Author: essenceofthedark

Pairing: Sesshomaru/Inuyasha

Author's note: Wow… Inuyasha's having mood-swings O.o Anyway, this chapter was kind of forced and I think I overdid it :( ugh… a bit too much of every emotion, about every thought, about everything… :sigh: well, at least I'm getting somewhere XP even though it goes slow…

Listening to (or in this case, watching): "Bat Country" by Avenged Sevenfold, "Nymphetamine Fix" by Cradle of Filth (dammit, I want the male vocalist's dress, or whatever he's wearing! And I love their boots :D Honestly, I'm just obsessed with the song…) and "The Grand Conjuration" by Opeth. Check it out!

Chapter five: Crying and Smiling

:Inuyasha's view:

"Oi! Inukkuro, where's my woman?" As far as I was concerned everything froze with those few words I should have expected. I barely noticed Kouga's confused expression on his face before I turned around, running the fastest my feet could carry me. As I ran I closed my eyes to prevent tears to fall and relied on my senses to take me away from it all.

:Sesshomaru's view:

I cursed inwardly as my otouto(o) ran away and glared at the ookami no oujisan(o). I must have been very intimidating because the wolf shrunk a little as our eyes met and I could swear I saw fear in them for a tenth of a second, before it was replaced by an unreadable expression. Of course, he was a prince and rule nr. 1 for all demons and especially high ranking ones was: Do not show fear or uncertainties.

I sent him another murderous glare before I ran in the same direction my brother went, no matter how tempting it was to stay and flog him I had to find Inuyasha. I didn't know much about feelings, but my brother seemed sensitive enough to give into his emotions, especially when it came to that wench. Growling, I picked up his scent and followed it. This was annoying me as well as delaying my, no our, revenge on Naraku. A part of me said to leave him, that he would only delay me further, that he was useless to me. I shut the voice up, I had still use for him and I knew it, it was just my pride talking, the same pride that had made sure we had remained enemies all our adult lives. But I had already confessed to myself that he was a better fighter than what I had wanted to admit to myself and I had already accepted our cooperation. I ignored the other voice that was telling me that it wasn't just because my brother was useful to me that made me go after him.

Ten minutes later I slowed down as his scent was close and unmoving. Not wanting a misunderstanding I slowed down to a walk, no need to make it seem like I'm attacking him, after all; that was what he was used to and who knew how his state of mind would be after that damned ookami(o) messed with him? I stopped in the outskirts of the clearing and watched my brother for a while. He was sitting by an old well, eyes shut tightly as if to block out everything. I felt bewildered. I had no idea how to handle someone in such a distress and I hesitated in approaching him. A good minute or so later I stepped hesitantly forward.

"Inuyasha" I spoke silently, making him aware of my presence.

:Inuyasha's view:

I opened my eyes by the sound of his familiar voice and glanced up at my impassive brother standing there, watching me with those cold eyes that were too much like my own. The only difference really was just that his eyes lacked emotions while mine were filled with sorrow. It hurt so damn much, why had Kouga had to mention it? Right. He didn't know, yet. But still, it hurt so damn much and for the time being I wanted nothing more than to seek comfort in my brother's arms.

I looked away from him, not able to look into those eyes anymore. 'He must think me really weak…' I thought as I bit my lower lip 'what if he is having second thoughts now about cooperating with me? What if he just turns and leaves?' a part of my mind was panicking, what if he did just that? Then I'd be left alone again, only, this time it would hurt more, not only was he the only one I had left, but I had also, no matter how hard it was admitting it even to myself or how improper it was, feelings for him.

"'Niichan(o)?" I whispered, afraid of what was to come. I even think my voice shivered a bit as I dreaded what was coming. Was he going to leave me? Or, even as unlikely it was, would he still cooperate with me. 'He must!' a voice in my head insisted 'he promised'. Closing my eyes I lectured it; 'as if that matters, my brother has never been one to keep his promises'. Still the voice continued to give me false hope 'but he followed you here, that gotta count for something' growling at it I thought 'doesn't mean anything, he, like you, delights in giving me false hope'. My thoughts were interrupted by his voice.

"Let's go home, otouto"

:Sesshomaru's view:

"Let's go home, otouto" I said and averted my gaze from him. I cursed my slip of the tongue. I had called him otouto, not Inuyasha or half-breed or anything like that. It was, somehow, a sign of recognition and of acceptance as a family member. As the demon lord I was I should have been able to prevent such slip-ups. Was it possible that my control was starting to break? I had been aloof and arrogant since almost forever, how could it be possible, that after all these centuries my mask was starting to crack? Just because of my otouto; my adorable, cute, beautiful…

'Kuso(o)!'

I cast a quick glance at my brother and I knew immediately that he had caught the slip. It was obvious from the way his face lit up in a half-smile that started to remind me of that bright smile he always wore when he was still a pup. From the euphoria that lit up his whole being I almost thought it had been worth the slip…

'Chikuso(o)!' it had never been my intention to get closer to my brother, to let him get to me like that… it was scandalous, outraging. However, it seemed I had no choice but getting used to it.

:Inuyasha's view:

'Otouto?' I swallowed heavily. Had Sesshomaru, the silent, cold, ice-berg, emotionless brother of mine, just… accepted me? As his brother? As family? Of course he had not said it straight out, but the implications of what he just said was as clear to me as if had spelled it to me, or given me a hug or something. I felt a little ball of joy and warmth spread through my chest at his words and I felt a smile spread on my face. Instead of restraining it as I usually did with all of my emotions, except irritation and anger, I didn't even bother to think of it. The age of miracles was obviously not over yet. Then I frowned as I started to think about it, he was starting to think of me as family, I should be thrilled, and yet… and yet… he might really view me as family, and with time, he might also come to care for me and perhaps even love me as a brother, not that I really believed that, but I'm allowed to dream, am I not? It was all surreal, almost ridiculous sounding to me, but if, as unlikely as it was, if he came to love me as a brother despite our past and my and his heritage, he would never love me the way I wanted him too, the way I needed him to. Yes, I realised, I needed him to love me in that way, even though it was completely immoral and wrong I still needed him to love me that way.

Then a wave of guilt hit me, all my friends were dead, and here I was, only thinking of my elder brother. How disrespectful of the dead could I be? I bit back a sob that threatened to force its way up from my chest. Kamisama(o) I was so confused, I had no idea how to feel anymore, I felt incredibly sad because of my friends, but at the same time I was happy because I was with Sesshomaru, that he was paying at least a little attention to me.

:Sesshomaru's view:

As I was watching his happy expression in awe it started to fade away to give way to a frown and then an expression I don't ever want to see again. It was heartbreakingly painful, filled with sorrow, confusion and despair. And I that hadn't believed I had a heart until now.

I didn't know what had suddenly changed his mood, had it been me? Or had it been something else. Not knowing what to do I remained standing in front of him not looking at his face, only waiting for him to… I didn't know what I was waiting for.

"Sesshomaru" he whispered silently after a while and I looked at him again, his head was hung slightly to the ground and the quietness in his voice. I continued to watch him, wondering what might come next, letting the silence work for me.

"Can we…" he chocked slightly "have a… burial, or something. For them?" he whispered. There was no need to tell me who 'them' was as it was quite obvious. I wanted to say no, to regain control over my life. To regain the control that I had so easily lost. I wanted to state coldly that we didn't have time for it, that we needed to find Naraku fast, that I couldn't care less for some worthless humans. I wanted to turn around and leave him there. I wanted… I wanted… sighing quietly inside me, I nodded slightly.

To Be Continued

(o)Otouto – little brother, ookami no oujisan – wolf prince, ookami – wolf, 'niichan – elder brother (originally; oniichan, chan being a suffix meaning little/cute and used on family, friends (mostly female), pets and kids), kuso – damn, chikuso – damn it all to hell (or something… stronger expression than kuso, but uhm… swearing words simply does not let themselves be directly translated), kamisama – god(s),

Well, they seem to be getting used to the idea of being attracted to each other at least… uhm…sorry that it is so short, but so much time has passed since last update that I wanted to put this one up now! Hopefully the next chapter will be longer and be finished faster… after all, soon is the time for mock exams over. I really hope I'll have more time to write then. By the way; from now on I will answer signed review directly. Reviews that's not signed won't be replied to in the same way, I will only answer the questions in those cases.

To All Unsigned Reviewers: Thanks for the reviews :3 I'm glad you like my story XD

Please R&R!