Disclaimer: Standard disclaimer here, I wish I owned Slayers and everything with it, but I don't. Just another person that can't stop writing!

I live! Very sorry for the long delay on this chapter, just couldn't seem to find a beginning that worked. A big thank you to everyone that has commented, alerted, etc. so far! (More C&C is always welcome) And for those that asked: Yes, a few others from the Slayers cast will be making an appearance down the road. (coughGourrycough) Amelia's already showed up, check past chapters! (Music Notes: Without Taking the Jewel is a great song from Chrono Cross.)

Blind Leap of Creativity - Chapter 11

Violins pushed forward suddenly, the flurry of notes leading the others into another crescendo. At the height of the movement, a single, smooth gesture from the conductor cut off all sound, plunging the song into a sudden finale.

Silence hung in the air for a few moments, before the entire audience broke into applause, cheers, and wide smiles. Those on stage bloomed under the praise, each member rising to his or her feet in turn, the entire orchestra taking their last bow for the night. That done, they would make their way offstage, taking their chair and instrument stand with them. For those with larger instruments, several students from the earlier choir performances were standing by to assist. All in all the transition went pretty smoothly, leaving the stage free for the next segment of the concert; duets and soloists.

"You should have told me your college had such a wonderful music program, Lina. I know several Muses that would have loved tonight's performance…assuming a few aren't already working with some of those musicians." Zelgadis whispered, waiting for the applause to die down a bit.

Lina only smiled at him, proud at the acknowledgement. Their school had never been the type to stand out in the bigger competitions, but their ensemble work was another story. They were no Julliard, but their students often went on to join the bigger orchestras, if they didn't form groups of their own first. Though she'd seen dozens of awards on the walls of friends, somehow it meant more to see Zelgadis applauding and complimenting them, and not just because he was a Muse.

Looking up from her program, Sylphiel waved it a bit to get their attention. "Filia's up next, you two!"

"Now you're really in for a treat, Zel. We're not proud of Filia just because she's our friend."

The lights began to dim, signaling the start of another performance. Filia emerged from behind one of the stage-left curtains, smiling brightly. Dressed in a beautiful white gown, her long blond hair had been pulled back into a stylish braid, several white rose pins peeking out here and there. Making her way to center stage without a word, she briefly adjusted the microphone stand already waiting.

She looks like some holy maiden, or a princess waiting for her lover, Lina mused, filing the idea away for future reference. Realizing that she had ever intention of painting the new idea, she shot a glance over to Zelgadis.

Sitting to her right, the Muse gave no sign that he was behind the sudden inspiration. Instead he was focusing intently on the stage, obviously caught up in the music of the evening. Beyond him, Sylphiel briefly met her inquiring look with one of her own, until Lina shook her head. Ideas could wait for another time - the night belonged to Filia, and all the others giving their all for the performance.

Glancing at the program again, Lina noted the songs her friend was scheduled to sing. By tradition, soloists past their second year sang two songs; the first could be any song as long as it was someone else's, but the second had to be a song they'd created….though a bit of help was allowed on the melody line, if the singer had no experience with instruments.

Without Taking the Jewel…good choice. It's not often people risk a game song. Good to see someone standing apart for a change, especially after last year's Broadway love song deluge. If I had to hear Memory one more time, I was going to snap!

Gathering her thoughts, Lina didn't have time to reread the second name as the first notes of Filia's song began. It was a soft introduction, enough that Lina was surprised to hear it. Imagine, an audience capable of complete silence!

Shifting in his seat a bit, Zelgadis caught her eye. From the slightly smug grin on his face, she quickly realized who was behind the unusual quiet. Raising an eyebrow, she asked for an explanation without words.

His resulting look and posture spoke volumes. I can't do everything, but at least I can make these people focus a bit…give those that wish to the chance to appreciate it. You have a problem with it?

At her approving smile, he dropped his defensiveness. You did good, Zel. Very good.

They both focused on Filia's performance after that, each wrapped in their own thoughts. In Lina's case, it was easy to let the relaxing music take her, falling into a kind of focus-not focus.

Music had always pulled her in, as far back as she could remember. Soothing melodies were like drifting in water; enveloping, wandering…loosing all sense of time as the notes took her where they would. Luna had always chided her for her lack of attention. It was one thing to fall into the song, but another to look like she was half-asleep on the stage, no matter how much her voice proved the opposite.

After a while she switched to livelier songs; complicated tempo, dynamic markings, a wide range of notes. Anything Luna could find that might force her to focus, to extend herself. It was like a game; every song a new level, a greater distance to the goal. When even that hadn't been enough, they had turned to other languages.

There's something odd about a twelve year old singing in Italian and Russian.

The sound of applause broke through her thoughts, the sudden sound reflexively forcing her to her feet. Blinking twice, she quickly started to clap, the first in the following standing ovation.

When Zelgadis rose to stand beside her, she ignored his odd look. The last thing she needed was a comment from him on her lack of respect for such creation. As if I'm not going to crucify myself with guilt as it is.

- - -

'Ever the fighter, eh Lina?'

From his choice front-row seat in the balcony, Xelloss observed the red-head with a knowing smirk. If any of his seat-mates noticed how he paid more attention to the fifth row than to the performers, they didn't show it.

'I try so hard to open your eyes, expand your horizons…yet you resist at every turn. I'm beginning to think that a subtle approach just won't work at this late stage.'

With a disapproving look, he shifted his gaze to a different attendee. 'Or is there another that keeps you on that path? There is a fine line between guardian and jailor, Lina. You shouldn't let the guilt of another force you in another direction. Their mistakes are their own, never were they yours to bear. Friend or not, there comes a time when you must think of yourself first.'

Concern over being detected finally drove him to look away. Zelgadis might have been a lower-class Muse, but he was known for having a sixth sense about some things.

'No, better to stay with the subtle approach for now. Zel cannot watch you all the time, not when he's still fighting past demons. He seems so safe to you, doesn't he Lina? If only you realized just how many abilities he refuses to use these days…all the lovely skills that can twist your thoughts in other directions. Or did you think your quick approval of myself was your own idea? A Muse is more than creative inspiration, just as you should be more than just another painter…will be more.'

Eyes half-lidded in thought, Xelloss sat back in his chair. He didn't need to keep an eye on Lina to know where she was, not that she'd be leaving the area with her friend about to sing again.

'Not that looking isn't its own delight…'

- - -

Lina gave a slight start of recognition as the next song began. Minor chords started up softly, a single piano the only instrumental accompaniment.

Why am I so surprised? I know Filia's been working on Shattersong for months now, but I thought it was meant for someone special…unless, maybe she knew he'd be in the audience?

Adopting a more solemn pose, Filia stepped up to the microphone, eyes purposely scanning the entire audience, drawing them in with a brief, yet direct, gaze.

: What do you see, when you look through the night? Do you see my gaze searching for you? :

Unlike most of the night's singers, Filia wasn't afraid to add a bit of movement to her performance. At key words she would move one way or another, reaching out to the audience at one time, pulling her arms in close at another. It was easy to picture her as a melancholy lover, singing the thoughts of her torn heart aloud.

: Can you feel the touch of my eyes, do you know they're just watching over you? :

- - -

"Never let the crowd doubt that you're singing to them, Lina. Draw them in with your eyes, keep their attention with your words. Understand?"

It was easy to agree with Luna when she used her 'listen to me, I know what I'm talking about' voice. "Yes, Luna."

"Don't be stiff up there. You're a singer, but that doesn't mean you can't add a bit of movement to the song as well."

"Like a play?"

"Exactly! You can show that the song is more than just a bunch of words…there are real emotions to it, an actual story behind it."

: I don't mean to seem like I'm getting too close…that you mean more to me than you do. :

Zelgadis was a lot like Luna; always so certain of his advice, always there to offer a new suggestion when she faltered. Their approach was a bit different, but the results were the same. They drove her to do her best, to show the skills they knew she had.

But is that really what I want? Is the result worthless if I don't give my best?

They cared about her, didn't they? They wouldn't push her if she honestly didn't want to go…success wasn't worth destroying a dream. Sure, Luna always pushed her, but hadn't she been the one to suggest stepping back from singing? Zel was proud when she finally let emotion pour into her paintings, but he never forced her to create when her heart wasn't in it.

Or was your very best the only thing worth their time? Anything less is just pointless distraction, something for false praise before the real event.

Had she left singing because she was tired of it, or did Luna suggest it because she was sick of constantly supporting Lina? It couldn't have been easy to ease her fears, soothe her broken heart after all the insults. It wasn't easy constantly trying to drive someone to be the success you knew they could be.

: I am just protecting you, nothing more. Don't read into it, don't seek the truth. :

- - -

'Something's wrong. Lina looks more like a trapped animal than the proud friend she was earlier.'

For the fifth time in the last few minutes, Zelgadis watched Lina out of the corner of his eye. She was tense, that much was obvious. Aside from a death grip on her chair, her entire posture was rigid and forced.

'I'd almost swear we weren't listening to the same performance. She looks like someone's torturing her with sound.'

He knew Lina; he'd watched her for some time, worked with her from the shadows for far longer. Lina was unstoppable, fearless. She faced her worse fears head on, plowing through them whether they liked it or not. Hadn't she beaten him senseless a time or two?

: I am all alone, as it should be. Don't break down my walls of resistance. :

She forged her own path in life, unwilling to change for anyone. Yet she wasn't cold or harsh; in reality she had a definitely soft spot for others, which her numerous friends to could attest to. That was the thing about Lina, she was a lot of things, but for those that looked beyond the rough edges, there was a core of loyalty that would not be broken. If Lina supported someone, hell itself wouldn't stop her from standing beside them.

: You must stay away, for your safety and mine; I can't bear seeing you get hurt. :

Yet aside from Sylphiel, he was probably the only one that knew how different she could be at times. Weakness…no, vulnerability was a rare thing for Lina, but it was still there.

'Somehow it all comes back to music. They wouldn't tell me much about Lina when they assigned me to her, just told me she needed inspiration and emotion to become a true painter.'

As Muses went, Zelgadis was an odd one; where others were happy to blindly inspire their charges to new and greater feats of creativity, he preferred to treat his assignment as a person. People, especially people like Lina, weren't designed to blindly follow inspiration around. There was a lot more to them, things that - if understood - would not only improve their talents, but would improve them overall.

'That's the problem with prodigies…too often the Muse cares about fame and talent, and ignores the broken child. Then they wonder why it all falls apart down the road. People aren't toys, we can't just program the parts we like and ignore how the rest of it works.'

It was all well and good to believe such things, but what had be really been doing about it?

'I've been so busy sulking about my past that I'm ignoring my job. No, this is more than a job to me, it always has been. Or else what was all that business with Sylphiel about? I actually give a damn about them, see them as more than mere talent. Lina's been acting odd for a while now…doesn't it really take having it stare me in the face for me to do something about it?'

Once he had been one of the best. It was past time that he got back on his feet and lived up to skill he possessed. He owed Lina that much, owed himself another chance. Some things were more important than failure.

'Imagine…a Muse like me taking a lesson from Lina. She'd never let me live it down.'

- - -

: I once fought the truth of my love…a forbidden love from me to you. :

Just what is art to me? I fought for so long to find the same emotion in it that singing brought…but now that Zel's opened my eyes a bit, should I just trade it all in for a past dream?

Lina's thoughts circled themselves in an ever tightening spiral. She'd given up singing because of the emotional strain, yet she'd spent years trying to find that same emotion in art. Now that it was finally within sight, Xelloss was tempting her down another road.

Would going back to the stage really solve anything? It was doubtful that anything would've changed over the years. Mothers would still be abusive, the bar would still be painfully high, children would still burn themselves out to reach a dream; be it theirs or not.

Would I even be thinking about this if it weren't for Zel? Adding emotion to painting…it reminds me so much of the music. Maybe all I ever wanted was that feeling, that emotion that just took me where it would. Do I really need to go back to music to recapture that? Memories of the past are obscuring the present, to the point where both options are demanding I choose them.

It was too late to believe she had the time or the energy for both. Art and music were equally demanding mistresses, especially if she wanted a real career out of it. Even Filia, someone that had her hand in everything, had told Lina of her final, single choice.

The question was, which choice would be the right one for her?

: Now I must go, to face my fate. My love, I will always miss you… :