little
shop, little shoppa terror
Call
a cop. Little shoppa mutants
Little shop, little shoppa mutants
No,
oh, oh, no-oh!
Bop
sh'bop, little shoppa terror
Watch
'em drop! Little shoppa mutants
No,
oh, oh, no-oh!
Out of an alley beside the shop come Wanda, Tabby and Rogue, dressed very much how you would expect a 60's female band to dress, they sing as they walk to the front outside of the show.
Shing-a-ling, what a creepy thing
To
be happening!
Look out!, sings Wanda
Look out!, sings Tabby
Look out!, sings Rogue.
They begin to sing in unison as they dance in the street.
Look out!
Shang-a-lang, feel the sturm
And
drang in the air.
There is a bolt of lightning and suddenly the girls are now on a balcony overlooking the shop
Sha-la-la, stop right where you are
Don't
you move a thing
You better, tellin' you, you better
Tell
your mama somethin's gonna get her
She
better, ev'rybody better
Beware!
As the rain starts to pour, the girls point down and we pan down the street to the shop again, where the girls have magically re-appeared on the street, and are walking in single file
Oh, here it comes, baby
Tell no bums, baby
Oh, no, no
They stop and turn around walking backwards across the street towards the shop
Oh, hit the dirt, baby
Hit the dirt, baby
Oh, oh, oh, Oh, oh-oh, oh.
Alley Oop, haul it off the stoop
Child, I'm warnin' you
Look
out, look out, look out, look out
Run away
Child, you gotta pay if you play
Yeah, yeah, yeah
We cut to the interioor of the shop, where Todd is reading a paper, the headline being about an unextpected total eclipse of the sun. Wanda, Tabby and Rogue appear behind him, but it is almost as if they don't exist, as he doesn't see nor hear them
Look around
Somethin's comin' down, down the street for you
You
betcha
You betcha, you bet your butt you betcha
Best
believe it, somethin's come ta getcha
You
betcha, you better watch your back and your tail
They go further into the shop, and start to walk down to the basement
Comma comma comma
Little
shop, little shoppa mutants
Bop
sh-bop, you'll never stop the terror
Little
shop, little shoppa mutants
No,
oh, oh, no, oh, oh, no, oh, oh, no!
They all stop and point over to where Kurt is ballanced on some boxes, putting things on shelves, he doesn't seem to notice them either.Suddenly, the shelf collapses, bringing Kurt and everything else with it to the floor
"Kurt, what's goin' on down there", shouts Todd from upstairs
"Very little, Mr Tolensky", says Kurt, picking himself up, then groans"...man, you are going to enjoy this vay too much".
Kurt dusts himself off and begins to clear up the mess. He turns on the radio as he does so for a new bulletin, voiced by Lance
"...'Till the weekend. And at a press conference today, President Kennedy fielded questions concerning last Thursdays total eclipse of the sun", says Lance"An unpresedented astrological phenomenon which has baffled the nation".
Kurt sighs, turning off the radio. Acorss the street, Amanda steps out of her home, dressed rather...bizarely and sporting a black eye. She crosses the street, stepping over a few drunks on the way and enters the shop
"Ahhh, so she finallly decides to come to work", says Todd
Amanda walks behind the counter happily oblivious to anything Todd has said
"Good morning Mr Tolensky", she says.
"What mornin'? It's almost closin' time", snaps Todd"Not that we had a customer".
Amanda goes into a back room and hangs up her coat and looks at her face in a compact mirror, there is another ominous crash from downstairs
"Kurt, what in the name of God is goin' on down there", he shouts at the floor"Amanda, will ya go down an' see what he's...".
Todd pauses, seeing Amanda's black eye
"Amanda..where'd ya get that shiner", he says, pointing at it.
Amanda gasps, busted. She plays it off by pretending nothing is wrong
"Shiner", she asks inocently.
"Amanda, that greasy boyfriend'a yours is beatin' up on you again", he asks"Look, I know it 'aint none of my buisness, but I'm beginin' ta think he's maybe not such a nice boy".
Kurt starts to come into the shop from upstairs, carrying a box of plant pots
"I got these pots unloaded for you Mr...", Kurt says, before yelping, tripping up and breaking all the pots.
"Kurt, look what ya've done to the inventory", snpas Todd, then grinned"oh, Lordy, the sweet power"
Amanda drops down to the floor to help Kurt
"Don't yell at Kurt, Mr Tolensky", she says.
"Hi Amanda. You look radiant today", smiles Kurt"Ees that new eye makeup".
Amanda blinks before standing up and sighing
"I'll help him clean it up before any of the customers get here", she says.
"That should give ya plenty'a time. Oh God, what an existance I got", sobs Todd"Misfit employees, bums on the sidewalk, buisness is lousy. My life is a living Hell".
"Aren't ve a little ray of sunshine", mutters Kurt
He notices Wanda, Tabby and Rogue, now in street clothes, leaning on the front of his shop window
"Hey, you urchins", shouts Todd, banging on the glass to get their attention"Shoo shoo shoo. Move, move, go away".
They roll their eyes and start to trudge off, but Todd steps out of the shop to yell at them some more
"No loitering", he shouts, then winces"sorry, poopsie"
"Man, I wasn't loitering", says Tabby"Were you, Wanda".
"Not me, Tabby", says Wanda"Were you, Rogue".
"You outta be in school", growls Todd.
"Yeah, well we're on a split shift", says Rogue
"That's right", smirks Tabby"We went to school until fifth grade, then we split".
"So", asks Todd"How do ya intend ta better yaselves".
"Better oursleves? You heard what he said?. Better ourselves", says Wanda, then snorts"Mister, when you're from Skid Row, ain't no such thing".
With that, the three walk off
"And cut", grins Warren, flying in, wearing a directors cap.
"A'h have issues with the costumes a'h have ta wear, though appearin' in different places in a blink of an eye, without people seeing us is cool", muses Rogue
"Forge made the gadget that does it", says Warren, then pauses"...it also changes the costumes".
"That...explains alot", blinks Wanda
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Weee, act one done! Do review. Until next time...