Yukis POV

I didn't sleep that night. I stared at the neon green letters of my alarm clock waiting for it to go off. I can't sleep. I used to be able to get one or two hours of sleep but on nights like these I feel so cold. I could have someone in my bed right now. Some women from the club down the road or a man looking for a cheap fuck because he's married to a women, but pussy isn't quite his cup of tea. In those moments I can forget about everything.

I make no sense. Even to myself. If Kitazawa raped me shouldn't I not want sex? Shouldn't I shy away from other peoples touch? I don't understand myself.

Flashback

"Tohma told me everything!" I screamed as I threw him up against the wall. I knew Ryuichi had someone else on the side. It was obvious. I couldn't give him what he wanted because every time we got close enough Kitazawas face seemed to take over Ryuichis. So of course when Tohma told me that he had seen Ryuichi with an older man and from what he could tell it was not a platonic relationship. Tohma had whispered to me with a sadistic smile that he heard from someone what Ryuichi was selling himself.

I was enraged. Ryuichi was obviously a little slut who only wanted sex. He probably enjoyed being fucked by those old men, he didn't need the money.

"You don't understand Yuki. It's just a job, we don't have sex we just-" Ryuichi was saying while tears flowed down his face. I slapped him and he let out a short gasp. Suddenly he looked up and he pulled me close to him. Our lips crashed together. My mind was going in circles and I was so confused, and oh his body felt so good, and I thought maybe just maybe I could do this right now, on the floor of his empty classroom.

I leaned backwards and allowed his weight to fall on my. He gently started to rock our hips together and I moaned in pleasure each time our erections touched. I opened my eyes and what I saw jolted me so hard that I pushed Ryuichi off me. Tohma was standing in the doorway with a look of shock on his face.

I did the only thing I could do.

"You sick freak. Don't touch me!" I screamed at Ryuichi; feigning anger as best I could. My back was to Tohma and he couldn't see the tears pouring down my face as I emotionally destroyed the one person I thought I could maybe ever love.

Quickly the entire school knew. Suddenly Ryuichi was known as "the little whore you jumped pour Yuki in the empty bio room and tried to rape him."

The very next day was my last day at that high school. Tohma promised that he would come to my new school as soon as he could.

And I walked home and opened the door to my little apartment. When I entered the kitchen Kitazawa was sitting there. However, this time he wasn't alone. He had a tall blonde haired man with him. He only smirked at me and I was lead to the bedroom by the both of them. To be worked from both sides, bruised, beaten, and then left alone to let me tears dry to the sound of cars driving by my house.

After that I became what is commonly refered to as a nymphomaniac. However, when Kitazawa touched me. When he touched me… It made me sick. I would become violently ill and couldn't eat for days. And then there was the sick part of me that was still secretly attracted to him. That was what made it the worst. That no matter what, I'll still thought he was handsome.

And then there was Shuichi. He was so innocent. He came to the school a little while after I did. I had already acquired many friends and female admirers by then and then he showed up. I was immediately attracted to him. The way he bit his lip and smiled up at the class when he introduced himself was endearing to me. However there was the nagging fact in the back of my head that he greatly resembled Ryuichi. Even his mannerisms when he was less inhibited when around his friend Hiro reminded me so much of my ex-lover. I began to hate him for this fact. Soon I was bullying him nonstop because it made me feel better about my own pathetic existence.

And then when we had sex. It was like the lines between Shuichi and Ryuichi had been blurred. His shy manner and the way he admitted to it being his first time. The exact words and way he laced and unlaced his fingers mimicked Ryuichi all those months ago.

I threw him out because I hate Ryuichi and they are too similar. I threw him out because I didn't want him to think I loved him. I threw him out because I didn't want to love him.

But then again; maybe I already do.

Shuichis POV

I was walking down the side of the road when my cell phone rang. It was an unfamiliar number, but I picked it up anyway thinking it was my mother calling from a pay phone of something.

"Shuichi?" the caller asked and I identified him as Ryuichi. I nearly dropped the phone.

"How did you get my phone number?" I asked. "I got your home phone from the school directory and your mom gave me your cell number because you weren't home. Where were you? I tried calling before" he asked curiously.

I flashed back to earlier in the afternoon. Yuki and I were kissing passionately when I thought I heard my phone ring. I made a movement to get up and he slide his hands down to my pulsing erection to keep me focused.

"Uh, Ryuichi. Can we meet up?" I didn't know what I was going to say to him, but at least this bought me some time before I had to tell him anything. He gave me his address and it was only about a ten minute walk from where I was. I reached his apartment. It was a modern looking building and I took the elevator up to the third floor. When Ryuichi opened the door he gasped after observing my appearance.

I stumbled into his apartment and collapsed on the floor crying. His arms enveloped me and when I winced because of my sore bottom hitting the floor he pulled away. He looked at my neck, my still swollen lips, and then he reached forward and pulled something off my shoulder.

A blonde hair.

In his eyes I could tell he knew, but he didn't say anything. I started to sob harder and he only wiped away my tears and wrapped his arms around me once again. He pulled me into his lap and rocked back and forth.

"I'm sorry. So sorry." I cried and he only shushed me and rubbed my back.

"You're a better person then I could ever be." I whispered to him after the sobs began to subside.

---------

So. I have not updated this in like forever and had a random burst of inspiration. To be completely honest I don't follow Gravitation as much as I used to and I don't even remember some of the core ideas of this fanfiction, so forgive me if there are a few inconsistencies.

And in case the events of these chapters weren't clear enough:

Yuki and Ryuichi were secretly dating and Tohma found out that Ryuichi was working for an escort service. He told Yuki because he thought it was funny and Yuki confronted Ryuichi about it. When they were kissing Tohma walked in and Yuki played it off as Ryuichi taking advantage of him to save his reputation. Yuki has promiscuous sex with other people at free will in an attempt to make himself feel better when he has sex with Kitazawa, but still feels deeply violated when Kitazawa forces them to have sex. Yukis core problem with Shuichi is that he resembled Ryuichi and he has started to care deeply for him. Tohma attempted to transfer schools, but was unsuccessful at first and eventually succeeded and Noriko came with him purely because she didn't have many other friends left at the school. Ryuichi put in for a transfer after the bullying became too bad because of the rumors abouthim trying to rape Yuki and then did not realize he would end up at the same school as all of them and they all succeeded with transferring around the same time because of some openings in the school that appeared for unknown reasons.

Everything else that hasn't been explained (such as why Ryuichi didn't flip a shit) will be further explored in the next chapters, but I figured that I should give the basics of what just happened in case I was unclear in my writing.