Hey everybody :)
I finally started writing again! Big whoop! So, not my first ever fic but the first ever X-Men fic that I've posted on-line. So you all doubly have to let me know what you think now lol.
This whole story was originally going to be a lot darker but then I realised, I really don't have that in me. I'm not good at angst. Not heavy duty angst anyway. So, there are slightly angsty bits throughout but they're very softcore so I thought I should only classify it as Drama. The PG is for themes and some naughty language. The accents I've tried my hardest to get right but I'm still not completely sure on them so I'd really appreciate feed back on that as well.
The setting for this doesn't really fit anywhere very well. If you have to put it anywhere, put it in after the second movie even though Jean isn't dead. You're all just gonna have to use your imaginations a little lol :)
DISCLAIMER: I'll say it once at the beginning so I don't have to say it all the time; X-Men doesn't belong to me and neither do the movies. If I did, Remy would've been brought in, in the first one and Rouge would definately NOT be with (shudders) Bobby.
Well, that's all from me. Hope ya'll enjoy this :)
What tahme is it? Ah don't know anymore and Ah'm too tahred to check. How long has it been since Ah woke up? Did Ah even go to sleep? Ah doubt it. It's kinda hard to relax and drift off when there's so much noise, so many voices. All chattering away at once, each one telling me something that contridicts who Ah am mahself. There are moments, rare moments, when they're all silent. Those are the moments Ah can remember who Ah really am. Those are the moments that Ah'm alone. Ah prefer to be alone. Ah don't have to pretend when Ah'm alone...
It was dawn. The sun was just beginning to peak over the trees that surrounded the school. From outside, in the gardens, a still figure could be seen huddled up in the conservatory, simply staring up at the peachy sky.
Rouge sat on one of the wooden benches at the side of the glass room, her legs pulled up to her chest and her chin resting on her knees. As she stared up at the rapidly brightening sky, various thoughts ran through her head. Thoughts like it had been three days now since she had slept for more than half an hour at a time. Thoughts of how tired she was, how totally exausted, but how she couldn't go to sleep. The ones inside her head wouldn't let her and even if she did manage to drift off, the nightmares would soon wake her.
Everything had become so much worse recently. She caught Bobby cheating on her with some other girl in the school who she didn't really know too well. Went by the name of Bam Bam she thought. Anyway, that ended things with him. Logan went away once again though she was grimly glad about that. He was getting more and more obsessed with Jean everyday. It made her sick to watch and he stopped talking to her as much as well. It was better that he left. Plus, absolutely everyone around her seemed to be pairing off; Scott and Jean, Kurt and Ororo, Bobby and Bam Bam. Even Kitty and Jubilee had guys now. Everyone had someone but her. And she hated it. She hated not having someone like they did and hated knowing that she'd probably never have someone like they did because of her skin. However, that wasn't the only thing which had become so much worse...
First, it had been the nightmares. They became more frequent, more vivid. She'd wake up in the middle of the night screaming and then spend the rest of the night until morning, crying. But at least she was able to sleep for a few hours at that point. Not now. Not since the voices of those in her head became louder. And they hardly ever shut up! They just kept on and on and that's why she could no longer sleep for long periods of time. Too much noise in her head. Too many voices. Too many horrible nightmares.
Rouge gave a small sigh and closed her eyes before stretching her arms and back. So, as a result of all of these voices and nightmares, here she was now. Unable to sleep and up at the crack of dawn. After her back had cracked a few satisfactory times, she relaxed and let her legs slide down until her feet touched the ground and then stood up. She had better get dressed before people started to wake up and come down for breakfast. Maybe she could make it look like she was only just getting up as well, avoid having to answer awkward questions from everyone.
She started across the conservatory and was halfway towards the door when a sudden sharp, blinding pain coursed through her head. She gave a loud cry and grabbed her head as she fell to her knees. Memories began to pass through her mind. Memories which weren't her own. She gave another cry as the pain pulsed again and she clutched her head tighter, ducking over so she was curled up into a tight little ball. To her side, left over cutlery from people's snacks the night before began to shake violently before lifting up and shooting right at her. The knives and forks soared just over her hunched over back and lodged themselves into the wooden panelling one the wall behind her with dull pangs.
The pain in her head gradually began to subside and Rouge let her hands drop down but remained hunched over, panting a little when she realised she'd been holding her breath. Whatever the Hell had just happened, she hoped it never happened again. That had been the worst pain ever. It felt like her head was being ripped apart. She slowly uncurled her body and lifted her head while giving a small, pained groan. Her head felt incredibly heavy as did her eyelids. Shakily, she got to her feet and stumbled out of the conservatory. She really needed a lay down, just to give the pain a chance to go away and let herself rest for a bit. She left the conservatory not noticing the knives and forks still stuck firmly in the wall.
It was some time before Rouge was interrupted. She was laying stretched out on her bed, just staring blankly up at the ceiling, when a small knock came at her door.
"Rouge? Are you awake?" The voice of Jean came through the door.
"Yeah?" Rouge grunted, not bothering to move, not even to look in her friend's direction. The door slowly creeked open and Jean came in.
"I just came to see if you're feeling all right." Jean told her gently as she came further in and stopped by the side of the bed. "Why haven't you been in any of your classes?"
"Classes?" Rouge echoed in confusion. "Classes have already started?" That didn't make sense. She'd only been in her room for an hour or so...Right?
"Classes started at the usual time; nine o'clock." Jean told her.
"What tahme is it now then?" Rouge frowned, letting her head lull to the side so she could look at the older woman.
"Eleven." She answered. Rouge's eyes widened in surprise. It was eleven o'clock? She'd been laying there, just staring up at the ceiling, not moving, for six hours straight? That can't be a good thing and probably not a healthy thing either. "Rouge, you've been acting very odd lately." Jean began to say as she sat down on the edge of the bed, the sudden extra pressure causing Rouge to snap out of her train of thought. "And I'm not the only one who's noticed. Scott, Ororo, Hank, Kurt and the Professor. We're all worried about you..."
"You hear that?" An unfamiliar voice in Rouge's mind suddenly interrupted. "They talk about you behind your back."
"What? Who are you?" Rouge demanded silently.
"...And we were discussing it and we think it'd be for the best..." She heard Jean saying.
"They're plotting against you." The voice in her head came again, ignoring her question. "You can't trust them."
"No! Ya twisting things! They only want what's best for me!" Rouge insisted.
"Doing things behind your back."
"No! Ya wrong! Shut up!"
"They're not your friends."
"Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!"
"Rouge? Did you hear what I just said?" Jean's voice came back through, the alien voice in Rouge's mind fading away. Rouge realised she was now sitting up, though she couldn't for the life of her remember the actual act of sitting up. Ugh, her head hurt so badly. Those things she was told...They couldn't be true, could they? No! They were her friends. She wouldn't believe it! Couldn't believe it...But what if it had been true? No, she couldn't think like that...But what if it's true? What if... "Rouge?" Jean said again, her eyes shining with concern.
"What?" Rouge bit back suddenly, glaring coldly at Jean.
"Sweetheart, we're worried about you." Jean insisted, her tone now slightly desperate.
"So worried that ya'll talk about me behahnd mah back and make up little plots to get me!" Rouge yelled, swinging her legs off of the side of the bed and standing up. Before Jean could even reply, Rouge had grabbed her coat and flounced out of the room.
As Rouge stomped down the corridors angrily, inside, her mind was chaos. Different voices telling her to do various different things, one main voice influencing her the most. She, herself, was in there somewhere but she was drowned out by everyone else. Too many voices. Not enough room for her. She reached the stairs and jogged down them quickly while pulling her coat on. At the bottom, she saw Scott and Ororo and red anger consumed her once again.
"Rouge? Everything okay?" Ororo asked as the teenager simply blanked them when she passed, a chilling scowl plastered on her face.
"Whah don't ya just ask Jean since ya'll talk about me all the tahme anyway." Rouge spat back, glancing at them both from over her shoulder. As she did so, Kurt suddenly teleported into the room, straight into her path. Not turning to see him in time, Rouge bashed right into him and, not having her gloves on either, managed to get a hefty dose of him. They both gave pained gasps and when Rouge managed to pull herself away, Kurt collapsed and she teleported away, unable to fully control her newly borrowed ability. Ororo immidiately rushed over to the fallen Kurt and Jean finally reached the bottom of the stairs and came to stand at Scott's side. He gave her a concerned frown and she shook her head sadly.
"I think we have a problem." She sighed.
Ouside, Rouge reappeared just behind the school's front gates. She staggered back awkwardly and bumped into the stone wall that surrounded the perimeter of the school. Letting out a shakey sigh, Rouge allowed herself to slide down the wall until she was sitting on the ground. Her knees came up to her chest and she buried her face behind them, tears begining to slip out of her eyes.
What the Hell had that all been about? One minute she had been listening to Jean, who was being nothing but caring, and then the next thing she knew, she couldn't deny a sudden surge of anger and suspicion and threw a completely un-necessary wobbly. It made no sense, not even to her and she was the one who done it! She didn't know why she had done it. She didn't believe those things she said...So why did she do it? And why did she say them?
"Because yo' were confused chere." A voice, a different voice, suddenly said. Rouge's head shot up and she looked around herself in confusion. Someone had definately spoken to her, but there was no one around.
"Hello?" Rouge called out into the empty surroundings, wiping the tears away from her cheeks.
"Bonjour mon cherie." The voice replied. Rouge glanced around herself again. She still couldn't see anyone.
"Erm...Could ya come out where Ah can see ya please?" She asked as she continued to look around.
"Can' do dhat chere." The voice answered.
"Why?"
"'Cause Remy be up here." The voice said again. Rouge tilted her head back to look above but still saw nothing. "Remy mean he be in your head chere." The voice explained more fully, now sounding a little amused.
"Oh." Rouge replied lamely, in her mind now, no longer out loud. "So...Erm...Ah'm guessing Ah absorbed you at some point?"
"Oui chere. Abou' two mont's, t'ree weeks and five days ago to be exact." The voice teased.
"Sahrry." Rouge apologised glumly.
"Don' matter. Remy glad to have dhe oppotunity to ge' to know such a belle femme." The voice complimented, instantly dismissing the aplology.
"Is that your name then? Remy?" Rouge inquired, a faint blush tinging her cheeks from the obvious flirting.
"Oui. Remy LeBeau at your service." The voice introduced and Rouge got the distinct feeling that he bowed while saying it. She had no idea how he'd do that, just being a voice and all. Just then, something suddenly occured to her.
"That voice before! The one when I was talking to Jean..." She began.
"You mean Barry." Remy told her.
"Barry?" Rouge repeated, confused.
"Yeah, Barry. One of dhe truckers who got over friendly wit' you while you were on dhe streets from what Remy can tell." He explained. "He be one Hell of a bastard, but don' yo' worry none chere, Remy keep him away now."
"Whah couldn't ya keep him away in the first place?" She grumbled, forgetting her manners for a moment. Remy only chuckled though.
"Yo' got some mighty strong mental blocks chere. Remy couldn' get t'rough even wit' dhe advantage of slight psychic gifts. But, 'cause your body and mind so exausted now, Remy be able to push his way t'rough to dhe front and protect his chere." He answered.
"Ya a little familiar ain't ya Swamp rat?" Rouge chided in an annoyed voice but she couldn't stop the grin which spread across her lips.
"Spendin' several mont's in a person's head can do dhat to a homme." Remy told her, also with a grin. "And why'd yo' call Remy a Swamp Rat?" He asked, his voice sounding pouty. "He been not'ing but nice to yo'."
"Cause you are a Swamp Rat." Rouge retorted good naturdly. And she laughed. The first genuine laugh for months and Remy knew this. Remy knew she was feeling better at that moment than she had for months and he couldn't help but feel pleased with himself. He might only be a shadow of the mind in his true self but he was still his own person and, as long as Rouge was alive, so were the others in her mind including himself. Rouge's laugh eventually faded and she gave a tired sigh as she let her head lull back to lean against the wall. "Ah guess Ah should go back in and face the music." She whispered sadly, her eyes drifting shut.
"No, no' yet chere. Yo' need to take a break, relax a little. You're not ready to deal wit' ot'ers yet." Remy advised.
"Ah'm dealing with you ain't Ah?" She muttered in reply.
"Yo' need some time away." Remy continued, ignoring her comment. "Jus' to get your t'oughts toget'er. Why don' yo' go shoppin'? Shippin' always makes you feel better." He suggested, knowing almost everything about the girl who's mind he was in.
"Nah. Ah don't lahke going shopping on mah own." Rouge told him.
"Yo' no' gon' be on your own. Remy gon' be wit' yo'." He reminded.
"It's not really the same..." She began to protest.
"Look, how much moneyyo' have?" He interrupted her. Rouge dug around inside her coat pocket. She pulled out a pair of gloves and rested them on top of her knees before pulling out her purse from the same pocket.
"Twenty-fahve dollars and sixty-eight cents." She counted out.
"Dhat be plenty. Listen chere, yo' need a break and Remy know yo' like shoppin'. Yo' don' like goin' wit'out company so Remy stick around wit' you. He even willing to help yo' pick somet'ing pretty out." He insisted. Rouge found herself smiling at the obvious flirting. It was nice to be flirted with, even if it was only with a voice in her head.
She gave a sigh and looked down at the open purse in her hand. Why shouldn't she? Why shouldn't she go shopping? Sure, her only company would be a voice inside her head but that didn't matter too much did it? It was at least making the best of a bad situation. And she didn't want to go back into the school and have to face everyone and explain herself. Not yet anyway. She wasn't ready. Didn't know what to say. No, she'd go shopping for a couple of hours instead. Cheer herself up and, who knows, maybe even get to know this Remy character in her head a bit better as well.
"Okay, Ah'll go shoppin'. But Ah don't wanna hear any complaints that ya getting bored. This was your idea remember?" She ordered as she got to her feet and brushed the dust off of the back of her coat.
"Dhat's fine. Jus' as long as Remy don' have to carry dhe bags chere." He grinned as she headed off down the street.
"Funny." Rouge muttered.
Jean stood in the main entrance hall of the school. She tightly held the reciever of the phone which rested on the side table in front of her to her ear. She nervously fiddled with the twirly, stretchy cord between her fingers and waited with baited for the other end to be answered. Suddenly, she perked up and cleared her throat.
"Hi, it's me...I'm good thanks. How about you? Having any luck?...Oh well, I'm sure things will pick up soon...Yeah...Erm, depends who you mean by 'everyone'...Mostly, everyone is good...Well, there's, erm, there's a problem with Rouge...We don't know yet...Yeah, I think that would be best...Okay, see you soon...Bye."
Jean hung up the phone and walked away.
And there we have chapter one. Ooo, who was Jean ringing? (Probably really obvious) And what will Rouge buy? (Shouldn't think most people actually care about that bit lol)So? What do we all think? Let me know kay? Love to hear from you all. Well, I'm off to start chapter two now. Catch ya'll next time :)
Hugs
Wings of a Dream