I stared up in the ceiling. I was really confused. I tried to figure out what she thought about me, and what she didn't think. But my head did a revolt when I tried to concentrate and hurt quite a bit. I had a really great hangover.
I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep again. It was still a few hours until it would be proper for me to leave my soft bed and get some breakfast. But my stomach had started to tell me that it existed, so I hoped that the sun soon would rise so that I could settle of towards the kitchen. The feast yesterday had been a success; everyone had got drunk, and I didn't believe that there was so many of the guests that had left his or her bed, or had even woken. I wondered if she had woken. What she thought of if she was. Did she think about me, like I thought about her?
I laughed a little. Would she even think of me after what I had tried to do? Yes she would, with disgust! I couldn't believe that I had tried to kiss her, how could I have been so stupid? How could I had tried to use the situation like that? It was not like me to try to kiss women that I had known less then a month.
I lay there and criticized myself for a few minutes. Then the question that I had tried not to think about came up in my head. Why had she turned away? Didn't she think of me with warmth at all? Wasn't I a respectable man? Wasn't I an honorable man who was worthy of any woman's affection?
No, I wasn't. At least not honorable, after what I had tried to do. And Eowyn had clearly informed me that I was not worthy of her affection. I hadn't even asked her uncle for permission to court her!
I sighed and looked out the window; it was dark outside. But it was not a really black darkness; it was more like a gray darkness. I guessed that the sun would soon rise, perfect! My stomach rumbled when I thought of the delicious breakfast that I would eat within a few hours.
I closed my eyes again and turned in the bed. I tried not to think about Eowyn because it would surely make me mad. But her face came sneaking up on me and overwhelmed me with its presence. She was so beautiful, and perfect. She was amazing. I had never met someone like her before. I thought back on the sunrises and the sunsets when we had been alone together and let myself drown in the lovely feelings that filled my body when I thought of her. But then, suddenly, another feeling burned inside me. Desire.
I wanted to see her! She was so beautiful. She had the most beautiful body I had ever seen. It was slender, but yet strong, and it was so soft and smooth! And her eyes... They were so beautiful. To look in her blue eyes was not so different from looking up in the sky at night and behold all the stars, they sparkled that much. I wanted to talk to her and become calm because of the sound of her voice.
I sighed as I thought of her voice. The most wonderful voice in the whole world. It would be so amazing to hear her sing! To fall asleep in her arms to the sound of her voice... I wanted to touch her! Her skin was so soft and warm. I wanted to hold her in my arms, as I had done some hours ago. She was so lovely, the Lady Eowyn. Oh, how I loved her! She was so gorgeous, so amazing, so beautiful, so…
I opened my eyes and sat up with a jerk. I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes. The reality had knocked on my door, and I had let it in. I loved her! I loved Lady Eowyn!
I put my hands on my legs and laughed. It was so obvious! All those feelings I always got around her, they were feelings of love. How could I had been so stupid that I hadn't realized that? I guessed that the very feelings had blind me...
I lay down again in my bed and put my hands under my head as I smiled. I had loved her since the first moment I saw her, since the first time I sat my foot in the hall of Meduseld!
I lay there in my bed for several minutes and just smiled as I looked up in the ceiling, and everything was so wonderful and perfect. And then the most horrible thought popped up in my head: "She doesn't love me!"
I swallowed and hide my face with my hands. She didn't love me, because if she did then she wouldn't had turned away when I tried to kiss her, right? I felt tears come to my eyes. But then I blinked them away; I didn't know that she didn't love me! After that we had walked back inside to the feast she had been charming towards me and hadn't avoided me at all. She had even clasped my hand a short moment. She maybe loved me but thought that she heard someone coming when I tried to kiss her, so she had turned away so that person wouldn't have seen us and told Eomer, so he wouldn't have killed me! Yes, it must have been the case!
I even realized myself how unlikely that was, and how desperate my thoughts was. There was only one thing that could be done. I had to ask her. I had to ask her if she returned my love!
I determined and quickly rose from my bed and put my clothes on. When I opened the door the torchlight hit me in the face as it had always done those mornings when I was going to ride away with Eowyn to see the sunrise. But this morning I wasn't headed towards the stables; I was headed towards Eowyn's bedchamber. I quickly settled of towards the Golden hall. I had to cross it to get to the corridor where the royal family was sleeping in their chambers.
The hall of Meduseld was still filled with tables and, to my surprise, men and women. They were sleeping here and there, on the tables, on the floor and on the benches. I noticed that some were sleeping in each other's arms. That would never happen in Gondor. In my homeland everyone went home when the feast, or ball, officially ended. I found it fascinating and amusing that these men and women could lay here and sleep, without a single disturbance. And I knew that they wouldn't be punished for it either. If the same had happened in Gondor then the men and women would be forced to pay lot of money in damages to the host of the feast. And they would also loose their reputation.
I quickly found my way through the hall and settled of towards my goal inside a corridor. A small part of my brain reminded me that I was not supposed to be here, but I ignored it. I had to talk to Eowyn!
It was first when I stopped in front of the first door I saw that it hit me that I didn't know where Eowyn's chamber was. I looked around me in hope to find a sign that said: "Lady Eowyn's chamber is behind that door."
Of course I couldn't find such a sign and I screamed out in frustration, then I confessed my defeat. I slowly walked back to the Golden hall and sat down at a table. There was some bread on a plait there and I ate a little. I slowly calmed down and wondered what I should do. Should I wait until Eowyn came out to eat some breakfast? That could take hours… And besides, that would not be right. I should have to tell my feelings to her uncle at first, so that I could get permission to court her properly at the ball.
But the King of Rohan would surely not wake up until at least three more hours had gone by. And if I were smart, then I would tell him about my affection towards his niece after the breakfast, you could never be certain about anyone's morning mood…
I wondered what I should do, so many hours that I had to wait until I could tell someone about my feelings… I sat in silence for a few minutes and just thought of what I could do, and of course my usual morning occupation almost directly popped up in my mind: I could ride!
I rose and then settled of towards the door. I had to jump over a couple that was sleeping in each other's arms and to my chock I saw that the man wasn't just an ordinary soldier, he was a Lord of Rohan. It was Lord Heothain that I had talked to on the feast. I looked at him and the woman that were in his arms for a moment. The woman was very beautiful, the Lord had very good taste, she had long blond hair and when I saw it I started to think about Eowyn. For a short moment I imagined that it was her who lay there and I was in Lord Heothain's position. I started to smile but then pushed the thought away. I looked at the sleeping couple a moment longer, and then settled of towards the door while I shock my head. There was just no end on the Rohirrim's pranks…
Do I really need to tell you what would have happened if Lord Heothain and his partner had lain in a Gondorian hall?
When I got outside the wind hit my face, it was harder and colder then usual, but I didn't care. I had only one care in the world: if a certain lady felt the same way about me that I did about her. The sun had started to rise and I admired the sight for a few minutes before I walked down the stairs of the hall of Meduseld and then moved towards the stables. The door was unlocked, as usual. The Rohirrims didn't seem to have so much trouble with burglars.
Another thing that separates Rohan from Gondor…
When I got inside the stable the smell of horse was very strong and I walked towards Farod's stall. The brown horse didn't seem so happy when I corded him and then led him out of the warmth of the stable; he knew that he should soon have got his first meal of oats. I mounted him when we got outside with some trouble, the beast just didn't want to stand still!
We cantered slowly down the road and Farod just moved his ears a little when I urged him to move faster. When we at last reached the gate I found the gatekeeper in a deep slumber. When I managed to wake him he wasn't happy at all, and he murmured curses when he let my horse and I out on the plain. I wouldn't have paid many coins to find out what he thought of me…
When we got out on the plain Farod's ears suddenly pointed forward and I felt the sun's heat in my face. Farod gladly broke into a gallop when I urged him forward. The wind ran through my hair and I felt like I flew. To gallop bareback was not like gallop with a saddle; you became one with the horse and felt like it was you who ran in that tempo. We settled of towards the usual hill where Eowyn and I had watched so many sunrises and sunsets, I steered the creature underneath me that way by old habit.
We rumbled over the grass and then when we where at the top of the hill Farod slowed down. I dismounted the horse and then watched the amazing sight in front of me. The sun had just risen and Edoras seemed to sparkle in the morning light. I sighed content and patted Farod on his neck. The horse had started to graze and suddenly I felt that my stomach was very empty.
I sat down on the usual stone and looked down over the plain. It was so wonderful, so beautiful. To make this perfect the only thing that was missing was a good book, maybe elvish poetry? I remembered the book that was lying in the library of Minas Tirith; I had been reading it when I got word of that I had to leave for Edoras at once. I had left it there spread open; I had rushed away right in a sentence. I wondered how that poem ended. It had been about an elvish princess who fell in love with her father's sworn enemy. Ironic, but amusing and interesting to read…
I sighed and closed my eyes. The sun was warm and nice against my face. Some birds were chirping near by and Farod snorted behind me. I opened my eyes and then pulled one hand through my hair. As I did so I noticed that a rider had left the city of Edoras.
"Eowyn?" I wondered and watched the rider that was coming my way. It could be her. I smiled and got warm inside, had she followed me? I rose and put one hand in Farod's mane as the rider rumbled up the hill. It was she.
"Faramir?" Eowyn exclaimed surprised when she saw that it was I. If she had followed me then she was a very good actor. I noticed that she didn't say "Lord" and it made me glad. I nodded and said:
"Eowyn." She dismounted Simlawyn and then glanced at me and smiled a little. "Good morning." I continued as I enchanted looked at her. Her long golden hair was loose and her cheeks were slightly red.
"Good morning." She laughed and then made a gesture towards the stones. I smiled and nodded. We silent sat down at the stones. I sat down as far from her that I could possible get; I didn't want her to think that I should try to kiss her again.
I looked at her; she had clasped her hands and was looking down over the plain. "Why did you come out here?" I asked and she looked at me with a smile.
"The ball will start not long after the breakfast, and then I will never be alone. I wanted to be alone and think for a moment." I smiled. "And I also wanted to get some fresh air." She looked back out over the plain and I looked down at my hands.
"Well I'm sorry, you are not alone." I said and she looked at me.
"Indeed, no." She smiled. "But I prefer your company over my pitiful loneliness." I glanced surprised and wondering at her; she was looking down at her hands. We sat in silence for a few minutes and I had to strain myself so I wouldn't do anything rash.
"As usual I brought some bread." She suddenly said and smiled.
"Bread would be nice." I said and she rose and fetched it out of Simlawyn's saddlebag. As usual she broke the bread in two pieces and gave me one of them. "Thank you." I said and she smiled. She sat down beside me and I noticed that she had sat down closer to me then she had done before, but I maybe just imagined that. We sat there and just ate for a moment, and then she asked:
"Why did you come you come out here, Faramir?" When she said my name I lost my breath and I glanced at her. She was calmly chewing on some bread and looked curiously on me.
"I woke up and couldn't fall asleep again." I said. It was quite true…
"I woke up because of a scream." She said and I swallowed. I felt a blush coming to my face. She had heard me shout… "But when I looked outside my door there was nobody there." She continued.
"Strange." I said and turned my head away. Now I at least knew where her bedchamber was… We sat quiet for moment and I desperately tried to find out something to talk about. Usually I talked about everything, but when I was with Eowyn my mind went blank. At least until we found something to talk about.
"It shall be very fun at the ball, don't you think?" I asked and looked at her.
"Yes, I hope so. Though the balls I have been to have had a irritating habit to become boring." I smiled and she continued: "Dancing?" She shook her head. "It's more fun to ride."
"I agree." She smiled at me.
"Didn't you just say that you thought it would be fun at the ball?"
"You do not need to dance to have fun." She looked curious at me. "I can sit in a corner with a book and then everything should be fine."
"Reading?" She exclaimed and my smile became wider. "Reading is the most boring thing in the whole world!"
"Indeed no. It's very interesting." She gave me an amused look.
"Interesting?" She shook her head. "And I thought that you were an exciting man." I laughed.
"You and my brother can form a club: 'We who hate books'." She smiled.
"Your brother seems to be a most interesting and exciting man."
"He is."
"Is he amusing?"
"Quite." I put a bit of bread in my mouth and started to chew. "Though his favorite business is to slay orcs."
"I think I have found my future husband." She laughed and I did so as well, but that didn't stop the feeling of jealousy to spread in my body.
I don't believe that she knew how right she was…"You should see him when he's drunk." I said. "Then you will maybe change your opinion of him…" I laughed. "He thinks he can do anything."
"Yes, I do have experience about drunk men who thinks that." She smiled but I turned my head away and looked out over the hill. She meant me. How could I have been so stupid yesterday? I put a bit of bread in my mouth and chewed it slowly.
She sighed and then suddenly leaned her head on my shoulder. A bunch of feelings caught fire inside me and I looked surprised at her, and then I chewed desperately at the bread in my mouth. Her head was on my shoulder! I swallowed and tried to keep my breathing normal.
"Did you sleep much tonight?" She asked. "The feast ended so late…"
"I slept enough to wake up this early." I answered and she smiled.
"I didn't sleep so much this night. I thought to much." She said and yawned as she closed her eyes. For a short moment I wondered if she had thought about me, but then all the feelings inside me created some kind of headache in my head, so I couldn't concentrate. But it was a nice headache, and it made me feel wonderful.
The only things that existed were we. Some of her long hair fell on my arm. It shone in the sunlight; it seemed to be so soft. I couldn't resist it, I touched it with my hand and I felt butterflies in my stomach as I did so. Her hair was so soft and I played with it between my fingers. I hesitated a little and then slowly caressed the hair that was on her head.
She turned her head, opened her eyes and looked right into mine. I still held my hand on her head so I let it fall back to her neck. I tried to breathing normal but it was impossible. I squeezed the bread in my hand so hard that my trouser-leg became full of crumbs. She was so close, so close... She smiled and I smiled back at her.
"Do you know who I thought about?" She asked. I shook my head slowly, afraid to make the magic disappear. "You." She said and caressed my cheek slowly with her hand. Her touch made me overwhelmed with desire, but I managed to strain myself. I swallowed and tried to figure out what the expression in her eyes was, even though all I wanted to do was to lean forward and kiss her.
"Do you know why I turned away before?" I made no move. She smiled. "You were drunk." I silently nodded and her smile widened. "But now you are not…"
I swallowed and then watched her as her smile slowly disappeared and she bent a little forward. She was so close. I could see every single hair in her eyebrow. Was she going to…? Did she really…?
I tightened my grip around her neck. One of the horses behind us snorted. She came closer; I felt her breath against my face. It smelled bread. I felt inflamed and I could hear my pulse beat in my ears. She was going to! She did really!
A bird chirped somewhere, but I didn't care. All I cared about was she. Our noses touched, she closed her eyes. I closed mine own and then leaned down.
I will always, always remember that moment.
When we kissed I thought that I was going to explode. I dropped the piece of bread that I held in my hand and put my arm around her waist. All the feelings inside me made me kind of dizzy, and desire burned like fire inside me. Her taste invaded my senses as our lips parted and I then felt her tongue against mine. She leaned closer and I held her tighter against me. I couldn't believe that it was true. I was kissing her.
She put her arms around my neck and then leaned a little backwards with her head. I put both my arms around her waist and then followed her as I deepened the kiss, my entire being seemed to bath in desire. I wanted her! I wanted her so badly! I had never been so happy in my entire life.
And I was going to be happier. Those months were the most wonderful in my whole life.
When she at last broke the kiss several minutes had gone by and I was almost lying atop of her. She smiled at me and I happy smiled back. The look in her eyes said everything: she loved me!