Useless
By Moonlight-6056
Warnings: Yaoi/slash/homosexuality, sexual content, etc. Maybe some other stuff, you should have the general idea. If you don't like it, don't read it!
Moonlight-6056: I just wanted to say I quick thank you to everyone who has reviewed my fics so far! It means a lot to my muses and me!
Sockey: Yes thanks for all of the reviews! Oh and Happy New Year even if it is late…
Froggy: HAPPY NEW YEAR! We do not own DBZ/GT or any of the characters or trademarks affiliated with it. If you bother with suing all you will get is a pink sock muse... thing and 5c. After all we don't own much else! Now on with the fic -nods-
I am useless, completely useless, is the constant manta that runs through my tortured mind, as is stand in the middle of this cold room, my breath frosting the air. This planet is to cold, far to cold. But I find solitude within its freezing depths for none come to annoy me when the snow starts to fall, they do not wish to exit their precious warm houses.
A small smirk touches my lips as I up the gravity. I am training again, even though I promised myself that I would stop, but I cant stop I have to become stronger. I have to beat Kakarrot.
Even as that thought enters my mind a bitter laugh escapes my cold lips. I know that I cannot beat the only other full-blooded Saiyan alive. I could not even beat Frieza the destroyer of my people, nor did I beat Cell or Buu, it was again Kakarrot's doing. You see I am nothing, if I did not exist no one would notice, it would not matter. But maybe…
No, I will not delude myself they do not care, Bulma is much happier without me in her presence, Trunks is never around, he is always at the Sons and besides what am I? Nothing but contamination, I am like a festering wound upon this otherwise peaceful world, I answer myself in anger, hate.
A ki blast reflected by one of the robots brings me to my knees as I gasp out in pain, it would not normally hurt me at all, but I have been training mindlessly for hours... days? I no longer know, my body is beyond exhausted and I am craving the soft caress of water and the steaming heat of food. NO NOT YET! A few hours more, I am bordering upon a new power level I can feel it.
But my body can no longer take the strain as I collapse to the cold floor my breath coming from me in short gasps as frost gathers around the window. I swear I see a face at the window, but no one else is here, you see I moved this room into a deserted clearing, and like I said no one will notice that I am gone.
With a shuddering breath I force myself up, I feel so weak and tired, so very tired. It would be so easy just to allow myself to fall asleep you see I know that if I was to collapse now I would die. The cold would kill me. But I wont allow it, suicide is not honorable…
But then again what does it matter? I am no one, I am nothing… that is what Frieza always used to say, I am the price of a dead race, I am the last true Saiyan the last who remembers my customs, and I want to return home but I cant.
Gone all gone, I don't want them to be gone! It's not fair, I want to return home! Why can't I even have what I want why? What did I do that was so wrong? I ask myself again and again as I collapse against the wall.
What did I do so wrong that Frieza had to destroy my planet? I obeyed his orders, did everything I was meant to, no I must have done something wrong, its all my fault…I am worthless I am nothing, no one cares for me, I must become stronger, must show them that I am not weak, that I cannot and will not be toyed with. Standing up I force myself to continue each exercise, I will not be weak.
I am the Saiyan Prince, and yet I am nothing. I am pathetic, holding onto the customs of the dead… truly I wish to know who am I? I know my name is Vegeta and I know that I eventually achieved the state of super Saiyan after so many others. But who am I? I am cold, ruthless, a killer, a slave, dead, dying? Cold inside and out, lost…
Yes that is who I am… I am lost, forgotten, nothing, that is truly who I am. Yes its nice to have an answer, with a sadistic smirk upon my face I fall to the ground again, my body exhausted, I am on my knees and my pride automatically kicks in forcing me to my tired feet.
Most of all I am alone, this room only amplifies the feeling, the coldness of it is amazing, I look around with my dark eyes, everything seems so impersonal and I am so very tired, I hate being alone, but it is my own fault, I am worthless, I am pathetic, I am weak. I could not stop my plant from being destroyed, I could not stop… no I will not think of that.
With a reckless abandonment I force my body into its highest level ignoring the pain that goes through me as I recklessly destroy each robot. I will not think of that, I will become stronger, there will be none left who can harm me, who can force me to do as they wish. I will become stronger!
I can see through my eyes, they take in everything and yet I know I am blind, I see and yet I do not… The pain is terrible and this time as I collapse upon the ground I know I will not get up, my body is to worn, my power to weak, I am pathetic. A few days... weeks? Without food and I collapse. Sweat is pouring from my brow and yet I am so cold, so tired, alone. I hate being alone, but there is no other option, friendship, love it is all a weakness that can be used against you.
Weakness is not tolerable… I can almost hear Frieza's mocking voice in my head, telling me I am worthless that its my fault that my planet was destroyed, as the gods hate me, but what did I do? I don't understand, what did I do that was so wrong? I know it's my fault, it has to be…
Darkness is starting to surround my vision and I welcome it as a break from my thoughts, but then again in the darkness I dream, no I cannot dream! I have to get up; move become faster, stronger, then no one can hurt me, NOW! With the last thought I force my body up, the pain is intolerable, and I collapse, I cannot take this any more.
I am kneeling on the cold floor and I am sure even my lips are blue, I can not get up again, I want to but even my pride is not enough to make me want to move, my pride? Pride in what… pride in my people who no longer exist? Yes that is the source of my pride, as I have none in myself. Taking a deep breath I can almost feel my lungs shaking I will not be able to stay awake much longer…
A pair of booted feet alert me to the presence of another within the room, as I slowly lift my head I find Kakarrot standing there before me, the damn bastard just had to be here when I am at my weakest, I will not be weak in front of another.
With a snarl I bear my fangs before forcing myself up, almost collapsing as I force myself to stand, my strength gone… so weak pathetic…. "Go away" I tell him in a dead voice, but he wont listen he never does.
"Answer me a question Vegeta and I will leave" he told me simply, it sounds easily enough and as such I give him the smallest nod to continue, while my hand grips the control panel so that I don't collapse onto my knees "why do you train yourself to the brink of death?" simple really, "to become stronger" I state to him simply as a frustrated look comes over his face "no Vegeta that's not answering my question! Why do you train to become stronger?"
That is not his concern, he would not understand never understand "not strong enough" he looked at my in shock "Vegeta you're the second strongest being upon the planet, you rival my power! When will it be enough?" he asks me to much the deal was one question, but I will answer, because once he has them all he will no longer wish to be around me, he will be gone. "Never" I say simply.
I could no longer stand and collapsed to the ground, I was showing weakness in front of Kakarrot it is not acceptable, but I am too tired, so fucking tired "explain it to me from the beginning, why do you need to train constantly and become stronger?" I never realized how much the idiot talks, does he even realize his repeating the same question over and over again? I wonder as he studies me with his black orbs.
"Stop growling at my Vegeta" he snarls while lifting me up by my neck, damn it… what does he mean I was snarling? Why would I do that? He's cutting off my air and I cant stop him, I am weak useless… after a second has passed he drops me to the floor and I only just manage to stop my head from hitting the cold of the metal, carefully I force myself back to a sitting position my body slumped against the wall as a tired smirk comes over my face "don't touch me Kakarrot" I say simply while shivering its so damn cold.
"You want to know why I fight Kakarrot you want to know my reasoning?" I continue while being interrupted by a harsh cough, so weak "I train to become stronger because I am weak, useless, and so that no creature can treat me as there own again" I snarl in a feral voice as Kakarrot looks at me confusion written in his face, he has become much more Saiyan since our fusion.
"What do you mean treat you as there own?" he questions obviously confused, I give a bitter laugh "as a slave Kakarrot, you stupid Baka! What do you think I meant? I am sick of it! Do you understand now? I am sick of living, sick of being worthless, sick of being where I am not wanted!" I snarl at him as my voice breaks, the cold is creeping up on me now, so damn cold, weak pathetic…
"Of course your wanted Geta! Your not worthless" he adds in a voice which I truly don't believe "who wants me here Kakarrot? Hmm, not Bulma, she has Yamach, not Trunks he has better things to do and Bra, well she is content with her shopping" I state simply, taking another breath and allowing my eyes to close, I am tired I want to sleep, and I really don't care if the cold claims me any more.
I can feel warm breath on my face and automatically flinch back before I can suppress my emotions as I look up into Kakarrot's eyes "I care" he states as my mind rebels, lying, not possible, no one cares, it's a trick so that I lower my guard, I wont allow it, he will hurt me like the rest, always hurt so tired, useless, weak, I need to get away…
I can feel his lips nearing mine as he gently presses them to my own, there so warm almost like a hot spring in the middle of the artic, and the taste is amazing, but no, lies tricks… he could not care for me I am contaminated, useless, weak, alone. But I want to believe; carefully I lean into the kiss deepening it my tongue running along his bottom lip and requesting entry, which he allows, he tastes like honey, sweet and intoxicating.
Eventually he breaks the kiss both of us needing air, although I now feel warmer, its then that I realize he transferred some of his ki to me, making me stronger. Carefully I open my eyes, expecting to see scorn, hatred or even anger etched within his emotional eyes, but its not there all I can see is a great caring. I don't really understand why but I am grateful that he is not going to lash out at me, I don't think I can handle it if this turns out to be nothing more than a way to break me…
I wait to see what's going to happen and a part of me wants to run, but my pride wont allow it, instead I stay sitting upon the cold floor Kakarrot kneeling near me as he opens his lips to speak "your so beautiful Geta" he states simply while nuzzling my neck, I don't believe him, I am not beautiful I am contaminated, despicable, but that doesn't stop me from enjoying the feeling of his hot tongue running across the bared flesh of my neck, small nips extracting a moan of pleasure from my lips.
I am not even sure how it happened but eventually I am pinned underneath Kakarrot my breath coming in short gasps as our tongues battle for dominance, carefully I remove his shirt our boots getting kicked off in the fray and eventually there is a small pile of clothes located off to the side of the room, as he moves lower over my naked body gently nipping and teasing a nipple as small purr escapes my throat.
Gently he runs two fingers over my lips as I move my hips slightly grinding our arousals together extracting a shocked gasp and deep-seated hiss of pleasure from his sweet lips, as I gently take his fingers into my mouth, and coat them in preparation for what is to come.
As he gently turns me over I feel his fingers entering in preparation and my body automatically tenses as old memories surface, Frieza, pain... no this is not Frieza this is Kakarrot, with my experience I automatically suppress the memory as Kakarrot presses himself into me warmth flooding my body. His hot breath caressing my face as he moves gently into me a firm hand stroking my arousal, as his tongue plays gently upon my ear.
I moan slightly as the frenzy of our lovemaking continues, eventually I can feel my climax approaching and release only moments before Kakarrot. Carefully I get up from the floor my body warm at least for the time being as I slip on my clothing, I cant look at Kakarrot, I wont, he will be just like every other creature that has taken me and was stronger.
I can feel his hand upon my chin firmly turning my eyes towards his own, but the insults I expect don't come instead I can only detect care and warmth, I still don't understand what he wants…
"Vegeta come live with me" I can feel myself nodding slightly agreeing to go with him even though a part of me screams that I should end it now before I become to attached. But I wont, no I will go with Kakarrot and live with him and when he leaves on one of his adventures, I will be broken…
Moonlight-6056: So what do you all think? Was it good bad, should I burn it right now to save the sanity of human kind?
Froggy: give them a chance to review woman, then well see what they think honestly, stop trying to predict what others are going to think of your fic -walks off-
Sockey: Well it seems Froggy's in a bad mood again today -shrugs- oh well please leave a review, before you go!