Originally posted: 8/26/04
(The below leading notes appeared in the original post: reference added for context)

So, I was lamenting my inability to write Ussop (as seen in the above story that failed miserably at being fluff as it was intended... [referenced 'Adventure']) and this popped out of my head. God help me, Slashslut!Nami may just be making another appearance later- I can't seem to get away from this...

I totally blewthe word count, but it wanted to be so much longer, and this was the most I could make myself crop it. Its good for a laugh at least. This is only a side story to Doujinshi 3... so, er... it, unfortunately, does not produce any sales for Nami. Sorry, Nami.

Title: Omake
Rating: PG?
Word Count: (a freaking huge) 369
Pairing: ZoroxUssop... IN HIS HEAD! (or maybe not) Muahahaha~!
Topic: Off topic

Consciousness is a funny thing. Sometimes it just creeps up on you. Like now. Slowly, awareness dawned on Ussop. The first thing he noticed was warmth. It was comfortable, and soft, and he snuggled into it.

When he noticed that warmth was breathing, consciousness came rushing back at speed. Eyes snapped open to find a very awake Zoro staring up at him.

His breath caught as he froze, terror flooding back into his system. He remembered now.

The swordsman looked oddly resigned, shifting his gaze toward the ceiling.

"What did you do?" The voice was low, subdued. And scared the shit out of him.

Ussop cowered, sliding a few inches down the other man's body in an attempt to get away. This made him grasp just what they weren't wearing, and he realized just how dead he was. Throwing arms over his head, he squeaked out, "n-nothing... I swear. I just woke up here -"

A hand came to rest on the back of his head, and he tensed again. There would be a squeeze, and then... squish! He just knew it. Zoro could do it, he was strong like that.

But a minute passed and his head was still there, so Ussop looked up. Zoro hadn't moved.

"Just go back to sleep."

Confused, he almost jumped when the swordsman's other arm came up to wrap around his back. Slowly, apprehensively, he relaxed as bidden. You don't argue with Zoro. Even if you didn't expect to wake back up again.

-Later [Early Morning]-

He felt a shoulder shake, and mumbled something incoherent, too comfortable to want to move- but a more insistent shake made him open his eyes.

He froze, terrified again, under the weight of Zoro's glare. A small portion of his brain still able to work processed this and came to the conclusion that he must have been dreaming.

Damn.

He was going to die.

Zoro stared impassively at the ceiling, belying his next calm words with their content.

"If you get off of me and out of my sight right now, I'll let you live."

It is possible that a new landspeed record was made that day. Zoro smirked, just happy he wasn't the bottom this time.