Disclaimer: I don't own Resident Evil, Metal Gear or anything!

Luna: Hi!! This is a total parody off Leon and re4! Enjoy! And review!

Chapter1: Leon's new moves

Leon looked out the window of the car. He was being driven to a village where Ashely, the president's daughter was being held. Why, I ask you, does Leon want to jump into another encounter with creatures from hell ::zombies:: after suriving one encounter? You'd think he'd learn.....but this is Leon we're talking about.

The car stopped, and Leon got out.

" Your on your own hombre," said the driver, " We don't wanna get no parking ticket."

" Parking ticket, huh?" said Leon, " I think you 2 are just wussies and don't wanna go with me. I think your lying. IT'S A CONSPIRACY! Just like the Umbrella conspiracy! They're everywhere...EVERYWHERE!"

" Uh, dude," said nameless-unimportant-guy-who-will-be-killed-in-a-matter-of-minutes," Umbrella's gone. Their stocks crashed through, you know."

" That's what they want you to think!" cried Leon.

It wasn't uncommon for Leon to rant about Umbrella and...being infected.

Leon walked off, alone; twitching. Of course, he only had a 9mm handgun with one pack of bullets. God forbid he pack a Rocket Launcher or shotgun.....no... You'd think he might pack a machine gun after all he's been through; but sadly he had a very small attention span.

Leon walked down a dirt path to a house. He kicked the door opened, because kicking doors open is fun; and spotted an old man by the fireplace.

"Excuse me," said Leon, " Have you seen this girl?" He showed him a pic of Ashely.

The man talked rapidly in Spanish. The translation was, " No. Why are you here? Would you like some tea and crumpets? I have a pretty axe....its shiny-"

The minute Leon heard him talk in a language he couldn't understand, he screamed, " INFECTED!" and shot him in the head.

Then, he got a Codec transmission. ? What is this, Metal Gear?

" Leon here," said Leon, to the girl on the other end, Hunnigan, " I had to put down a civilian. He was infected- I mean, hostile."

" Uh...sure Leon," said Hunnigan, " Well do whatever it takes to excreate the subject."

" Excreate the...subject.....?"

" Save Ashely, geez...."

" Oh...."

Leon ran upstairs and heard people talking. Infected, he thought. They were coming after him, so Leon jumped out of the nearest window. He landed and struck a pose.

" James Bond ain't got nothing on me!" shouted Leon, happily.

The angry villagers surrounded him, with pitchforks, axes and knives.

" You're kidding.....right?" asked Leon, to noone in particular, " They have weapons? Zombies didn't have weapons! They also didn't run or talk in Spanish..."

Luckily, Leon could actually aim his gun because it had a laser pointer. Then, one of the zombie/infected/villager got to close and lunged at him. Leon kicked him upside his head.

"Booya!" screamed Leon, and did his victory dance.

So Leon skipped his merry way to the village. Okay, take out 'merry' and 'skipped'.

" Zombies, crazy people zombies with weapons," said Leon, " I rule them all! THEY ARE NO MATCH FOR LEON SCOTT KENNEDY!"

Along the way, he met a wolf caught in a trap.

" Aww....poor doggy!" cried Leon, and released his leg from the bear trap.

The wolf wagged his tail and ran off. So, you may wonder why I bothered to put that in the story. So do I. But if you played the game you'll understand. Um...anyway on with the story.

Leon looked in his binoculers and zoomed in on the village. On a stake, roasting in the fire was nameless-unimportant-guy who drove the car. He heard them talking in Spanish again. He suddenly wished he paid more attention in Spanish class.

Flashback

" Hey," said Leon, to a random friend of his, " Wanna cut Spanish?"

" um...don't you think its important?" asked random-friend-who-won't-be-heard-from-again.

" Nah....It's not like I'm gonna become a Secret Service agent and try to save the presidents daughter in a village of Spanish speaking, infected, psycho cultists bend on hacking me to tiny pieces."

"Ah....good point"

End Flashback

Leon gulped. He pressed on to save Ashely.

Luna: okay REVIEW PLEASE! Next Chapter: The Village People.