TOW The Film or, Emily's Revenge

Hey,' Ross said when he got home, I've got free tickets to that new film, Three Weddings and a Basset Hound.'

Oh, everyone's been talking about that one, it's supposed to be really funny,' Rachel said, But when are the tickets for?'

Tonight,' Ross said.

We can't get a baby sitter this soon.'

Well why don't we ask that girl downstairs.'

All right,' Rachel said. It had been a while since they'd been out together.

The girl downstairs was free and Ross and Rachel got ready.

So what's this film about?'

It's supposed to be about a woman who has two failed marriages and has sworn off marriage and then she meets this man with a dog, and he falls in love with her straight away, but she doesn't believe in him and tells him to get lost but she ends up looking after his dog and he wins her over.'

It's supposed to be based on the producer's wife,' Rachel said.

I bet she was thrilled to have her life on film,' Ross said sarcastically. I don't know how mine would go. I don't know how they'd fit in a third marriage. Movies can only be so long.'

At least yours has a happy ending.' Rachel smiled.

True. Funny,' Ross said, I mentioned to Monica that I was seeing this film and she told me not to go. She wouldn't say why, she just said it wasn't as good as all the hype said.'

A few people at work have seen it, they loved it,' Rachel said. She'd have to compare notes with Monica afterwards.

They settled down thought the opening sequence and were introduced to Cecily, saying

"No, no absolutely not, never again." She'd broken up with her cheating boyfriend and was told, "Why don't you have a break in New York?" So she went to stay with her uncle who worked at Macy's.

"I've got you tickets to see the Marriage of Figaro. I can't go with you but one of my employees agreed to take you."

Rachel suddenly shivered.

Cecily arrived at the employee's apartment, soaking wet, but the employee, Leah, said she couldn't take her because she had something better to do. Cecily stormed out and was chased by Evan, and ended up spending the weekend with him in Vermont. Watching the deer eat fruit was a particularly tender scene.

Rachel stared at Ross. How could this be happening? She turned back to the screen. The actress playing Leah was so ugly, and the character was so spiteful. That's not how it was, Rachel wanted to say. And Evan? Evan was a professor studying worms. Evan was played by a geek. Cecily? Well Cecily was played by someone beautiful.

Where did you get these tickets?' Rachel hissed.

They were just sent to me,' Ross said.

The plot didn't hang around.

Leah was seen scheming to ruin the wedding. And Evan said "I Evan, take you Leah"

There was an intake of breath in the cinema.

What a dork,' someone said. Rachel flinched.

Leah was found enticing Evan on to the plane, and Leah was standing right next to Evan when Evan told Cecily "You're going to have to trust me."

Rachel jumped up and left the cinema. She'd seen just fifteen minutes, fifteen minutes more than she had ever wanted to see. She was furious to find that Ross hadn't followed her.

How could you sit there watching it,' Rachel exclaimed afterwards. She had overheard in the stream of people leaving the cinema.

That Leah was such a bitchWhat do you mean?' Ross asked. Why did you leave?'

That film, that film was about Emily,' Rachel said, Didn't you get it?'

Emily?' Ross stared. No Rachel.'

Yes Ross. Who turned up on whose doorstep soaking wet? Who got taken to Vermont by a certain someone else, who said which person's name instead of someone else's? Oh!' Rachel exclaimed in frustration. Can't you see it?'

Do you mean that Evan guy was supposed to be me?'

And that Leah was supposed to be you?'

Yes,' Rachel said resentfully.

But she was nothing like you,' Ross said. That actress was nowhere near pretty enough to be you. That guy was nothing like me either.' He stared. That was Emily?'

Apparently. That means that the producer is actually her husband. He wrote a film about her life and totally trashed us.' Rachel was upset. And it's a really popular film.' That was why Monica hadn't wanted them to see it.

No-one is going to know it's about us,' Ross said.

Then suddenly a familiar face approached,

Oh my gawd, Ross you poor thing,' Janice said loudly, And Rachel, how embarrassing for you.'

What Janice?' Ross asked in trepidation.

Well as I've been saying to everyone, since this film is all about your ex wife I was hoping that you wouldn't actually go and see it because you don't look good in it at all,' Janice said, in a megaphone voice.

How do you know it's about my ex wife,' Ross said, trying to tough it out.

The director's wife is called Emily Waltham,' Janice said.

How did you know that?' Rachel demanded.

It was in an article. And anyway everyone knows you messed up the names. It looks worse than I imagined' She turned to Rachel, I'm so sorry they couldn't get someone better looking to play you, you're not really that plain. My God Rachel — Leah, Leah Rachel, he didn't try hard to hide it,' Janice said, and gave her trademark laugh. I've got to go, nice bumping into you.'