The Problem With Double Dog Dares
Rating: PG-13
Author's Notes: I'm completely changing scenes in this fic. Hope you don't mind.
The problem with a double dog dare is that it can't be turned down. Well, it can be, but only if your life is in danger or you could be dragged off to jail. Otherwise, you've got to do a double dog dare. You have no choice. Now granted, many people leave the world of double dog dares when they reach puberty. But, for those of us who are young at heart, a double dog dare is as serious at the age of forty-two as it was at the age of nine…
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"It's not my fault!" I shriek as she glares at me.
"It's not?" she asks doubtfully.
"No!"
"Then whose fault is it, Joshua?"
"CJ's?" I ask more than say.
"It's CJ's fault. The CJ Cregg who's in a whole different state? Is that the CJ you're talking about?" Great. Now she has her hand on her hip. That means I'm in big trouble.
"Yes, that's the one," I say, nodding.
"And how was that," she asks, tilting her head towards Will's office, "her fault?"
"She dared me," I say defensively. "She dared you?" She doesn't believe me! How can that be? "Yes! She double dog dared me." "You did that because of a dare?" she screams. "Yes!" Her glare gets more intense. Oh shit. I'm in trouble. How the hell did I dig myself in deeper than I already was? It must be a gift I have because it certainly isn't the first time this has happened. "Wait. No." "Well, which is it?" My eyes open wider and I just stare at her. "I'm waiting," she says impatiently, now tapping her foot. I'm going to kill CJ. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz It had been late. Actually, it had been early, about 1:15am. They came in while I was packing my desk with three four packs of Heineken and a bag of pretzels, and they plopped down in the chairs in my office. I looked at them for a minute, then pushed the box over, grabbed a beer and sat down, throwing my feet up on my desk. That would be the last time I'd do that there. At least the last time for a year. And probably the last time with them. They had asked me about this long shot I was leaving them for, and I could tell that Toby didn't think I had a shot in hell and that CJ was far too busy running the current government to care about the next one. But they had asked, and that made me feel better. So we sat there for another few hours, just talking like we used to. It was nice. And several beers were gone before anyone brought up Donna. And by anyone, I mean CJ. "How'd she take the news?" "How'd who take what news?" I asked her, confused. "Donna. How'd she take the news that you're working for the enemy?" "Umm…" "You told her. Right?" I looked down at my desk. "Please say you told her." "He's not ready to be a man yet," Toby piped in. I looked up at him. "You're not very helpful." "I don't really try to be." "So, when you've talked to her, you've just left it out?" CJ asked me. Again, I looked down at my desk. "Joshua!" she yelled. "I'm the victim!" I yelled. "Why can't anyone see that I'm the victim?" "Because you're not," CJ said shaking her head. "Not in the slightest," said Toby. I dropped my head to my desk. "I know." "Ahh," said Toby. "A step towards manhood. A small step, but a step none the less…" "I refuse to take all the blame for this!" I shouted one beer and thirty minutes later. "Of course you do. That goes with the not being a man thing," CJ said, reaching for another beer herself. "It's not my fault," I say, taking a swig of my beer. "It's not?" CJ asks doubtfully. "No!" "How so?" "She should have known how I'd react. She knows me. She knows I'm…" I trail off, not really knowing what I'm talking about at this point. "Not a man?" Toby asks. "Exactly!" I stopped and looked at them. "Wait."… "Ok, I'm just gonna go out on a limb here," CJ said yet another beer and an hour later. "What?" "Maybe you should…" she stopped talking and looked at me, waiving a hand towards me. "Go to New Hampshire and drag her back here by her hair?" Cause I'd thought about that many times. She looked at me and rolled her eyes. "No. Maybe you should…" again with the hand waiving thing. "Offer her more money than what she's making now? Cause that's not gonna work. We've got practically nothing for a budget." She shook her head and looked at Toby. "Help me out here." He sighed and then looked at me. "What she's saying is, maybe you should have a talk with her." "About coming back to me? I have some amount of pride, Toby." "Not much." "Well…no." "Kids," CJ interrupted. "I'm just gonna say it. It's been what, seven years. I'm saying it." Toby looked at her. "Are you sure?" he asked in a hushed voice. "Don't you think someone has to?" she asked him back, mumbling. He took a deep breath and nodded. "As long as it doesn't have to be me." "What the hell are you guys talking about?" She looked over at me and got a determined look on her face and suddenly, I was scared. "Josh, why haven't you ever asked Donna out?" And there it was. The elephant that had been sitting in the corner of the bullpen for seven years was finally acknowledged. It was like someone pointed to it and said, "anyone ever noticed that there?" "I don't know what you're talking about." I said, looking in the box I'd been packing earlier. "Bullshit," Toby laughed. "Donna and I are friends, we…" "Josh," CJ said, cutting me off. I played innocent. "You think there's something between us? Hmm… maybe I'll think…" "Josh," she cut me off again. "I've never really given it…" "Josh." Then I looked at her and looked at her hard. What exactly was it she wanted me to say? "I don't want to talk about it." "And you don't have to. Not with us." "Let's just drop it," I said quietly. "Fine," she said. "Toby?" "Yes?" "When Ginger took her leave of absence last year, did you accuse her of leaving you?" "No." "Why?" "Hmm…" she said, looking pointedly at me. "I thought we were gonna drop it," I said, reaching for the last beer. "I'm gonna say something here," she said. "You already did," Toby reminded her. "Yes. But, I'm going to say something else." "Please don't," I mumbled, taking a drink. "Thank you." My eyes shot open and I almost spit beer from the bottle. That was not what I was expecting. "Thank me? For what?" "As the former Press Secretary, I'd like to thank you for making my job easier by not dating your assistant." I raised my eyebrows and looked at her. "Hey, what about me? I didn't date my assistant," Toby said. "No, but you did knock up your ex-wife." "Well…" She turned back to me. "So, thank you." "Umm… you're welcome?" "Now, I'm going to say something else." "Can't you do anything about this?" I asked Toby. "No, not really." "For seven years, you didn't ask her out. Why?" "CJ…" "Why?" "We're not…" She interrupted me. "Why?" "It's not that…" She interrupted me again. "Why?" "I was trying to make your job easier?" "Why?" I took a deep breath and figured I might as well be honest. "Because we worked together," I said in a resigned voice. She nodded. "So, you spent seven years not dating the woman you're crazy about because you worked together, and now you're not dating her because you don't?" I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Finally, I closed it again. "See how smart I am?" she asked. I nodded. "Yes. But that doesn't solve my problem." "No," said Toby. "What problem?" CJ asked. "Donna and Josh are on separate sides now." "Remember how well that worked when it was Amy?" I asked her. "Are you really comparing the two?" I nodded in agreement. "Good point. But, I'm gonna do what I have to do to win." She thought about that for a minute. "I don't think she's gonna have a problem with that?" "You don't?" I asked sarcastically. But she just shook her head. "No, not if you're honest. Not if she knows how you feel." "She knows," Toby said quietly. She looked at him. "Well, yeah. But…" "Wait a minute!" I yelled. "She knows?" They both looked at me like I was nuts. "Of course she knows. Don't you know how she feels about you?" "Yeah, but… I'm better at hiding my feelings than she is." Toby's eyebrows shot up. "You are?" Then mine shot up. "I'm not?" He shook his head slowly. "No." "Hmm… so she knows?"
"Yes," they said simultaneously." "But," said CJ. "You still have to tell her." "Are you sure? I mean, if she knows…" I stopped and looked at them. "Call her, Josh." Toby said. "No," said CJ. "No?" he asked, making me wonder if I needed to be there for the discussion. "No. You've got to show her." "Show her?" I asked. "Yes. Show her." "How?" "Flowers," Toby said. "No," said CJ. "No?" he asked her again. "No. The next time you see her, you've got to kiss her." "Kiss her?" I squeaked. "You don't want to kiss her?" At this point, my eyebrows were permanently up in my hairline. "I've never really thought…" I trailed off as they laughed at me. "The next time you see her, kiss her." "The next time I see her." "Just walk up and kiss her." "Just walk up and kiss her, I guess." "Yep." "Right in the middle of the street," I said, trying to show her how ridiculous it sounded. "Wherever you are," she said nodding. "What if people are around?" "It's got to be the next time you see her. It's a statement. 'I haven't seen you in a while, and yes I'm an ass, but this is the first time I've seen you since it was ok to feel like this about you, and damn it, I'm not waiting another second.'" "That's the statement I want to make?" "You might want to leave out the 'ass' part," Toby said. "Thanks for your help." "I told you. I'm not really here to do that." "Right." I turned to CJ. "I can't do that. I'll probably run into her at a debate or something." "It doesn't matter. Wherever it is, that's where you have to do it." "I can't!" I shrieked. "I dare you," she said to me. "CJ, I'm not ten anymore." "Chicken." "I'm not falling for your crap, CJ." "I double dare you," she said, shrugging. "You wouldn't," I accused. "This is how we solve personal problems? Thank God the voters never saw this," Toby said under his breath, watching the display in front of him. She looked at me and squinted her eyes. "I double dog dare you." "You're on!"
"She's not my wife."