Do you ever get tired? Body tired? Mind tired?

Soul tired?

Do you ever get so tired that opening your eyes is an effort? That breathing is an effort?

That living seems like more work than it can possibly be worth?

What do you do in those moments?

Do you lie in your bed until someone else forces you to move?

Do you find a hidden reserve and draw from it? Or find someone else to make just as tired as you – a sort of psychic vampirism? Do you move despite your fatigue because the ghosts in your head prod at you no matter your exhaustion?

•••

What's on tap for tonight? More reports to sift for signs of authentic supernatural activity. More hands to hold. More blasted vampiric egos to soothe.

Damn, I'm tired.

Integra leaned over to the intercom, "Walter, please bring me coffee instead of tea this evening."

"Yes, Sir Integra. Would you prefer the Jamaican Blue Mountain or Hawaiian Kona?"

"I don't care, just make it strong." She ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. Some nights it just wasn't worth getting out of bed. All she wanted to do was to float in the warmth of the down comforter on her bed and try to ignore the memories of her failures. Every human death at the hands of a vampire was her failure. Sometimes the weight became too heavy to carry.

She shook her head at herself. The leader of the Hellsing Organization didn't have the luxury of self-indulgence. She didn't need anyone else to tell her that retreating from her duties was the ultimate in self-indulgence. She had her father, and her father's father and his father to do that for her every time she closed her eyes, every time she just wanted to be merely human for a while.

You will never be merely human, Master.

"Get out, Alucard. Get out of my head and out of my office." Integra didn't even look over her shoulder to be sure that the vampire followed her order. She had felt him leave as quietly as he had arrived.

•••

"Hey boss?" Pip Bernadette poked his head through the door to Integra's office. He was surprised to catch Integra the Impenetrable with her head resting in her hands. She smoothed her hair away from her face and looked at her troops' commander with red-rimmed eyes.

"What is so important that you couldn't have called me, Captain Bernadette?"

"Just needed to see if you had any orders for us tonight? The men are getting pretty tired of the training schedule and I thought it would be good for morale if I brought back one of our old traditions."

"Unless that tradition involves farm animals, either as ritual sacrifice or the evening's entertainment, I see no reason for you not to give the men a bit of rest. Just ensure that enough of them are sober to put together a full response team. Just because things have been quiet doesn't mean they won't all fall to pieces as soon as we let our guard down."

"Of course, boss, I know that. Remember, I'm a professional." Pip withdrew his head and began to shut the door, but popped back in when Integra called his name.

"What is the tradition you mentioned?"

"Strip poker, of course. Excuse me, I need to go find the Police Girl."

•••

Integra groaned to herself when yet another knock came at her office door. If they'd just leave her alone for a while, she could pretend that the nap she wanted to take was just a very slow way of doing paperwork.

"What is it?"

Seras Victoria entered and ducked her head diffidently at her commander. "Sir Integra, Captain Bernadette says he has your approval to give most of the Geese the night off. I just needed to confirm that since I wouldn't put it past him to be pulling my leg to try to get out of training."

Integra grimaced at the intrusion. "You couldn't have called?" My refrain for the night, it seems.

"Well, I suppose I could have, but I was just down the hall when I ran into Pip, so it was faster to just check in with you in person."

The Hellsing leader shook her head in exasperation and closed her eyes, "Yes, I gave Captain Bernadette permission to give the Wild Geese the night off. He mentioned something about bringing back an old tradition." An evil thought occurred to her and she couldn't resist, "He said he wanted you to join them, I think it would be a good opportunity for you to get the know the troops a bit better."

Seras gave Integra a curious stare. "Well, if you say so, I'll give it a try. He didn't mention what it was that they'd be doing. But, Sir Integra, please don't get angry with me, you look very tired. Everybody else is standing down for the night, except for a skeleton crew. Why don't you get some extra rest?"

Integra just shook her head and waved her hand for Seras to leave as she stared down at paperwork her eyes were too bleary to read.

•••

Integra had just been resting her eyes when she realized that she was no longer alone in her office. Walter raised an eyebrow at the gun that suddenly appeared in her hand, only to be put away as soon as she realized whom she was threatening.

Apparently she'd been resting her eyes so thoroughly that she had entirely missed his entrance and his setting up of her evening coffee. There was a steaming cup and some finger sandwiches at the edge of her desk blotter.

"I was going to suggest that you check in on the entertainment that you authorized Captain Bernadette to arrange; however, after seeing you this evening, I think it would be wiser if you would get some sleep instead." Walter was looking at her with concern. "You need more than a strong cup of coffee."

"Walter, you know I don't have time for that." She shook her head and took a long swallow from her cup. "What is it about Bernadette's game that I should see?"

The butler shook his head at her, "Words cannot do it justice, Sir Integra." She was intrigued by the smile that played at the corners of his mouth and eyes.

When she rose from her seat, he opened the door to her office and escorted her down to the break room. The room was full of off-duty mercenaries, most of whom were watching the action at one of the poker tables that had been set up. Seras Victoria was sitting at the table with five of Bernadette's men, including Bernadette himself. Integra covered her shocked laugh with a cough at the sight of five nearly nude men and the petite vampire nearly buried under a stack of their clothes.

Seras turned around and saw her superior watching her. She grinned from ear to ear and waved to Integra to join her. When Integra leaned down, Seras whispered in her ear, "They didn't know that my dad taught me how to play poker when I was four. Or that my telepathy has recently started working."

Integra didn't stop laughing all the way back to her office and found that she had much more energy when she returned to her work. One of the first things she did was write a memo that the Wild Geese should have poker nights formalized as a bi-monthly event.