Disclaimer: I don't own Stargate Atlantis

Note: This is my first R rated story. It was just something that came to mind when writing one of my other fictions, problem was I couldn't fit it in that story so it's got it's own story. Please review

Dr Elizabeth Weir was back on Earth, she was back in the bed she shared with Simon. As he filled her she felt empty, she felt guilty. She was cheating on John, which was impossible since they weren't dating. They had sex. No strings attached meaningless sex. Yet she still felt guilty.

Simon was nothing like John. Simon was too gentle and caring, she'd never tell him but she didn't want gentle and caring sex with a man she didn't love, and she didn't love Simon. She'd never admit it but she loved gentle and caring sex with John. She also loved it when he pinned her against a wall and had rough sex with her. She loved everything John did to her and everything he made her feel. She know she's loves him. She doesn't know if he loves her.

John carefully rolled off the bed, quickly dressed and left the apartment. He'd just had another night of pointless and meaningless sex with a women who's name he couldn't even remember. She was Carla…Carly, or something like that. He didn't give a damn who she was. The only thing that mattered was that she wasn't Liz. She wasn't the women he loved. She wasn't the women who let him love her. But then again Liz wasn't on Earth. Dr Elizabeth Weir was. Dr Elizabeth Weir was the one who brushed him off and went to visit her boyfriend. He'd never had sex with Dr Elizabeth Weir it was always Liz.

He knew that Dr Elizabeth Weir was having sex with the 'much loved' Simon.

John continued to walk and before he realised where he was he'd walked into a park near the SGC. He needed to think.

Why is this tearing me up? She doesn't love me. I don't love her

Is that true is it just a lie you've told yourself to keep from getting hurt?

Why would you think that?

Because you love Liz and you're scared of getting hurt like in the past.

I'm not scared of getting hurt

John, you're human, of course you are. Maybe you should just tell her how you feel.

Look she's with Simon now so it doesn't matter

You go back to Atlantis in 2 days. Will you just avoid her? No, because you can't.

Liz quietly shut the door and walked down the driveway. She needed to get away from Simon, away from being Dr Elizabeth Weir; she needed to be herself. The person she isn't allowed to be on Earth, the person who loves John Sheppard.

What's wrong with you Liz, why the hell did you come back here?

I came to…to…I don't know.

Yes you do

I came to tell Simon to move on. Just like, I did in the video

And did we accomplish that goal?

No

Why not

Because I was mad at John so when Simon suggested we have sex, I didn't see the problem

Now do you see the problem?

Yes, I love John, but he hates me so it doesn't matter

You go back to Atlantis in 2 days. Will you just avoid him? No because you can't.

Liz didn't realise how long she'd been walking until she entered a park, which was near the SGC. She walked through it for a while until she saw a figure sitting on a bench. The park was well lit so she saw who it was immediately. She went and sat down next to him.

John sighed as the women sat next to him. He wasn't in the mood for a conversation right now. Not with anyone.

"John, we need to talk" He sat there silently so she continued "I know…we said some things we both regret."

"What makes you think I regret them?"

"Okay, I regret what I said. I'm sorry. I was confused, I…"

John stood up abruptly

"I don't wanna hear this"

Liz stood up

"Well you need to"

John didn't face her, he didn't need too.

"No I fucking don't, I don't want to hear anything about it. I don't want to hear the usual lies I hear coming from people. I thought you were different. Turns out you are just the same"

Liz placed her hand on his arm

"John."

John spun her around, and pinned her by her neck to a nearby tree

"I could just kill you right now"

Liz, showing she had no fear stared him down and croaked out a response.

"Then do it. Fucking do it. I don't give a fuck."

John saw the unshed tears in her eyes. The same tears she had after the Genii attack. The tears that told him she was afraid but not going to show it to anyone, even him. Upon seeing these tears, he released her from the tree. He'd lost her now, he knew it. She was afraid of him. Liz had never been afraid of him before. She was now.

Of course she is, you've just threatened her.

I didn't…I didn't mean…

It's too late for that now. She's scared of you.

Liz moved to the bench nearby and sat down. She slowly placed her hand to her neck where he'd just held her. She was hurt, but she wasn't going to tell him. She saw the pain in his eyes when he'd realised what he'd just done. She saw the regret. But, he'd scared the hell out of her. Yeah, she could hold her own against an attacker and had it been anyone other the John she wouldn't have stood for it. But it was John, and that scared her more then if it had been a stranger.

John, who was still stood up, noticed her shivering. He took his coat of and placed it around her without thinking. He then tried to place his hand on her shoulder but her automatic reflexes caused her to back away from him without really thinking about it.

"You drive me crazy Liz…" She could hear the unshed tears in his voice "…Every second I'm not with you, I think about you and when I with you I want you. I want to protect you, care for you and love you without fucking rules and people standing in the way."

She looked up at him, he could clearly see the tears that had fallen down her face and he hated himself for being the cause of them tears.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think I feel that same thing, that when you're off-world I'm counting the seconds until you come back to me, until I can hold you and know you are safe? I love you and I just want everyone to know that, but they can't because that would be morally wrong for us to be in that situation publicly."

John sat down next to her; he put his hand on her cheek and moved her face round so he could see her.

"Liz, you know how I feel about you, even though I've never really told you until now. These last four years on Atlantis with you have been the best I've ever had. You've changed me so much and you did it so quickly that I don't know if I could live without in my life. I know you're hesitant to go back to Atlantis and I know you've got Simon here but…Liz, I love you. I know I'm an ass as my behaviour a couple of minutes ago showed but…you…are everything to me. I guess I just wanted you to know that. Anyway I'm trying to force you to make a decision. I think it's only fair that you know"

John stood up and began to walk away

"When I first met you…" He turned and saw Liz stood up a few feet away from him "…I told General O'Neill that I wanted you on the team because ATA gene and, even though that was true I wanted you on that team for so much more then that. I saw you John, not a gene. I saw your kindness and your view of the world, the black mark in your record. I know this sounds weird but I respect you for that because you did what was necessary, you always do what is necessary and although I don't always approve of your methods you keep us safe."

She walked to him and gently brushed her hand across his cheek

"Leaving Earth was difficult but coming back…it's worse. I don't like who I am when I'm on Earth. Do you remember those first few months on Atlantis?"

John nodded

"That was the women I hate. That woman could never love you. I don't want to go through my life without loving you. I don't want to be Dr Weir anymore. I just wanna be Liz."

John brushed her cheek with his hand then cupped her chin and kissed her.

"What does this mean?"

"It means that I'm going back to Atlantis with you and when we do we stop messing around. We let people know that we're together, we don't wait anymore."

John nodded then kissed her again.

Fin…

John was slightly out of character but just imagine that he's been drowning his sorrows in a bar somewhere.