SLF: This is not exactly a F/I. It's completely one-sided. You have been warned. BTW, they're like, in high school in this. This is dedicated to everyone who reviewed 'Verse' I'm not sure anyone will have anything positive to say about it because I probably completely destroyed Ingrid's character and many pro F/I people will probably hate it…
Disclaimer: I don't own any Fillmore crap…or the song 'Fallen Through' by Skye Sweetnam.
/Italic/ song lyrics
P.S. This is a totally separate one-short. You don't have to read Verse to get it.
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Love. That one simple word could bring more joy or sorrow to a single human being then any other word in any language known to man. It was something you had no control over; something that just happened. Like the weather, or getting older. Unlike just about everything else, no matter how much progress humanity makes; we never will control it. Never.
These were the thoughts that constantly ran through Ingrid's head. Constantly. When she was at school, when she was locked away in her room, when she was with him. She hadn't realized she had fallen for him until too late. Because that's what it was: too late.
/I do what he says
But I end up
Falling off the edge
(I don't what to do
Never seems)
To end up being true/
Tehama knew; they all knew. She could feel their stares; their pity. She didn't need their pity. She was strong and she could hold herself together. Even when completely shattered inside. She almost cried when she saw them that day. Almost. The day when the rest of them forced her to tell him. She had calmed herself down and rounded into the courtyard where she was told he was. What she saw shocked her to the core. He was nearly kissing some giggling girl.
/Seeps in underneath the door
Sinks in and stains the floor
(I don't know what to feel
Takes so long)
For these wounds to heal
Tell me it's not really real/
She came to find out this girl was Kayla Robinson. She was gorgeous, and smart, and…Fillmore really liked her. Still too numb to feel any pain, Ingrid ran after seeing them together. She just ran. She couldn't remember anything that happened while she ran. It was all a blank until she stopped; right in front of Fillmore's house. She looked at it. She held many happy memories there; Fillmore's birthday, study sessions, among other things. Right then, as she looked at it, all it brought her was a cloud of darkness.
/Fallen through
Why did I fall for you
Fallen for
All the lies alibis
That you said
Left me holdin' on by the last thread/
Fillmore looked so happy when he told her. "She's the one Ingrid! I've finally found her!" What was she supposed to do then? Cry out that she loved him and that he couldn't follow his own heart? No, that would be selfish. She loved him too much to ever shoot down his life and possibly his newfound happiness. She could picture it in her mind's eye. His smile suddenly fading, his eyes clouded with confusion. He'd look at her and then walk away. They'd probably never speak to each other ever again.
/Stop
Stare
And watch me burn
Someday it'll be your turn
(Can't fool me
I can see all the things)
That you don't want me to see./
She wouldn't be able to stand it. Even though he'd never see her the way she saw him, she wanted to always be by his side. Even though it was slowly eating her away inside, she wanted to watch him smile. Even though he would never be hers, she wanted to hear his voice. She wanted to comfort him when he was down, make him smile when he felt all hope was lost. Her heart longed for him to hold her in his arms and whisper in his ear, but she couldn't bare to lose what they had. A special bond. A promise to always help each other. Even though she wanted more.
/You threw my heart away
That's the price that I paid
(I know it's never fair
Promised me)
You'd always be there
But you never really cared/
Sometimes things tempted her; knives, scissors, needles. But she pulled herself away because of him. He was the reason she continued living. He was the reason she wasn't already dead. She wanted to stay with him and keep him happy more then anything else in the world. Even if it meant stabbing herself in the heart and lying to him every time he talked about Kayla.
/Fallen through
Why did I fall for you
Fallen for
All the lies alibis
That you said
Left me holdin' on by the last thread/
He even tried to get her to meet Kayla one time. She blatantly refused. He's tried more and more often lately. He still hasn't picked up the underlying venom in the voices of the rest of the Safety Patrol. Her smiles were growing thinner and thinner the more he talked about Kayla. Her excuses growing more and more flimsy everyday. Sometimes she wondered why she didn't just quit. But she knew the answer. He was her best friend in the whole expanse of the universe. When he was happy it made her feel equally as happy. Even if what he said hurt her more then words could express.
/Fallen through
Why did I fall for you
Fallen for
All the lies alibis
That you said
Left me holdin' on by the last thread/
Tehama, Anza, Danny, Vallejo, they all tried to talk to her. Every single one. She told them all the same thing: She was fine. She was a big girl and could handle it. She was strong. But being able to hold herself together in front of people was different then when the doors were closed. She only cried once; a single tear falling down her face as she processed her situation. Crying wasn't something she did. That was just the way it was. She still felt the pain, though. She was human.
/Fallen through
Why did I fall for you
Fallen for
All the lies alibis
That you said
Left me holdin' on by the last thread/
Nothing in her life could ever have prepared her for something like this. She rose to the challenge just as if it were a complicated math problem. Looking at all sides of it and deciphering every possible course of action. She had come to her decision. She would never tell Fillmore what she felt; ever. She would stick by him and pretend to be nothing more then a devoted friend. She convinced herself that that was all she needed. She just hoped she could hold up her façade.
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SLF: This WAS originally a F/I piece but I started writing it and, well it kinda went in another direction completely…-sheepish grin- It's a lot different then just about all the other shorts out there and is kinda angsty. I'm not really sure if anyone will like it…