A/N: Hooray for rewrites! I now have the first ten chapters finished. The first few chapters have only minute changes, but in the last few chapters, I actually changed the way the plot progresses. I was going to write the entire story first, but let me give you three words: COLLEGE APPLICATION ESSAYS. I HATE them. I've already written more than I can stand, and I'm not even halfway done. Today, however, I started working on this instead of my essays, so now I can at least get something out before the end of the year. I really wish I could update faster (because I know how frustrating it is when authors don't), and as soon as I'm done applying to So-and-So University and Random State School of the Artsy Fartsy, I'll get my procrastinating ass in gear and finish this story.
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park.
Wednesday, March 16
Dear Journal,
Shit, I don't know why I'm writing in here; I hate these stupid things. I got this journal last year for Christmas, and this is the first time I've actually used it. But I don't know how else to get out what I want to say. There's something really bothering me, and no matter how much I'd like to talk to somebody about it, I just can't. No one can know, not even my best friend in the entire world. In fact, that would just make things a whole lot worse. You see, I realized something today...I think I'm falling in love with my best friend.
I don't know how all of this started. Everything was fine until a few months ago, when I started to get this weird, kinda nervous feeling whenever I was around Kyle. I thought it was strange, considering I'd never been nervous around him before. I mean, he's just my friend; what's there to be nervous about? I started thinking about him a lot, to the point where he was all I ever thought about. I didn't think it was normal for a friend to be thinking about another friend like that, so I tried to ignore it. I tried to come up with other things to occupy my thoughts, like school and football, but it never worked. I even tried going out with lots of girls, so maybe I'd think about them instead, but that didn't work either. Even if I was in the middle of a date with a girl, I'd still be thinking of Kyle the whole time, wishing he were there instead. I started to think about that kind of stuff, going on dates with Kyle and kissing him at the end of the night. It freaked me out at first, but then I realized that I...actually liked that idea.
That's when I knew that I didn't just think of Kyle as a friend. So yeah, I kinda developed a crush on him. I hid it well, though. I don't think he had any idea. I was hoping it was just a phase, that maybe everybody becomes gay for their best friend every once in a while, and that my weird feelings for him would go away with time. Well, they sure didn't. In fact, from then on, I started liking him more and more. I was beginning to think that this wasn't just a crush after all.
I don't know what made today any different. The way I first started to think that I might love him was actually pretty strange. We were in the hall at school going to our next classes. I passed by him briefly, he said "hey" and continued down the hallway, and that's when I realized it. What a stupid way to realize you love somebody. But that did it for me for some reason. I guess I've loved him for a long time and didn't know it. I really don't know what made today so special, but I guess I would've figured it out sooner or later anyway.
Now I don't know what to do. I wish more than anything that I could tell him, but there's just no way I could do that. He'd never love me as more than anything than just a friend. I guess that's the way it should be. Even if I have to hide this secret for a long, long time, I'd rather do that than lose the most important person in my life, my best friend.
Oh shit, the phone just rang; it's probably Kyle. My mom answered it, and now she's knocking on the door, so yeah, it is. I hope he hasn't noticed how weird I've been acting lately. He can never find out the truth...never.