Title: The Journey

Summary: Begins a few weeks after The Four Percent Solution. Harm and Mac are together at long last, and now they must lean on each other as they travel through the many up's and down's of infertility.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own absolutely none of the JAG characters in my story, though I think they're all awesome. I'm just a fan and it's just for fun.

A/N: I'm drawing from many of my own experiences for this, my first ever fic. Ironically, I had the same surgery that Mac had in the spring of 2004 and received the same diagnosis of endometriosis. My husband and I have been seeing a fertility specialist for 18 months, and I hope this will enable me to share what things might be like for these characters from a special POV. Please read and review - I'm brand new at this, so I hope you like it!

Chapter 1:

"We'll never know if we don't try", said Harm.

"I know" said Mac, "but what if….." was all she could get out before the tears came again. Harm pulled her close and held her as she cried, a scene which had become common in the weeks following her accident. Things between the two of them were going great - they'd finally been able to admit to one another the feelings they'd haphazardly hidden for 8 long years, and they were as happy together as any two people could possibly be. There was one issue, though, that had the potential to tear their world apart.

flashback to one day earlier

"Looks like this is the place" Mac said as they approached the office door. The placard on the wall read "Reproductive and Fertility Specialists". Harm opened the door and they walked in together, each of them knowing the other was a little nervous about what the appointment may bring.

"It'll be OK, Mac" said Harm as he took her hand and did his best to reassure her. It helped some, but she could almost count the butterflies in her stomach.

A short while and a million forms and questionnaires later, a nurse summoned them to the back. "Hi, I'm Lisa, I'm Dr. Kendall's assistant" she said. "You'll be meeting with me for a little bit today just to go over the basics of why you're here and what your plans and ideas are, and then the doctor will see you".

They followed Lisa into her office and once seated, the first question she asked them was the one they figured would be at the top of the list.

"You indicated on your registration forms that you're not married, is that correct"?

Harm and Mac looked at each other and he answered "yes, that's right", knowing that more questions were bound to follow.

"We don't see too many unmarried couples in here, so when we see one we're intrigued as to why they're willing to go to such great lengths - lengths many married couples won't go to - to have a baby together. Would you be comfortable sharing your reasons with me"?

Mac fielded this one, "it's a long story, and I could tell you everything but we'd be here all day, so here's the short version: our relationship is unlike any other in the world. We've been friends for nearly a decade, and we've been through things you can't possibly imagine. We know in our hearts that we're meant to have a baby together, and because of my endometriosis we're going to need some help making that happen. We're not going into this lightly, believe me, we've thought very long and hard about it and we both want it more than anything".

"I see", said Lisa as she eyeballed the forms in front of her, " and how long have you been trying? You forgot to answer that on here."

This was going to be interesting.

"We haven't actually 'tried' at all" said Harm, "we were told by Mac's doctor that there was almost no chance it could happen naturally, and we took that at face value and rather than waste valuable time, we opted to come seek help".

"I see" said Lisa, "well, your OB/GYN has faxed your records over, and I don't see anything else you've missed on the rest of these papers, so unless you have any questions for me I'll take you to the exam room and let Dr. Kendall know you're ready".

She led them down the hall into an exam room, and as they sat waiting for the doctor, Harm could sense that Mac was getting a bit more nervous. He took her hand and held it tight as she stared at a poster on the wall illustrating some of the tests commonly done in infertility workups.

"Some of that doesn't look like any fun" she said.

"I'm sure it's not fun", said Harm, "but you know I'm going to be here for you, whatever you have to go through, I'm going to go through it too…as much as I can anyway" . She knew that, but liked hearing it anyway.

Just then, there was a knock at the door, and in walked the doctor. He introduced himself, shook their hands, and took a seat in the last empty chair.

"I understand that you're ready to have a baby and you don't see any way that will happen short of using medical intervention, is that correct"?

Harm and Mac both nodded, and she answered "that's right. I had a laparoscopy a few months ago and was diagnosed with severe endometriosis, and my doctor said my chances of conceiving were less than 5".

Dr. Kendall looked through the chart containing Mac's records from her OB/GYN, and pondered what he saw for a moment before sharing his thoughts.

"I'm not often one to contradict a fellow doctor's recommendations or conclusions, but in this case I think you've been given a premature sense of hopelessness". Harm and Mac looked at each other, expressions of hope mixed with confusion on their faces.

"Wh-what do you mean, doc, are you saying there's a chance this could actually happen for us"? asked Harm.

"Yes, I am, Commander. Given the records, notes and surgical photos I'm seeing here, while I have to agree that there's a good possibility that you may have more difficulty than other couples, I won't say there's no chance of a natural conception".

"So what should we do, are we still going to do the basic fertility testing"? asked Mac, still trying to comprehend that they'd been handed a tiny bit of hope.

Dr. Kendall answered "not just yet we're not. I think before we put either of you through any of that, we need to give nature a chance and see what happens".

Harm and Mac again looked at one another, again not really believing what they were hearing. The doctor continued "we're going to draw some blood from you today, Sarah, to see if we can determine where your cycle is at so you can figure out when you need to be trying, unless you already know".

"No, I don't" said Mac, "we can do the blood work".

"Ok then, I'll have the nurse come get that here in a second," said Dr. Kendall, "and we'll call you tomorrow morning with the results. Do either of you have any more questions for me"? Neither of them could think of anything more to ask him, so they thanked him for his time and he left the room.

"Well Mac, what do you think?" Harm asked her once they were alone.

"I don't know - I'm so confused. My doctor tells me one thing, this guy tells me something different, I just don't know".

Sensing her frustration, Harm put his arm around her and pulled her close, and the two of them just sat quietly and waited for the nurse to come draw the blood so they could go home.

The next morning, as Mac sat at her desk working on the arguments for the Article 32 hearing she had coming up later in the week, her phone rang.

"Mackenzie" she answered.

"Good morning, Sarah, my name's Kacie, I'm one of Dr. Kendall's nurses. I'm calling to let you know that we got your blood test results back. They indicate that you're just now at the beginning of your fertile window, and your best chance for conception is within the next 24-72 hours".

Mac sat in stunned silence for a few moments before answering "Ok, thank you". She took a couple minutes to psych herself up for the conversation she was about to have with Harm, then headed down the corridor towards his office.

"Wow, Mac….that's….that's…wow" said Harm, obviously unsure of the best response to what she was telling him. "Are you OK with this?"

Mac took a deep breath and answered "yes, I am, at least I think I am".

"Um, OK, well, would you like to come to my place tonight" said Harm, "or should I come over to yours, it's totally up to you".

Mac thought about it, for what seemed like an eternity to Harm, and said "I'll come to your place around 7, does that sound OK"?

"7 it is, and I'll make us something special for dinner" said Harm.

The remainder of the workday was quite fruitless as they both watched the clock drag on and on, but eventually 5:00 rolled around….then 6:00...then 7:00. Mac arrived at Harm's apartment right on time, and the two sat down to a candlelit meal of spaghetti marinara and fresh-brewed iced tea. They didn't say much throughout dinner, both understandably dwelling on what the evening held in store. When they finished eating, Harm cleared the table as Mac sat on the sofa, growing more anxious by the second. Could she do this? Could he do this? She was staring off into space when Harm came into the room and sat down beside her.

"Are you OK, Mac?" he asked her as he rubbed her back.

"Yeah….no….I don't know…" she said, "I'm just not sure about this. It doesn't seem fair that our first time together ends up being our first time trying for a baby, it's just so overwhelming and it might not work and …."

end of flashback

"I know you're afraid and I know you're feeling overwhelmed, I am too" said Harm, "but if there's any chance that we can make this happen on our own, we owe it to ourselves to try".

Mac knew he was right, but the fear that they'd get their hopes up and then have them crash to the ground a few weeks later was consuming her. "I don't want to disappoint you" said Mac through her tears, "if we try and it doesn't work, I don't want to put you through that".

"Oh, Mac" said Harm as he caressed her tear-stained cheek, "if that were to happen, sure I'd be disappointed, but in the situation, not in you. We're trying to make this happen together, and we're in this together for good and for bad".

She stopped crying, looked into his eyes, and remembered why she loved him so much. "You're right, Harm, we're in this together, no matter what happens" she said, "and I need to focus on that and try not to let the unknowns take control of my feelings".

With that, Harm stood up and held out his hand, "shall we?". Mac took his hand in hers, and though she was still nervous, she decided they'd waited so very long for this night to arrive, nothing was going to spoil it.