Two Sides of One Heart:

No Matter How Much It Hurts

Part III

Ai

A/N: regular/Kikyou, italicized/Kagome, bold italics/both

Turning away from you,

I look straight ahead,

There's a tree, which hides her…

My back is firmly pressed against the tree,

But I know she can still see me,

I know she knows I'm here…

I laugh dryly,

It's all I could think to do,

To not let myself cry…

I swallow fearfully,

As I hear her laugh,

It sends shivers up my spine…

I declare that you're pathetic,

A weakling,

Always making the same mistake…

I clench my fists,

As I hear her insult you,

Because I know that it's hurting you…

I come up with as many insults as possible,

Trying to hurt you so much,

That'd you'd hate me…

Closing my eyes,

I pray that she'll stop,

Stop tormenting me…

Slowly I turn around,

Making sure that you can't see her,

I need to see if you're hurting…

Tears start falling more rapidly,

As I take in all that she's said,

And the fact that you love her so much that you'd take it…

You still have the same look on your face,

Compassionate and caring,

The look that used to be just mine…

I stop breathing,

As I listen to see if the two of you are talking,

But I hear nothing…

You walk up to me,

And put your hands on my shoulders,

And without thinking I lay my head on your chest…

I still hear nothing,

So I slowly look from behind the tree,

To see her laying her head on your chest…

I want to tell you everything,

About how I still love you,

How I still need you…

It takes all of my strength not to run away,

Just seeing how perfect you look with her,

Destroys all of my hopes of us…

Your bangs brush against my face,

As you lean down and whisper to me,

That you'll be there for me, always…

I watch you whisper into her ear,

I don't even want to think about what you said,

It'd just hurt me more…

Calling out your name softly,

I look into your eyes,

And cut your hand with my dagger…

Gasping, I stare in horror,

She seemed so at peace before,

But now she's attacking you…

You're in shock as you look at the blood,

I'm in shock, too,

I didn't think that I could've ever hurt you again…

I feel like yelling out to you,

Telling you to stop loving her,

But I can't…

Slowly, you take your hand off my shoulder,

Unintentionally dripping blood on my kariginu,

And though I want to bandage your hand, I laugh…

Just when I thought I couldn't cry any harder,

I do,

I just don't understand why I can't be the one that you love?

I back away and call you a fool,

Letting your heart control your mind,

When I'm really wishing I could be that way…

I bite my lip,

Trying not to sob loudly,

Because I know in your heart you've chosen her…

I want to rush back into your arms,

And never let go,

But I know I can't…

It feels like I've been sobbing for days,

And then suddenly I stop,

I know that she has something planned…

The only way to make you let go of me,

Is to hurt you,

So I calmly look behind me…

She's looking straight into my eyes,

And I freeze,

Is she going to hurt me?

Facing forwards,

I walk pass you and whisper,

For you to look at the tree nearest to where I was standing…

You're looking at me,

But your eyes look as though their looking at her,

Are you still thinking about her, or…

Closing my eyes,

I walk on,

Knowing that you are choosing her…

You just stare at me for awhile,

Not saying a word,

Then you turn around and tell her to wait…

I stop and look at you,

Once again putting on a tough face,

I can't let you see my pain…

Tears start to run down my face,

I can't think anymore,

So I just run…

You once again face her,

So I scoff and walk away,

Moving more rapidly as I get farther away…

My heart is pounding in my chest,

And I feel like running back to you,

But instead I tread on…

Tears are streaming down my face,

And I'm looking back every few seconds,

Part of me wishing you were behind me…

But I know you're not,

Because I know you're not mine,

You belong to her…

I slow my pace,

Stopping to look up at the moon,

The lonely moon…

Falling to my knees,

I curse my luck,

For finding you…

The wind blows my hair,

As I close my eyes,

And imagine you…

I can't but remember,

All the good times we had together,

I even remember the bad times…

But the bad times were good, too,

Because then,

I had you…

Slowly standing up,

I take a deep breath,

And prepare to go on…

But even as I start to walk,

Farther and farther away,

I can't help but whisper your name…

"Inuyasha…"

Looking back one more time,

I remind myself,

That you're not mine…

You belong to her,

You are her protector,

You are her other half…

There's nothing more I can do,

It was destined to be this way,

So I have to let you be together…

No matter how much it hurts…

A/N: So that's the end of my 3 part poem series. So yeah, that's why I just can't hate Kikyou or Kagome, because in my opinion they're both hurting. They both love Inuyasha and they both feel that they can't have him. I just don't understand how anybody can hate two girls that are in so much pain.

Well thanks for reading and please review.

SHA