A/N: This was inspired by an RP with my friend Pup, and the idea has since wriggled its way in deeper, so that I just can't simply let it go. So I write this fic, where one of the Lyoko warriors, now an adult, reflects on his past and the stumbles he's had. Don't get mad at me for who it is, what he's doing, or anything else; I was simply flowing with the idea. Besides, anyone can darken, especially if they teeter on the edge already. That being said, I hope you enjoy.

Damn. How many years had it been? At least 10... And yet, here Odd found himself again, standing on Kadic's campus, although the holiday made it as quiet as if it'd simply been abandoned. He briefly thought about seeing if the secret passage was still there, but tossed that idea away as quickly as it'd come. He did, however, head to the forest that hid it. No sense in not giving the trees a fine hello, even if he didn't feel like literally walking down the rest of Memory Lane.

Subdued violet eyes watched the campus through slightly crispy, hairgel-encrusted bangs. Yeah, he stopped putting his hair up a long while ago, leaving it to just look like some scraggly mess of hair that was expertly styled each morning to look like it'd been left alone straight from bed. And besides, now that it was down, he could have an easier time at dying it. Even now, even at his age, as he picked a tree and leaned against it, there was barely any blond left between the haphazard splotches of purple. One eyebrow rose at seeing the distant shape of a single person walk past the windows of the nearest building. So, someone was here after all. Odd let out a short chuckle; probably some student wanting to get a little extra studying done. That thought, of course, reminded him of his old school days. Which reminded him of everyone else...

They'd kind of just...lost touch over the years. Oh sure, Jeremie and Aelita stayed together, but that was to be expected. Ulrich and Yumi kept up connections as well. And, he had to admit, he heard from Ulrich, or Aelita every now and again. But for the most part, it was simply... Odd. He grunted and shook away the thought. That was a long time ago. He dug his hand in one pocket of his paint-smeared jeans - you weren't an artist if you didn't get messy - and withdrew a lighter. A quick pat-down, and a thin, white cigarette found its way between his fingers. The lighter was clicked on and put to the open end. After that initial pull, he exhaled a small cloud of smoke, to let it form a bluish-grey halo around his head before finally fading in the wind. Closing his eyes, he put it to his lips again. Damn it...

When exactly had everything fallen apart? He tapped off the first buildup of ashes, and again turned his eyes to the quiet schoolyard. His guess was... right around the time XANA was put away for good. The group just didn't have any reason to stay together after that, beyond friendship.. But hey, friendship fades. A refreshed puff of smoke joined the wisps of the first. Hell, they even tore down the factory soon after that, almost like the city was waiting for the gang to finish up. That was impossible, really; they were always so careful to cover their tracks. Didn't change the fact that the factory was gone though, now did it? But a tiny voice spoke up that XANA - or the lack of XANA - wasn't all to blame here. Agreeing with it, Odd tilted his head back, closing his eyes as he started to think.

His second to last year of high school came to mind. He'd gone to one a few cities over, at the request of his parents. Why they wanted that, he didn't know, nor did he really care. He couldn't do anything about it then; he sure as hell couldn't change it now. He'd gone through school well enough... Had his up's and down's, but who didn't? Occasionally he'd step with the wrong crowd, but he'd always pull himself out. Had a couple relationships, but none of them stuck. Everything was fine overall, until one incident, one fire that happened to spread, got him suspended for an entire year. His parents had been crushed, even though he kept explaining "I didn't start that fire! I was just in the Science wing at the time! I swear!" but it never did any good. He still got the book thrown at him, still graduated late, still became a stranger to every person he knew. His parents divorced about half a year after that, and he knew he wasn't responsible, but he couldn't help thinking that he....he....

Odd took another drag off the cigarette, the end of it lighting up more as he inhaled. The smoke ring lasted for only a moment before he swiped his hand through it. Kicking at the ground, he scowled inwardly at something that still nagged. What was it--?..... Oh yeah. Can't forget that year at college when he'd woken up at one of the outside tables of a local café and couldn't remember how he'd even gotten there. No, that wasn't it. His frown was outside now, as he ground the last of his cigarette under one sneaker. What was it that bugged him so much? Maybe it was XANA, after all. Maybe...

None of them knew about the repercussions from what they were doing. Okay so fine, everything on the outside was all hunky-dory. But there was the jumpiness - a can bouncing down the sidewalk in the breeze brought on a moment of fear-- was he attacking? --before they'd realize it was nothing more. But shadows were still screeched at, squealing tires brought shudders that weren't from the sound... Even after XANA was unplugged. You just couldn't shake that kind of pressure off, y'know?

Then there were the nightmares. He didn't know if any of the others suffered, but he got to one point where he was afraid to go to sleep at night. He had helped vanquish the virus on the outside world, but couldn't run from him in his thoughts. Heh. Maybe that's why he finally cracked, according to the high school's boys anyway. From sheer exhaustion he'd fallen asleep in class after a week of staying up, to hide. Needless to say his waking screams disrupted the class, to the point when he was carried away when he couldn't be quieted. His parents were called. He got a week off after that, but it didn't help. Even now, the nightmares still come. He chuckled darkly, as he took out another cigarette. Seems XANA got the final laugh after all.

Odd let out a disgruntled murmur with another stream of smoke. That wasn't it either, the identity of the restless thoughts that had sent him out today, that had apparently carried him to his old alma mater, that still held him there. So what was it??? A push against the tree, and he was walking again. Something nagged, something tore at him inside, something begged to be released. But he couldn't do that until he knew what it was. He inhaled a full breath and let it out, the exhale smoke-tainted, and heavy. Something inside just wouldn't leave him alone...

When he next looked up, he found himself just outside of a section of the school, familiar even through the fog of time. This is his dorm's building... Well, was anyway. He didn't exactly go to Kadic anymore. Looking around to make sure no one saw, Odd put out his cigarette then walked to the door that led inside, pushing his shoulder against it and walking within.

The next thing he knew, he was walking down a hallway that hadn't seen him in years. The same one that led to the room he used to share with Ulrich, that he used to keep Kiwi in. The thought of those old days brought back a few emotions that were currently unwanted, and he swept them away with an inward growl. Later. Not now...

He stopped outside the familiar door, his hand reaching for the knob; he was able to pick it out even among all the other ones perfectly identical to this one. Yeah and Jeremie's room was over there, near the corner... Odd closed his eyes tight, his hand tightening reflexively. When the door handle gave way under his hand, he looked at it with a clear expression of surprise. It was open? Impulse beat at the back of his mind, and he shrugged, giving in again. He swung the door open and walked into the room.

It was bare, completely empty of life. Whoever was in it now even kept a clean house; the blankets on both beds were straight, the pillows parallel to the walls, the desk opposite him dry of pretty much anything except a lamp and a stack of papers. Odd sighed, then mentally berated himself. Was he really expecting Kiwi to run over from the closet? Shutting the door a little harder than it needed to be, he walked over to the desk and slid up onto it, turning his head to look outside.

He sat there for the longest time, letting the quiet of the room, the school, consume him and hold him prisoner. His thoughts drifted, if they were even there at all; he didn't put any specific effort into holding them. The next time he moved, really moved, the sun had long since set outside. Anyone watching from the grounds might see a spark of light past one window, but it would be gone as soon as it was there. A thin stream of smoke trailed after him as he slid for the desk and walked out, stuffing his hands deep into his pockets.

Something tore at him, jostled him, like the wind had done so many times to the misty clouds he'd sometimes be mixed in. Odd glanced at what'd once been Jeremie's door as he passed it. And, he guessed...as much as he didn't like it...that disquiet would always be there. A displeasure, the knowledge that things could never be the way they were. Odd stopped, admitting his last thought to the hallway, and to himself.

"Like they say... You can never go home again..."