TITLE: Family
AUTHOR: Pedellea
E-MAIL: [email protected]
DATE: March 9, 2001
RATING: G
SUMMARY: Carlos reflects on his life after a tragic event.
SPOILERS: Welcome to Camelot, Unfinished Business
DISCLAIMER: Third Watch belongs to John Wells Production and Warner Brothers. There you are. Short and sweet.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Weirdly enough, I chose Carlos to write a story about on the aftermath of Unfinished Business. I guess his tears made me reflect on his character. Anyways, hope you enjoy.

I've never really belonged anywhere.

At the age of three, my mom left me at an orphanage. My dad died before that, and had left the two of us alone. She probably got tired of taking care of me.

When I first got to the orphanage, I used to cry all the time because I had no parents anymore. Having no parents doesn't really bother me now. It's just how my life has turned out.

Almost all of my childhood was spent in either an orphanage, or in a foster home. The longest I spent in one single place I called "home" was about 4 years. Having been in 6 different foster homes in my lifetime, I'm used to change.

When I was younger, I tried hard to be accepted, to make friends. That always resulted in heartbreak on my part, having to cut the fragile bonds I had tried so hard to make.

When I grew up a bit, I smartened up. I didn't really develop any deep relationships with anyone, let alone make any friends in the first place. I knew with my life, deep relationships would never last anyways. Why bother making them, right?

As soon as I could, I broke away from what I was used to. I guess not having a real family took a toll on me, so I decided that I needed to go somewhere I could make one. I joined the Marines when I was 17. After 4 years serving as corpsman of the Marines, I left. The Marines was not what I was looking for. Too rigid for my liking.

It was then that I started pre-med school. In the Marines, I discovered that helping people was what I liked to do, so I decided to give it pre-med a shot. Dr. Nieto does have a nice ring to it. It's not exactly easy to enrol into university when there's no one to support you financially, though, so I did some paramedic courses, which I passed, and got placed in New York's 57th Battalion where I would earn money to support my education.

Within a couple of days of working there, Jerry, one of the guys I rode with, was shot pretty severely. I was struck by the unity of everyone who worked there, how they all were at the hospital waiting for his outcome, comforting his wife and kids as if they were related. The feeling of family was strong, and I knew it was where I wanted to belong.

I guess I'm not the kind of guy who would easily feel or be accepted, because after a while of working there, I didn't feel as if I was becoming part of the big family I wanted to be in. In fact, I felt more and more like an outsider. I thought maybe I was just chasing another fantasy that could never really be achieved. At least for me, anyways. I had to keep on working there, though, because I had bills to pay, and I wasn't prepared to abandon my other dream of one day becoming a doctor.

The turning point, for me, came when Bobby was shot and killed. When we were still waiting for Bobby to come out of surgery, I remember telling Doc that I didn't feel I had become part of the family even though I had worked with them for quite a while.

When he came to find me to tell me that Bobby's mom wanted us to be there to hear what the doctor had to say, and I asked him why she would want me there, what Doc said to me really hit a chord - "YOU'RE FAMILY".

A complete stranger, wanting me, an orphan since the age of three, with no blood relatives to call his own, to be there when the doctor told her about her son... it was then I felt I had finally become a part of the family.

I'm not really an emotional person, but I have to admit that Bobby's death really did upset me. It was the first time in a long time that I cried for someone. I guess that's something that you do when you lose a member of your family.

Finally, the void where only one thing can take its place has been filled. I have a "family" I can call my own.

The definition of "family" for me isn't the normal "parents and a kid or two", at least not for the next couple of years.

But for now, I think I've found my substitute.

Looks like the writers will be exploring Carlos' character very soon... he seems like a very complex character that could take some deconstructing, see why he is the way he is.

Still kinda disappointed to see Bobby being killed off, but I do hope Bobby Cannavale will have success in his future pursuits!

Well, hope you've enjoyed this little piece!

Feedback is always apreciated!!! Please send it to [email protected]. Thanks a bunch!