A/N: The idea for this story came to me after posting the post-epilogue chapter, Got Moo? for my story Nine Lives, currently posted at under the penname iamdragonrider. I couldn't resist the concept or a bit of dialog that appeared in my head. While dialog for one particular character has been challenging to say the least, the story has been and hopefully will continue to be fun to write. I hope my readers will enjoy it too, and be patient with me, as the story is a work in progress, and it's not the only story I have in the works. Special thanks to Darkskywise for editing, re-editing, and re re-editing the story, as well as letting me play with StickHorsie.

Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author. While I don't own Stargate, or any of its characters, I do enjoy playing with them. StickHorsie is property of DarkSkywise, and used with permission. I promise to put all characters in this story back where I found them when I'm done.

Summary: An unexpected traveler comes through the Stargate. Its thin. Its blue. And it speaks moo. Do you? Action/Adventure/Humor

Moo X-Treme by iamdragonrider

Chapter 1: Something Blue

"Unscheduled off-world activation! Unscheduled off-world activation!" Boomed the voice of Sergeant Siler over the loudspeakers throughout the underground base. Airmen and marines rushed into the gate room, weapons at the ready, aimed at the large, round, spinning stargate, a piece of alien technology that very few people of Earth knew about. Even if the world did learn about the alien device, even fewer would believe that the enormous metal ring was capable of transporting people and objects across the galaxy, to countless numbers of worlds.

From various parts of the top-secret military base deep under Cheyenne Mountain in Colorado Springs, the members of the exploratory team, SG-1, arrived in the control room. The unlikely group that formed SG-1 had more than once saved the planet from threats that most people never would have imagined existed, making them the foremost experts on stargate travel.

"Incoming traveler, no IDC!" Sergeant Siler cried, intent on the readings in front of him.

"Close the iris! Now!" General Hammond ordered sharply, coming down the stairs from his office. Seconds later the metal iris ground shut over the engaging wormhole with a scraping sound that echoed in the cavernous embarkation room. The airmen arrayed in front of the gate stood at crisp attention, and everyone was tense with anticipation. Lights dimmed as the massive artifact drew power and an eerie blue watery light from the open wormhole reflected off the wall behind the gate bathing the room and everyone in it with its glow. All eyes were riveted on the metal iris, still tightly sealed.

"Sir!" Major Samantha Carter called out, her brow furrowed in uncharacteristic confusion. A theoretical astrophysicist and the planet's most knowledgeable expert on the stargate, Major Carter was invaluable to the Stargate Program.

"What is it Major?" The portly and balding General moved to stand behind the tall blonde woman as she studied her screen.

"I don't know sir, it can't be possible!" Her large blue eyes remained locked on the readouts. The data being presented didn't make sense! Not only that, but the information seemed to be defying the laws of physics that the scientific part of her held so dear.

"Carter?" Barked a gruff voice, which she immediately recognized as the voice of her immediate superior, Colonel Jack O'Neill. The colonel was scowling, his arms crossed over his chest, and his short brown and gray peppered hair was ruffled from running his hands through it.

Shaking off the mystery, Carter tried to explain. "Sorry sirs, something is reintegrating against the iris." Her fingers flew over the keyboard, expertly calling up data from different sources and already setting the computer running the necessary calculations.

"But that…" started General Hammond, his high brow creased. "Shouldn't be possible, yes sir, I know," interrupted Carter. "The iris is less than three micrometers from the event horizon, matter shouldn't be able to reintegrate! But somehow it's happening!"

She still wasn't sure how, but she was sure it was, and that was good enough for General Hammond. Immediately, he picked up the phone and called for additional backup, the safety of the base, possibly the entire planet, resting squarely on his shoulders.

"Look!" Siler called their attention to the gate, where something was going on. At his cry, everyone looked up. It was barely perceptible at first, but soon became apparent that something blue and thin was oozing out from between the closed leaves of the iris. The airmen and marines in the gate room tensed, faces expressionless. Dozens of weapons clicked, their aim never wavering as the blue shape slowly took form.

"What in God's name is that?" General Hammond was staring at the figure that now stood in front of the iris, but as of yet, hadn't made any move to step away from the gate. The figure was very flat. In fact, it looked a bit like someone had drawn it on the closed iris.

"No clue General," Colonel O'Neill shrugged, and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"I have never before seen such a creature General Hammond," intoned Teal'c, who was standing to the Colonel's left and studying the rather flat looking being in front of the stargate. The tall, dark skinned alien stood calmly with his hands clasped behind his back. A golden tattoo stood in stark relief on his forehead, accented by his smooth hairless head, both testaments to his time as service to a powerful alien creature posing as the ancient god Apophis. Bulging muscles rippled as the large man stood ready and waiting to assist as needed.

Standing on the other side of the colonel, Dr. Daniel Jackson, the team's archeologist and linguist chimed in. "Never heard of anything like this from anything we've come across so far." His blue eyes narrowed at the screen and his brow was wrinkled in concentration. Absently, he pushed his glasses up on his nose. While some might make the mistake of thinking that the young sandy haired man was weak, those closest to him knew that underneath his somewhat geeky exterior, there resided a sharp intelligence and strength, and not just the strength found in muscle.

Everyone turned to Major Carter, who had remained silent until now, staring at the blue figure, as if transfixed. There was a slight smile on her face. "Carter?" prompted O'Neill.

Blinking, she focused on her superior. "Sir?" she asked, slightly confused. O'Neill raised an eyebrow over his second's uncustomary lack of focus and inclined his head towards the problem. "Any ideas?"

A frown creased Carter's smooth face. She'd only seen it once before, and how it could possibly be here now she had absolutely no idea. She took a deep breath before replying.

"I think it's a StickHorsie, sir."

To be continued…

Special notes: For those of you unfamiliar with the character of StickHorsie (and to see a picture!), a bit of the back story on the world famous StickHorsie that says 'Moo!' can be found at StickHorsie's official home on the web, OffTopic The Sequel, which can be found at: groupsdotmsndotcom/offtopicthesequel/horsie01dotmsnw
Just replace the dots with .