Profiterole: It's hard for me too, keeping them apart.

Jenna: I'm a sucker for a happy ending…

Aacire: Tohma's tough. He can take a little rough handling.

Hoshi-Hiro: You know Shuichi will do anything to be with Yuki…

i love athrun: HERE IT IS!

Gravi Freak: You know Shuichi would never voluntarily have sex with anyone but Yuki! But so many questions... I hope they all get answered in this chapter.

Guren: I'm glad you like it.

Silverwings18: I'm glad you like it, too.

Tate Soyker: Only though hardship can true joy be appreciated!

Vampiress-06: Sometimes I cry, too.

Ryua Malfoy: Have you still not seen it! But it's so cool! And it's short enough you can watch the whole thing in one evening.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Chapter 9: Choices

The bed felt terribly empty and Eiri couldn't sleep in it. He took to sleeping on the couch, when he slept at all, rather than face that definitive proof that Shuichi was no longer with him. Even as his health improved, his emotional state deteriorated. He truly missed Shuichi. He thought for a while about moving, because every room in the house reminded him of what was not there, but he couldn't do it. If Shuichi did come back, he would come here. So Eiri stayed, even though he felt haunted by Shuichi's ghost.

He finished his book, which made his editor happy, but Eiri didn't feel any sense of accomplishment. Usually, when he finished a book, he would take Shuichi out for dinner and they would celebrate afterward in bed. This time, he had a drink by himself and watched television until he passed out on the couch. He did not have plans for a new book, but he started writing out of habit a few days later, just letting words tumble out of his fingers and fill up the pages on his laptop. He didn't realize he was writing about Shuichi until tears started dripping onto his keyboard.

Without thinking, he reached for the telephone.

"Hello? Nakano here."

"Nakano-san, it's Eiri Yuki."

"Hello Yuki-san. What's up?"

"I was wondering if you've heard from Shuichi."

"I told you before, Shuichi left town."

It always sounded to Eiri like Hiro was hiding something, but no matter what Eiri asked him, he never said anything different.

"Yes, but he must call you."

"Look, Yuki-san, you and Shuichi broke up. Why don't you just let it go?"

Eiri wondered if it sounded like he was crying. "I just want to know that he's all right."

"When is Shuichi all right when he's not with you? But he's got to learn to be on his own, doesn't he?"

"Well, if you do hear from him, please tell him I called."

"Yeah, sure." Hiro hung up.

Eiri doubted very much that Hiro would tell Shuichi he'd called. He knew he had a reputation for being cold and unloving, especially among Shuichi's friends, so it was an uphill battle to convince them he had genuine feelings for his lover. He wondered if it would make any difference if he just said flat out that he wanted Shuichi back and that he never intended to break up with him.

But at least Hiro seemed to know where Shuichi was. His family certainly didn't. Eiri had called them to ask so many times, they had finally started screening his calls.

"Why don't you just hire a private detective?" Mika asked.

Eiri started. He hadn't heard Mika come in. She stood in the doorway of his study with her arms crossed, regarding him with a raised eyebrow.

"That's what other people do when they want to find someone," she continued. "Or is it that you want him to come crawling back to you all on his own?"

Eiri frowned. Why was it so hard for people to understand their relationship? "No, that's not it. I simply want to talk to him." He glanced at the story on his laptop and felt a sudden heartache. "I miss him and I want to make sure he's all right. Is that so surprising? We were lovers, after all."

"You slept with him," Mika retorted, "but you treated him like shit most of the time. The only time I ever saw you being nice to him was to spite me or Tohma."

"Get out, Mika!" Eiri snapped. "I don't need this from you right now."

"So why don't you hire someone? Then you can call Shuichi, ask him how he's doing, and give up this melodramatic, jilted lover act."

Eiri had to suppress the urge to jump up and slap her. He carefully closed his laptop and stood up slowly. "Was there something you needed to talk to me about?" He kept his voice calm and level.

"Yeah. I came over to ask why you're avoiding Tohma. He's a little hurt."

"Tohma can go to hell. He's the reason Shuichi left."

"Oh, come on! Tohma doesn't give a damn whether you're fucking Shuichi or not."

"If you want to know why, ask Tohma to tell you the whole truth, and then I'll tell you why Shuichi left. Otherwise, leave me the hell alone and tell Tohma to stay the fuck out of my life!" Despite himself, he was shouting by the time he finished.

Mika stared at him. "I can see you're not ready to talk about this. I'll come back later." She started to leave.

"Don't bother!" Eiri snarled at her back. "I'm getting the locks changed."

She stopped and looked over her shoulder at him. "And what if Shuichi comes back?"

"GET OUT!"

She left and Eiri could feel the headache starting in his right temple. Goddamn them all!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Shuichi ate two rice balls a day at first: one in the morning and one in the evening. It took all his willpower to keep it down and he didn't always succeed. Ayaka never chastised him when he dashed to the bathroom to wretch his guts out after an unsuccessful attempt, even if he didn't make it all the way there in time. She would cheerfully help him clean it up, all the while chattering about how he would do better next time.

Shuichi decided Ayaka was one of the nicest people in the world. She didn't ask why, when he and Hiro turned up on her doorstep asking if Shuichi could stay for a few months, she just said "of course", and settled Shuichi into the guest room in back of her family's temple. Hiro said Shuichi didn't need to tell her anything, but talking was the easiest way for Shuichi to deal with his broken heart, so eventually he told Ayaka everything.

She accepted his confession even more calmly than Hiro had. And while Ayaka admitted she knew almost nothing about vampirism, she understood both addiction and the eating disorder anorexia nervosa. She treated Shuichi like he had a combination of these illnesses, using patience, humor and occasional strictness to keep him eating, and to help him combat the craving.

The craving was worse than not being able to eat. Shuichi spent most of the first month weeping, because he missed Yuki so badly and all he could think about was the way Yuki tasted. It made him hate himself, because he should have been missing the sex and he rarely ever thought about that. Half the time, when he couldn't keep his rice ball down, it was because he couldn't get the taste of Yuki out of his mouth and the rice tasted like dust.

But that was the first month. The second month was a little easier. Ayaka convinced him to eat a meat bun, instead of a rice ball, for his evening meal. He threw them up the first three nights, but the fourth night he kept it down. Ayaka told him, with cheery optimism, that he looked like he was gaining weight.

"You think so?" Shuichi asked doubtfully. He looked down at himself and pulled his shirt tight against his body. His ribs stuck out.

"Definitely!" Ayaka assured him. "Your ribs don't stick it out as far. Pretty soon, you'll weigh as much as I do."

Shuichi frowned. Ayaka was pretty small. It was not good if he still weighed less than she did. She patted his arm.

"Don't worry, Shuichi. You're getting better. It's just going to take more time. Be patient."

Shuichi looked down at himself again. "Do you think Yuki will want me back?"

Ayaka put her hand under his chin and lifted his eyes to hers. "Don't think about that. You need to focus on yourself right now." She patted his cheek. "If Yuki loves you, he'll wait for you."

"But what if he doesn't love me anymore? I left him. What if he hates me now?"

Ayaka waggled his chin gently. "I said not to think about that right now. Anyway, he'd be a fool not to love you. You're doing this for him, aren't you?"

Shuichi nodded. He couldn't see Yuki again unless he got over the desire to drink his blood. And to do that, he had to stay away from Yuki until he didn't need it or want it anymore. No matter how long it took. But that was what worried Shuichi. What if he took too long and Yuki got tired of waiting? He tried not to be discouraged, but it was hard, especially when he had trouble keeping his food down.

But Ayaka was always there with her gentle advice. "Don't give up, Shuichi. The only sure way to lose is to give up."

So Shuichi kept trying. In the third month, Ayaka introduced a third meal into his diet. Eating three meals a day made Shuichi feel bloated and uncomfortable at first, so mostly all he did was sit around and watch television. Daytime television had a lot of talk shows, which Shuichi found rather soothing. He didn't really listen to them, he usually lay on the floor with his eyes shut, letting the sound of the conversations flow over him.

Until one afternoon, when a familiar voice spilled out of the speakers.

Shuichi sat up with a cry and stared at the screen, tears springing into his eyes.

Ayaka raced into the room from the temple. "Shuichi! What is it? What's the matter?"

Shuichi was crouched in front of the television, clutching both sides, with his nose practically touching the screen. "It's Yuki!"

Ayaka caught his shoulder and pulled him back. "You can't really see it like that," she stated matter-of-factly.

"But it's Yuki!" Shuichi protested, struggling to crawl back to the screen.

Ayaka had no trouble holding him at a reasonable distance. "Why don't you sit here and listen to him?"

Shuichi wept as he listened. It was so wonderful to hear Yuki's voice, even if Yuki was just talking to some interviewer on a talk show. It had to be about his latest book.

"Now your new book is quite short, Yuki-sama," said the wholesomely attractive woman interviewer. "More of a short story, almost."

"Yes, that's true."

"It is very interesting subject matter, too. Somewhat different from your usual romance." She smiled brightly.

"Not really. All my stories tend to be romantic tragedies. This one is not really that different."

"Is there any truth to the rumors that the story is autobiographical? Were you writing about your relationship with your former lover, Shuichi Shindou?"

Shuichi's jaw dropped.

Yuki's bland expression didn't change. "I'd rather not talk about that."

The interviewer leaned forward with an eager smile. "But it's true that Shuichi Shindou hasn't been seen in public in several months. There are rumors that he is in rehab because of a drug addiction. Your story is about a man who loses a lover to drug addiction. It sounds very similar."

Yuki frowned very slightly. The expression made him look even more handsome. "The similarities are a coincidence. I would prefer not to discuss my past or present relationships."

"Of course." The interviewer sounded disappointed. She turned toward the camera and smiled brightly. "Right now it's time for our commercial break, and then we will bring out our next guest."

Shuichi turned to stare at Ayaka. "You read everything Yuki writes," he said. "Do you know what book they were talking about?"

Ayaka looked guilty. She reached into the pocket of her dress and pulled out a slim volume. "I bought it last week. I wasn't sure if I should show it to you." She held out the book.

Shuichi took it from her. The title, Into Darkness, made him blink. "Did you read it?"

She nodded.

"Is it about me?"

Ayaka pursed her lips. "I don't know everything about your relationship with Eiri-san," she said, "but there are certain… similarities to the way you described the end of your relationship."

Shuichi turned the book over in his hands. Yuki's picture was on the back. "Do you think I should read it?"

"It's up to you. You can keep it." Ayaka rose. "I have to finish my duties in the temple."

Shuichi continued to stare at the book after she left. Finally, feeling uncertain, he opened the cover and started to read.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Eiri rubbed his eyes. He was tired. His new book wasn't going very well. The truth was, he wasn't all that interested in writing. Nothing really interested him all that much anymore. Over five months had passed since Shuichi left and Eiri missed him so much he couldn't think about anything else. He had seriously considered taking Mika's advice and hiring a private detective, but in the end, he'd done nothing. If Shuichi wanted to see him again, he'd call. Or come back. And if he didn't, well… Eiri didn't want to think about that. Maybe Shuichi couldn't come back.

But every time someone knocked on the door, his heart would race with anticipation, until he opened it and found it wasn't Shuichi. He was tempted to stop answering the door, except that he kept hoping. So he would answer it anyway and then swallow the bitter disappointment.

He shuffled into the kitchen to make tea. He didn't want tea, but it was something to do other than not work on his book. Someone knocked on the door just as the tea kettle started to boil and Eiri swore under his breath. He took the kettle off and hurried to answer it.

And found Shuichi standing on his doorstep, his large eyes full of uncertainty.

Eiri didn't say a word. He swept Shuichi into his arms and hugged him until Shuichi began to squirm.

"Yuki, I can't breathe!"

Eiri dragged him inside and kicked the door shut before he relaxed his hold. He looked down at Shuichi's face. His cheeks no longer looked hollow and sunken. In fact, he felt plumper in Eiri's arms.

"Shuichi," he whispered. "You came back."

"I wanted to ask you something."

"What?"

"Did you write about me?"

Eiri stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"I saw you on television, and then I read your book." His look of uncertainty returned. "It sort of sounded like you were writing about me. So I wondered if you had."

"Is that all you want to know?"

Shuichi shrugged slightly. "Well, it almost sounded like… like you missed me and that… maybe… you wanted me back," he finished in a very small voice.

"Did it?" Eiri murmured.

"Well, I…" Shuichi looked up at Eiri. "I was hoping you missed me." He sounded like he doubted it.

Eiri looked into his eyes. "Shuichi, I missed you every minute of every day that you were gone. I don't ever want you to leave me again. I love you, Shu-chan. I truly, dearly, love you and I want us to be together always."

Shuichi's eyes went wide. "Really?" he whispered.

"Really," Eiri answered. He kissed Shuichi deeply and for a long time. It felt so good to hold him, he never wanted to stop. He did stop when Shuichi's kiss started to taste salty. Shuichi was crying. "What's the matter, Shu-chan?"

"I'm just so happy! I love you so much, Yuki!"

Eiri studied Shuichi's face. "Shuichi, are you all right now?"

"Of course I'm all right, I'm with you."

"No, I meant… the blood-drinking. I've been afraid…"

Shuichi beamed at him. "I kicked the habit! I went cold-turkey and I cured myself." Shuichi snuggled against him. "You said we couldn't be together unless I stopped. I would do anything to be with you, Yuki, you know that. You're all I want."

Eiri buried his face in Shuichi's hair. "I haven't been able to sleep in the bed since you left," he said. "It felt so empty without you."

"Let's go to bed," Shuichi responded immediately. "It's been so long! I need you!"

"You don't just mean sex to me, Shuichi," Eiri whispered in his ear. "You know that, don't you?"

"I know." Then Shuichi giggled. "But it's all right if I mean sex to you right now. I really, really need to get laid."

Eiri took him to the bedroom.

"You really haven't been in here. It's dusty!"

"I missed you."

"To do the cleaning?"

"Shuichi!"

Shuichi put his arms around Eiri's neck. "I don't mind cooking and cleaning for you. I'm happy just being your lover." He kissed Eiri gently. "I'm sorry for everything that happened. I didn't mean to be gone so long, but it was really hard getting over it. The thing is…" he looked worried, "I won't really know for sure until you make love to me. I'm still a little afraid the craving might come back."

"If it does, I'll help you get through it." Eiri pulled Shuichi close. "We'll do it together." He kissed Shuichi hungrily. It felt so good to hold him. "I'm never letting you go again, Shuichi. Not ever."

Eiri pulled him down onto the bed, kissing passionately. He stripped Shuichi eagerly as he kissed him, caressing his soft skin, delighting in the rounded flesh beneath. "You've gained so much weight," he whispered. "It's wonderful."

"Ayaka kept stuffing food into me," Shuichi mumbled against his shoulder.

"Ayaka! That's where you went?"

"Um hmm. She helped me a lot." Shuichi licked Eiri's neck. "You still taste good."

"Shuichi…"

"It's ok. What I really want is to get your clothes off and lick you somewhere else." He pushed Eiri onto his back and unzipped his trousers. "You're overdressed for what I want to do with you." He pulled Eiri's pants down.

Eiri groaned as Shuichi began to lick him intimately. "I can think of something much better to do with that," Eiri moaned.

"I got here first," Shuichi mumbled. His licking turned to sucking.

Eiri gasped. "My turn!" He grabbed Shuichi and rolled over on top of him, pushing Shuichi's legs apart with his knees. Eiri was aching with need. He couldn't get himself into Shuichi fast enough or deep enough. Shuichi clutched his shoulders and cried out as Eiri took him.

"Oh god!" Shuichi gasped. "When did you get so big!"

"All the fucking abstinence!" Eiri groaned. "Five months is a long time!"

"You're telling me?" Shuichi arched his back so Eiri could get into him more easily. "Just don't come too soon! I need a lot of this!"

"You'll be getting a lot of this, whether I come soon or not!" Eiri pounded himself into Shuichi urgently, until they were both crying aloud with pleasure.

Shuichi came first, but only by a heartbeat. His deep gasp of pleasure was echoed almost immediately by Eiri's cry of joy. They held each other, shuddering through their orgasm.

"Oh, that was good," Shuichi sighed.

Eiri lifted onto his elbows. "How do you feel?"

"Satisfied. For the moment." Shuichi grinned. "And I don't want to bite you!"

Eiri kissed him. "I was wrong to drive you away. I should have figured out how to help you."

Shuichi stroked his fingers through Eiri's hair. "I was really hurt, but I think maybe it was the only way. I needed a reason to stop, and you gave it to me. I love you, Eiri."

"I love you, too, Shuichi."

Shuichi wrapped his arms around Eiri's neck and pulled Eiri tight against him. "Now, I think you promised me a whole lot more." He nibbled Eiri's earlobe.

"Umm," Eiri moaned. "I hope you don't have plans. You're going to be in this bed for a long time."

-o- The End -o-