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Soft Toy

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A majestic mansion. A pair of tall and furnished bedroom doors. A ceiling so high that no one can reach. A room ornated with a fair share of priceless classic antiques. A set of heavy purple drapes hung over the windows, shutting out the world. A king-size mahogany bed sat at the center of the spacious room.

Everything here was luxurious and elegant, with only one thing out of place. A toy penguin on the bedside table.

Suddenly, a small ivory hand reached out form inside the silken canopy that fell from the ceiling, surrounding the bed, and took hold of the stuffed penguin. He was the owner of this room, a boy of merely twelve years old. The youngest son of the Imonoyama Corporate, Imonoyama Nokoru.

Perfect was he in every aspect, with impeccable looks, manners, basic morals, brains, etc. At such a tender age, he had already taken control of his family's whole technology department. People would assume, no doubt, that he was a mature boy, but the reality could only be phrased as . . . slightly off track.

For example, now he was hugging the soft toy tightly, pressing it into the curve of his neck and resting the weight of his head over it, as if literally hugging someone. He knew it was childish to do so, but he couldn't help it.

The huge room was constantly empty, and the deadly silence that permeated the air had, several times, almost managed to suffocate him. The temperature was always mild, but he still shivered every night, alone in the bed. The warmth of a mother's touch had occurred too long ago for him to remember. Perhaps he never really received that before, but he would like to believe otherwise. He was still a child, seeking comfort.

Therefore he always cuddled with his soft toys. At least they were not cold to touch, and can retain some of his warmth, making it enough to let him believe momentarily that it was a real person providing him comfort.

But tonight, his thoughts started straying, making him wonder why exactly did he have to depend don a stuffed toy for comfort. A thin wisp of anger flared through him, which soon turned into willful stubbornness. He could see absolutely no reason as to why he was alone. He was popular enough to almost get any girl he wanted, though that thought never did occur to him. Before, he had been afraid that his kidnappers would hurt anyone who got near him, but now, with Suoh around, he didn't need to worry anymore. He only felt too safe around that ninja, but all in all, he felt himself more than fortunate to have met Suoh. He did find himself depending on him more and more. . .

Now back to the topic. So why exactly wasn't he getting a girlfriend? That would surely ease his loneliness, right? Of course.

Thus decided, he made up his mind to try to get into a relationship with the first girl he sees the next day. That is, if she was willing, of course. It didn't matter who it was, since all the girls were similarly pleasant in his eyes. Besides, it would be fun too. A new adventure to add to his accounts.

Grinning satisfactorily to himself, he fell asleep, still clutching that penguin in his arms.

Such a plan could never go wrong, could it? But as he walked through the campus the next morning, he found that even he himself could have miscalculations. There was simply no one in school with whom he could fall in love with.

Weird. He didn't recall any holiday falling on that day . . .

"Kaichou!" He turned around and saw Suoh running towards him, a reproachful frown obvious on his face.

"Ah! Looks like there's not only me who has made the mistake," he laughed sheepishly under Suoh's glare, "so what's the occasion?"

"There's a school-wide teacher's conference today, and nobody needs to come to school. Can't believe you even forgot that." He stared down menacing at him, "And I did not come by mistake like you. I knew that you are going to forget it anyway, since you never remember whatever I tell you, so I am here, expecting your arrival to escort you home."

By now, Suoh was so intensely into his lectures that he was staring into Nokoru's eyes, their noses almost touching.

At that moment, his newest resolution popped into his mind, the one he made last night, and he suddenly found himself musing if he had decided on "first girl" or "first person". Looking at Suoh again, he blushed full force.

Well, he admit that Suoh had always been special, being his first ever true friend, but . . . was there something more? He didn't know when it had begun, that he could barely imagine a day without Suoh's naggings for him to finish his work, or Akira's tea and desserts, in the same sense. So since he could compare Suoh to Akira, then Suoh must be only a friend. Not to mention that if he were to be in love with Suoh, many girls' hearts would be broken. That was the last thing he wanted.

But then, he met Suoh's golden eyes again, and a tiny flutter resonated through is heart. He felt like melting. And it wasn't the first time that had happened. Come to think of it, he had constantly been behaving so around Suoh, just never realizing it.

Hmm . . . so now what? Looks like he must have decided on "first person" last night. And he was going to carry out his plan no matter what. It was the Imonoyama family motto. Besides, he was sick and tired to being alone.

Latching onto Suoh's arm, he stared dragging the other boy out of the campus. "I'm sorry for making you worried again, so I'll make it up to you. We'll do something fun today!"

Under the sunny smile of his One, Suoh uttered a long-suffering sigh. "You have a plot coming on, don't you?"

Nokoru just pouted mock-piteously. "Aww . . . but you'll sure enjoy it . . ." It was then that it struck him that what if Suoh couldn't like him that way? Indeed, Suoh had always been annoyed by his procrastination and new adventurous ideas, and there had been times when he really pushed Suoh too far. Suoh surely wouldn't hold that against him, would he? A streak of panic and unrest raced across his mind, crumbling some of is confidence, which had never been dented before.

Just when had this strange and drastic change on his feelings occurred? Before today, he had never thought of anything like this about his friend. "Incredulous, isn't it?" he thought dryly to himself. But no matter what, he wanted a shot at this, a chance of being loved. Yet before he could think too much, they arrived at their destination.

"This is where you want to take me? A carnival?" Suoh eyed him exasperatedly. "I though you'd know better. It is dangerous to be out here like this. But I can hardly expect anything otherwise from you, can I?" He said with an amused grin.

"Don't worry, Suoh. Why would I be in any danger with you around?" Laughing, he took hold of Suoh's hand, intertwining their fingers, and was delighted to see a flush of rose on the other's face. "Come on, let's go on the roller coaster!"

And so, Suoh allowed himself to be dragged onto countless rides by his One. He was supposed to be the more "physically talented" one of the two, but somehow, when he was finally feeling dizzy form all those fast speeds and spinning, Nokoru was still as perky as ever. He was simply not suited fro these type of things.

Also, Nokoru was being very . . . physical . . . today. If not for his years of vigorous training in self-control, he was sure that he would have taken on the colour of a tomato forever. Nokoru was either holding his hand (and not in that naïve, friendly way) or latching onto his arm, and one time, he practically threw himself into Suoh's arms because of a 3-D horror film. Besides, he was smiling too much, too sweetly that Suoh couldn't refuse him anything. It wasn't exactly a new trick . . . but . . .

It wasn't that Suoh disliked all of that. In fact, what made him anxious was that he liked it too much. But somewhere deep down, probably his instincts, told him that Nokoru was trying hard for something; not acting like his usual self. It hurt him to feel that Nokoru was being close to him not of his natural choice.

"Ah! Look at that penguin!" Nokoru suddenly exclaimed, and Suoh saw a game stall where if you could throw the tennis ball into a tiny hop, you would win a prize, and a huge toy penguin sat on the shelves of prizes. (Huge, as in as tall as Suoh himself.) He sweatdropped. "Come on, Suoh! Let's go play that! I want the penguin!"

"Are you sure you want that, Kaichou? Aren't you a bit . . . old for that?" Suoh suggested lightly.

For a second, Nokoru's eyes widened, and a trace of pain and realization coursed through them. Then, as soon as those had appears, they vanished, and Nokoru laughed. "Yeah, you're right, Suoh. Let's go there then!" The laughter was forced.

Wordlessly, Suoh held on tighter to the smaller hand in his own and walked up to the game stall.

"Excuse me, can I have three balls please?"

Nokoru stared at the serious expression on Suoh's face as he tossed the tennis balls, and smiled, the firm determination to capture Suoh's heart covered by something softer. Something made up of gratitude, joy, . . . and another something he couldn't' identify. Was this how it felt like? To be loved and cherished? If so, he wanted more.

"Here." Broken off from his trance, he stared into the soft fur of the penguin. Glancing at the game stall, the penguin was already off the shelf, and the boss wore a grief-stricken expression, as if unable to believe anyone being able to succeed in only one attempt. With a delighted squeal, he launched himself at the soft toy, burying his face in its belly.

"I'm sorry, Kai ---" but before he could finish, Nokoru had already tacked him with a gigantic hug, holding him even tighter than when he had held the penguin. Suoh froze completely, then defrosted, and tentatively placed his hand son Nokoru's waist.

"Don't say sorry. There's nothing to apologize for. And call me Nokoru. Just Nokoru."

Later, on the ferries wheel, (since obviously it was impossible for them to go on anything else while lugging the huge penguin around, much to Suoh's relief) they silently enjoyed the evening view of Tokyo below them, when Suoh suddenly spoke up.

"What are you trying to do today, Kai . . ., Nokoru?"

"What to you mean 'trying to do'? I just want us to have some fun," Nokoru replied, nervous all at once that his plan was almost seen through. But more nervous was he at what Suoh would feel, towards this, towards him.

Suoh sighed. "You are not acting yourself today, as if . . . as if you are scheming something, and getting close to me because of that. It's as if . . . you want me to like you, but I can't see beyond that. Tell me what you want. I don't want you to get near me purposely; I don't' like to be use." He frowned deeply and avoided Nokoru's gaze.

"No . . . No! I'm not using you, Suoh . . . it's just . . ." he fiddled with his hands, for the first time at loss of words. He never thought that Suoh would feel this way . . . taking a deep breath, he braced himself and asked, barely audible, "Then, did I succeed? Do you like me?"

"I've always liked you, Nokoru. You are my One, the person whom I choose to protect with my life." Suoh replied, smiling a little bitterly, "But do you really care that much for how I feel? Or are you just trying to get affection, no matter whose it is? I don't understand what you think; you never tell me anything."

"I'm sorry, Suoh. I admit that since this morning, I've been trying to get someone to love me, anyone at all, because I'm lonely," Nokoru, to his surprise, found his voice shaking, "I'm so lonely that it's killing me. I . . . I just want the feeling to go away. Perhaps I had the intention of using you at the beginning . . . but now . . ." He looked at Suoh straight in the eyes, despite how red he knew his face must be. "But now . . . I have really fallen in love with you."

Slowly, Suoh's hand came to cu p his cheek, and his eyes fluttered half-close.

"I love you too, Nokoru, but just how aware are you of your feelings? Do you really love me because of who I am, or who you imagine me to be? Or is it just a wild fancy that you have assumed to be love?"

But before Nokoru could reply, the ferries wheel stopped and the door of their tiny compartment opened.

Taking hold of the penguin with one hand the gripping Nokoru's hand in the other, Suoh stepped out. "Come, it's getting late. Let me escort you home. Do you prefer having your limo to come pick you up or the air balloon?"

No! His mind shouted forcefully. If so, he would be leaving Suoh sooner, and the thought tightened around d his heart like a vice. Gripping Suoh's hand harder, he leaned towards the other boy and whispered, "I prefer you. I prefer you walking me home."

Suoh sighed, exchanging his hold on Nokoru's hand to warping his arm around the other's shoulders. Only then did he start regretting what he had said. He had been wishing for Nokoru to say that for ages, and when he finally said it, he pushed Nokoru away. Just how stupid could he get?! Even if what Nokoru felt had just been an infatuation, what more could he ask for?

Just as he was thinking of how to take his words back, Nokoru spoke up.

"You're right, Suoh. I have been making decisions too rashly, not thinking thoroughly about my feelings. But I have thought them over again, just now, and don't look at me like that, I really have!" He pouted, catching the incredulous look Suoh was giving him, then a smile lit up his face once more. "And I still love you."

Suoh heaved a sigh of relief. For a second, he really thought that Nokoru was going to change his mind. A chuckle escaped his lips, and soon turned into a full fledged laughter.

"Hey! What's so funny about that?!" Nokoru whined, jabbing him in the ribs.

"No . . . it's just that," Suoh stammered, regaining his breath, "I haven't been so happy fro a very long time."

"I though so too," and Nokoru grinned triumphantly, giving Suoh a peck on the cheek, earning him the reddest blush he had seen yet. "Let get back. I don't want to end up staying the night outside."

Once inside his own room, Nokoru placed the huge penguin beside his bed, then flopped down into the pillows.

"Why do you like soft toys so much?" Suoh asked, sitting down beside him.

"Well, they keep me from getting too lonely, but I don't need them anymore. I've got you." Thus said, he pounced onto Suoh, pressing into the bed and snuggled deeper into his arms. It was much warmer than he expected, added with Suoh's unique scent. Definitely a thousand times better than a toy.

"Stay tonight. You are my soft toy now."

……………………………Owari………………………..