Forever, a mediator fanfic

Disclaimer: Sighs… no. I wish, but, no

AN: Just a quickie, one-shot: Bold Itailics song lyrics of "Who Wants To Live Forever?" By Queen, Rock Musical version. Great song. Listen to it, it so fits the pair pre Twilight/Heaven Sent. Thanks to everyone who read CP, love dthe reviews, and thanks to Angel From Fairyland.

Forever

There's no time for us

My window was open. It was slightly cold, but not enough to make me get up out of bed and close it. Besides, maybe if I was lucky enough, it'd get so cold that I'd freeze and then I wouldn't have to think about Jesse.

Stupid cowboy…

My morning breath wasn't that bad, was it?

There's no place for us

Susannah. Nombre Dios, Susannah. How do I tell you? How? There are so many things between us. And time… time. That is the biggest thing, Susannah. Time. How can anyone hope to defeat such a foe? I love you, Querida. I love you, but… There is nothing for us.

Nothing.

What is this thing that builds our dreams, yet slips away from us?

There's a magazine by my bed. I pick it up, turning on the little lamp beside me.

Girl

That's the name of it. Girl. I blink at it for a moment, then flick through its pages. I'd seen a few things in here the other day that I liked, actually. A pastel pink dress, a pair of kitten heels. There was a really neat design in here by Karen Walker, all floaty and-

What the hell was I doing?

This was no time for fashion (although, it never hurts to start planning for next season). This was a time where I should have been in the comfort of my boyfriend-well, I think he's my boyfriend-arms! We should have been reading romantic poetry to each other, feeding one another strawberries… all that sort of stuff that people in love normally do.

But then again… who ever said that Jesse and I were normal?

Who wants to live forever?

The cross of Christ is mocking me. He died for all our sins… but what of those who haven't passed on? Tell me that, Father Dominic. I know that these things I feel for her are wrong, but… when has love ever been right? Do not look at me like that, Father. I know what I have to do.

But… what of forgiveness? Father Dominic, you know Susannah. You have seen her sweetness, her independence. You have seen her beauty. Sometimes I wonder- no, good Father. I will not voice those thoughts. But surely you above all people can see why I care so for her.

Why I love her. Why I always will.

Nom de Dios. Lord above, forgive me, for I have sinned…

There's no chance for us

Paul… Ergh. That name. That damn name! It makes my skin crawl. Sometimes, I remember his kisses, and it makes my skin crawl all over again… and not because I'm afraid of his evilness, either…

Paul… He's alive. He's not dead. Paul wants me. Well… at least, he did want me. I do know if he does now. Want me, I mean. I never did figure out why. I mean, I know I'm cute and all, and you've got to admit that I've been having a lot of good hair days lately, but apart from the fact that I'm also a mediator-or shifter, as Paul repeatedly points out-why the hell does he want me?

Gah! I shouldn't think about the slime ball.

I've got Jesse. My Jesse. My guy.

My ghost.

It's all decided for us

Father Dominic. I ask you this one favour, although I know you do not believe in it. Father…

Exorcise me.

I know what I am asking for, Father. But I cannot bring myself to move on. I need this. Susannah needs this. My being here, with her, will only hold mi Querida back. I do not want to do that. Not to Susannah. You cannot understand what it is like, Father, to hold her. To feel her breathing. To kiss her…

To kiss her.

I want more, Father, more than what she can give me. I am selfish. Greedy. I could not stand to see her old and lonely, with only me, shunned by friends and thought of as crazy by neighbours. I want to see her loved, and if that means I must leave her, then so be it.

Yes, Father. I understand your hushed words. I know of what I am asking you to do. I know that there will be no going back. I know you do not want to do this. Yes, I know. But please, good Father. You must see that this is the only way… Yes. I know. Yes. You will? Thank you, Father Dominic. I know that this is hard. But… before you… I wish to have a few words with her. Susannah. Yes. I know that it will make things harder, but if I do not do this, then she will spend the rest of her life looking for answers. Yes, I know that you could tell her for me, but please, Father Dominic. Give a dead man his last wish.

What will I say? Only the truth, Father. That I love her, and thus I must leave her. She will grow up, she will marry, have children-beautiful children-and then she will grow old and die. Susannah is a good soul. God has given her the gift of understanding with the dead, and for this, surely he will reward her and grant her heaven. I am not completely sinless, but, maybe one day… I will see her again. In heaven. And then, and then Father, I will never let her go.

This world has only one sweet moment, set aside for us

My ghost.

That's depressing. Why? Well, Jesse is the greatest guy on Earth and he's a… ghost.

Still…

My Latino ghost lover, oh how I adore thee… Seriously, who needed Paul, gorgeous, sizzling hot, but oh-so-evil Paul, if you had a guy like Jesse? Who needed white homes, satin sheets and a rose garden if you had such a strong love it over powered death? So what if I wasn't doing my job and mediating Jesse to the other side?

Life wasn't worth living if I didn't have him. And chocolate, but if it came between chocolate and Jesse, I'd pick my boy.

My ghost. Mine. And damn proud!

Who wants to live forever?

Susannah…

My querida is sitting in bed, the blue sheets twisted around her. She's staring down at one of her many books, but judging by the way that neither her eyes move nor blink, she is not really reading.

"Susannah," I start.

Who dares to love forever…

"Susannah,"

I'm not going to lie. He scared me. Here was little old me, doing nothing but think of him, and poof! Suddenly Jesse materializes by my window.

Urgh, if I wasn't in love with him, I'd send him to the great beyond. But still, I am in love with him…

"Jesse!" Oh my god. I sound like a reject chipmunk that got kicked out of the band because I sounded like a reject chipmunk. Fortunately, my one and only says nothing of this: He just stares at me so hard, like he's trying to drink in every part of me, that my fingers start to twitch. "Um… long time no see" I squeak.

When love must die?

"Um… long time no see" Susannah is nervous. I can tell by the way her gaze is flitting about the room, and she twists her hands. Dios… Even like this, she is beautiful.

"Susannah," I start again. "I came to tell you that Father Dominic is performing an exorcism. On me"

But touch my tears with your lips

I blink.

Once. Twice.

My heart beats like normal.

Once. twice.

I'm still breathing.

In. Out.

Well, everything seems to be functioning normally…

So… why does it I felt like I've just died a shuddering and painful death?

"Exorcism?" I repeat, and my rejected chipmunk voice becomes higher. "You're getting an exorcism?"

Jesse's handsome-but totally blank-face just watches me, and it's all I can do not to scream, WHY, JESSE? WHY? MY MORNING BREATH DIDN'T GROSS YOU OUT THAT MUCH, DID IT?

But I was wrong. Apparently my morning breath grossed him out so much, that he'd rather be EXORCISED, than STAY WITH ME.

Gee, THANKS RICCO.

You know what? Paul is looking might-tee fine right about now.

Better yet, I'll forget about what I saying earlier on, and give Jesse a helping FOOT to his next life, or whatever.

… Damn! It still hurts!

Touch my world with your fingertips

I have, as Susannah would say, done it now. Open mouth, she just gapes at me, the hurt-and anger-showing in her eyes.

Green poison…

"I am sorry Susannah" This must not be comfort enough, because it does little to help me. "But this-this is the only way. I want you to be happy, Querida. I want you to have a life. A full one. One that you wouldn't be able to have with me"

If I am setting her free, why does it hurt so much?

She still does not respond, and I look away.

Suddenly Susannah is standing, and, with a force that I have never seen from her, she slaps me. "Coward" She hisses.

And we can have forever

Okay, so slapping isn't really my style. But, c'mon. I was pissed.

I still am.

"I can't believe that you think running away is going to solve everything! Jesse, don't you get it? I won't have a life if you're not in it!" It's true, so I don't see the point in lying. But, like in the graveyard, this simple fact seemed to come as a big surprise to him.

"Susannah," Jesse's voice was hushed, his mouth tight. "You don't understand what you are throwing away. Being with me, as… as I am, you would never have a family. A home" His eyes shone as they looked down at me, and I knew this had been eating him up inside.

"I don't care" I said simply. "You're all I want"

But Jesse pulled away from me, back to the window.

"Jesse…" I pleaded.

And we can love forever

She wanted me. Despite the fact that I was only the ghost of a man that lived a hundred and fifty years ago, she wanted me.

"If I could live forever, Susannah, I would. If it meant that I'd have you, then I would" Saying this as I looked back at her, standing up, her hair soft and perfect and her eyes glittering, I knew that I would follow her to her grave.

Nom de Dios, I was selfish.

Forever is our today

I almost cried. Seriously. And I hate crying. But here I was, with the love of my life basically saying he'd ignore heaven for me. Me.

So, instead of crying (even though it wouldn't have mattered because I wasn't wearing any mascara) , I just flung myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Who wants to live forever?

I almost choked, but then as Susannah wrapped the rest of herself around me, I grew more comfortable.

Then ashamed.

"Susannah," I breathed. Her scent, her scent, which means so much more than Maria's Orange blossoms, over powers me. "Susannah, Querida, I-"

But I was cut off.

Forever is ours!

In short, I kissed him. And after a stunned moment or two, he started kissing back, wrapping his own arms tight around me, warm.

Who needed forever anyway?

Who waits forever, anyway?