Back then, I was still searching for something – in him, in me, I didn't know in whom or where I would find the answer.  Why couldn't he understand?

"Fine," is all he says as he storms out the door of my apartment - apparently forgetting that he hadn't taken me to dinner. 

He never did ask me to stay.

A sigh escapes my lips as I think about how stupid I was then.  If there is one thing that has become vitally clear to me in the last few days, it is how short life really is to be wasted on something that takes us away from the ones we love.

I can't help the smile that forms on my lips as my mind wanders to the events of last night.  His touch had been so gentle…

Sex with Heero has never been a tender or passionate act, aside from the first instance when we had been lost in memories of another time.  Since then, it had always been pleasurable, but somewhat mechanical - more an act of lust and what often seemed to be an inability to hold himself back.  Like he didn't want to give in to his more primitive urges, and as such only gave that one part of himself while straining to keep an emotional wall between us.

He never held me afterwards.  He would always get up and go immediately to the shower, as if anxious to wash away any trace of our intimacy.  Then he would dress and retreat into his work or something else.  This behavior had caused numerous problems between us…but last night was different.  For the first time, I feel like I truly hold his heart the way he has always held mine. 

I roll over and glimpse the time on the alarm clock situated on the dark oak nightstand next to Heero's bed.  Eight thirty. I'd better get up and get dressed.  The Governor's car will be picking me up in a little over an hour for the memorial service being conducted outside the state-owned mansion later today.  I sigh and roll out of bed, padding over to the bathroom to start the shower. 

Once the water is running, I go back out into the bedroom to unpack the toiletries I will need to get ready.  I glance over at the bed and think again about how good it felt to be in his arms.  The thought suddenly occurs to me that I have given up too easily in the past - but not anymore.  This time I will fight, no matter what the cost to my already broken heart.  God only knows if we would be given another chance to get this right, and it is too important to let go of so easily. 

I won't let him run away from me again.

*                      *                      *                      *                      *                      *

I walk down the steps to the waiting black, stretch limousine.  Quatre has gone all out, I think as the driver holds the door open for me to climb into the back seat.  I settle into the plush leather cushioning and look out the window as we travel the ninety-minute drive to Richmond, VA.

The landscape is beautiful and so is the time of year.  We drive in silence towards our destination, the sunlight dancing on the highway and the other cars on the road.  It's so good to see the sun after experiencing the miserable rainy days that had settled for what seems like months in the sky and over our lives. 

Ignoring the beautiful day, I glance at my reflection in the tinted glass of the car window and shake my head at the image there.  "How did you get here, Relena," I ask myself.  And again, the whole story seems absolutely absurd.  Almost eleven years ago, I 'met' Heero, actually I saw him rob a convenience store with his brother, and kill the clerk.  The poor old man had unwisely tried to shoot back at the masked man giving the orders – Heero's now deceased brother, Odin.  To save his brother's life, he committed an act he would regret the rest of his – he shot and killed the old man whose only crime he committed that day was being too scared to think straight.

Somehow or another, probably a security camera recording, the two brothers found out I witnessed the whole scene.  But what they didn't know was that I fell in love with the lost young man who had such hauntingly poignant sapphire eyes, or that I would keep his secret forever.  Heero and I ran into one another a few weeks later at the homeless shelter where I used to volunteer; he was doing community service for 'boosting' a car.

We met again through a weird twist of fate that January in high school; we were actually in calculus together!  The strange, broodingly silent young man that promised to kill me ended up dating me for a while, and I couldn't have been happier at the time.  And then one day, he just up and disappeared.  I should have guessed my father and brother had conspired to send him away, but that information wasn't revealed to me until ten years later, when we were thrown together through an even more bizarre twist of fate- he was part of the FBI team sent to investigate my father's dealings with the mafia organization ran by my then-boyfriend Trowa Barton.  Heero was an undercover agent, posing as an assassin and it was his job to take the Barton Foundation down from the inside. 

I almost married Trowa in order to keep the FBI from finding out what Heero had really been up to while he was working undercover.  The only man I've ever truly loved had a hard time discerning right from wrong once he infiltrated the organization.  Two years is a long time to keep a moral compass aimed the right way – especially when it's a borrowed instrument you were never taught to use.  Crime was a way of life for him growing up, and he and Trowa had much in common.  They parted as friends, or at least as two men who held a mutual respect for one another. 

I remember when Heero found out I had not gone with Trowa into the obscurity of being in the witness protection program…

A knock sounds at the door, and I freeze. It's late.  Since I got back from Quatre's inauguration, on the heels of my father's resignation, I had been in the process of unpacking a few things in the bedroom of my new apartment.  I hadn't told anyone my new address.  The incessant rapping can only mean one thing.

            I take a deep breath and walk to the door, squaring my shoulders before I dare to open it.  Even though I had been silently preparing myself, the sight of him standing in the doorway still takes my breath away.

            "Heero…"

            "May I come in?"

            I move to allow him entrance to my tiny apartment.  He looks around at all the boxes and then back up at me.  He seems to sense that I am not all that surprised to see him here.

            I close the door and turn back to face him, a faint smile playing on my lips. "I knew I couldn't hide from the FBI," I say in a quiet voice, in answer to his unspoken question.

            Heero crosses his arms and leans back against the wall to the kitchen.  "You didn't go," he says, his face ever set in that expressionless mask.  "Why?"

            I shake my head. It is spinning and reeling from his presence. "I'd offer you something, but I haven't finished unpacking, and I haven't been to the grocery store…"

            "I'm fine," he says in a harsh, gravelly voice.  The years spent in the Barton Foundation have made him harder, but I can still see that lost little boy he was never allowed to be. He's there, always there, watching, listening, trapped beneath an icy tomb, but waiting patiently, desperately for someone to say the magic words to set him free. 

I am still searching…

            We stand in an awkward silence for a moment.  Then he finally meets my eyes.  I sigh. "Trowa said I'd be in too much danger.  I don't think he wanted to admit that he knew I didn't love him." 

Heero studies my face carefully, as if measuring whether to trust me or not.  "Relena…I'm sorry."

I expected any number of different things – an apology was not among them.  He's still able to surprise me.  "For what?"

            He frowns.  "What?  Relena, after everything I said to you, and everything that's happened, you ask me for what?"

            I shrug and turn away from him.  "It wasn't your fault.  You didn't know that Treize doctored those pictures."

            "I also didn't know that he threatened you."  I don't have to turn around to know that there's a deep scowl currently marring his features. 

            I freeze with my back facing him.  I was glad I didn't have to look at him while I told this half-truth:  "I did what I thought was right, you didn't deserve to go to jail for trying to survive."

            "You shouldn't have ever offered to go, Relena," he seems to hesitate for a moment before continuing.  "And I would have never forgiven myself if something had happened to you," he said softly, his voice quavering slightly over the words.

I heard the minor inflection and closed my eyes to the pain that came with hoping for something I'd only held for a few moments – something I wanted to hold onto for the rest of my life…

The car comes to a halt in front of the governor's mansion, interrupting my reverie.  I can't believe how quickly the time has passed.  The door opens and I almost fall down from the shock of seeing Heero standing there, dressed in his dark navy suit, with an earpiece in one ear, and those sunglasses on, which hide the eyes that would only glance at me severely, anyway.  He was working, and when that happens, I become Miss Darlian as he is never to be distracted from his duties.

He held out his hand to help me from the car, and as I stand, I catch a glimpse of a familiar figure in the corner of my eye.  It's Duo Maxwell, still wearing his hair in the insanely long chestnut-colored braid he's had since high school, despite the FBI dress codes.  I throw Heero a questioning glance that I know he sees behind those mirrored lenses. He ignores it and shuts the car door behind me. 

I sigh and turn to walk up the steps to the mansion.  Once inside, I only have to turn my head to see Governor Quatre Raberba Winner in deep discussion with a man in a dark gray suit – another FBI agent.  I recognize him, too; he's that bastard Treize that I despise with all my heart - also Heero's boss.  Wait, if Heero's here, that means he's finally off desk duty.  I turn a dazzling smile up at him, but again, I am ignored. A less determined woman would be furious with him by now, but I know him too well.  His behavior has nothing to do with me; he just feels the need to be strictly professional when he's on duty.

 I wonder what he's doing here.  I wonder why Treize allowed him to come, certainly not for my sake…what could be going on?  I look over at Quatre, the only one whose eyes aren't covered by those infernally effective sunglasses.  He looks worried, but when I catch his eye, he smiles kindly at me. 

I feel Heero bristle beside me, and I can't help but shake my head.  I grab his hand and give it a brief, reassuring squeeze before letting go; he scowls at me for the display of affection, but I can feel some of the anxiety leave his body. 

I turn my head to study his profile, and I can see fear etched into his posture and in the way his jaw is clenched, forming a tight, stubborn line.

And it's enough to terrify me.

************************************************************************

AN: Somewhat of a recap chapter, the part where Heero knocked on her door and apologized was the original ending to the first story.

Also, to remind you….

Zechs is in prison serving a life term.

Trowa is in the witness relocation program.

Quinze is also in prison serving a life term.

Dorothy works in Quatre's administration.

I think that covers everyone not mentioned in these first few chapters. 

Thanks for reading!

~Rose