In the Cards…

After the scene in the broom shed, Lily and James both knew a confrontation was building between them. It came to fruition one evening the next week when Lily, tired from her new isolated life in the library, entered the common room to see James hugging Olivia tightly.

Electricity sparked crimson through her body, and before she could stop herself, she called out, "James!"

Lily marched up to the boys' dorm, not bothering to wait for him, driven by a dull aching at the pit of her stomach. He dawdled slightly, but before long they were both silent and rigid in privacy.

"What was that?"

James shrugged, "A hug."

"I'm alone all day," Lily began, "Because that wench stole my friend. And now she's trying to steal my boyfriend."

James shook his head, "You are alone all day because you won't let anyone near you. And she's not a wench."

Lily's mouth dropped at his defense of someone she so desperately needed to hate. "I live with her. You barely know her."

"I know her pretty well, actually. And I know how upset she is about her grandmother dying."

For a moment Lily wanted to sympathize with Olivia, but she the misery filling her life lately would not allow it. "And how would you know that?"

"We talked about it," his emphasis on the communicating verb was not lost on Lily, "this summer.

"This summer?" she asked quietly.

"She was over for dinner a few times… with her family. I see them every holiday." Each phrase he added was intended to cushion the blow, but they each ripped at Lily a little more.

Lily tried to suppress the jealousy comparing the number of times she had been to James' to the number of times Olivia had been there. Did Megan like Olivia more than her? She turned the hurt into anger and pressed on.

"Oh, how wonderful for you. Really."

James rolled his eyes, sick of her taking her constant unhappiness out on him, "You're overreacting."

With tears in her eyes, she spat, "I'm not overreacting."

He reached towards her, but she pushed him back. He threw his hands up in defeat, exclaiming, "This is ridiculous. What do you want me to do?"

Lily hugged her arms as closely to her body as she could, "Be with me. Not with her."

"She needed me."

"And I don't?"

"No, you don't."

The simplicity of his statement cracked inside of Lily like thunder. How could he think she did not need him? She stopped fighting her tears and let them flow freely down her face- a cascade of all the pent up emotions she had been trying to deny.

"I don't want anyone to see how it's getting to me," she whispered.

Lily's tears brought relief to James and he spoke to her gently, "Hate to break it to you love, but everyone can already see it."

"You couldn't possibly understand the kind of pressure I'm under- the kind of scrutiny."

He laughed softly, "Lily. Everyone in the entire castle is waiting for me to fail. Waiting for me to live up to my legacy. Even you." He paused, "Even me."

"They think I'm filth." Her voice broke.

"They're wrong."

"I can't do this, I can't." She began to sob and his arms closed around her, encasing her shaking form, protecting her as best he could.

"Let me help you."

Her nod into his chest was indecipherable from her body's desperate shudders. After a while, Lily's tears slowed and she had reduced to trembling slightly. Her puffy eyes looked up at James and he smiled at her. Though timid, she smiled back, a real smile that broke the worried tension of her face.

Lily looked at his tear-splotched shirt and laughed slightly. "Sorry."

James shrugged, "I'm your bloke. It comes with the territory."

She sat on the edge of his bed.

"Lily, tomorrow you have to go to breakfast."

"I know."

"And you can't hide in the library all day."

"I know."

He sat next to her. "Everything will be fine."

"I know."

"Do you?"

She shook her head. "No. But I know I can't let it get to me anymore. And I know I have you…"

She trailed off, reaching her hand up to his cheek.

James closed his eyes. He did not realize, in the midst of all their rampant snogging, how much he missed the sweet and gentle Lily. How could one person be so innocent one minute and then so overtly sexual the next?

Lily's hand left his face as she scooted herself further onto his bed, taking off her shoes. She leaned back on his pillows, releasing her hair from a constraining bun. James watched as it fell to her shoulders, luring him to the inner area of his mattress. She motioned to the curtains with her eyes. He hesitated for a moment, slipped off his shoes, and closed them into a deeper privacy. He crawled towards her slowly, trying to figure her out. He lay next to her, unsure.

"James," she whispered rolling onto her side and sliding one of her legs over his. He automatically put an arm around her, as her face hovered over his own. She leaned in and kissed him slowly. James' heart began racing, despite the calm of her kiss. This was a different Lily than he knew. Even when they were crushing each other with frenzied desire, she was not like this—so sure; so ready. Was he? Was this right?

He pulled away from her, to examine her face. The desire was there, as it had been in the broom shed, but the fear was not. He separated a strand of her hair, twisting it around his finger like a candy cane.

This was not a chaotic moment, the recent emotions running high in them both had dispersed. Lily's tears had had a cathartic effect on them both.

"What's wrong?" she asked quietly.

He smiled, "Nothing."

He pushed her onto her back, taking her former position he leaned over her face to cover her mouth with his own. His tongue parted her lips without urgency and for a few minutes they calmly kissed. But their bodies soon began to react. Lily arched her back, and James slid his hands anywhere there was no resistance. He took off his shirt and her fingers roamed his chest and back. He moved to her neck and Lily pulled at his hair. He undid her shirt, an automatic procedure he had gotten used to. But as Lily's hands reached for his belt, James stopped. Up to then had been habit. This was uncharted territory. He tried to speak but could not form the proper words. Lily smiled. Her words failed her as well, but the message came across. She stopped fiddling with his pants and began to remove her own clothing. James watched stupidly as Lily unzipped the side of her skirt, unhooked her bra, and shrugged it off. She covered her body self-consciously, but James pushed her hands away and smiled at her. He tilted her blushing face towards his own and kissed her. Pushing off his pants, he settled his body over hers…

Later, as Lily lay sleeping, curled peacefully at his side, James wondered if anyone had come in during—well, during the most amazing experience of his life. He gazed at Lily, her hair tangled down her back, some of it spilling onto his chest. Carefully, James lifted the sheet to peek underneath. He grinned for a minute to himself but Lily began to stir.

She stretched, causing the sheet to uncover her naked chest. Lily hastily pulled it back up, and looked sheepishly at James.

He shook his head, "No use doing that, love. I've seen, felt, and memorized the goods already."

She smiled, "I should go."

He sat up and slipped on his boxers. Out of the bed, he gathered her clothing from a pile on floor, making sure to keep the curtains tightly shut. When Lily was dressed, James peeked out of his bed. If anyone had come in earlier, they had left just as quietly.

"Coast's clear."

Lily shoved her feet into her shoes and made for the door, but James caught her arm.

"What's wrong?" He put both hands on either side of her face and kissed her.

Standing on her tip toes she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. He hugged her back, with equal intensity.

"Nothing," she pulled away, studying his face. "Does this… change anything?"

"It certainly makes it harder for me not to want to shag you senseless every time you walk passed me," he joked. He straightened her badge, "Let's keep you presentable, eh?" Taking her hand, he tugged her towards the door.

"As I was saying," James put on as they emerged in the common room, "We should discuss the new regulations about Hogsmeade visits as soon as possible with the prefects."

Lily nodded seriously, "I completely agree; I'm glad we've figured that out."

Remus watched them through narrowed eyes as they arranged themselves on the couch next to Sirius.

James whispered to Lily, "Maybe we could figure it out again tomorrow?"

She shrugged, "I'll see if I can fit you in."

Sirius cleared his throat, causing James to look up. The three other boys were staring at them with obvious interest. Lily said goodbye to James with a lingering kiss and excused herself.

Sirius gaped at Remus, "No way."

Remus stared at James and Sirius repeated. "No way."

James acted confused, "What?"

Remus shook his head, "Don't do that. Don't be a tit. You know what."

Peter looked around the room out of habit, making sure they were out of hearing distance of the other students who were still up.

Sitting forward and rubbing his head James gave in. "How did you know?"

"You were up there for an hour and I could…" Remus trailed off and James did not care to hear which one of his keen senses had given them away.

Sirius agreed, "Not to mention how cozy you two were acting."

Remus ignored Sirius' addition, "How could you do that to her James?"

"I did it with her, Remus."

The brown haired boy shook his head, "She's confused and hurt; she didn't know what she was doing."

"That's out of order," Sirius remarked.

James jaw dropped. "What are you saying?"

Remus sighed, "Not like that—"

"—I think that's what you meant. She wasn't pissed, yeah? I didn't force her."

His voice was a hoarse whisper; his eyes were dangerously narrow.

Peter saw a fourth year stir and point his friend in their direction.

"Gents, perhaps we should move this elsewhere."

James shook his head, "No, I'm done. I'm not discussing this anymore. It's none of your business."

He stood to leave and Remus replied, "As people who are actually trying to help her, it is our business."

"All right, Lupin, do you want to take this outside? I'm tired but I can still clobber you."

Remus stood, "I'd like to see you try, Head Boy."

Sirius was next on his feet, "Let's just take a moment, huh? James! Just calm down."

"No. I'm off." James huffed towards the portrait hole.

Remus and Sirius sat back down.

Remus glared, "This is a right mess. He should have known better.

"Can you really fault him?" Peter asked.

"Can you really not?" Remus replied.

Sirius laughed, "You honestly expected him to turn down an opportunity to shag the girl he's been chasing for years?"

Remus shrugged, "Why aren't you more upset about this? I thought you hated the two of them together."

"I hated the two of them making each other—and me, I might add—miserable all the time. All that denying that they even wanted to be together. Useless."

Peter snorted, "They aren't denying anything anymore, though."

A smile almost cracked Remus' face, "At least not sexually anyway."

"That's the spirit," Sirius quipped.

The next day, Lily made an appearance at breakfast, just as she'd promised. While she mostly received plain hate mail, there was one howler in the bunch. The boys had been disposing of the letters for her and had taken to putting any stray howlers in glasses of water, as it was most effective. They warned her not to touch any envelopes: at first they had opened the letters because there was an occasional word of support, but Remus had suffered through some foul booby-traps in the process.

Remus was not the only person who watched Lily reach for toast off the rack. People all around the Hall were about whispering her return. He wondered if they also noticed how close she was sitting to James, or how comfortable his hand looked on her thigh.

Over the next few weeks, Lily shed her radical changes. By the Halloween Feast everything was practically back to normal, besides one major change in Lily's sleeping habits. Though she didn't dare do it too often, sleeping in James' bed had become an increasingly regular event.

At lunch on Halloween Sirius shared some bad news. James sat down next to him, eyeing the chips greedily.

"Malfoy's lurking around again. He was just here."

James rolled his eyes, "Brilliant."

"Why are you late? Where's Lily?"

"I just saw her."

"Where?"

Under Remus' scrutinizing gaze James cracked. "5th floor Girls' bathroom. She's fixing her hair."

Sirius raised his eyebrows, "That's my boy."

James reached for a sandwich, "She's coming in a minute."

Remus pointed over his shoulder, "There she is."

And indeed she was there, looking slightly flushed, albeit well groomed.

She joined them with a smile, and began eating chips off James' plate. James did not protest, as he had a particularly nice view of what he knew to be cleavage, if only Lily's shirt weren't buttoned so high.

"Do you want play quidditch or not tonight?" Sirius asked her.

Lily sighed. How many times was she going to have to explain this?

"I need a broom."

They had experimented on the one she had been using with a velocity hex and were unable to return it to it to a normal speed setting.

Sirius glared at James, who was too busy angling his head for a better view to notice. Not one for such delicacies to be lost on, he said, "James might have a broom you could ride."

Lily looked up to see James glaring back at Sirius, "You do?"

"I have a nice broom also," Sirius smirked before James could respond. Lily rolled her eyes but smiled.

Remus stood up from across the table, "This might not be appropriate, as I don't think we are talking about brooms any longer, but Lily cold just ride her own."

Three heads turned to look at him.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked.

"You could borrow one from the shed," Remus explained, catching Sirius glancing at Lily's skirt.

"Maybe she wants a broom that hasn't been used…" Peter supplied.

There was a long pause as Peter turned red and the others tried to think of something to say.

"No, Sirius, I don't want to play quidditch."

Sirius smiled broadly, "Thank you!" He turned to the others, "Seven o'clock?"

The house-elves outdid themselves for Halloween as usual. As the Marauders sat down to dinner, Sirius and James faced off over their latest controversy.

"He did not."

"Yes he did."

"Sirius, why would Professor Ramsey say 'blow cock' during a herbology lesson?"

"I don't know! I'm just saying he did."

James reached for a piece of lamb. "You must have misheard him."

Sirius shoveled pie into his mouth, "I know what I heard."

"Maybe it's what you wanted to hear," Remus added.

Sirius glared and mumbled into his mug of cider. James smiled, deciding to take the assist from Remus as a victory.

"I wish Prongs weren't so high profile; we could sneak out of here," Sirius changed the subject, munching on a tartlet.

Remus eyed his full plate, "Yeah, sure looks like you're ready to go. Your plate is as full as Peter's." Three out of four laughed heartily.

James looked around the room. Lily still hadn't come down yet. She was in an all teacher meeting, speaking as the voice of the students. The Great Hall was relatively calm considering only prefects were there to monitor the students. As Head Boy, James could have been helping, but he preferred eating. He assured himself he would step in before anything got too out of control.

His eyes shifted to the entrance and he smiled despite himself. There she was. Lily locked eyes with him as she walked towards the table.

She joined her friends at the far end and James lost track of her for a moment. The room was becoming awfully chaotic. Sighing and readying himself for Head Boy duties, he began to rise. But his movement was cut short when he heard a scream. Looking down the table, James saw Kate standing over a collapsed Lily. The four boys were out of their seats instantly.

James leapt over a sideways bench and kneeled in front of Lily's body. It took a few moments for the room to realize what was going on, but the people in the surrounding area formed an immediate crowd.

"Give us some room," he instructed.

The teachers were still finishing their meeting, James looked frantically around the room and realized he was in charge.

"She's not breathing. Sirius," James looked at his friend. Sirius nodded and ran for the door heading for Dumbledore's office.

Remus was talking to Kate and Olivia, "Sh-she was drinking and she just collapsed."

Peter reached for her glass and smelled it. "Smells like licorice."

James mind reeled, "What… that… that could be…" he had to do something. He had to get it together. "Morte sprout?" He looked at Remus, who nodded.

"We need to test it, with, em, a plant or something. A branch or a leaf…" he trailed off looking around the room.

Peter lunged for the garnish on the lamb plate. Rosemary sprigs. Carefully he dipped the stem and leaves into Lily's glass. It only took a few minutes for it to turn to ash.

Olivia gasped and Kate's hand flew to her mouth.

Remus grabbed for his potion book, flipping frantically through the pages.

James looked at Lily's face. She seemed to be turning gray. "If it's that fast acting, we don't have time to wait for Sirius."

Remus nodded, unable to find the page.

"Remus," James pleaded.

"It's in Chapter 7," Kate offered, flipping through for her own book.

"We're just students," Olivia stated. "Where are the professors?"

"It doesn't matter," Kate replied.

Remus let out a shout as he found the page. He kneeled on the floor next to James, reading aloud, " 'Deadly poison… urgent application of remedy…' What's the bloody remedy? Oh! 'Boil unicorn hair in water.'"

He looked at James, sweat on his brow, defeat in his eyes. James nodded, took a deep breath and pulled his wand from his pocket. "Boil some water."

Remus grabbed a glass off the table, muttering "Hervio" and watched as James snapped his wand in half, pulling a silver strand from in between the broken pieces of wood. He placed it in the water and stabilized himself on the ground, propping Lily's body against him, her back to his chest like so many times before. The unicorn hair dissolved into the water and shimmered like liquid opals.

Remus held the glass in his hands, shaking slightly, "Ready?"

James nodded and opened Lily's mouth as Remus poured the potion down her throat. It spilled down her chin, staining her shirt. Peter had taken over the book and a few girls in the crowd were beginning to cry. There was silence.

"How long before it works?"

Remus shrugged, "I don't know."

James' voice wavered. "Peter! How long?"

Peter skimmed the book, " 'If remedy applied with in acting time period, results should be instant.'" Unable to meet James' eyes, he looked at Remus.

Lily didn't stir. Remus sat back on his hands, all energy drained from fighting the facts that stared him in the face.

"Come on, Lily." Kate's voice was harsh.

James shook his head, "No. No…" Hastily he poured the last of the liquid into Lily's mouth, shaking her.

Suddenly she began to cough, spluttering the water everywhere. James let out a groan of relief, Remus lay flat on the floor clutching his heart, and Kate looked speechless as Olivia and Peter hugged.

There was a clatter as Dumbledore, Sirius and the other teachers pushed through the crowd. The professors began organizing people and sending them back to their tables while Dumbledore tried to sort out the scene before him: half a sprig of rosemary, a broken wand, three students gasping on the floor.

Sirius was trying to catch his breath as he helped Remus up. "I think I'm having a heart attack."

Ramsey helped Lily up and James rose to his feet on his own, waving off assistance. He clapped Peter on the back as Dumbledore began gathering evidence.

Kate wrapped Lily in a hug and Olivia was talking rapidly at Dumbledore, explaining the situation.

Sirius came to James' side, "If that wasn't a murder attempt, my mother isn't a batty bitch."

James clenched his fists. "What time did you see Malfoy here?"

Remus shook his head, "I watched him all day on the map; he left before classes were out."

"Doesn't mean he didn't plant something while he was here," Sirius offered.

"How could he have known where she was going to sit for dinner?" Remus rationalized. "Maybe it wasn't meant for Lily, maybe it was for anyone."

"How many people have daily threats made against them?" James asked

"How many people send them? Look, James, it might not have been Malfoy."

James stared at his friend, "Why are you defending him?"

"James is right. It can't be coincidence," Peter spoke up.

Sirius looked apologetically at Remus: he agreed with the others. "You didn't hear the way he threatened her last year. He meant it. This must have been building. He's been waiting for this, this payback."

Peter mumbled to himself, "'Head Girl murdered at Halloween Feast', it's a provocative headline. Powerful… Shows what they can do... Their reach."

James was no longer listening, his eyes had been scanning the crowd for accomplices and two Slytherins arguing in the doorway had caught his attention.

"Snivellus and Regulus."

Sirius turned to follow his gaze, seething. "If he had anything to do with this… I'll bloody kill him is what."

The two boys were in heated discussion. Through the commotion of the room they saw Snape shove Sirius' brother violently. Snape seemed to sense he was being watched, his eyes swept around the room and locked with James, who felt the usual spasm of hatred, but nothing of triumph or disappointment. Sirius' face was twisted with disgust, he made for the two Slytherins.

"Don't," James said, reaching out to stop his mate. "It wasn't him."

"But—" Sirius tried.

James shook his head, "That must have been about something else."

Dumbledore approached the boys as they stared each other down.

"Mr. Potter, may I have a word?"

Before leaving the room, he searched for Lily. She was heading towards the doors ahead of him, probably off to the hospital wing to be checked over. He nodded reassuringly and she followed Kate and Olivia up the stairs.

Remus and Peter were being interviewed by Slughorn, who was holding the text book that had saved Lily's life. Sirius moved to follow James and Dumbledore, but the Head Master prevented him.

"Mr. Black, please accompany Miss Evans."

James and Sirius exchanged silent looks and parted. Out of the noisy hall, James found himself tense.

"That was a great thing you did. You'll need a new wand, of course."

James almost laughed, "I can get a new wand."

The old man nodded, "I don't want you thinking you need to investigate this. We will handle it. An attempt on a student's life is a very serious offense, I'm sure you know."

James looked away.

"Albus!" Professor Morrison came running up to them. "A house elf has just confessed!"

"What?"

"Filch and Minerva are in kitchens with him."

James nearly choked, "A house elf? Just decided to poison the Head Girl?"

Dumbledore put out a settling hand. "Perhaps you'd prefer to go so Miss Evans now."

Going straight to the kitchen was what James would have preferred, but he marched up the stairs anyway.

The other Marauders were already assembled at Lily's side. She had refused to sit in a hospital bed and was especially insistent that she did not need to lie down. However, she had checked out all right and the crew were on their way out when James arrived. His hands were shaking as he approached her. He tried to stroke her cheek but his fingers were clumsy and inelegant. She took them in her own to try to steady him. He stared at her silently, soaking in every feature of her that depicted liveliness. Every breath she took in eased his heart, though he was impatient for her to let it out and do it once more.

"It was a house elf."

No one responded.

"A house elf confessed."

"That's ridiculous," Remus said.

"Why would a house elf want to attack a student?" Olivia asked.

Sirius said, "It wouldn't-- unless someone ordered it to."

Remus was silent.

"Maybe the elf'll tell who really did it," Peter suggested.

"Real likely," Sirius snorted.

"Remus." Kate spoke his name softly, but the others all turned to look at him. "Remus, why are you so quiet?"

He hesitated slightly, "Malfoy, when he was here-- I watched him go to the kitchen, just before he left."

"Sodding bastard," Sirius exclaimed. The four boys decided to rush their discovery to Dumbledore when Lily finally found her voice.

"There's no point. No one will believe it."

"But I can still wring his neck," James fumed.

She shook her head, "Just leave it, I'm sure Dumbledore has it handled."

"Lily, Malfoy tried to kill you."

"Well, he didn't do a very good job, did he?"

Sirius laughed, James glared at him. The tension between Lily and James grew, so the others decided to walk faster and leave James and Lily to themselves.

James stood in front of Lily.

"I'm supposed to just let him get away with it?"

She sighed, "He'll get away with it no matter what you do."

James was silent, but his hands had stopped shaking.

"What if you had died?"

"I didn't."

He shook his head, "You can't act like this isn't a big deal."

"I have to!" she exclaimed, shocking him. "I can't be too cowardly to go breakfast and too terrified to go to dinner." Her eyes were glassy but she refused to cry. "I have to get past this. So I need you to get past it, too."

"He'll try again."

"Let him; I'm not going to be afraid anymore. I'm going to fight this Voldemort bloke until one of us is dead."

Lily brushed by him, and he followed a few paces behind, determined not to let her out of his sight. Something had been bothering him since he saw her collapsed form--the first moment he thought he would never get a chance to tell her—

"I love you."

The words didn't hang in the air. The brief silence that surrounded his exclamation was not filled with a poignant throbbing. Despite the meaning, they were just like plain, regular words-- simply accepted and returned.

"I love you, too."