Pretend

LauriAnn

Summary: 'Because when you yell at me, I know that for one second, you've stopped and thought about me.' Herm contemplates her best friend. Not my usual fluffiness but RHr all the same.

A/N: I'm posting another one-shot yey! I'll post these until I get back on track with Long Time Gone's sequel probably. This one's oober weird and that's cause I'm in an oober weird mood and wanted to write a weird one-shot. And so came pretend.

Disclaimer: Yes, yes, I am JK Rowling. I'm just disguised as a 15-year-old girl who has to wash clothes for gas money.

I guess this is just sort of how it works, isn't it?

I sit on my side of the table and pretend I'm not watching you—you sit on your side and you do whatever it takes to not study.

Right now, you're just drawing—just drawing. Probably some stupid doodle of a Quidditch player or something. You'd fail if it weren't for me; you know that, don't you? You'd fail and leave school.

But I don't think I could have that. No, that'd be too hard on me.

So, I'll just let you sit there, and you'll just draw. That's fine with me. You can't draw, have I told you that? No, you really can't. You'd probably just yell at me if I told you. That's ok—I think a part of me likes it when you yell at me.

Because when you yell at me, I know that for one second, you've stopped and thought about me.

I think about you all the time. I'm not supposed to—it's sort of unnatural, I suppose. You just sit there, as my best friend, and you're drawing.

And you look up. And you're smiling. You're smiling right at me.

But you're not smiling because I'm there. You're smiling because you're there and you want to.

Why are you happy?

Is it because you know you're breaking my heart?

You do know it, I'm sure. You'll just sit there and grin and know you're breaking my heart. Because you know what I'm thinking about. You know I'm thinking about you. Because you know I never get you off my mind.

You pretend not to know. But I see you—you stare at me when I'm not looking. You're thinking—thinking about my broken heart and how much I love your smile.

Just stop it! Stop smiling.

Maybe you don't know. No, I suppose you wouldn't have picked up on it. You'll just smile and you'll know that somebody somewhere loves you.

Why don't you just look down? Would it be so much to ask?

And you're asking what I'm staring at. Not you. Why would I stare at you?

I don't know what to say. I try not to move, you'll think everything is normal, and that's how it should be.

But I'm so sick of this.

What is love anyway? I mean, I know I love you. But what is it? You're not particularly spectacular or anything.

You're second best, you know that, right? You'll never be better than him; I suppose you know that too.

I'm not rubbing it in your face, I'm just telling you.

Maybe it's so I can forget you for just one minute. Forget that I love you.

But I can't.

And you're reaching over and grabbing my hand.

It was an accident. You blushed such a dark color. You slide my parchment from under my fingertips and stare at it.

It's empty, you see. Why is it empty?

I couldn't get you out of my head long enough to write.

You show it to me. Why is it empty?

Don't ask; you know.

You'll pretend; you're a good pretender.

Not as good as me of course.

That's what this is, really, isn't it?

A giant game of pretend.

The little girl down the street and I used to pretend a lot when we were little.

We'd have dolls. They'd fall in love—perfect love. They're would be marriage and babies and perfectness.

You're perfect.

'Quit pretending.'

I say it out loud. I didn't mean to. But now you're staring at me.

What did I say?

'Quit pretending.'

You grin. What should you quit pretending, you ask.

'That you don't know.'

What don't you know.

'Who I am.'

You laugh. I'm being stupid.

But I see it in your eyes too.

You do know.

And you're scared.

So quit pretending.

Your face changes. You see something is the matter with me, so you walk over.

Am I ok?

'I won't be ok until you say it.'

Say what.

'That you know.'

Know what.

'You know you break my heart every time you smile.'

You lean down.

And you lace your fingers in mine.

You sound my name out on your lips.

It's like a melody when you say it—

Hermione.

Her-my-oh-knee.

And you won't say it just one more time.

And your hand's in mine.

And you smile.

I look up.

But pretend is so perfect.

I take my hand back and pick up my quill.

I pretend I don't see your face fall. I try not to cry as your smile fades.

You go back to your side of the table and sit down.

But I really don't want you to quit smiling. I love it when you smile. That's why I fell for you in the first place.

I pull my parchment back towards me.

"Did you need something, Ron?"

Fin

A/N: Ok, first chappie of 'A Moment Ago' comes out Friday. Read my other stuff to occupy your mind until then. Love ya! LA