Rating: R for language and dark humor
Summary: Sophia's getting married! No it's not to anyone on the game and yes it is wrong and disturbing. Also it takes place in 'Stepford' after the events of One step over the sanity line. So if you didn't read that one, let me warn you there is shonen love in this sucker it's just not the central focus.
Notes: The idea just sprang in my head and I said why not. Be afraid be very very afraid. What is wrong with me;
Cliff sighed as he got off the phone with hooters and hoochies, he'd booked the mystic spider lady and the snake dancer for the party. He'd managed to land a suite at 'The Majestic' for two nights—and he had yet to find a single dancer that had only two arms that did the cake thing. Albel had walked past him a few times laughing but otherwise held his smartass remarks to himself.
Fayt's head popped up on the screen, "Hi Cliff! Guess what? I went ahead and got the refreshments. Mama's greasy spoon has agreed to be our caterer!"
"That's great Fayt, now what I need you to do is find a place that does the cake pop out thing and you're all set for two weeks from now."
"Really? Man Cliff you're fast thanks a lot!"
"Sure no problem. Just don't invite me okay?"
"Okay."
"Oh come on he's GOTTA come—you know gay or not he's Sophia's friend and I wouldn't want to insult him."
Fayt didn't exactly know how to tell him that Cliff had expressly said he did not wish to come—at all. "Well ah—he's got that new baby and Albel has to help Sophia out with her wedding stuff and uh—"
"He's gotta come! I don't wanna hear another word about it got it?"
"Gotcha."
"Didn't I say I didn't want to come? Were you not listening when I stood here and the words Just-do-not-invite-me-okay. Came out of my mouth!"
"Actually you said don't instead of do not and okay sounded more like a question."
" I swear if you were here right now I'd fling you across the room!"
"Ohh violence can I watch?" Albel asked carrying a whining Abella to the fridge.
"What's that noise she's making?"
" Hunger whine. Soon it shall become the hunger scream of rage—scary that I know that. Did you feed Miffy?"
"Not yet, but by all the screaming outside a few hours ago she did feed herself."
"Anyone we know?"
"Didn't sound like it."
Albel shrugged grabbed a bottle from the fridge and headed for the microwave.
"Married life."
"What's a stripper?"
"Uhhh—fun?"
"Right."
"Fun that I will have no part of."
"Very correct."
"Wooooooooooooooo take it off! Take it off!"
Cliff pretended he didn't see Vito trying to stick his tongue down the hooker's throat. Just like he'd been ignoring Fayt's drunken crying underneath the living room table. Where a naked woman laid covered in tea tree leaves and strategically placed fruit and chocolates. She'd asked Fayt a couple of times if he was okay. His only response had been a tearful. "I want to go home. I want to go hooome…"
Nope, Cliff was keeping his word. He was sitting in the far corner of the room, drinking his way through a large bucket of Klausian beer—compliments of the hotel. They remembered him from his last visit—and because of that. The penthouse was free—along with the liquor AND to top it all off. The best women—hookers, strippers and call girls alike had shown up. He just wished he could remember what happened on his last trip.
All he could really recall was being very very thirsty, smelly and in bed with nine very happy women. Seven of which were in the room at that moment—and were sharing drunken stories about what exactly had happened that weekend with any guy that didn't immediately make a grab for their breasts. Stories he prayed—never—EVER made it to the ears of his mate.
He'd been receiving admiring looks from the guys that listened. One even gave him a thumbs up.
"Cliff! Yo Cliff come on man join us!" Vito pulled his face from Candy's chest long enough to shout an invitation. " Come on fag or not you gotta find these chicks hot!"
Oh shit. There was that word again. He really didn't like that word, Vito it seemed did. If he said it one more time Cliff was going to introduce his face to the back of his head. But right then, he was very reluctant to do so, he'd had at least six beers and he was enjoying his buzz, he wanted that to continue.
"What comeon man! Look if you want we could get a guy up here for ya huh?"
He wanted to laugh, the reason these chicks were here in the first place was because he was there. "No way man you trying to get me killed?"
"I want to go hooome."
"Are you okay man?" The fruit girl asked again.
Cliff sat back and popped open another beer, even as Lolli—short for Lollipop came and plopped down on his lap. He sighed, his mind remembered very clearly that he was dedicated to a beautiful, intelligent, soft spoken, slightly insecure—completely jealously insane individual who for whatever reason loved him as much as he was loved. However his body saw—red head in a green g-string gold glitter on her nipples and a tongue ring mother lode!
"Ohh so you do remember me huh sug?"
"Oh crap…"
"I wanna go hooome."
Suddenly Cliff agreed with him, he wanted to go home to.
"You know hon—I could get a couple of the other girls—and we could grab a little alone time. You know to catch up and-." She leaned forward and pressed her chest flat against his. "Maybe I could do a little grabbing of my own—for old times sake."
"You know right now I'd love to—but I'm with someone it's serious."
"How serious?" she pouted. He never could resist when a woman pouted…
"We have a baby—want to see her picture?"
"Cliffpoo has a baby!" one of the girls squealed and jumped off of one of Vito's friends lap. Several other girls followed suite.
"Yeah she's four months old gonna be five in a few weeks. Her name is Abella C. Fittr."
"Aww she's so cute!"
"What's the C stand for?"
"Claw don't ask. She looks just like her Compta—acts just like me."
"Compta?"
"No way you got with a guy!"
"Ah well what a waste."
"Lucky bastard."
"Yo ladies! There's a bunch of STRAIGHT guys over here that could use some attention!"
Lolli sighed, " Yeah a bunch that only equals a half of one Cliffy. Whatever will we do?"
Cliff laughed and drank another bottle of beer. That's how the night went for another three hours or so. Cliff drank—Fayt cried the fruit girl comforted, (well now the fruit girl had gotten off the table and sat with Fayt's head in her lap.) and Vito and his jerk friends got wasted and made pot shots about Cliff's sexuality.
At least that's how it went until Vito's friends started to leave with some of the girls leaving just one that Cliff didn't really know and a still crying Fayt—minus fruit girl.
Vito and the mystery girl went into the bathroom and Cliff refused to think about what was going on.
The next morning—he woke up on top of the blankets in the master bedroom. Fayt was curled under the comforter next to him. Vito was nowhere to be seen—that is until he opened the bathroom door and there he was in the bathtub on top of the girl from the previous night. His mouth was wide open in a silent scream.
A moment later Cliff's hung over brain realized two important things—one was that the tile walls and the bathtub were not red yesterday. And two the red that covered the walls tub and floor was not… "Holy fuck! What the hell did you DO!"
Sophia had started overseeing the decorations as they arrived so far she had sent back four sets of plates, three colors of table cloth (watermelon pink petal pink, cotton candy pink, rio sand pink, and grapefruit pink are NOT the same color!)
She'd had at least four panic attacks within the last three hours and given about 50 of them in the same amount of time.
After pressure from all sides resumed,( and Sophia was given a handful of sedatives) Albel stepped in and took over the arrangements—very unwillingly.
"Where would you like the statue Mister Nox?"
"How the fuck should I know? Stick it next to that giant flowery thing."
"Mister Nox we have a problem, the sol III papayas have not been delivered yet."
"And? The wedding isn't for another three days. I'm sure you can find the papa—whatever in that amount of time."
"You don't understand the papayas punch is a signature drink of our service, it takes three days to make!"
"What? How can it take three days to make juice?"
The man looked like he was about to launch into a long explanation that Albel really didn't care about. "Look I really don't care if you make the punch out of cow spit. However Bride Kong will—and most likely she'll want me to stick your entrails on a barbeque split. Which I will do and happily by the way if this isn't right. So what I suggest—for your sake you find a way to get those papathings and have the punch pink and perfect by rehearsal tomorrow. Or you die a painful death okay? Hey idiot get OUT of my flowerbed! And you get out of my Miffy's mouth you're going to make her sick!"
"Albel phone!"
"Tell them I'll call them later."
"It's Cliff and he says it's real important!"
Albel growled and screamed at the sky, "I swear someone had better be dead or dying!"
" You look like shit." Albel stated flatly.
Cliff raised tired eyes to the screen and glared, " I've had a VERY long night and a longer morning please I beg you don't start with me."
Albel arched a brow, "That serious?"
" You have no freakin' idea."
"What happened."
Cliff sighed, " Press that red button next to the monitor for me?"
Albel obliged, " Well?"
"Vito killed a hooker last night and I helped him hide the body. Turns out the hooker is the run away daughter of the Mitsuki family—who just so happen to be in a turf war with the Gianni family. Know where this leaves us?"
"Where?"
"Right in the middle of a mafia war."
"Great."
"So what I need you to do is convince Sophia to call off the wedding."
"Right and while I'm at it, should I make the world stop turning and teach fish to sing?"
Cliff laughed, "Just do your best huh?"
"Sure."
"Hey where's Abella?"
"Driving Duo and his screaming brats crazy."
Okay so what ya'll think?